kids bringing friends on family outings

[Teresa Pitman]

If you are going on a family outing - or even a vacation trip - and your 10 year old wants to bring a friend, what do you do? Do you offer to pay for the friend too? Do you ask the parents to chip in?

Do you think bringing a friend kind of defeats the purpose of a family trip? Or do you feel like it's a reasonable compromise for a kid who would rather be hanging out with friends?

This is for an article I'm writing - I'd love to hear what other parents think.

Teresa

 

[ilovejack02]

We always bring a extra kid along with us to the beach every year. It helps keep our oldest 17.5 entertained. We have been doing this since he was about 12. Parents are asked to send spending money and any snacks for condo that the child might want that is different than what we normally buy. All of the kids that have gone are regulars at our house, so they knew we always had koolaid and coke, so if they liked Sprite they better bring it. Or if the only thing the kid will eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then they better bring a big supply lol. While yes it is a family vacation, Im a sahm and DH has a great job where he gets plenty of time with us at home, so its not like we are going away just to be together, cuz we get plenty of that at home. Ill be honest also, DS has never asked to bring a friend , its me that brings it up lol. Keeps him out of our hair ; )
I dont think I would bring a friend to Disney with us.

 

[aprilgail2]

I always brought a friend with me when I was a kid going to famiy reunions or on family vacations. My daughter is old enough now where she wants to take a friend on our trips too. If I invite someone then I think it is up to me to pay for htem, not ask their family for money. Te kid should bring some spending money if they want something special but food lodging, tickets etc I think the person that invites should pay.

 

[Kirby]

Last summer was the first time we took a friend on one of our family trips. Our son had just turned 18 and wanted to stay home to earn more money for college so we allowed our daughter to take a friend. We payed for everything (lodging, meals, entrance fees, etc.). The friend brought spending money for extra stuff (souveniers, snacks) that she wanted to buy. We also gave our daughter her own spending money. It was more fun for her with a few bucks in her pocket than asking us for money when ever she wanted it.

I think what you pay for depends on what kind of trip you are going on. We went to DC and Busch Gardens with a side trip to Virginia Beach. Since we are used to paying for four, it was nothing to pay our daughter's friends way. But if we were going someplace like WDW, the friend would have to pay more. Since we drive to WDW, we would provide lodging and meals. The friend would have to pay for park admission plus any extra they would want to spend. If we flew, they would have to pay for their flight also. We may be used to paying for four, but I'm not willing to foot the bill for that much money for a friend.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I will try to answer your post very directly, since it is kind of like research for an article, right.

1. No, at this time I would not plan on bringing a friend for DS on a vacation or outing. He is still a little young for that. But, I have thought about it, and I would probably not do this anytime soon. I see this as our 'personal' vacation time, away from everything, together.

So, while DS is an only child, I still think it should just be 'us'.
In short, YES I think it would be compromising my idea of a family trip or activity.

There are plenty of other opportunities to plan things for DS to do with his friends without including them in otherwise private family functions.

2. If I did invite one of DS friends to come with us, I would pay for the major costs of travel (accomodations, tickets to attractions, activities, etc...) While I would expect the other parents to supply ample money for incidentals on the trip, I personally would not find it appropriate to 'invite' the other parents to shell out a lot of money to keep my child company, on a trip that the other parents have had no say-so in planning.

 

[Cantw8]

I have been letting the kids bring a friend with them on vacation recently. At 10...no, I didn't. To me, that is too young and that is time spent as a family. When my kids hit teen years and no longer found it cool to hang with me is when I allowed them to bring friends. As far as paying, depends on where we are going...if it's to the beach I will foot the bill. We have a trip to Disney planned and in order for both kids to each bring a friend, I would appreciate the parents kicking in something....at least the price of the park tickets

 

[dg39]

Sure we let our dd bring her friend when we go on trips. Not all the time, but, alot of times.

We pay for everything. The parents always insist on paying there childs way, but we insist too, and we win. I figure if we couldn't afford to bring a friend, we wouldn't invite her. She does bring spending money, but, thats for some little souveniers she brings home to her family.

We get 2 adjoining rooms and keep the doors open, so we have 2 bathrooms and we all have some privacy.

The friend is always at my house and with us anyway. I treat her just like I treat my dd. I reprimand when needed, but, there older now and know how to behave. We're all comfortable with each other and enjoy having her.

