Just curious - do you make sure to spend the same for each one of your children?

[ZephyrHawk]

No, because it would be silly to spend that kind of money on dogs and cats.

Only children FTW!

 

[DisneyOma]

I usually spend more on my younger daughter because my mom tends to forget her for birthdays and Christmas, but always gets something for her older sister. It's rotten of my mom, but my kids don't get upset that I spend more on one than the other at this point. If I kept track of all the money I spent on both of them, I'd just drop dead this minute anyways!

 

[wenrob]

At first, my reply was going to be yes, but then upon thinking about it, I don't think that I do. I keep things equitable, but the cost can differ. For example, I have 3 kids. One Christmas, I got my DS Bon Jovi concert tickets. He was 14yo. My DD got Taylor Swift tickets, she was 12yo. My youngest DS got opening day tickets at Fenway Park to see the Red Sox play the Yankees, he was 10 yo. As you can see, they did not cost the same, but they each got an event to go to.

At Christmas, they get the same number of presents. I grew up with 11 siblings, and I paid attention to that stuff. So I made sure my kids never had to feel like one got more than the other.

Pretty much this. Always the same amount to unwrap (and since the younger two are twins on their birthday as well) but usually “like things” that don’t necessarily cost the same. For instance DS got a box set of Pokémon Cards and DD got an Origami Kit. One cost $35 and the other $15. I’m not going to then go out and spend another $20 to make it “even.” As far as they’re concerned it is. It balances out over time.

For things like clothes etc. I go by need. They generally get the same amount to start but this year DS is growing like crazy. DD can still wear some of her shorts from last year, he is bursting out of his so I ended up buying him a couple extra pairs. Sometimes I see cute seasonal earring so I pick up a pair for her. Sometimes I grab him his favorite snack. They really don’t think anything of these little things.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

Generally yes, for the most part. Do I keep an excel sheet, heck no.

As others have said, each of our kids are different and have some different interest. We do not spend over & above on any one person in our family.

A few years ago, DH & I came up with a yearly birthday "budget" the older the kids get, they now pick if they want a party with friends or a gift in the range of the budget.
Christmas, they each get one main gift, something from Santa, and something from each family member. Again, all in the relative same budget.

Our DD18 is very financially conservative with her money. I'm so glad we've instilled that in her, plus she has learned lots of financial literacy through Girl Scouts and some through school classes. She understands the value of money, how to save, make goals & plans, how to research sales prices, and knows when to ask for something a little higher dollar to balance out her not asking for money for other things.

 

[design_mom]

I don't do it to the dollar, but I do try to keep it relatively even for Christmas and birthdays, etc. I keep a spreadsheet. One of my kids is "easier to buy for" than the other. I'm always seeing things I think they would like, while the other one is rather picky and their tastes are more expensive (expensive enough that you don't just impulse buy something "extra" because you see it and think they'd like it.) If I didn't keep track, I think the easier-to-buy-for kid would end up getting more every time and it wouldn't be likely to even out.

Now, if someone needs new shoes or something like that, I don't say "I spent $XX on shoes for him, so I'll get you something worth that much, too." (I know some people who do that.) Needs are based on what they need and what we can afford. There's no tit-for-tat. However, I do try to keep "gifts" pretty even.

 

[shoney]

No. I don’t with my kids. Things prob even out over the course of a year though.

My in laws are very even STEVEN type. If a gift is $10 less they give the extra to the person.
When my sister in laws kids were little she would take the one kid out for a special day if they other had a birthday party. That was really weird to me.

 

[MonorailNate]

Most of the time it comes very close to being even. They typically get what they ask for, within reason. Doesn’t always mean the dollar amount is the same and I would not buy additional just to even it out.

 

[Tattylou]

Exactly the same? No.

In the same ballpark, yes.

This ^^^
My kids are close in age and have similar interests so it's easy to keep it pretty even.

 

[Skippy918]

We try and keep the number of things fairly even especially at Christmas. We get them each 3-4 gifts. This past year ds was upset because dd got more gifts from the relatives and even though I tried to explain that her gifts cost less than his, he still thought it was unfair. My cousin was trying to spend the same amount on the kids so ds got one thing and dd got 3 smaller things.

In the future when it comes to more expensive items like helping with college or a car, we will keep that even. Growing up dh was the younger one so his parents helped his sister get a car in high school and helped her pay for college. They didn’t help him at all with college.

 

[tcufrog]

Nope. I might make sure that if one gets a big gift for Christmas the other one gets a big gift too but I don't budget like that especially since they're 4 years apart in age so they have very different interests. I also like to find deals on stuff so even if they look equal I might have paid much for one gift then I paid for the other gift.

We stress in our home that we aren't going to measure fairness because they are their own people with their own needs and wants. What one person might want might be very different from what the other person wants so attempts at fairness can lead to unhappiness. Our goal instead is to do our best to meet the needs of each child even if sometimes it looks like one is getting more than the other at times.

