When someone has been in an abusive relationship, whether it was physical, financial,emotional, or verbal abuse the thing they need most in the world is validation.
It is sooo hard to extracate yourself emotionally from the type of people who do these things. Your ex sounds like a narcissist! I've been in the past involved with one of those people and I'll tell you something. There are now support groups out there to help you deal with the damage they do. I'm not totally saying your ex was this but, he certainly sounds selfish and abusive to say the least.
It takes a long while to stop feeling the enormous hurt that is caused by an abuser. For one thing while you are with them you are not allowed to feel your own feelings! They are very, very good at twisting your head around and intimidating you into NOT saying what you see right in front of you.
It is NORMAL to feel
some joy at their misfortune. It doesn't make the person who feels this way "perfect" just human. And typically you don't have very good boundaries for a long while after being involved with someone like this sooo that "might" be why the financial stuff was posted. I don't
know, just speculating from past experiences.
It may not be right to feel a little happy at another persons downfall but, it's nearly impossible not to in this circumstance. I dare say she will not feel this way forever. But don't forget because of her kids she still has to have contact with this man soo there are ongoing hurts and frustrations. It's very hard to put the past in the past completely in those situations.
The more a person who has been through this has their feelings validated the more they can have the self esteem to not NEED to feel a thing about these abusive ex's one way or the other.
Was the OP's post perfect or perfectly moral? Noooo but, was it understandable given the circumstances?? Yes, it was!! She felt safe to share this here and maybe that is part of the problem too. Like I said, after you have been with someone abusive your boundaries are not too good sometimes. The lines of what is safe and not safe for you emotionally are rather fuzzy at times. It's so hard to know when to trust, and who, and how much! Those lessons take time.
OP, hun I understand your feelings completely!! One day you won't care a fig what he does or what happens in his life good or bad. You won't need to because you'll feel so much better! Because of your kid you have to have contact with this person. All the experts say to have NO CONTACT with a former abuser at all! It allows them to continue to be abusive to you in all kinds of ways. Sometimes this isn't possible when kids are involved and it makes for ongoing frustrations and hurts. Learn to detach emotionally as much as you can. You'll feel better! I didn't get from your post that you were wallowing in joy at his misfortune. I got that you were just momentarily sharing it. And feeling it because anything else would be nearly inhumanly perfect! That's o.k. just don't stay stuck in it. For YOU.
I do have compassion here for what you meant to say. Just be careful where you say things like this for your own sake. It's sooo easy to be misunderstood. It all comes out in the wash, this Karma thing. In the end it doesn't matter if you are understood here. It's more important that YOU know in your heart the "right" or not of it. Good luck to you and yours! If you got out of a relationship like that one intact then you are truly a strong, brave and capable woman!
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after hearing what she has heard. If the OP was running all over gloating to death, I could see that that would be overboard, if you can't share your little bit of happiness with other DIS'ers , who can you share with?
