Justifying spending so much on a wedding....

[lock3130]

For various reasons, my fiance and I are going to be responsible for paying for the wedding. I saw the idea of a Wishes wedding and I ran with it. Well....now DF's family is starting to be negative and my FMIL is talking about how expensive it's going to be for her (she can't save a dime to save her life) and I'm starting to stress out already! We haven't even booked anything yet but my idea of this awesome DFTW is growing farther and farther away.

In the next year we are going to be purchasing our first home which is a big step, so maybe we should wait on the wedding? When I stop and think about spending over $12,000 on one day of our life....I get a little freaked out. I know that the Escape wedding is an option but I'm just not liking the idea of it. I guess...if we are going to have our guests come from Iowa....I want it to be something bigger than an Escape wedding.

I guess I just wondered how people justified spending so much money. Did you go into debt? If so...is that recommended?

Thanks

 

[lock3130]

And let me just add to that....I've been doing to Disney ever since I was a little girl and have daydreamed about getting married there and understand why people do it...however....I'm just wondering how other people justify it.

Thanks!

 

[Tink&PirateMama]

And let me just add to that....I've been doing to Disney ever since I was a little girl and have daydreamed about getting married there and understand why people do it...however....I'm just wondering how other people justify it.

Thanks!

Well... I will probably one of the few that doesn't justify it so well. We spent a VERY little amount on our wedding 8 years ago. Really, a very little. Attire and accessories were less than a thousand, and we paid 250 for an officiant and then had dinner after! We joke all the time about it. It was gorgeous and in my opinion, no better or worse than any other ceremony I've seen. It was in the snow on christmas eve on a small peninsula in northern michigan, so we had the ambiance without any cost I guess. I had no desire for a reception or anything like that, so it wasn't an issue...

Anyway, we were comfortable paying for a disney vow renewal this time, but the way the people we were dealing with were treating us (and I know this seems to be a very small amount of people that have had that), we just thought, there is no way we can justify spending that kind of money. We just couldn't. We went back and forth for weeks. We also have kids, and, well, we took the money and bought DVC instead (which we could justify for all the years ahead with the kids, and are spending just about the exact amount of money as the first time around, LOL on our vow renewal at discovery cove/disney, except we're paying for good photography and some fun experiences (dolphin swim, fireworks, etc.). So we're still doing it, we're still having a dream experience and celebrating together, it's just a simpler and more affordable dream... and inho, I think it's going to be incredible

I have seen a lot of people spend lots of money, and very little money on their wedding, and get divorced or stay together... heck, sometimes they don't make it through a year- so I'm not sure it matters what sort of wedding you have- although if you take on a lot of debt, that is NEVER good for a marriage. We have had our financial ups and downs, and the downs are always the hardest on a couple, so don't start your life together in such a bad place, that just doesn't make sense.

I think that it just depends on you, and what you can live with, and what is most important to you. Some people, they just HAVE to have a certain wedding. I never once had that dream of being a bride, or envisioned being married (let me qualify, I was a child of a nasty divorce, so marriage was never something idealized for me!), and it isn't until after being married this long that I feel so nostalgic about weddings, LOL! So for me, I'd say, make that down payment on a house and simplify the wedding! I'm in the minority, though,a nd we don't have big close families, which makes that an easy call for us. But if this is what you really want and dream of, then do the wedding, and let the house wait. There will be more houses down the road to buy- in a couple of years when you have the money. Will it matter to you about waiting on the house, or waiting on kids even? If not, then, I'd go with the disney wedding. I don't suggest anyone go in to debt, but I know that is what people do.

One other thing I'd like to point out, is that if you want to have a big wedding, it appears disney is actually a pretty affordable way to do it- so if you are going to have the big wedding anyway, I personally would definitely go with disney- I mean, just look at the pictures here- it's a pretty incredible experience!

Oh- and the thing that I didn't know about- was tax and surcharges- look into it, it is like near 30% extra on your bill! An important note for saving money!!

Good luck, sit down and talk together, and follow your heart, it won't lead you in the wrong direction

 

[disbridemimi]

Hi there! I know, its a lot of money to part with!And that is one of the many reasons that we are still torn between Wishes and Escape.

