just venting

[maedelken]

I have been seeing a lot of posts on nursing lately which is awesome. I nursed all three of my children. The first two I made it to a year and they became too busy or decided they just didn't need it.(by the way they are girls) Now my third child is a boy and we are still going strong and he is 13 months old. He shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. Now what I need to vent about is the reactions I get when people find out how long I nursed for and that I am still nursing my son. Believe it or not people started commenting when the kids were only 6 months it has continued from there. How long are you breast feeding for? I reply I want to make it to a year and see how it goes from there. Ohhhh is the reply with that look on their faces. You would think that I was doing something horrible to my child. I feel that I am doing a good thing for my children and I hate that I let these comments get to me. Now with my son people ask me over and over if I am still nursing. He is getting to be a big boy time to take away the breast of course that comment is mostly from relatives. Another taboo that I get comments about especially from DML is that each one of my children at one point in time slept in my bed. My DD4 and DD2 both sleep and their own beds now. Its not like everyone is our bed. I feel that they are more secure and well adjusted. They are only young once. I think the worst part is the look and that they make you feel bad for doing something in my opinion is good. I hate feeling defensive.

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

I've learned that feeling defensive is something you can't control, but you can learn just to stick your chin up and do what you want to do. My first child nursed until 19 months b/c she was very attached to me and her pacifier (didn't give that up until after 2 yrs). She probably would have gladly gone on longer, but we had to stop b/c I was pregnant with my 2nd. My 2nd weaned probably at 13 months without even batting an eye b/c she was too busy following her big sister around and easily gave up her pacifier. Every child is different. You have to do what is best for your children. Weaning right at age 1 is certainly earlier than most bottle-fed babies wean! And, I've co-slept with my children and heard all the crud from pediatricians, parents, and in-laws. Our parents were the put them on their tummy, let them cry it out, bottle-feed, crib-only type of generation. As long as you are keeping your baby safe, happy, and healthy, that is all that matters! Believe me, we've all been there with advice givers that rankle our skin! My first had colic, and I was basically told it was my fault b/c I was stressed out! People can be so rude sometimes!

 

[siestakeys04]

I nursed ds until about the same time and he showed no signs of letting go. i had to wean him off. My dd got off at about 1 month. so as long as it does not bother you and your dh you do what you think is best for your son. Enjoy that bond you have because once its gone you never get it back.

 

[lorimc]

It is hard to feel defensive and still be NICE when people are offering their opinions. My Dear MIL, who I love (REALLY) tried to be helpful but just sounded paranoid. "Don't use baby powder! She'll get pneumonia!". I used cornstarch. "Why don't you just buy formula?" Because breastmilk is free! "Will she ever quit sleeping with you?" Hopefully before she's a teenager!

In our case, she just worried because she loved us and was not trying to be a demon!

I breastfed until our DD was 16 months. She was down to 2 feedings a day and I just cut out the nightfeeding and eventually the morning one and our DD was fine. However, she is 2.5 is still sleeps with us part of the night. We are still working on that front!

Thanks for venting and Good luck, OP and don't let the turkeys get you down!

 

[NU2WDW]

That's funny because I always felt the need to be defensive about NOT breastfeeding by women who DID.

*shrug* Everyone believes their way is the "best" way. We all know parents whose kids slept better, ate better, walked sooner, talked earlier, potty trained themselves in a day, and of course never threw a tantrum in the grocery store. Paragons of parenting, they are!

If you worry all the time about what someone thinks you *should* be doing, you'll waste a lot of energy. Why bother? Nurse your son til you want to stop. If someone comments give them a pointed stare and say "Why are you so concerned about my breasts?" Only a true dolt won't take the hint that it's really none of their darn business.

 

[bumbershoot]

Sorry that you have people around you who like to bring you down.

I'm reminded again and again how lucky I am to have the PERFECT way to stop people in their tracks when they ask about nursing... I myself nursed until I was 4, each of my brothers (two moms) until they were 2, and the youngest, my half-sis, nursed BEYOND 4.

My mom is now gone, but I'm quite sure she's watching from Beyond, and I don't DARE wean him, even if I felt that that was my decision to make! Plus, I have her old friends, mostly from La Leche League meetings in the early 70s, checking on me every so often, making sure I'm still nursing him.

We also still have a family bed, and DS is almost 3. I can't imagine not having him in the room with us! I'm sure that someday he'll be interested (he's looking more and more at the little beds at Ikea, LOL), but for now I just love having him right there, no need to get up to check that he's OK.