My dd has fun and thats the main point of our trips.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Thanks, everyone! I appreciate your thoughts on this!

Teresa

 

[Liberty Belle]

Once kids get into their teen years I think it's fine. I wouldn't do it any younger except for in special circumstances (the kid's parents are having problems and there's stress in the house, etc).

I've thought hard about this because: A) We have invited my son's friend on an upcoming weekend trip and B) We'll probably face inviting one on a future Disney trip. There's no question about the weekend trip, I think we should pay for all of the boy's expenses, save spending money for a souvenir (but if the child did not bring money for a souvie, we would buy him one). As for Disney, more money is involved, so it's a bit tougher. Regardless, I have come to the conclussion that we would be inviting him, so we should pay for everything. If the parents insisted on paying, I suppose we couldn't do anything about it, but I certainly would not ask and I would try to turn them down if they suggested paying.

 

[NMAmy]

We've taken friends along not only to Cedar Point but also to WDW. DD is an only child and, as a teenager, she likes to have someone along who will go on a rollercoaster 20 times in a row. While I can do it a couple of times, that's about it for me.

We pay for everything & tell the friend to bring along money for souvenirs (although I usually get them some of those, too.) We have a trip to WDW planned for spring break this year.

I don't think it compromises our family time--in fact, I think it adds to the fun for all of us. We do let them do things on their own from time to time but the majority of our time is spent as a group.

At Cedar Point, after they had spent some time on their own for a while, dd's friend requested meeting back up with us. She told me, "You always talk about such interesting things while waiting in line. " Who knew?

 

[MushyMushy]

I really enjoy bringing the kids' friends along on family outings. We do believe in paying for everything except the child's souvenirs, although if they showed up penniless, we'd never hesitate to buy something for them. That goes for small one-day trips and longer vacations as well. Last year, we had the privilege of taking my DD's best friend to WDW with us and I don't regret a minute of it! DD was so grateful to have her friend along and it didn't compromise family time one little bit. We don't do this all the time, but we've done it quite a few times over the years.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

Our youngest is 11. Last yr we invited one of his friends on our trip to WDW. However, his parents weren't comfortable yet with their DS being that far away, so he didn't go. Since we had invited him, we planned on paying his way. His mom did offer to pay for him though when she was still thinking about letting him go.

If we go on a trip and meet other members of my family, there are plenty of kids his age. But when it is just us, DS would be much happier bringing a friend. We will pay for the friend. If they want to send spending money, great. If not, no problem there either.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

My oldest is only 9, so we haven't taken any friends on vacation with us yet, but I wouldn't mind as she gets older. We have often taken a friend of hers with us, and she has gone with friends on a local day trips with the family, like skiing, Six Flags, the zoo, etc. I don't think it defeats the purpose of a family outings at all. First of all, like someone else said, we get enough togetherness that we just plan trips to have fun together, and don't really feel the need to make it exclusive to our family. Secondly, I find that if my kids have a friend with them, they are happier and it makes the whole outing that much more fun for all of us.

When we invite a child, we pay her way, and that includes tickets, food and maybe a small souvenir. Parents always send money anyway, and sometimes the child will use her own money to buy something. If she really wants to, I won't refuse to let her, but usually, I just put everything on the credit card together.

When our child is invited, we always send money with her to cover food and incidentals. We tell the parents she has money, so that they know, and tell our dd to use her own money. Of course, the other parents never let her pay and she usually comes home with most or all of her money.

As she gets older, if we start inviting kids to join us on more lengthy vacations, I might have to ask them to pay. If it involves an airline flight and expensive park tickets like for Disney, I don't think we could afford to treat a friend to everything and would have to ask with the understanding that the friends family would cover those costs. Hotel and food kind of all gets lumped together in one pot, so I don't think I'd ask them to pay for that. Likewise, if someone wanted to take my dd to Disney, I'd fully expect to pay for her.

 

[Kath816]

I concur with most other posters. We brought friends of DSs on trips to the shore in the summer between the ages of 11 or 12 and 16. We too said what food we were bringing, and if one of the boys liked something different, their parent could send it. Both friends' moms sent a big bag of snack food and/or their breafast cereal of choice. Now, if it were a Disney vacation, I'd probably ask for air fare and park passes. We own at DVC so would take care of the room and meals. (Actually we did do this for older DS's college buddy.)