Here is how we are viewing the cost, at home in Boston we could have a pretty crappy wedding, in the off season on a Friday night or Sunday morning for about 15-20K, NOT including any kind of entertainment and with eh food, not great. So to us, a Wishes wedding looks like a bargain! Of course once you add in all the travel, bands, honeymoon, attire etc etc, it balloons up to 15-18K and makes us lean more towards the Escape. But for us, it was spend 15-20k on a crappy wedding at home, or spend 10-15k on a beautiful & unique "special" wedding in Florida. More bang for your buck, more spectacular.

ANd since we are leaning towards escape, we are looking at prob 8K when all is said & done, plus travel attire & honeymoon. In Boston, there is no such thing as a small ceremony unless you have it at someones home and we are unable to find any place pretty enough. All the locations near us have a 100 person minumum on off days, and upwards of 150+ on sat.

 

[CharacterFan]

My dad is paying for the wedding, and I knew I wanted to get married at Disney, but at first I looked at an Escape and going low key. Then we out grew our 18 limit. I started looking at at home options. My dream home location was a min of $20,000 so a Wishes wedding made since. It's 1 day, that will happen once and the memories will last forever. My dad isn't much one for saving or budgets, but this is my one day, and he wants it to be special. I'm sure if I wanted the castle he'd get that for me, but it's not really want I want.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I would never recommend spending more than you can afford or risking money you need for a home or other important essentials. It goes without saying that the marriage is much more important than one wedding day. Yet, I have to say that if you are going to be looking at pictures for the rest of your life and you want to celebrate with your family, there are lots of great reasons why you deserve a day like that, too.

First, it is your money. If this is what you want, that is a great way to spend it. Some people buy $400 shoes or $8,000 necklaces. There's nothing wrong with spending your money on a special celebration.

Second, you work day in day out and probably don't have a princessy life. Everyone deserves to feel like a princess once!

Third, think about the cost spread over your lifetime. People spend 30k on a car that will last at best 10 years. You spend that money on your wedding and you can enjoy those pictures and memories for a lifetime!

 

[lock3130]

Wow Lulu....your post brought tears to my eyes! Haha. You are right about me working day in and day out and not feeling like a princess. I'm a police officer, so I never get to feel like a princess at work! My DF always calls me his princess though.....so that's why we just really want to figure out a way to make this work!!!

Thanks for the posts.

 

[aduck126]

Disney weddings are expensive, especially the wishes! I am doing the escape wedding with only closest family at the ceremony and then a big dinner after with everyone else. My father was planning on paying for this big lavish event in Chicago (where im from) that was going to be around 40k. unfortunately he got sick and lost his job while he almost died in the hospital. After all that and the money was gone I decided that I love disney almost as much as my DF so lets round up what we can and do the disney thing. I am paying for it myself and let other people know that the ceremony is all just strictly close relatives, no offense. When it comes down to it, its all about you! So i didn't feel too bad leaving out some people because all I need is my DF and Disney World to make me happy.

You could always honeymoon in Disney after the wedding. You still get the just married buttons and you can get the ears. I think Disneymoons come with some other perks as well, but im not positive.

 

[DISNEYMAGIC2005]

I would never recommend spending more than you can afford or risking money you need for a home or other important essentials. It goes without saying that the marriage is much more important than one wedding day. Yet, I have to say that if you are going to be looking at pictures for the rest of your life and you want to celebrate with your family, there are lots of great reasons why you deserve a day like that, too.

First, it is your money. If this is what you want, that is a great way to spend it. Some people buy $400 shoes or $8,000 necklaces. There's nothing wrong with spending your money on a special celebration.

Second, you work day in day out and probably don't have a princessy life. Everyone deserves to feel like a princess once!

Third, think about the cost spread over your lifetime. People spend 30k on a car that will last at best 10 years. You spend that money on your wedding and you can enjoy those pictures and memories for a lifetime!

I 100% agree with you. Me and DF realized early that we would have to pay for our own wedding and there is no need to go into debt so we have cut back a lot.

We are still going to have an amazing day with friends and family @ WDW. Even though I have cut back my friends and family understand and I don't feel judged.

I did mention that in 10 - 25 years when we have been happily married and we can spend money the way we want and not have to worry we are going to have a DFTVR. And it is going to be great!

 

[Angela0917]

I would never go into serious debt over a wedding! DF and I are getting married in a few weeks, and while there's small things here and there that we've put on a credit card, it's nothing that we won't be able to pay off within a few months. In my opinion, a house is way more important than a wedding. You totally deserve to be a princess on your wedding day, but you can be a princess somewhere that is not quite as expensive!

