Just need to vent about Grandma

[KAMKIM]

I just got home from work and found my kids eating a cupcake, a bowl of ice cream, and a handful of smarties. A half hour before dinner. My mother sees nothing wrong with this. She says "well it's grandma's house" I understand that but giving them junk when you know they are going home to eat dinner is NOT spoiling them in a good way, it's setting them up for poor eating habits later in life. Of course they dont want to eat now - they are full of junk.

 

[freckles and boo]

Does she babysit them regularly? If this is a daily thing then it would be a huge problem. If it only happens every once in a while I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it.

 

[KAMKIM]

Does she babysit them regularly? If this is a daily thing then it would be a huge problem. If it only happens every once in a while I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it.

She does watch them daily and this is a daily thing! Her excuse is that my grandmother spoiled us as kids. Why cant she understand this is not in their best interest?!?!

 

[safetymom]

Are you paying her or is she watching your kids for free?

 

[KAMKIM]

Are you paying her or is she watching your kids for free?

During the summer when she watches them full time we pay her. Now she gets them off the bus at 3, I get home at 4 - so we do not pay her during the school year.

 

[minkydog]

Hmm, unpaid convenient childcare given by a loving Granny...good luck turning that one around. You can huff and puff and blow the house down but it comes down to Granny's house, Granny's rules. If you don't like it you can try to find some paid babysitter who will do what you tell her. I'm betting that Granny is not going to budge on this.

 

[freckles and boo]

Maybe you should threaten to find someone else to watch them during that hour. I am sure she just wants to make her "grandma time" fun for the kids, but I would be furious with my mom if she did that every day (although I can't imagine she would). Does she honor your other parenting concerns? Does she use child safety seats when she drives with them? Maybe you need to make sure she has some healthier after-school snacks at her house so she is less tempted to give them junk. My kids are always "starving" right after school.

 

[KAMKIM]

Maybe you should threaten to find someone else to watch them during that hour. I am sure she just wants to make her "grandma time" fun for the kids, but I would be furious with my mom if she did that every day (although I can't imagine she would). Does she honor your other parenting concerns? Does she use child safety seats when she drives with them? Maybe you need to make sure she has some healthier after-school snacks at her house so she is less tempted to give them junk. My kids are always "starving" right after school.

She does follow my safety concerns with the kids and does use car seats - we bought 2 for her van.

We live in a duplex - our doors are literally right next to each other - I've told her to send the kids home to get healthier snack options - and she has fresh fruit in her house all the time! She gives them the cupcakes and ice cream because that is funner!

I love that my kids are close with her, and I am very grateful that she gets them off the bus for us.

It's just frustrating that she is more concerned with making them happy in the moment than looking out for their health. Her boyfriend is a diabetic - she knows this is not healthy to feed them like this.

 

[Serena]

How old are the kids?


You need to find a new babysitter.


While you are looking tell grandma exactly why, that you don't want to take them away from her that the kids love to visit, but she does not respect your wishes.

She will protest, then maybe you two can figure out a different way for grandma to have fun with the kids other than feeding them junk right before dinner.

 

[Stacerita]

If she gets the off the bus and only has them for an hour tell them not to snack. No one needs to have an afternoon snack. But if they must, pack something in their back packs to have when they get to grandma's house.

 

[manning]

Did she feed the kids the same thing she fed you?

 

[Buckalew11]

I'd have a big problem with that. She should really respect your wishes and do what is best for the kids. I'd have a long chat with her about it and I'd be ready to have a babysitter for 1 hour if I needed too.
That is really a bad deal for your kids.

 

[C.Ann]

Find a compromise..

 

[Briarmom]

Find a compromise..

Yep. How about Fridays are the only day she's to give them sweet treats and the other days she has to give them healthier snacks?

 

[FireDancer]

This will be of absolutely no help to you but it reminds me of something from my childhood. I grew up very close to my mom's parents and her grandparents (I lived with my grandma and one great grandma when I was in college).

Well, my grandma and my other great grandma used to watch my brothers and I after school until my mom got home. This great grandma was off the boat from Sicily, and had that stereotypical fat is healthy mentality that came from Sicilians born in the 19th (yes, 19th) centry. Anyway, long story short. One day my mom gets home to great grandma giving us ho ho's and Twinkies for dinner. When my mom asked why she was doing this her response was that she didn't have time to make a real dinner and it was ok "because Twinkies have milk in them" .

This was pretty out of the ordinary, but for some reason that neither my mom nor I can remember anymore this one time it was just what it is.

OP, I can understand if it is an everyday thing and I am a pretty strict eater health wise, but if it is only once in a while your kids may end up posting a story like this, with a fond memory, on a board 25 years from now.

 

[redlight]

Well, my grandma and my other great grandma used to watch my brothers and I after school until my mom got home. This great grandma was off the boat from Sicily, and had that stereotypical fat is healthy mentality that came from Sicilians born in the 19th (yes, 19th) centry. Anyway, long story short. One day my mom gets home to great grandma giving us ho ho's and Twinkies for dinner. When my mom asked why she was doing this her response was that she didn't have time to make a real dinner and it was ok "because Twinkies have milk in them" .

That sounds like some of my family, who think I am now wasting away.

 

[clutter]

You eat dinner at 4:30?? I'm not even out of the office by then.

I'm on the side of grandma, kind of sort of.

My sister used to make sure her kids didn't eat sweets. My poor mom used to try to sneak candy to my nephews, but they always told on her. Broke her heart.

Anyway, I'm with C. Ann. You gotta find a compromise. Let grandma be the sweet giver, but figure out how she can do it in moderation.

 

[RitaE]

Pack a box of acceptable snacks and give it to your Mom. Tell her that Mon-Thurs they may only choose after school snacks from that box. Nicely but firmly. Tell the kids too. If they are old enough for school then they are old enough to understand nutrition.

Then Friday is Granny day and she can spoil the heck out of them by choosing her own snacks.

 

[Stacerita]

I swear this is a repeat thread. Wasn't this talked about before? Same exact situation? Possibly the same poster?

 

[bumbershoot]

Gracious stacerita, where'd that scrolling tag come from?



OP, with us, it's our kid our rules at ALL times. But he has a HUGE reaction to mainstream treats anyway, so unless the cupcakes were absolutely homemade from scratch (and we can forget the smarties), the caregiver would be the one paying for it, along with DS, so it would be a one-shot, self-limiting thing. There's NO treat in a violent, can't listen, kicking scratching kid.

But even without that aspect, it's my kid. When I'm watching other kids, I do exactly as their parents want (even if I hate doing it), and I expect it of others.