Just need to Vent to avoid another fight with DH

[RoRoLovesEeeee]

Here is the problem, we have beautiful DD2.5 and have always discussed having 2 kids like 2/3 or so years apart. Right before DH got home from overseas, he said he wanted to start trying. I was so pschyed!!!!!! Then he got home and was not ready. I was so ok with that becuase I expected the readjustment to be rough.

I let it go for about 6 months and then casually brought it up. He said still not ready, wants money things to get better. Makes sense, still ok. I get full time job (not for the baby thing, b/c he is home and MIL is watching DD) and we paid off all credit card bills. Another talk with DH, still not ready and now I get a little upset. He gave no real reason and every time I bring it up, he refuses to discuss it saying that I am pushing him. It is now like over a year later and still no clue.

I just want to have an idea where he is on this. My brother and I are 7 years apart and were not close until recently. I don't want our kids that far apart in age but I also don't want to push DH into having a baby either. I am so sad because we always talked about having 2 and now I see that chance slipping further away. He has not gotten any closer to wanting one. I really want 3 kids but am ok with only 2. I compromised on that years ago. I just feel like DH would be happy with DD. I love DD and that would be ok, I just don't want to hang onto this hope of another if there is no hope for that.

He has said he is afraid of not loving another one enough, afraid of being depolyed while I had the baby and other things. These are all legitimate but I feel like he has really given me an idea on when he will be ready. There is no comprimise here. Either we have one or we don't. I am writing here because I don't want to bring it up with him again. I don't want to push him.

I just feel so confused and I find myself very depressed when I see our friends having babies or any pregant person for that matter.

Does anyone have advice on what I can do when I am feeling depressed but don't want to tlak to DH about it? Thanks for listening.

 

[MamaLema]

No advice but hope everything works out

 

[Brendita]

Why are you stressing yourself out so?
Sounds like you have a loving Husband.
I see you have a beautiful Daughter.
Hold tight to what you have now.
No matter what life gives you.
There will always be the what ifs.

Myself always wanted a 2nd DD.
Ended up with 3DS & 1 DD.
My 2 youngest DS are my best buddys.

 

[kizmac]

I really feel for you. I know how overwhelming the urge to have another baby can be. As you can see with my six kids, I've never had much trouble convincing DH, fortunately.

Anyhow, I don't know what else you can do other than to keep talking about it to DH. Hopefully he will see the light. I do see where he could be worried about being overseas, but honestly it shouldn't keep him from wanting another baby all together. Alot of people do get that fear that they will not have enough love for another. Totally never a problem that we have had, but a reasonable fear I guess.

How long have you been married? Communication is the only way to bring results. I don't think you should feel like you are pushing him into another child buy talking about it. The way I see it is, marriage is full of comprimises. You comprimised when you dreamt of having three but have settled with 2. There is nothing unreasonable about wanting a second child. He should atleast be willing to talk about it and consider it and NOT leave you hanging.

Don't panic too much about the age gap yet. Your DD (who is adorable, by the way) is still young enough before the age gap will make much of a difference. I will be thinking of you and will send some baby dust your way. Hopefully some will land on your DH

 

[RoRoLovesEeeee]

Thanks Kizmac. DH and I have been married for almost 4 years. DD happened right away. She was planned though, most people don't think so because we had her so soon after being married. We have been together for 8 years all together.

I guess he feels pushed by talking because he usually gives in when I want something but that is not how I want to have another. I want him to feel reasy. We have a great marriage and I know we will work though this. It just helps to talk to someone "outside" about it.

We will be a MNSSHP on the 30th also. Are you planning on going to one of the mini meets that they are planning?

 

[kizmac]

Thanks Kizmac. DH and I have been married for almost 4 years. DD happened right away. She was planned though, most people don't think so because we had her so soon after being married. We have been together for 8 years all together.
I guess he feels pushed by talking because he usually gives in when I want something but that is not how I want to have another. I want him to feel reasy. We have a great marriage and I know we will work though this. It just helps to talk to someone "outside" about it.

We will be a MNSSHP on the 30th also. Are you planning on going to one of the mini meets that they are planning?

Well, I really hope things work out and I bet they will. I'm sure you and DH are still pretty young and men always seem to never be in a hurry. He probably just figures there is no rush. I hope you feel better atleast by talking to us! Hey, I have 6 kids and I still get baby envy and slightly depressed when my SIL's or friends get pregnant. Call me a weirdo though!


Anyhow, I didn't check out the info on the meets......I will have to do so. I would love to meet some DISers if I can even if it's just quickly. It may be hard with the size of my clan,(usually enough chaos going on from just trying to get from point a to point b, but I'd love to try! Athough, my family may be a real turn off to DH while trying to convince him of more children,LOL!

 

[WDWLinda]

First - that's SUCH a cute picture of your daughter, really beautiful.

My husband is an only child, and he sort of indicated he was happy with just one after my son was born...almost 3 yrs later I went off my birth control because we agreed we'd go with "whatever happens, happens...". Well, a few months later, something happened. All I can tell you is, I was nervous about having another (I was 38 at the time) and even more nervous about telling my husband. I waited til we were just about to go to sleep, and hit him with "Well, I had to pee on a stick today, and I wasn't in the woods..." There was a moment of silence, he said "Well?", and I said "Yep, we're having another". He got this big smile on his face and kept saying "Really???", like 50 times. He was more happy than I was!

It all worked out fine for us, and now I have a second perfect son. They're 3 and a half yrs apart, and I think that's a great gap. Don't push your husband so that he starts to resent it...maybe wait for a happy time and ask him what his reasons are...and see if you can get your daughter to start asking for a little brother or sister!

Good luck!!

~Linda

 

[RoRoLovesEeeee]

Thanks Kizmac, you are the sweetest. I know we will work it out. Thanks for listeneing to me, it does help.

With the meets, nothing is set yet but there are talking about maybe meeting befaore a parade to pass the time waiting for it to start. We will be the ones with DD as snow white and the 4 adults as dwarfs. If you see us, say hi.

 

[RoRoLovesEeeee]

First - that's SUCH a cute picture of your daughter, really beautiful.

My husband is an only child, and he sort of indicated he was happy with just one after my son was born...almost 3 yrs later I went off my birth control because we agreed we'd go with "whatever happens, happens...". Well, a few months later, something happened. All I can tell you is, I was nervous about having another (I was 38 at the time) and even more nervous about telling my husband. I waited til we were just about to go to sleep, and hit him with "Well, I had to pee on a stick today, and I wasn't in the woods..." There was a moment of silence, he said "Well?", and I said "Yep, we're having another". He got this big smile on his face and kept saying "Really???", like 50 times. He was more happy than I was!

It all worked out fine for us, and now I have a second perfect son. They're 3 and a half yrs apart, and I think that's a great gap. Don't push your husband so that he starts to resent it...maybe wait for a happy time and ask him what his reasons are...and see if you can get your daughter to start asking for a little brother or sister!

Good luck!!

~Linda

Thanks Linda! Everyone on the boards is so sweet. I knew I could find comfort here. Sometimes I just need to talk about it so I don't rag on DH about it!!!!

I am going to try to wait until around Disney to bring it up. He has a stressfull job and around vacations are always good to have a converstation becuase he is in a much better mental place.

Thanks again for your encouragment.