Good Luck with your decision!!

 

[chrisw127]

Okay, old married lady chiming in here who loves to lurk on the wedding boards. Have the wedding you want. Don't go so far into debt you won't be able to take care of yourselves, but have a beautiful wedding. You're young, you sound responsible, you'll pay if off even if you have to cut out a few luxuries in the next couple of years. You'll only get that one day that one time. The price you've quoted doesn't sound outrageous at all. I didn't have a "real" wedding because I was stubborn and wanted to be different, but I kind of regret it now.

My daughter (she's only two-years old) will be spoiled on her wedding day whether she wants it or not.

Good luck.

 

[MainStMandy]

I just wanted to put in my .02 since Dbf and I have had this conversation before...and I am not usually the cheap/frugal one!

I was married once before...the wedding and the marriage were nothing what I wanted or ever pictured myself having. The wedding was a big traditional catholic wedding and it cost around $10,000 (with crappy food!!)

Now that I have found the person I am meant to be with, we have agreed on a Disney Wedding. It is one of the most important days of our life together and while we aren't blowing our budget, we are going to make the day everything we both want. If that means saving a bit extra than that's what we will do....we will not however leave ourselves destitute on the street

 

[Desnik]

My best advice to you is that a house is a much better way to spend your money! Please do not spend $12,000 on one day if you have a lot of debt, or don't have a home yet. You can still have your dream Disney wedding, but when you can really afford to do it, and feel comfortable with spending that cash.

When DH and I were engaged we were planning this huge wedding. I was sick over the amount of money for one day even though my parents were paying for it. I felt like I was doing it all for them(lot's of family drama over the whole thing & it wasn't even a destination wedding!)and for DH because he really wanted the big wedding. Well, 5 months into the planning I got pregnant! Then my dad just said hurry up & get married! So no one expected me to walk down the aisle preggers so I got out of it!

Now, 12 years later, we have our home, are debt free and will be having the Disney wedding of our dreams on our terms! We are very fortunate that 60 of our closest family and friends will be joining us. My point is it is never too late to have the wedding of your dreams, but right now is a great time to purchase a home. Low rates and plenty to choose from and desperate sellers. Long term it's a great place to put that $12,000 you would be spending on a big wedding. That's just MHO.

With that said, as I plan my big day I still cringe over some of the prices and money I am spending on one day! But I know we are worth it and we are fulfilling a dream.

Good luck!

 

[JandJ]

You should definitely have the wedding you want, but JMHO, I don't believe in going into massive debt to get it. You need to come up with a real budget - what can you actually afford to spend on your wedding day. Then, make a list of what you want on your day. Decide what you cannot live without - that could be the WP, or Cindy's Coach, or a designer gown, or a dessert party, or gobs of flowers, or the MK photo shoot - whatever it is, put those items at the top of your list. Then you can see where you can cut back. There are budget ways to get what you want and make your day perfect! And please remember, it is YOUR day, so don't do things trying to make other people happy, do what makes you and your hubby-to-be happy!

 

[figmentfan814]

I think one important thing that several people mentioned is that the quality and level of service that you receive at Disney are a bargain compared to what you would have to pay for similar experiences at a location near where you live. We had help from my parents some for the wedding, but DH and I paid the bulk of it on our own.

In this market, housing is much more affordable and we purchased a foreclosed home plus paid for our wedding at a cost that is less than most of our friends who purchased homes a year or two ago. We will be paying off our wedding for about 3 years total, but compared to paying for a car for 5 years or on student loans for 10 a wedding was a much bigger priority.

Just make sure that it is something that you can afford and that you can pay back without any financial burden and then have the day of your dreams. Yes, there were things I would have loved to add to my ceremony (a landau coach, trumpeters, sorbet in Cinderella's slipper, a designer dress) but we prioritized what we wanted and only picked things that fit within our budget. Disney was fantastic about helping us stick to our budget and gave us creative ideas to add things without huge costs.

I have several friends who had budget weddings at home and after going through the wedding process with me all of them agreed that they wish that they would have had the day of their dreams

 

[pjstevens]

In the next year we are going to be purchasing our first home which is a big step, so maybe we should wait on the wedding? When I stop and think about spending over $12,000 on one day of our life....I get a little freaked out. I know that the Escape wedding is an option but I'm just not liking the idea of it. I guess...if we are going to have our guests come from Iowa....I want it to be something bigger than an Escape wedding.