At minimum, my post can serve as something to talk about with your friends, in a "hey I'm not the only one" or "hey there's someone more extreme than I am" sort of way.

All of my friends, who had babies before me, said the "if baby is old enough to ask for it, baby is too old" about nursing. But DS was crying in a different way when he was hungry, saying "la la la", from his second day earthside, so if I'd gone by THAT advice....

 

[Goofyluver]

I nursed my son until he was 16 months. I got comments from people all the time, and I don't care one bit. Call me a granola mom...call me a hovering mommy. I did the family bed too. Probably for too long, but my son is in his own bed now and I swear he lived and he's thriving. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Nursing isn't for everyone. Neither is bottle feeding. Keep on doing what you're doing. Don't ever feel bad for being a good mommy.

 

[gottalovethem]

It's hard to take the comments, trust me, I know.

My mother has criticized my bf and accused me of child abuse because I was nursing a 13m old!!!

Of course, I am fighting to wean DS18 months. He really enjoys nursing, but I have just had enough. He does throw quite the tantrum occassionally when he wants it and I don't give in (we are down to only before bed) but I am just ready to stop.

Anywho - hang in there and good luck!

 

[nettii]

Im sorry your MIL is giving you such problems, my MIL used to too and it was very hurtfull! Just do what you think is right. I weaned my DS at about 10 mo. and it was to soon. I think he needed to nurse longer but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing now Im sorry I didnt nurse longer. And as far as the family bed my oldest DS 12 would still sleep in our bed every night if there was room weve always been very close (when I say we I mean the whole family) Good luck to you stay strong and dont let her get you down you know whats right!Nettii

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I know how you feel but honestly I never gave a rats behind what anyone had to say and I still don't. I did all the research and I did and still do what we feel is best for our kids. I was polite for a bit and then I would just answer whoever made a snarky comment with something like "How do my sleeping arrangements have any effect on you? Are you up all night because I have a child in my bed?" That usually stops them cold. As far as nursing I nursed all my kids for over a year. If someone had something to say I would tell them that this is what is best for my kids so that is what I am doing. They are only young once and I don't have any problem so why should they? I know it can be hard but don't doubt your choices and whoever don't like it can lump it. JMHO.

 

[Rapunzel]

*gentle hugs*

I used to get comments too. Sometimes from my own mother. My DD nursed for the last time on her 2nd birthday. She nursed that night after her party for about 5 minutes and never asked for it again!

My son self weaned around 5 months. He wouldn't nurse unless we were laying down and I couldn't just lay in bed all day.

I would just simply ask the people who question you how its possible any of their business. Or maybe say "Wow, are you always that rude?". Just remember you're not hurting ANYONE by nursing YOUR child.

 

[cedmonds]

do what you think is best for your family. I did everything "wrong" according to the experts. My daughter nursed too long, slept in our bed, etc and I am happy to say she is 22 graduating from college (which was 10 hours away) is beautiful, confident and very well adjusted. Parenting is about love not robotics enjoy every minute and go with your heart. sometimes easier said then done-be strong

 

[disnut1149]

Hi
I'm a grandmother now, but I nursed all three of my kids. They stopped nursing a 25 1/2 months, 1 year and my son was older than 3 years old by the time he stopped nursing. I always got a lot of negative comments as nursing wasn't as popular as it is today. I'm talking 30 years ago. Just tell them that by the time your son is 13 years old, he'll be interested in someone else's ****s and not yours anymore!!! Do whatever makes you and your baby happy. It's such a wonderful time between your baby and you and it goes by so fast. I actually had a third baby just so I could nurse. I had really missed nursing a baby. My girls were 7 and 10 when my son was born. Good luck with your nursing, and enjoy your baby!!

 

[hsmamato2]

there are plenty of people who nurse for extended time, just look at stats from all over the world, USA is one of the few'backward" countries that think you should stop early,like before 2 or so.
check out the community boards on www.mothering.com and you won't feel as if 13 months is too old to nurse,wow, in my community,we all nursed our kids for a minimum of 2 years, and they all know how to eat,sleep,and get along just fine now that they've "finally" stopped nursing
Everyone is fully aware that bf'ing is best for babies, you'll never feel comfortable with rude people questioning you,you could just smile sweetly and say,"well, hopefully he'll stop before he goes to college"....
You should nurse till you feel ready to stop

 

[PittypatBR]

Like Disnut1149, I am a grandmother who nursed two of my three children. DS was weaned at 15 months, and DD nursed until 2 1/2, thanks to support from LaLecheLeague, who were a godsend to us back in the 70's. DD is still amazed that she nursed that long, and teases me about it, but who cares? She was only nursing once a day at bedtime by then, and when she got a stomach bug and couldn't nurse for a day or so, we just didn't restart. She was finally ready. She nursed hers for about 9 mo. and a year, with a lot of difficulty, then stopped. DDIL was able to nurse her two boys longer, and bless her heart, she credits my help with allowing her to succeed. Isn't that a nice compliment? It really was different then - no lactation nurses, electric breast pumps, etc. Bottom line, how you raise your children is your business only. Everyone loves to stick in their two cents worth so you just have to let it roll off your back - smile and say, "Oh, do you think so?" Congratulations on being your own person, and enjoy those little ones. They grow up way too fast!

