Just got home from the hospital and I'm feeling so sad..(Sorry - quite long..)

[grinningghost]

Hi C. Ann. I'm sorry to hear that the hospital visit was so unpleasant. But your DD is in the right place and with a little time, she will start to recover. You're doing the right thing by staying in her corner. Getting better is so much easier knowing someone really cares and understands. Just stay the course - there really is light at the end of this long, dark tunnel.

PM me again if you need to sweetie.

 

[poohandwendy]

I mean, I feel sorry for someone who is going through that, but I just don't understand it. I look at what all my mother-in-law went through with her illness (ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease) and how it debilitated her body but yet she kept up the fight and never ever let it get her down. She was the most positive person I've ever known. And for her to go through all that and remain positive, I just don't understand someone who gets depressed.

I imagine many people have led lives very similar to your mother but never ended up with Lou Gehrigs/ALS. Why is that? It is the same with clinical depression. You are either predisposed or not.

I guess the best way I could describe it is to show an example. Take 2 people who smoke their whole lives, one gets cancer at a young age, one lives to be a hundred years old. Their bodies both had the same stressors but one persons reacted in a different way. It cannot be helped by just being positive. Cinical depression is a brain problem, a physical problem in the brain. No different than a physical problem in any other organ.

I think it is hard for people to understand because we all face sadness and stress in our lives and most of us are perfectly capable of getting through the rough times.

But it is like apples and oranges, sad, rough times vs clinical depression. It's like expecting someone to overcome HIV with fluids, sudafed and rest because we have all had the flu virus and got better. They aren't just doing it wrong, they literally cannot get better on their own.

I hope this helps you understand it little better.

I look forward to the day when people understand that mental illnesses are just like any other medical illness. As it stands now, many people think those afflicted could get better if they would just pull themselves together. People tend to blame the patient for the illness. Sadly, these misconceptions and social stigma keep many people from seeking the help that they desperately need.

Imagine if you had cancer or any other devastating illness and people told you to just 'snap out of it/pull yourself together/think positive thoughts" and/or you avoided seeking treatment because others would think your were weak? There really is no difference.

 

[goofy4tink]

Well said poohandwendy!!! My brother has many 'issues'. He suffers terribly with severe depression. Now, he was doing pretty well on the combination of drugs they had him on. He felt better and decided that he 'could tough it out himself.' Well, you can imagine how that turned out. He was suicidal, drinking heavily. It was awful. As I told him..."If you had diabetes, would you try to tough it out? Or would you take the meds you were given and help yourself?" There is usually a chemical imbalance within the brain. Everyone is different and therefor needs a different combo of meds. I wish more people would realize how terrible this disease is and how much help you need to conquer it!!!
C.Ann....Hopefully you sil will come around and be there for your dd. In the meantime, you are her greatest support. Stay strong for her. No one ever said being a mom is easy. Well, at least no one who had already done it and done it well!!!! Your whole family will be in my prayers this week-end.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
I imagine many people have led lives very similar to your mother but never ended up with Lou Gehrigs/ALS. Why is that? It is the same with clinical depression. You are either predisposed or not.

I guess the best way I could describe it is to show an example. Take 2 people who smoke their whole lives, one gets cancer at a young age, one lives to be a hundred years old. Their bodies both had the same stressors but one persons reacted in a different way. It cannot be helped by just being positive. Cinical depression is a brain problem, a physical problem in the brain. No different than a physical problem in any other organ.

I think it is hard for people to understand because we all face sadness and stress in our lives and most of us are perfectly capable of getting through the rough times.

But it is like apples and oranges, sad, rough times vs clinical depression. It's like expecting someone to overcome HIV with fluids, sudafed and rest because we have all had the flu virus and got better. They aren't just doing it wrong, they literally cannot get better on their own.

I hope this helps you understand it little better.

I look forward to the day when people understand that mental illnesses are just like any other medical illness. As it stands now, many people think those afflicted could get better if they would just pull themselves together. People tend to blame the patient for the illness. Sadly, these misconceptions and social stigma keep many people from seeking the help that they desperately need.

Imagine if you had cancer or any other devastating illness and people told you to just 'snap out of it/pull yourself together/think positive thoughts" and/or you avoided seeking treatment because others would think your were weak? There really is no difference.

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Wow! This is exactly the way I have been trying to explain this to my son-in-law except I used epilepsy for an example.. When a person has epilepsy, something "misfires" in their brain and the result is a seizure.. When someone has severe clinical depression, the chemicals "misfire" in the brain and the result is severe depression.. And I also made a point of mentioning that there are some people - and even some countries - where anyone who is suffering from seizures is considered to be crazy - not suffering from an actual medical disease..

Would you mind if I printed out your post and showed it to him?

 

[poohandwendy]

C Ann,
No, not at all. If there is anything to make him understand that this is not something to be ashamed of, I am all for it.

Just want to mention another thing....he is probably experiencing guilt and/or anger. He may feel that she is really mad at him and this 'episode' is a result of that. Or that she has underlying issues with their marriage. Or that he could have somehow prevented it if he was nicer to her or coddled her...or that SHE should have prevented it.

It is common for family members to feel guilt that manifests itself into anger with the person who is depressed. They often feel that they are carrying the weight and the other is dropping the ball. Usually, when they really think about it, they also are mad at themselves for not being 'good enough/smart enough/strong enough' to stop it.

This is why it is SO IMPORTANT for family meetings. It really helps to dissipate some of the underlying feelings that are hurting the situation, rather than helping.

He is just as confused as you, I suspect. But he probably isn't analyzing it in a constructive way, probably just taking it personally. Whether or not he is willing to accept this for what it is, well...that remains to be seen.

You can measure a strength of a man, not by what he can carry on his back but, by how he handles the weight of personal adversity. I hope that you both (the people closest to her) can form a team in her treatment and healing. That would really be the best thing for her ...and for you all.

Btw, your example was more accurate than mine, LOL.

 

[TinkHappy]

{{{Hugs}}} and prayers. You are a wonderful mother (but I know I am telling you something you already know) What a wonderful world this would be if all mothers were as kind and caring as you. And the answer to your question...

(Is that not the norm?? Wouldn't most parents be supportive, informed, and want to help? )

is no, unfortunately.

 

[Denine]

Prayers and pixie dust.

 

[Duchie]

I think very often, people tend to treat depression like migraines. After all, it's "ONLY" a headache! If you've ever had a true migraine you know that it's WAAAAAY more than a simple headache. Same thing with depression - if you've ever suffered from it, or know someone who has, you know it's WAAAAAAY more than just "the blues".

The important thing is that your DD has sought help early, and that you support her. Her hubby will come around once he really understands. And she WILL get through this with your support.

Hang in there and know you are in our thoughts and prayers.