Just need to vent

[Airb330]

First off, hello to everyone, I'm Joel. I don't hang around here much, just when planning a Disney trip. Next one, Feb 08. I am taking my grandparents. But, when a trip is planned, I live on here it feels!

I'm 22, just graduated college and work as an engineer for the state of Delaware. I live in center city Philadelphia, PA. I'd say I am pretty successful for my age. I came out at age 21 (July 06) and all of my friends and family have been very supportive. I am so very blessed for that. I'm very attractive, pretty funny, and I'm nice (the most important quality I feel). I never had much luck with boys in college. My school (U of Delaware) wasn't too large and I was dealing with family health/cancer/death issues, not to mention tough classes. Now that I am out on my own, I am still finding it impossible to date people. I've found a great group of friends in Philly and I am so thankful for that. I still, somehow, thought my dating life would be better. Wrong...

No one wants to date me after 2-3 dates, or a week. Whichever comes first, ha. Everyone always says "you're so hot", "smart" or whatever, but finds some reason to just randomly stop dating me. It's always something random, and never my fault (according to them). I don't hound them, I don't ignore them, I act completely appropriately according to everyone. I mean,how much bad luck can I get? Prime example: I go out with a friend of a friend here, twice. I was told he is a great guy and is looking for a relationship. He never called or responded to my texts a few days after the last date. Just randomly stopped. His ex is a friend and they dated for awhile and he is baffled by it. ALL of my friends and family do not understand my horrendously bad luck with men.

I hear "you're trying too hard to meet someone" and also "you're not trying hard enough to meet people" or "it'll happen when you don't want it". It's annoying to get such conflicting signals and I don't think I can just stop wanting something with a boy. I just don't know what else to do. I am out there at bars, and I am on the lookout for people I find attractive. But....it just doesn't happen for me. I'm not looking for a husband, I just would like to date for awhile. To keep on learning. I just feel (at this point), I am not learning anything anymore. It's hard to not get depressed by it. I've given up on the online stuff, that doesn't work out either. I'd rather meet someone in person at this point.

I try to stay positive, I really do. But, when all of my friends (gay or straight) find people and (and most with relationships) quite easily, it just gets annoying. When I see some rude guy, who lives at home, jobless, and isn't cute dating a cute guy....it just makes me wonder why I cannot find someone. Anyway, back to obsessively planning this trip while waiting for Amazing Race!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs and vent away.... I just happen to be doing my once over on the boards and saw this and thought I would say that you are not alone... If I did not know better, I would think my daughter wrote this post. Straight or gay, it is not easy to meet someone and have a decent relationship with them, hey it is just getting difficult to just meet anyone..

Hopefully those with more incite will post and give you some good advice... but I had to tell you that I had this conversation this weekend with my daughter....

Hope you have a great time in Disney with your grandparents.....

 

[OrlandoMike]

I was like you at that age!


My advise is to look in areas that you like. This board is a great start, lots of people are on here, and we all like Disney!

Find other Internet sites dealing with things you like, and look for friends there. Trust me when I tell you, when it does come time to find a life mate, make sure you are friends first! It's nice to live the rest of your life with your best friend! If you have common interests, you have things to do together, things to talk about, and things to share!

Keep in touch!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Find other Internet sites dealing with things you like, and look for friends there. Trust me when I tell you, when it does come time to find a life mate, make sure you are friends first! It's nice to live the rest of your life with your best friend! If you have common interests, you have things to do together, things to talk about, and things to share!

How very true...great advice!

 

[CanadianGuy]

I was like you at that age!


My advise is to look in areas that you like. This board is a great start, lots of people are on here, and we all like Disney!

Find other Internet sites dealing with things you like, and look for friends there. Trust me when I tell you, when it does come time to find a life mate, make sure you are friends first! It's nice to live the rest of your life with your best friend! If you have common interests, you have things to do together, things to talk about, and things to share!

Keep in touch!

Wow Mike - I am sorta having the same problems as the OP.. except I live in backwoods Canada so.. Great advice!

OP - Listen to Mike - he's a smart guy!

Knox

 

[SereneOne]

First of all, HUGS!

I have found that the saying, "A watched pot does not boil" to be a good one. Enjoy life, have fun with your friends and get involved in your interests and low and behold, while you are enjoying yourself and not expecting anything, a man that sees your passion and is involved in the same interests gets to know you, develop a friendship (which to me is the most important thing) and blossom into a love relationship. I have found this to work for me and some of my friends.

