Just a silly little TR - Run Away!!

[Sandy Mouse]

The water is a beautiful color - very inviting.

Thanks Sandy. It's Hawaii, so every morning, they have big tanker trucks drive up to the shores and dump in blue food coloring for the tourists.

Oh, no, it's not food coloring... all the fishies, big and little, pee in there, you know.

 

[Sandy Mouse]

Queenbetsey, love the art work. Your daughter is quite talented.

 

[Self_resqing_princz]

Hi Pecans!
So, this is the first TR of yours I've ever read... and it's thanks to Nebo that I am here...your back and forth was too funny and when I saw you were writing one currently, I thought I would join.
So I'm here... and caught up.
However, now that I am caught up, I'm going on vacation on Monday morning. So whatever you update this weekend, I'll get, but after Monday I won't see anything until next Sunday.
Good stuff you got going. Can't wait to see the Disney Hawaii resort.

 

[pkondz]

Hi Pecans!

Hi Becca! Welcome to the other side of the coin.

So, this is the first TR of yours I've ever read...

Really? You haven't read any of my other ones? Oh, wait. This one's my first one. You got in on the ground floor.

and it's thanks to Nebo that I am here...

Oh, geez. Now I gotta send him one more royalty cheque.

your back and forth was too funny and when I saw you were writing one currently, I thought I would join.

And I'm glad you did!

So I'm here... and caught up.

Holy cow! You did that in one shot?

I know I couldn't stomach me for that long.

However, now that I am caught up, I'm going on vacation on Monday morning. So whatever you update this weekend, I'll get, but after Monday I won't see anything until next Sunday.

Working on it right now. I hope to have it up by Saturday night, Sunday at the latest.

Not that I'm feeling any pressure from anybody or anything.

Did you mention a time it needed to be done by? No? All right.

Good stuff you got going. Can't wait to see the Disney Hawaii resort.

Funny you should mention that...

No, it's not in the next chapter... but I've already written in the soon to be released chapter that it's coming up soon.

 

[smidgy]

waiting patiently.....

 

[mmeb144]

Still waiting patiently.

 

[pkondz]

waiting patiently.....

Still waiting patiently.

Oh, I know! I can't believe the last Twilight movie isn't until November!! OMG!!!

What, that wasn't what you were talking about?

 

[Queenofallthings]

I'm still not completely over the shark update...but I'm going to try and comment. I hate sharks, I fear them more than anything (seeing Jaws in grade 5 completely ruined me for any ocean vacations ever) and I won't even put a toe in an ocean.

Ok, I think you get the point. You let those beautiful girls get in a kayak and go into shark infested waters Were they crying, were they terrified, do they need therapy....oh wait, that's me

 

[pkondz]

All charged up and no place to go

Rope Drop!

Okay, there was no rope… no attendant, no ticket agent, no…

I’m getting ahead of myself.

Which is good, ‘cause I was getting a little behind.

Butt that’s just from diet and exercise.

Neither of which I will willingly do.

…

Here’s today’s (Wednesday, April 18) agenda:
1. Get up stupid early again.
2. Go snorkelling at Hanauma Bay Nature Jam… um… I mean, Preserve.
3. Hike up Diamond Head Volcano. Sacrifice a virgin. (Just kidding… I couldn’t find one.)
4. Go to a Luau.

Just out of curiosity, show of hands, how many of you patient readers are getting less patient? i.e. “When the Aitch Eee double hockey sticks is he ever going to get to Aulani? What does he think we’re reading this crap for anyway???”

Patience. Patience. Tomorrow, I promise… then you can stop reading this and get back to your normal, non-Hawaii, all Disney, all the time, lives.

Okay?

Hmmm… I read that after I typed it and it sure reads like you, the reader, have no life, doesn’t it? Kind of insulting a little, no?

I think I’ll leave it in just to stir up trouble.


Patience…
Does anyone remember the Monty Python skit where the distressed man runs up to the doctor, crying out, “Doctor! Doctor!”
To which the doctor replies something like, “No, me doctor, she nurse, you patient…. You be patient, she nurse you.”



Hanauma Bay is touted as the best place on Oahu for snorkelling. The bay was formed from an extinct volcano that is open to the sea on one side. There’s a plethora of fish to see and they’re used to people, so you can get pretty close.


