Just found out my mom has cancer

[I Run Long]

Well we all went up to mom's (my two brothers, my family, my brother's daughters) and spent the day cooking a big meal for mom. We were hoping she would eat, eat, eat. Well she had a sliver of food - for some reason she just can't stomach it without an overwhelming feeling of nausea. It isn't the drugs they have her on or the radiation as she felt this way shortly after being diagnosed. She has lost 15 lbs and is using a cane now as he hip really hurts (the cancer has spread to the hip). It is so disheartening to see her going this way. She's the strongest woman I know and to see the cancer beating her down makes me so unbelievably angry that I am speechless at times (that's saying a lot for me!). I never thought this thing could make me so angry. It was so nice to see everyone there though and mom able to laugh with us. I want more days just like that one.

 

[snoopybabe]

Glad you had a good day with your mom. You and your family continue to be in my prayers.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

Praying for you and your family. How are your children doing?

 

[minkydog]

It has to be so hard to stay positive in the face of this devastating illness. How are your kids taking it? I see they are teens. Don't be surprised if they appear not to grieve--children and adolescents grieve differently than adults do. And I think grieving for a parent is different from grieving other relationships.

My cousin was 37 when she was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. It had already metastisized to her brain and hip when they found it. She had never smoked. Her doctor gave her 4-6 weeks. But Ginny had great drive and with chemo and radiation she managed to hang on for about 4 years longer. Long enough to get her affairs in order and spend whatever time she had left focused on her son.

I hope your mother has many more good days. I pray for you to have the strength it's going to take to get you and her through this.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I never thought this thing could make me so angry. It was so nice to see everyone there though and mom able to laugh with us. I want more days just like that one.

...neither had I until my dad was diagnosed with and passed away from cancer in October. To this day, I am still dealing with the emotions as it comes in waves. Time does make it easier, even if things don't make sense. Life here on earth can be really hard sometimes and seem really unfair.

Much love

 

[I Run Long]

It has to be so hard to stay positive in the face of this devastating illness. How are your kids taking it? I see they are teens. Don't be surprised if they appear not to grieve--children and adolescents grieve differently than adults do. And I think grieving for a parent is different from grieving other relationships.

My cousin was 37 when she was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. It had already metastisized to her brain and hip when they found it. She had never smoked. Her doctor gave her 4-6 weeks. But Ginny had great drive and with chemo and radiation she managed to hang on for about 4 years longer. Long enough to get her affairs in order and spend whatever time she had left focused on her son.

I hope your mother has many more good days. I pray for you to have the strength it's going to take to get you and her through this.

Your post gives me a lot of hope. Thank you so much for sharing what I know was a very difficult time in your life. I am not deluding myself that my mom will be cured but if we can have the time to enjoy life together that would be like a dream come true. My family and I are planning a cruise and trip to the world in 2012. We had this planned before mom was diagnosed. My first instinct was to cancel immediately but mom wants us to go - I just wish she was coming with us again. She loved her trip there with us in 2007.

The kids are finding it really difficult - they don't really want to talk about it - and I don't push them - and they are finding it hard to see her weakened like this. The weight loss is especially noticeable to them. Sometimes are am reluctant to take them to see her - she still is at home - but I also don't want to deny them the time to spend with grandma. I really don't know what to do about that. Any advice out there on how to help kids cope?

 

[Mom&RN]

I am so sorry for you and for your mother. I am an oncology nurse so take care of women like your mother every day. I would encourage you to do several things. First be as truthful as possible with your kids. Kids figure everything out anyway and if they aren't hearing it from you or think you are hiding things from them it makes it harder on them, not easier. Second contact the American Cancer Society, they can help you get hooked up with support groups for yourself and your kids. Also, they can get you information about your Mom's disease which may help all of you. Loss of appetite is VERY common with advanced cancers. Patients just lose their appetites and if they try to force themselves to eat it usually just makes them sick. Has your Mom tried boost or ensure or other meal replacement drinks? Sometimes these help. I think you probably feel like you are not coping well but from what you have been sharing in your posts you are doing a wonderful job. Please feel free to pm me anytime if there is anything at all I can do to help.

 

[I Run Long]

Thanks Mom&RN - I just felt like I wasn't or maybe even couldn't do enough. It's just the feeling of helplessness that sometimes overwhelms me. Yes my mom is trying Boost and is able to get that down slowly. She takes Gravol to try and control the nausea but still ends throwing up a lot of meals. Everyone is going up to see her on Mother's Day. She loves classical music and opera, so I've sent up some of my classical cds for her to enjoy. I really treasure all those moments I have with her. I know my kids do too despite how hard it is for them.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

Your post gives me a lot of hope. Thank you so much for sharing what I know was a very difficult time in your life. I am not deluding myself that my mom will be cured but if we can have the time to enjoy life together that would be like a dream come true. My family and I are planning a cruise and trip to the world in 2012. We had this planned before mom was diagnosed. My first instinct was to cancel immediately but mom wants us to go - I just wish she was coming with us again. She loved her trip there with us in 2007.

The kids are finding it really difficult - they don't really want to talk about it - and I don't push them - and they are finding it hard to see her weakened like this. The weight loss is especially noticeable to them. Sometimes are am reluctant to take them to see her - she still is at home - but I also don't want to deny them the time to spend with grandma. I really don't know what to do about that. Any advice out there on how to help kids cope?

I was wondering....is there a law against medicinal marihuana in Canada? I'm wondering if this might help with her nausea and appitite problems? Colorado is a medicinal marihuana state, and I know they are now coming out with, I want to say, tea and other products with THC (the chemical in MJ) for those who do not smoke.

Colorado is a medicinal MJ state...and though MANY abuse the law (doctors and patients alike), I really can see understand it's positive effects on cancer patients.

