kids and modesty-inspired by bath thread

[barkley]

i respect modesty (in fact i applaud my kid's school for choosing a "modesty dress code" over uniforms-i think it teaches the kids how to select appropriate clothing for social situations), but i wonder if modesty or concern over modesty can sometimes be detrimental.

it seems like little girls (in particular) get very modest at younger and younger ages around their dads and male sibs. while this is'nt bad-i wonder how this translates into their behaviour in a medical situation. do these same little girls have issues with a male doctor examining them? and would they hesitate (in mom's absence) to let dad know about an illness or injury that would involve exposing their bodies to dad?

i bring this up because recently my 11 year old daughter let me and dh (her dad) know she was experiencing pelvic pain. it ended up being nothing serious, but she had to see both her pediatrician and a gynecologist to get a diagnosis/treatment. she def. was not comfortable nor happy to have to expose herself to either doctor (and thank god she did'nt have to have a full pelvic exam) but despite initail hesitation and tears she did fine. the pediatrician later told me to realy commend her because in her experience young girls often got hysterical at the concept of exposing their bodies to medical personnel. i asked how these cases were handled and she said in some cases they had to be given some sedation to be examined. she added "it's even harder when it's an emergency and dad has to be the one to bring them in-they don't want us in the room and they sure don't want dad".
it got me thinking about weather my daughter would hesitate to let her dad know something was wrong with her out of concerns with modesty, so i had a private talk with her and then one with her and dad where we talked about how modesty is a good thing, but in some situations you have to set it aside (along with your embarrassment).

on a similar note-about 10 years ago i had a co-worker whose 16 year old son was diagnosed with testicular cancer. he received early treatment and was/is fine. the doctor asked his mom (single mom-dad was nowhere in the picture) how it came to her attention. she explained the son had come to her and told her that while showering he had found a lump on one of his testicals. the doctor told her that it was a rare thing that a teen boy would feel such openness with his mom to approach her with such a personal issue, and he had seen other teens (boys and girls) who had allowed cancerous lumps to go untreated (to terrible outcomes) because they were too embarrassed to talk about body issues with their parents.

i'de be interested to learn if anyone else has concerns or experiences with this issue.

 

[Pooh67_68]

My sister was very modest as a kid and as far as I know my mother never talked to her about and even now at 37 she still is very modest. But she does ok with her yearly exams (the doctor is male) and when she found a lump in her breast she went to her doctor who sent her to another male doctor and had no problems there either.

 

[Barb D]

We picked a large peds practice with both male and female doctors, partly for this reason. If it was an emergency they would have to deal with the opposite gender doctor, but for routine visits I know my girls are more comfortable with a female doctor.

It's a good idea to talk to them about being willing to tell either parent about issues, and being willing, in an emergency, to let other medical personnel see them. I have told my kids that nobody should be looking at areas covered by their bathing suits except medical people.

 

[aprilgail2]

We picked a large peds practice with both male and female doctors, partly for this reason. If it was an emergency they would have to deal with the opposite gender doctor, but for routine visits I know my girls are more comfortable with a female doctor.

One of the reasons I picked my daughters ped group was because it was all female...I remember as a child how I hated going to the Dr because my mom had a male ped. for us and I was so embarrassed to have to go to the Dr. I go to a male gyn simply because I prefer male Drs now that I am older but in that group there are females and I would ask her which one she wanted before taking her.

 

[Marseeya]

We only have male peds in our town. In fact, I believe there's probably only one female general practitioner around!

Anyway, I think my DD would be okay with a male doctor -- she'd be embarrassed, but wouldn't raise a fuss. She'd be able to tell my DH if something were wrong. DS is the one who would have a real problem with it. He probably wouldn't tell either me OR DH directly if something was wrong. About two weeks ago, he was having some rectal bleeding. He'd suffered with that for a few days before finally not flushing the toilet as a way to let me know what it was. (turned out to be a hemorrhoid) I tried being really gentle and discreet with him, so hopefully if something like that happens again, he'll be more open in coming to me, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

 

[barkley]

our daughter's pediatrician is female. when she said dd had to see the gynecologist i assumed it would be no problem since they have a big ob/gyn practice that is largly female dominated. what i did'nt take into consideration was that most of the staff that did the paps, etc. were NOT doctors but physicians asst. and nurse/midwives, and in the case of "pelvic pain" the exam had to be done by a doctor-and the doctor's shared rotational duties for emergency and urgent appointment slots. we were lucky, when i explained the situation the staff moved some appointments around and got dd in with a very patient and kind female doctor.

what surpised me was dd's reaction to her pediatrician "just looking" at her "private parts". dd's had the same pediatrician since she was born and has never hesitated to let her examine any part of her body. but as i thought about it, realisticly beyond the toddler years, a child generaly does'nt strip out of their clothing for a doctor's appointment. with the exception of when she broke her arm last may dd has not had to remove any clothing for the doctor in years (and even when she broke her arm she wore a gown and it was never lifted). so i can imagine not having remembered ever doing it coupled with adolescent modesty makes for a very difficult time.

dd asked following her appointments if "it ever gets any less embarrasing". i honestly told her that for me, once i had a baby and had nurses, doctors, anesthisiologists...trooping in and out of the delivery room i honestly lost any sense of embarrassment about these types of things.

( was dd's reaction ).