I just used ‘plethora’ in a sentence.


I had read that Hanauma Bay can get very busy and there’s a finite amount of cars that will be let in before they close the park. So get there early!
Hmmm… Hanauma Bay opens at 6am. How early is ‘early’? Do we need to be there at 5:30am?

‘Cause that ain’t gonna happen!


I decide that getting to the park at around 6:30am should be safe enough. It’s about a half hour drive to the park. I set the alarm to give us enough time to get up, get dressed and get going in plenty of time.

Guess what? I didn’t screw up the alarm time this time! (there was great rejoicing)

We quickly jump into our bathing suits… okay, the girls jumped, I more or less did an abbreviated hop… missed one leg hole… fell down. Lay down for a while until I could see straight again… crawled over and sloooowly put my suit on.



Ladies! Don’t’cha just love a sharp dressed man in a suit? (cue ZZ Top guitar solo)
Even if it’s a speedo? Even if it’s an old out-of-shape dude in a speedo?

Now that I’ve lost every female reader I ever had… or hoped to have… the remaining TR will be devoted to the topics of Monster Trucks, Beer and Football.


And for the record, I don’t even own a speedo.


Now that I think of it… I’m bored by Monster Trucks, I don’t drink beer and while I do like football, I don’t follow it as religiously as most fans do.
I guess we could go back to cookies, though.

Whoops! The girls are back! All right, all right. Back to the TR.



So we’re in our suits, we’ve got towels, a change of clothing, underwater camera, sunglasses, hats, cash… we’re all set.

We get to Hanauma Bay a little later then planned. About 6:45am or thereabouts. I gotta admit, I was a little worried. What if they’re already full? What if we can’t get in. I don’t want to have to get up early again tomorrow…

The parking lot at Hanauma Bay holds 300 cars. Once it’s full, the lot is closed. The bay itself is limited to 2000 visitors and the park is closed once that number is reached.

I really was hoping to get there before the lot was full… I wouldn’t know where else to park… Not to mention, I didn’t want to be the 2001st person there.

The parking lot comes into view and there are about 6 cars parked in it.

Um… okay.

I drive up to the booth… and there’s nobody home. I’d read that there was a $1 fee for parking… but. I can’t pay it if there’s nobody there to take my money.

Well, minor score for me then, I guess. Just saved a buck. (again, there was great rejoicing)

There’s also a $7.50/person fee to enter the park for anyone not a Hawaii resident. (Free to anyone 12 and under). So for the three of us, $15. Pretty good deal when you compare it to Disney prices.
You’re also required to watch a 9 minute video which basically tells you not to stand on the coral and don’t feed the fish.

We walk up to the cashier’s booth and,… there’s no one there either.


Um… the park is open, right?


A man wearing an official looking uniform walks over and asks if we’ve been here before.
Um… no. (Did I miss a sign or something?)
He tells us not to walk on the coral or feed the fish and to have a good time.

Sweet! Another $15 bucks saved and we don’t have to watch the video. We walk down to the beach. It’s a bit of a trek.
The parking lot is at the top of the volcano and the ocean is somewhere around sea level… ahem…

There’s a trolley that can take you down for $1 (I think), we didn’t use it… I’m not sure if it was even running yet.


The view from above is really something, here’s a picture I took… um…


Back in Winnipeg, when we found out we were going to go to Hawaii, one of the first things we knew we were going to do… at least once… was snorkel. We had already decided to buy an underwater camera and that sealed the deal.


Do you remember what was the last thing I did when I ended the last chapter? Just before going to bed, I made sure to charge the battery. Got a big day of underwater photography ahead. Gotta make sure the battery’s charged!

I grab my camera. I already know what I want. A nice panorama shot of this gorgeous vista… and nothing.

Oh, the battery is fully charged. As a matter of fact, it’ll stay that way for the foreseeable future… ‘cause it’s plugged in… back at the hotel.

D’oh!

You have no idea, how upset I was. I’d waited months just for this opportunity to use the U/W camera here in Hanauma Bay.


We stake out a little piece of beach and have a 15 minute wait until the snorkel rental place opens up. When it does open, we rent three mask, snorkel and fins sets and I buy a cheap underwater camera… a film underwater camera. No previewing photos and only 18 shots.