Anyway, I thought this might help your mom fight her nausea and maybe give her some of her appitite back.

I wish I could offer some advise for your teens. You might check with the school counselers and see if they might have some sort of guidance?

 

[accarson]

I Run Long your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
My dad found out Friday(4/29) he has lung cancer. I am feeling the same helplessness like no matter what I won't be able to do enough to help him through this. He has always been a strong man but Friday he seemed to want to give up guess just the shock after a doctor tells you get things in order that you have 3-6 months to live. But today he was in better spirits and agreeing to chemo/radiation. So I will be here for him every step of the way 3/6 months or years from now. If ever need to talk PM me we may can help each other so can help our loved ones. Please take care of yourself

 

[I Run Long]

I Run Long your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
My dad found out Friday(4/29) he has lung cancer. I am feeling the same helplessness like no matter what I won't be able to do enough to help him through this. He has always been a strong man but Friday he seemed to want to give up guess just the shock after a doctor tells you get things in order that you have 3-6 months to live. But today he was in better spirits and agreeing to chemo/radiation. So I will be here for him every step of the way 3/6 months or years from now. If ever need to talk PM me we may can help each other so can help our loved ones. Please take care of yourself

I'm so sorry about your dad. I PM'd you.

 

[accarson]

I Run Long I'm just checking on you and family. You all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[glammadiva]

My most heartfelt sympathy to all of you who are fighting the beast. There is alot of cancer in my family so I understand what it is like. Do not ever give up. My dad died of liver cancer after battling the beast for 7 years. He surpassed his life expectency multiple times and even had the last rights several times. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

 

[howzedesiree]

Our prayers goes with you.

 

[I Run Long]

Hi everyone. Well mom certainly isn't getting any better. Her weight loss continues at a rapid pace and whereas she could move about a bit with the help of a cane (I got it for her at AKL last Sept - little did I know she would even need it), now she can no longer get out of bed. She's had a hospital bed moved into her house and is hooked up to a morphine pump and is taking an anti-nausea medication. Her sister was going to visit her last Saturday but she asked her not to come as she just didn't have the strength for a visit that day. My family and I are planning on going to see her on Sunday (it's about a 2.5 hr drive) but she wants me to call first to see if she's up to it. It is just so hard not being able to see her all the time. When I was talking to her on the phone I was shocked at how raspy her voice sounds now. I am just so surprised at the rapidity of this disease and I would be greatly surprised to see her make it to the end of the summer. She's already made her funeral arrangements - well actually she has decided she doesn't want one. She wants us to have a party instead and party we will to celebrate what a truly wonderful woman she is.

All this from a disease no one deserves whether you are a smoker or a non-smoker like my mom. It is the #1 cancer killer and seems to get the least amount of research funding. I know whenever I mention it, people (rightly or wrongly) seem to assume an attitude of "you brought it on yourself". We need more research so that we can develop screening tests - right now by the time they discover it, it is often too late to do anything about. My mom is my best friend and she did not deserve this. Thanks everyone for listening.

 

[Beth921]

I'm so sorry. I went through this 5.5 years ago with my own Mom. She was 53 when she was dxed stage IV lung cancer. It was in one lung, her brain, liver, hips and a few ribs when it was finally was tracked all the way down. It was a horrible, helpless feeling. Chemo and radiation worked wonders on her cancer, and when she died, six and a half months later, the only place they hadn't been able to push the cancer into remission was her liver and that was what killed her. Just a month before we had been celebrating how well her treatment was going, and then she was gone.
She was a lifetime smoker and I was devastated at how many people had the guts to say "well, she smoked, what did she expect?" Like she deserved it or something, like WE deserved it.

Anyway, I'm so sorry

 

[TotoToo]

I just found out on Friday that my mom has lung cancer and she has never smoked a day in her life! I am so devastated. She of course feels like she's been hit by a truck. She had a persistent cough, went to a lung specialist to find out what was happening. They admitted her to hospital for tests and they just told her yesterday. They also gave her a bone scan and think they see something in her left hip. It's in her left lung too. She's 77 and they are saying she'll be undergoing radiation therapy. I'll be meeting her at the cancer clinic here in a couple of weeks and help her through it but I feel so helpless since all I do when I talk to her is cry. She can't eat because she is just so stressed. She's not been around second-hand smoke, hasn't ever worked in an environment where she may have been exposed to something that is potentially a cause of cancer. I know the prognosis for lung cancer is poor - I just don't know what to do. Thanks for listening

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I was diagnosed in June 2008 with esophageal cancer - another "smokers" cancer - but have never smoked either. These things just happen and cannot always be explained.

I'm still here & under on going treatment so even tough cases can be handled. I have had surgery, chemo, radiation - you name it. Right now I'm on a two week on one off chemo therapy that has controlled the growth but can be a bit rough to handle. The option is no good so I deal with it! I hope your mom gets great care as I have had and has many years of good life ahead of her. Bless you both. I just read your update & while it isn't what you/we want to hear please help her be positive and fight as long as she feels she wants to. Let things take their natural course and know you and she did all you could. Enjoy every day and again blessing to you, your mom & family. Be strong for her.

 

[I Run Long]

I got a phone call last night that my mom fell trying to get around (not sure why she was trying) and ended up being taken to emergency. They've now admitted her to the palliative care unit. I'm stuck at work and I can't get away (I'm the only one here), I just feel so helpless now.

 

[accarson]

So sorry to hear this. Praying for your mom and your entire family.

 

[zalansky]

Just found this thread, I am SO sorry to see all the news. I have lost both parents to cancers...I know how awful the pain is. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better, just know there are people like us here who care about you and your family. Please keep us posted. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.