Kid turns 18--curfew rules???

[aviva5675]

Hi folks! Daughter turns 18 in May, graduates from HS two weeks later. She is a good kid, good grades, has a part time job and a beater car. Aside from one minor incident 18 months ago has never been in trouble.

Right now her Fri and Sat curfew is a generous 1am. Due to Illinois driving laws she cannot have her car out after 11pm, so her boyfriend drives. She is in by 10 school nites, and isnt out that late really, maybe 1 time a week. She gets her car home for curfew as well.

She can't wait to turn 18 since there will be'no more curfew', which legally is true. And is excited to be able to have her car out. I think a big part is just the ability to stay out late. She doesnt drive around or loiter--just hangs out with friends ( as far as I know )... We keep saying, well, there will be 'house rules". But...what should they be?

Have her call/text by a certain time if she will be out past x oclock? I want to know she is ok, tho she will be out late. Or try to establish a curfew- but later than what she has.

What have others done on this? She is a responsible kid- never late for curfew, or calls to ask permission, works hard, good grades, has been accepted to 4 good colleges...

Thanks!

 

[Boo'sMom]

Your house. Your rules...regardless of her age.
Do what you're comfortable with...and what you both agree is appropriate.

 

[princess.chell]

I turned 18 in early November, have my own car, a part time job, no boyfriend, am responsible, one accident, one ticket, basically a similar kid to your daughter. That being said, I had some issues with curfew last summer, missing it by about 20-30 minutes and not calling or texting. Plus, I have just enough money to pay for gas for my car to get to school and work so I don't go out a ton. But anyway, even thought I'm 18, my parents still set a curfew. They said as long as I am living under their roof I will have a curfew. They did extend it and are more lenient with it then before.
It's 10pm on school nights, 12-1 on weekends. I text if its going to be past midnight. They are okay with a few minutes past 1 but not much more than 15 minutes (which is so much different than before, if I was even 1 minute late in the door I was in trouble).

 

[DawnCt1]

When I was growing up, my Dad used to say that "nothing good happens after midnight". Well, I would say the hours have been extended a bit on that but to me the issue is, "not so much age" but "school". If she is in high school, I would expect the same rules. As our boys got older and out of high school, we didn't have a curfew for them. The "car" had a midnight curfew. I felt better with our car in the yard.

 

[Stacerita]

I agree with the "your house, your rules" and "nothing good happens after midnight". I moved out when I went to college, then moved back, and the rules were the same. Under my own roof I could do what I wanted, but back home, have to follow parents rules. It is just how it is.

 

[bitohoney]

This is a hard one. If she's 18 and still in high school she's still your dependant and you make the rules.
I'm a single parent and I have a hard time deciding when to tell my 16 year old daughter when to be home. Like tonight, she's leaving at 9pm to go get ice cream with her boyfriend. It's school vacation week, but as you parents know...we can't sleep until our child is home safe. And I wake up between 430-5am...so should I base her curfew on what time I have to wake up? It's hard because the whole time she's out I worry.

 

[pepperw23]

Our 18 year old daughter is extremly responsible and is a freshman in college (living at home) She has the same rules as our son did...You are an adult when you turn 21.

I refuse to stay up all night worrying about them. I think 18 is a crazy age to consider them adults anyway. Most parents with an 18/19 even 20 year old will tell you they are far from adults. This is coming from a Mom with two extremly good "kids".

Her curfew is 11 on weeknights and 1:30 on weekends if she has somewhere to be; otherwise midnight (why let them just wander?)

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I think if she's still in HS there should be some sort of set rules on curfew. After she graduates, I think it's up to her to decide when she wants to come home as she's an adult, she's more like a roommate than a child in terms of the living situation.

Perhaps though, since you are the parent and if she's still living in your house, after she graduates she could just be nice enough to let you know where she is and when she plans on coming home... I wouldn't require it but I'd tell her "it would be nice if..."

For me, it's more of a- I think it's great their still living at home with me- kind of situation rather than a-they live in a city far away and I get a phone call from them once a week- thing. I mean, I may feel different if my child is 40 in this situation

 

[golfgal]

I don't get caught up so much on "age" as I do grade in school. As long as they are in high school, they will have a curfew-which is midnight per town rules but there are exceptions to that and we are willing to work around those as needed as well.

I think once kids go off to college, curfews should be done.

