Just need a vacation or something more?

[NCDisneyMom]

Thanks Amy. At least I know I'm not alone.
I think part of it for me is that I am a SAHM which most of the time I love and am grateful for. DH has worked 2 jobs in the past just so I could stay home with the kids and I know I'm lucky.
But.... when he goes to work and comes home, his job is done for the day and he can leave it behind. I'm always "on call" 24/7. Even on vacation I'm the one who plans, organizes, packs, un-packs, etc. so I'm not sure how much of a vacation it really is. And he gets acknowledgement and praise from his boss and co-workers. I get back talk and dirt laundry. Oh well, I sound very selfish and ungrateful right now and I don't mean to. He helps out alot and the kids are just being kids I guess. I just need to find a way to shake this crappy mood I'm in. Thanks for the ! It helps.

If it makes you feel better, I feel this way sometimes myself...including recently. After all of the holiday planning, etc., I'm just exhausted. I work at home part-time, so even though dh brings home most of the money, I do help. I feel like, even when I go on vacation, my job (i.e. the kids) goes with me. I'm still changing diapers, disciplining, etc. My biggest gripe lately is that my dh can call out of work sick, lay on the couch all day, etc. for a sore throat. But, when I had a sore throat, my day had to go on as usual. Two small kids don't really care if Mommy feels like crud or not. Don't get me wrong, my dh really is a great guy. I just get frustrated sometimes, and I think a lot of it is that I am "stuck" in the house all day, every day (besides the ever-so-fun jaunts to the grocery store, etc.). My funks usually last a short time, and I hope yours does, too! Hang in there!!!

 

[WIcruizer]

This is a HUGE problem at our house!! My DH is great, but for some reason my kids always want me to help them. Why is that?

Same thing in our house. Although, as a DD I can tell you it upsets me almost as much as it upsets my DW. I start thinking, why don't they come to me?? I'm the most easy going dad, and feel I have a very good bond with all 3, but they'll always go to mom first..or so it seems.

 

[WIcruizer]

My biggest gripe lately is that my dh can call out of work sick, lay on the couch all day, etc. for a sore throat. But, when I had a sore throat, my day had to go on as usual.

Men are babies, what can I say? The world comes to screeching hault whenever we have a cold.

 

[mommaU4]

This is really good for me to read these responses.
I have to say I was afraid to start this thread because I hate to sound like I'm just complaining. I know I'm lucky to be a SAHM and, as pointed out earlier, there will be a day when the kids won't need me anymore and I'll miss it. But in the mean time I don't know why it's so taboo to just say that sometimes it is really hard and I would love to just move and not leave anyone in my family a forwarding address!!

I love my husband and kids, that's not in question here. But there are days when they are just exhuasting and seem to suck all the energy out of me and I end up feeling tired and annoyed and taken for granted. BTW, I hope I don't freak out any first time expectant parents that may happen to read this. But I wish someone had told me when I was pregnant that as great as being a parent is, there are times when if you don't get a break you'll go mad.

I just think by reading the responses so far we are all in the same boat more than we are willing to admit. And personally I think that's nice to know.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

First of all, stress is stress, whether it be "fun" stress or not. You've done a lot in the past month or so and it's taken a toll.

How old are your kids? I have days like this with mine, too, (like today!), but the older they get the more mom time you can sneak into your day, which helps. It's very draining taking care of children 27/7. Sure, it's rewarding and wonderful, but also a very difficult job.

I have a serious case of the grouchies today. Maybe I should check the calendar--it could be close to that time of the month for me, which would explain a lot.

How are things with your DH? I'm pretty POed at mine lately--some of it for good reason, but not all of it. I suppose I feel kind of like you that I don't want to act this way, but right now I don't seem to be able to act any other way. But I don't want to go back into husband venting mode--seems that I keep doing that today.

You need a break, but I'm not sure that one big break would be the answer. Instead of a day at the spa, how about going in for a massage? They're not cheap, but would be so relaxing. I am overdue for one since my DH gave me one as a gift for Mother's Day.

Maybe another time hire a babysitter or leave the kids with your DH and get a manicure. Or a haircut. Anything that will help cheer you up a little.

I agree about the sunlamp. Or if it's a sunny day get outside for 1/2 hour.

As far as your diet, sleep, water intake, etc--try one improvement a week and stick to it. Then you can add another thing in the next week. If you take on too much at once you might not stick with it.

I agree with the once a year vacation during winter. I have managed to weasel my way out of one for the last 3 winters. And I don't even bring my whole family with me... Yeah, the house is not in perfect condition when I return, but one newsflash is that it's not in perfect condition very often when I'm here. And I was able to get things back in order without too much work. And it was so worth it to get away!

Hang in there and know that things will improve!

 

[JennaTX]

I think almost all SAHM mom's feel the way you do (even if they won't admit it). I am the same way, you love being able to be with you children, you realize how lucky you are to be able to do it, you realize how hard your husband works, etc. etc. But it does get overwhelming at times. Especially when your children are small, there is not a lot of time for you.

We went out of town for Christmas, and when we came home, the house was dirty, there were toys everywhere, so DH said, let's call a maid service to come in and clean, let that be a belated gift for you. And that was completely sweet and thoughtful of him. But I had to spend two hours today picking up, so that they could clean. DH just kept saying "but we are having maids come over" and I kept replying "you cannot walk through the house for all of the toys, they have to be picked up so they can clean!"