If that is not your style, go with Mike's suggestion. Either way, best of luck. You sound like a great guy!

 

[SereneOne]

ha...that is what I get for posting while on Loritab...pulled a muscle in my back...for some reason after reading the responses, I thought Mike had only posted about how to be more active in meeting people...*blush*

So, I totally agree with Mike and did not realize it...off to bed to sleep off the pain killer, and again...best of luck and enjoy your trip.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Having read all the other responses, I have nothing new to add really... except

((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))​

 

[RickinNYC]

I was the exact opposite at your age. I had been dating someone for almost two years when in college. Things didn't work out (i.e. he was a complete and total game playing idiot) so I dumped his butt within a month of graduation. As a result of spending so much time with such an idiot, I was in no mood to get serious with anyone and just wanted to have fun, as well as concentrate on my career. I figured, heck, I moved into NYC, I was in my early 20's, I should just enjoy myself and not get too serious with anyone. I also thought I should work as hard as possible, prove my mettle and make as much money as possible.

A few months later, I met a guy and we became what I refer to as "bar friends." You know the type. Just someone you see when you go out with friends and you strike up a vapid "how are you/how are things" conversation. Over the next year we became better friends and realized we had quite a bit in common.

Next thing you know, we're dating, he clearly wants to get serious, I clearly want nothing to do with a relationship. He was a great guy, I liked him a lot, and I didn't want to muck things up if things didn't work out.

Seventeen years later he's my best friend, confidante and partner for life.

So it's absolutely true that you find love when you're not looking for it. I suspect that perhaps the guys you're dating are either a.) not looking for anything serious or b.) just looking to enjoy their 20's. Whichever the case may be, consider yourself fortunate that the truth comes out (albeit passive/aggressively) and you only spent a couple of weeks with him as opposed to a few years. BUT, enjoy the time you spend with him and don't fault him for not wanting what you want.

It's better to enjoy yourself and deal with whatever comes your way. Don't pressure yourself or others for a relationship. As cliche as it sounds, if it's meant to be now, it will happen. If it's meant to be in 10 years, then be patient and enjoy yourself in the meantime.

 

[rpmdfw]

There's been a lot of great advice, and I have only one more piece to give you.

BE PATIENT! When the right guy comes along, it's totally worth the wait.

I didn't meet "Prince Charming" until I was 34. Like you, nobody could understand why I was on my own. Not lonely, per se, but not with someone else. Now I know why I was on my own. Fate was saving me for Scott. I had to grow into the man that I needed to be before I found him. Same with him. He had been on his own for a long time, too. Now neither of us regrets anything, because we're really happy. It just took longer for us, that's all.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but 22 is still awfully young. Just take the advice given above to live your life, enjoy being yourself, and grow into the person you're meant to be. Somewhere along that journey, you'll find the one for you.

 

[mikelan6]

Been there, done that. Your story is very common and everyone here has already given you great advice so far.

My only tip ... get a cat! I got my Kitty after "giving up" on men, but still wanting someone to care for. After I got Kitty, Adam came along and now, we're a great big happy family.

 

[singingpixie]

Oh honey, trust me, I know what it's like to feel like you'll never meet someone. I'm sure you know this, but honestly, try to stop worrying about it and focus on all the good things going on in your life. You'll find him- you've got plenty of time! (Well, at least you better have plenty of time, because if you don't then I don't either!)

 

[hematite153]

You've gotten great advice so far.

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble finding a relationship--feel free to vent whenever you need. I know that it doesn't really help to hear that others had/have the same experience, but I can echo those who did.

I find myself thankful, on a regular basis, that I found a person I wanted to marry who also wanted to marry me. I am really glad that I don't have to think about dating anymore.

I met my DW at church--which gets interesting looks from the conservative crowd. So, I'd like to echo Mike.

Find activities that you enjoy as a single person. You will definitely meet people that way and you might, eventually, luck into someone you wish to date.

Good luck!

 

[Lil Connor]

there's some great advice here, Good Luck!

 

[npmommie]

I don't have any more advice to offer, you have gotten some good advice from the others, but I did want to wave hello to another Philly person I went to college outside of Philly,
I do agree that you may find someone when you least expect it, after college graduation my roomate and I went "down the shore" to Cape May for one last hurrah, well along comes this hunky coast guard boot camp instructor, we hooked up, I thought it would be some summer fling, well here we are married with 2 kids 20 years later!! I wasn't looking, but it just happened.
It will happen for you, give it time and enjoy your success, and yes you are so young! just a babe! hang in there!