Just a note... if you are buying your first home (both of you) you'll be entitled to an $8000 tax credit (refund) on your 2009 taxes! That's a big chuck towards your wedding!

 

[Ember]

This is an impossible question to answer for someone else. Because what's "worth it" to some people will never mean as much to others.

How did I justify my Disney wedding? There was no question, I was getting married at Disney, end of story. I would have done it just the two of us if that was all I could have afforded, but that's where I was getting married. (Luckily, I found a husband who agreed to this or there would have been problems. You don't mess with something that was decided when the bride was 8 years old!)

All the rest was just details. I could justify the couture gown but not Cindy's carriage. One was worth it to me, the other wasn't - even though they cost the same amount. But MANY couples find the carriage makes their day so it's totally worth it to them. I also couldn't justify characters but a string quartet made the cut. I would have LOVED to have had everything but it wasn't feasible so I went with the things that meant the most to us.

I look at it like anything else in life, it's a personal choice to spend money. If you spend it to make yourself happy then there's no better use for it. I will never buy a new car, I just won't. I, personally, don't see the point as a used car gets me from point A to point B just as well. But I will happily spend my money on designer shoes.

If a Disney wedding will create memories for you and bring you happiness for years each time you remember your wedding day then it's the right thing to do. Anything else will be a compromise that you'll later regret. Yes, it's only one day. But if we treated every day like that there would be no need for celebrations or festivities and life would be very dull. It's a SPECIAL day.

 

[PirateBride08]

Everyone has already given you such great advice but I'll share my thought process as well.

I never wanted a big wedding with 200 people half of which I wouldn't have known anyway. My brother did all that a few years ago and he had a beautiful wedding, it just wasn't what I wanted. My DH and I do not like to be the center of attention and started looking at destination weddings. I knew Disney did weddings but had no idea of the cost and always assumed we wouldn't be able to swing it. Until I found the DIS! Then the idea of having a wedding anywhere other than Disney was never even considered.

I had a Wishes wedding and I added all kinds of extras, cindy's carriage, characters, and a dessert party! In the end, my wedding cost more than my brothers did and he had over 200 people- I had 65! I could have saved a ton of money if I cut out the carriage, the characters and the dessert party but for me those were the extra touches that I couldn't do here in NJ.

Yes it is one day and it is a lot of money but we were able to do it. We have good jobs and we had some help from our parents. If we didn't have the extra help we still would have been able to have the exact same wedding but we might have had to wait a little longer.

You have to think of what is important to you. I didn't want to get married anywhere else and I also modified my budget based on the things that mattered to me. We made my centerpieces which saved us on the Floral bill. Our DJ even commented on our centerpieces, he didn't know we made them.

 

[LittleStinkerbelle]

I didn't get married at Disney , but I hope you don't mind if I throw in my thoughts. We spent a bit of money on our wedding and even though we'd jokingly say to each other, "I wish I had that $xx we spent on the {insert wedding item here} back" in the end I never really regretted it. I will say that my regrets are more in how we allocated the money. I am still heartbroken to this day about the quality of my wedding photos. I wish I'd done more research and gotten a better photog. And the flowers--I wish I'd cut in other areas to get nicer flowers--my bouquet was a disaster--that's another regret I have. So I'd say be clear on the things that are important to you--I think I got so caught up in all the little things that I ended up feeling like no one element was exactly what I dreamed of.

One thing I don't regret is that we didn't go into debt for the wedding. I think no matter how long or short you've been together, the first year of marriage is stressful--and adding financial issues to that makes it even worse.

Good luck to you!!!!

 

[BewwyBootiful]

If YOU aren't comfortable spending the money DON'T DO IT.

That being said, it sounds like you are letting you FMIL dictate YOUR day. If you are paying for the wedding, why should she have any say about the expense?

Quite honestly, 12K is quite a deal given that the ave. American wedding is 28K. Looking at other weddings on the board, 12K gets you quite a lot at Disney - plus you get to enjoy your event (going to the park the day before instead of triple confirming everything, etc.) That is worth alot more than 12K to me.

Please don't let your FMIL dictate the terms of your life together - bad precedent to set! Do what makes YOUR heart happy!

I hope this helps....

Mrs. Flowers Ashley