Hugs for you from another SAHM mom who knows how you feel, and no I do not think that you are being selfish, complaining, etc.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

As I was just putting away some laundry and starting the dishwasher I was thinking of a couple things that help me when I'm feeling overwhelmed. When I look at a mess, whether it be the kitchen with the dishes, family room with toys, etc I decide that I am going to see what I can get done in 15 minutes. In 15 minutes I can usually get the job done or at least make a nice dent in it. That helps to motivate me to take a little break (15 minutes, of course) and then do another 15 minutes. There are days that I will literally set my timer for 15 minutes of work, 15 minute break and keep doing that for hours. I know that I can get a lot done, but it never feels like too much work because I am always taking breaks. It's amazing what I get done on those days! If you have young children you might need to do 15 minutes of work, 15 minutes of playing with the kids, and then a 15 minute break. My kids are older and even my 6yo is very good at entertaining himself (my 12 yo was pointing this out to me today).

Another thing that helps is taking little bits of time every day to recharge. Depends on the age of your kids exactly what you can do. Can be as simple as making some tea and putting your feet up for a few minutes while your kids play or sleep. If they are real young you could hire a neighbor teen to come over for an hour or 2 while you take a bubble bath, read a book, etc. Or maybe run a couple errands if you would enjoy the break and are comfortable with that. Anything to help you recharge, even if it's just a short break.

 

[mommaU4]

Tigger&Belle,
My kids are 5, 5, 9 and 11. When the older two are in school it's not that bad. The younger two started Kindergarten this year so that helps too but they have such a dumb schedule, more like a pre-school schedule, that has them only going to school twice a week and every other Friday. Then if there's a holiday or snow day or it's not their Friday then all bets are off. It's the dumbest thing ever so I won't even get started on that. I am going to start teaching them reading myself with the recommendation of some good books from the DIS. Anyways....

I am sorta crazy when it comes to the house work. It's never good enough for me. I'm not a clean freak but I am a neat freak. Everything has it's place. I don't like alot of clutter, hard to avoid with 4 kids! I have tried doing what you suggested or something close to it. I'll tell myself I have two hours to get done as much as I can and then I have to stop and play with the kids or rest for a few minutes before starting on something else. I admit I put too much of the pressure on myself sometimes. But usually it falls on the mom.

The other day my DH dressed our twin girls and met me at a grocery store before he had to go to work. They were wearing mis-matched outfits, hair wasn't combed, faces were dirty, and one of them didn't even have a jacket. Well, who do you think all those shoppers were going to blame for that? Dear old mom. When it comes to the way the kids look and act, and the way the house is kept, right or wrong, it's the woman who always gets the credit or the blame depending on the situation.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I remember that crazy kindergarten schedule thread! UGH!

Two hours is probably WAY to long to expect yourself to work before breaking. Try the 15 minute blocks and see if that's better. My motto is that I can do anything for 15 minutes. Check out www.Flylady.net for more ideas.

At least your older kids are old enough to help keep an eye on your 5yo's for a little while so you can take a shower, etc. Of course all 5yo's are different, but I am lucky that my just turned 6yo (also in K) is able to entertain himself. Encourage that in your 5yo.

I know what you mean about the clothes. I have to be very specific with my DH about the clothes. Sometimes Jake will match and look fine, but sometimes my DH comes up with some interesting combinations. For that reason I usually pick out the clothes and I try to do it the night before if I anticipate a hectic morning.

When I go to WDW in a few weeks with my DD I plan to get out 7 outfits for my son to wear when I'm gone. At least I will know that my DH won't have to worry about figuring something out for Jake to wear.

And don't worry about what someone will think if your girls are not dressed just right, etc. If someone really does think something they have nothing better to do and you've given them something to gossip about. You can feel that you've done your best to help a busybody have something to concern themself with.

 

[mommaU4]

Thanks for the advice! And have fun on your trip! Just a mother/daughter vacation? How nice!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Thanks for the advice! And have fun on your trip! Just a mother/daughter vacation? How nice!

Yep and it will be our first "adult" vacation since she just turned 18yo. We get to do the Segway tour, Pleasure Island, etc. I sure how she behaves herself, though, since she can get a bit cranky if she doesn't eat just when she wants to eat, etc. She's a good kid or I wouldn't be bringing her, but I really want and need the trip to go well and I hope I'm not setting myself up for disappointment.

And yes, then I'll have a good portion of winter left, but at least in Maryland winter only last until April, depending on the year.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

It's tough being mom to 4 kids!! Sounds like you are just worn out from the past months of activity. I've been there, and I have seasonal depression every year as well. Here are some things that help me.

Do something for yourself, on a regular basis, whether it is simply a bubble bath, time with a book, a craft, manicure etc.

Get some sunshine or a lamp, as others have suggested. I use mine every morning from September to April!

Physical activity helps, take a walk or ride a bike, sometimes I do this with the kids if I can work it out.

Try to get enough sleep (I know this is a tough one for me)

Avoid too much caffeine.

Schedule in some time on a regular basis with your DH.

I also had to lower my high housekeeping standards just to keep myself from going crazy over it!

Hope some of these suggestions help. My kids are older now (youngest is 11, oldest is almost 21) but I had serious depression when their ages were 2, 4, 7, 11) and part of my recovery was recognizing that I can't do it all, and had to learn to ask for help when I needed it. Also assigning small do-able jobs to the kids.

Good luck to you!