One of the snorkels was broken and we had to exchange it, but other than that, everything looks good. Let’s go snorkelling!

It’s cold.
It’s kinda dark.
It’s a little windy.

So just like being back home… except much nicer.


We gear up and take the plunge. Oh, boy! I’ve been waiting for this for a while and can’t wait to see my first reef fish. What’ll it be? Nemo? Dory? … not Bruce. Been there. Done that. Had a steel cage.

I’m so happy. Camera fiasco notwithstanding, life is good.

That’s when Kay starts to complain and carry on about her eyes stinging.

My happy mood came to a screeching halt. I was so looking forward to this and had already screwed up with the camera… and now I wouldn’t even be able to do it at all??


Remember at the beginning of this TR how Kay came down with a cold? Well, she’d been a bit of a handful off and on during the last few days. Who could blame her? She was jetlagged, had been going to bed late and getting up early, was being exercised more than she’s probably ever been… and had a cold to boot?

If it’d been me, I would’ve been curled up in a fetal position back at the hotel. But she was game to try anything.


Well, I guess I was tired and jetlagged and a little frazzled too.

“What’s the matter?”, I asked.
“Water’s getting in my mask and my eyes are stinging.”

Again? Again with the eyes stinging? It’s salt water! Of course it’ll sting a bit!
I couldn’t take it.

“Get out of the water, and go sit on the beach. We’ll be out in a few minutes.”


Sounds mean, I know. What you have to understand about Kay, is if you give her a few minutes, she’ll work out what she needs on her own. If you try and help her, she’ll depend on you utterly for the answer… and argue about every suggestion you make.


Elle and I splash off… and we start to see fish. Not being a marine biologist, I don’t know what they’re all called. Some I knew from TV shows, some I looked up later, others…

After a few minutes, Elle decides to join her sister on the beach. I tell her that I’ll be out in one more minute. I was pretty sure Kay hadn’t worked out her issue yet. Maybe she wouldn’t… in that case, it was going to be a very short morning swim.

I turn back towards the reef and after a few seconds I see something big. Most of the fish in the area are about the size of your hand. But this was bigger. It was too indistinct at first, so I couldn’t make it out. So I started to swim closer.


Even as I type this, I’m shaking my head.

I don’t get it.

After almost drowning a couple of times, I have a bit of a fear of water. It’s well deserved in my case, I think. Heck, water’s tried to kill me twice, shouldn’t I be a little leery of it? Funny thing is, if I’m swimming, I’m nervous… because I can’t see what’s underneath me. I’m more comfortable with a mask on so I can look around and reassure myself that I’m not about to be… something. Grabbed? Bitten? I don’t really know.

Even with a mask on, though, I won’t swim into or around seaweed. Too many chances of getting tangled in it or something hiding in it.

I know. I know. Irrational. Tell my sub-conscious. Don’t tell me.


So here I am, in an ocean full of critters whose sole purpose is to do me harm in one form or another… I’m scared of water… I see something big and I don’t know what it is…

Shouldn’t I be running on top of the water… at high speed… away from whatever it is?

I do know that when I saw the size of the thing in the water, I thought it might be a grouper (type of big harmless fish). Only when I started swimming towards it, and recognized it, did it occur to me that it could be a shark.

Or maybe since the shape was all wrong, I knew it wasn’t a shark. And that was enough for my sub-conscious to not go, “Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Every man for himself!”

This is what I saw:

How cool is that? I swam up to it and it didn’t seem to be bothered by me. Probably it came here fairly often and was used to seeing the funny looking turtles that would come out of the water on two flippers.

I ran my hand down it’s shell and touched a flipper. It just floated along taking occasional bites out of the coral. I took one more shot and swam as fast as I could back to the beach. If possible, I wanted the girls to be able to share in this. I was also hoping Kay by now had figured out what her issue with the mask was.

I took about half a dozen shots of the turtle… most didn’t turn out. But here’s another one that wasn’t too bad.

Once ashore, Kay came running up to me, “Daddy! I know what the problem is. My mask’s too big!”

Well, all right. That we can deal with. We head back to the rental place where we’re told that while all the masks are the same size, sometimes the silicon can have a pinhole in it which would cause leaking.