 

[dr&momto2boys]

there are plenty of people who nurse for extended time, just look at stats from all over the world, USA is one of the few'backward" countries that think you should stop early,like before 2 or so.
check out the community boards on www.mothering.com and you won't feel as if 13 months is too old to nurse,wow, in my community,we all nursed our kids for a minimum of 2 years, and they all know how to eat,sleep,and get along just fine now that they've "finally" stopped nursing
Everyone is fully aware that bf'ing is best for babies, you'll never feel comfortable with rude people questioning you,you could just smile sweetly and say,"well, hopefully he'll stop before he goes to college"....
You should nurse till you feel ready to stop

I was going to recommend www.mothering.com as well. Even the AMA recommends that babies be breastfed for a MINIMUM of 2 years..so I don't understand the comments people make to you with such young kids. I nurse both my 9 month old and my 27 month old. I believe in child-led weaning and my 27 month old shows no signs of quitting. I guess I'm lucky no one makes such comments to me. I would defend it vigorously if they did.

 

[MiniGirl]

I'll say upfront that I have not read all the responses in this thread. I just wanted to offer you some hugs.

I nursed both of my girls until they were 2 years old. My oldest self-weaned a few days before her 2nd birthday and I was 3 months pregnant with DD#2 whom I weaned just after her 2nd birthday. I choose to wean my youngest because I was ready. (She was NOT.) Afterall, I had been nursing a baby for 4 out of the past 4 1/2 years. All the looks and comments didn't bother me. I knew I was doing what was best for my family and what others had to say and/or think truly didn't matter. Likewise when I weaned my dd before she was ready, I didn't let the criticism I received (yes, even though she was 2) bother me. Again, it was what was best for my family, so whatever others had to say went in one ear and out the other. Now, I wish I could tell you how I was able to let it all just slide off me, but I really can't -- except to say I was absolutely convinced that I was doing the right thing. Believe it or not, my "baby" turns 5 tomorrow and I still get comments occassionally about how long I nursed. Usually, they are positive now.

I want to tell you though that I don't regret the extended nursing one bit. My youngest had her first non-well baby appointment this past month with an ear infection. Five years and no visits to the Dr's office due to illness. Wow!!! My oldest was 4 years old when she had her first sick visit.

You keep doing what is best for your family. When it is time to stop, you'll know. That mommy instinct is amazing.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

Your ****s are none of their business! I give smart alec responses to anything I think is inappropriate.

"How long are you going to breastfeed?"
"Well I guess we'll have to stop when he goes to college."

 

[Willow25]

I can not understand why as women we are so hard on each other. Breastfeeding, circumcision, co-sleeping and stay at home moms vs out of home working moms. Why can't we all just operate under whatever works best for the mom and the baby. I am currently pregnant with my first child and wow is it daunting. I feel like I have unwillingly joined this club where you get unsolicited advice and comments every time I turn around.

Why can't we all just be happy that in this day and age we are able to make those choices that are best for our individual families.

 

[maxtomsmom]

I can not understand why as women we are so hard on each other. Breastfeeding, circumcision, co-sleeping and stay at home moms vs out of home working moms. Why can't we all just operate under whatever works best for the mom and the baby. I am currently pregnant with my first child and wow is it daunting. I feel like I have unwillingly joined this club where you get unsolicited advice and comments every time I turn around.

Why can't we all just be happy that in this day and age we are able to make those choices that are best for our individual families.

Wait, it gets better. You'll love it when people start asking you questions like, "Does she/he walk yet?" No, he's a two month old. "Did he roll over yet?" He's not a dog. "So and So is using the potty, is she doing it yet?" Yes, she throws her dolls in to give them a bath. Seriously, this country is ridiculous when it comes to our children. Stop worrying about my kid. I like to think I am a fairly reasonable adult. Unless my kid is running naked outside during the month of January singing swear words, I think opinions are best left inside the head. JMHO. Sorry for the rant.