 

[Wendy31]

I don't do it to the dollar, but I do try to keep it relatively even for Christmas and birthdays, etc. I keep a spreadsheet. One of my kids is "easier to buy for" than the other. I'm always seeing things I think they would like, while the other one is rather picky and their tastes are more expensive (expensive enough that you don't just impulse buy something "extra" because you see it and think they'd like it.) If I didn't keep track, I think the easier-to-buy-for kid would end up getting more every time and it wouldn't be likely to even out.

Now, if someone needs new shoes or something like that, I don't say "I spent $XX on shoes for him, so I'll get you something worth that much, too." (I know some people who do that.) Needs are based on what they need and what we can afford. There's no tit-for-tat. However, I do try to keep "gifts" pretty even.

I keep a spreadsheet too for Christmas!!

 

[indimom]

At Christmas I've always tried to keep it equal. When they were young, I tried to keep the number of gifts fairly equitable too. I didn't want to have one child with 10 boxes and one with three just because it was an equal dollar value. As they got older, I fell away from that. If one wanted a pricey cell phone and they other wanted clothes, then the number of gifts was going to be less equitable and the dollar amount reasonably close.

Maybe it shouldn't matter, but I've been thinking about the equity issue a bit lately because we've been helping our daughter with college to the tune of $5 a year (so $20,000 once she graduates). Our son has decided to go into the Air Force. I couldn't decide if I should give him an equal amount, but it is a lot of money and seems unfair to only gift that to one child and not the other. At this point, I'm going to wait and see if he stays with the Air Force or goes to school after four years. If he doesn't choose college at some point, then we will gift him an equal amount in cash for whatever he wants (first house, a car, whatever).

 

[scrhsa]

I try to get the same value for each kid, not necessarily the same amount spent. Sometimes that doesn't work out, sometimes it does. Sometimes one received more because of a milestone etc.

 

[quandrea]

I usually spend more on my younger daughter because my mom tends to forget her for birthdays and Christmas, but always gets something for her older sister. It's rotten of my mom, but my kids don't get upset that I spend more on one than the other at this point. If I kept track of all the money I spent on both of them, I'd just drop dead this minute anyways!

How do you handle this with your mom? My sister forgets my eldest daughter for birthdays and Christmas, but buys for my twins. They are all still children. It infuriates me, but I’m not sure what to do about it. Any advice would be appreciated.

We don’t monitor dollars spent, but gift giving is relatively fair.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I used to be like that. I just wanted things to be FAIR. That is really biting me in the behind now and I'm having to teach my twins that life isn't fair! I wish I wouldn't have put so much effort into that in the beginning.

That said, for Christmas and their birthday we do try to stay somewhat even. Other things, not so much. For example, my son needed new shoes last week so I bought him some. DD didn't need any...She WANTED them because HE was getting some, but she didn't get a pair. When she needs some, she'll get some.

 

[Colleen27]

Nope. Not even the same ballpark. With 10 years between the oldest and youngest, I'd either have had a teen who never got anything he asked for (longboard, Xbox - not cheap gifts) or a toddler who ended up with mountains of Duplo blocks and every Little People set known to mankind just to keep the score "even". For Christmas, we tend to keep the number of gifts even, with each kid getting a big "wish" gift and a few smaller or more practical items, but for birthdays anything goes. And as they've gotten older, there have been more trips and events given as gifts for the whole family.

 

[tvguy]

My son is 31 and married, so he has his own life, so harder to spend time with him.

My daughter is 27 and still lives at home (saving to buy a house), and works at the same place I do, so I see a lot of her.

 

[Colleen27]

In the future when it comes to more expensive items like helping with college or a car, we will keep that even.

We aren't doing that either. We're helping each of the kids based on what they want/need, but I'm not handing huge sums of cash over to my 20yo son because he chose a cheaper educational path than his sister! He's at community college (<$4K/year) and DD is looking at private universities (>$70K/yr; financial aid will knock that down a lot, but not to CC prices). Our goal is to get all three kids through undergrad with no or very minimal debt, but with the kids on such different paths that's going to have vert different price tags for each kid. The equality comes in the fact that they will all have the credentials they need to launch their chosen career without student loan payments hanging over their heads, not in the dollar amount spent.

 

[QueenIsabella]

There's no way I could spend the same on each of my children. For one thing, there's a large age gap, and for another, they are different people with different needs. To use a simple example, DD15 plays the cello, while DS12 plays the violin. I was looking at electric instruments as a possible Christmas gift for them. Electric violins are ~$800, while the cellos are ~$2600. Both kids would be equally happy with that one gift, regardless of the price differential.

Similarly, my oldest is quite independent and lives 800 miles away--she asks for travel experiences for her birthdays/Christmas--these don't come cheap, and most times, she wants family to go with her. Meanwhile, DS21 has many developmental issues, and will be living at home for the foreseeable future. He requires very, very little beyond food and shelter. And hates travel, so he doesn't go. Seriously, he's very tough to buy for--he appreciates new clothes, but would never ask. He likes videogames, and not much else.

 

[mom2rtk]

No spreadsheets, but we do keep it pretty even.