 

[HunnyPots]

My son turned 18 in the middle of his senior year but his curfew stayed the same untill he graduated; midnight on weekends and 10 on school nights. He is now in college but lives at home. He has no curfew but always lets me know when he will be home, and that's all I ask. We've had no problems at all.

 

[wdwfan16]

I think the same rules should apply as long as she lives at your home.

 

[marciemi]

I think the hangup on the "age" isn't so much the age itself, but just that now the rules become "Mom's" instead of the state law. We went through the same thing when my oldest came off the restricted license (which here is just 9 months after you get your license).

However, we may be a bit strange, but we've never set a curfew unless it's something like prom where I know he wants to be out really late. Normally it's just "use your judgment", and not like I wait up for him or anything (he'll be 18 in March). Also a good kid and I trust him, so if he gets home at 1:30 versus 1 or whatever, as long as I vaguely know where he is/who he's with (or he answers his phone), we haven't worried about it. About the only time I called him recently was on a school night when his GF was in the hospital and he went to visit her around 7pm and I still hadn't heard from him at 10. Not because it was SO late, but because I didn't think he'd be there that long. Turned out he gave someone else a ride home afterwards.

Maybe the flip side is that I know he's going away to college (full ride out of state to his number 1 choice) in just 6 months so I might as well treat him like an adult now, unless he gives me any reason not to trust him.

 

[bananda]

im 19 and i dont really have a curfew, but my parents like me to be home by 1. and if i'm going to be out later than expected, i have to text them.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i lived at home with my parents until i was 23. i didn't really have a "Curfew" but i usually came home around 2am and if i was going to be any later i would get ahold of my parents and let them know. i usually tried to get in at a somewhat "Decent" hour just out of respect for them, it WAS their house after all.


but i think that the "text if you're going to be too late" thing is a good idea. otherwise if she's as good a kid as you say she is, she probably won't be staying out too late to begin with.

plus she's gonna be 18 now, you have to give her some personal space you know? i think if you just give her some general rules she'll just be happy that she can stay out a little later, period.

 

[disfan07]

At 18, i did not really have a curfew but i was always home by midnight, unless I was babysitting. the funniest thign was, that my dad was always waiting up for me even if i was babysitting until 2 AM...lol. He is so overprotective of me and even at 20 (i still live at home) he still wont go to sleep unless he knows i got home.

 

[aviva5675]

There is no question that while she is still in school for the few weeks curfew will stay the same. At least during the the week, of school days. I think that once the excitement wears off about it she wont want to stay out that much later, so it might be a non issue. I think tho also, to extend the hours a little but she has to let us know if she is staying out. I get up early for work so am asleep by 9-10 and my husband works late shift so isnt home till midnight. I dont like the idea of having to track down my phone to check a text but its better than a phone call. Id say she should let us know by a certain hour as well-- I dont want to find out at 1 she is staying out later... keep the thoughts coming people, I appreciate it!

 

[aprilgail2]

Once I went to college at 17 there was no more curfew (and even before that it was "loose")- if my daughter goes to college (its fully expected that she does but one never can tell) she will also be starting college at 17 and at that point shes on her own with what time she comes in.

 

[shellybaxter]

I lived about a 1/2 an hour from town and high school. I didn't have a curfew because my parents (a) trusted me (I was a really good kid - no trouble - ever) and (b) didn't want me racing home over the icy roads to get in by a curfew. Instead of a curfew I was simply expected to be curtious. I would never miss dinner without calling or telling ahead of time. I would tell what time I expected to be home and if I wasn't going to make it by then I called. They were simple rules that I still abide by today with my husband. I think the responsibility of acting in an adult way was really good for me growing up

 

[Acklander]

We did the no curfew, but show common courtesy and let us know when you're going to be home so we don't worry. We always did the same, of letting him know when we'd be home when we went out and expected the same in return. Between school/sports/and job being out late was never an issue because he had responsibilities and needed to sleep at some point.

 

[NC State]

I agree with the "your house, your rules" and "nothing good happens after midnight". I moved out when I went to college, then moved back, and the rules were the same. Under my own roof I could do what I wanted, but back home, have to follow parents rules. It is just how it is.

I lived by those rules when I was at home and my daughter when she was growning up. I wasn't in trouble in school nor my daughter so I guess you can say we didn't have no drama at all. I did trust my daughter; however, I know that trust can turn when you are off in a group. My daughter has thanked me serveral times because the ones that had no rules she looks back at the way they turned out and she has thanked me and the rules. I think "rules" are missing in families now.