We head back out into the water and I hold my breath (see what I did there? Huh? Didja?) And Kay is happy with her mask; no water is getting in.

Phew!

We tried to find the turtle again… but no luck. It had moved on and we never saw it again.

We did see a lot of fish, though…

And I was really pleased to see a fish that I had seen on TV several times. It was one of the few I knew by name: a Moorish Idol. My favourite fish, if one can have a favourite fish..

Eventually, first Elle, then Kay and finally I, got tired of snorkelling and we decided to call it a day. Besides, there were still a couple of things we were going to do today.

There were two things that I absolutely wanted to do while in Hawaii.
1. Visit Pearl Harbor… and we know how that turned out.
2. Hike up Diamond Head to see the view.

So today was Diamond Head hike day. I was really looking forward to it.

We first had a hike just to get out of Hanauma Bay. It only took 10 minutes or so to climb back up to the top.

What a sight at the top! Yes, there was the spectacular view that I couldn’t photograph, but…

There was about 25 people watching the required video. There was another 100ish standing in line, waiting their turn to watch the video and another dozen or more lined up at the cashier.

Boy. Am I glad I did rope drop!


We get to the car and I grab the bag with our clothes in it. Elle has her own bag, so she grabs that. I reach into the other bag and say, “Kay, I’ll just take my stuff out of here and you can take the bag with you to get changed.” Makes sense right? I’m a guy. I need three things. Shirt, shorts, underwear.

Girls need more. Shirt, shorts, underwear (and right there, you’ve got double what I’ve got… or more) and various strange implements and lotions and potions for performing your arcane and mysterious rituals.
Don’t get me wrong. I like the results of your magick… I just don’t understand it.
All I know is that it takes a lot of stuff and a lot of time to do what you do.

I’m okay with that. Really.


But Kay grabs a few items and says it’s all she needs. She doesn’t want to have to suffer the ignominy of having to carry a bag into a change room. Oh, the humanity!

“Are you sure you’ve got everything you need?”

I receive the requisite eye roll in return.

We march over to the restrooms and split up. I quickly change and go back outside to wait for the girls. After a few minutes, Elle comes out and sits beside me.

I’ve already got the next part of the day mapped out. We’ll go from here to Diamond Head. Hike it. Grab lunch somewhere. Then go back to the hotel and wait for Ruby before heading out to the luau.

Easy peasy.


After a few more minutes, we’re still waiting for Kay.

We’ll go from here as quickly as possible to Diamond Head. Hike it. Grab lunch somewhere. Then go back to the hotel and wait for Ruby before heading out to the luau.

Easy.


More minutes go by… “Ummm… Elle? Why don’t you go check on your sister and see how much longer she’s going to be.” Elle disappears in to the restroom and comes out in a bit and tells me, “I couldn’t get in. There was a big lady waiting for a stall and she looked like she wasn’t going to let me by.”

“So why didn’t you just call out to your sister and ask her how long she’d be?”

“I dunno.”


We’ll go from here as quickly as possible to Diamond Head. Hike it as fast as we can. Grab lunch somewhere and wolf it down. Then go back to the hotel and pick up Ruby before heading out to the luau.

Do-able.


More minutes go by. I go over to the restroom entrance and call out, “Kay? Are you almost dressed?”

“I haven’t started yet.”

….

!!!

“Could you come here please?”

Kay comes out of the restroom, obviously upset and near tears.

“I couldn’t get dressed! My underwear is in the bag!”

Of course it is.


Right about now I’m trying to decide whether to yell at her or throttle her… when I take a good look at her. Hmmm… she’s pretty upset. Yelling probably wouldn’t be overly constructive. It rarely is, but sometimes….


<inward sigh> “No problem honey. Tell you what. See the little eatery there? Why don’t you pick out what you’d like to eat. I’ll order it and by the time you’re done getting dressed, it should be ready, okay?”

She nods her head and gives me a little smile.

Parenting can be trying some times. But the rewards outweigh any negatives by a wide margin.

We’ll eat lunch here. Then go as fast as humanly possible to Diamond Head. Hike it as fast as we can... no stopping! Then go back to the hotel and grab Ruby and head out to the luau.

Might work.


Elle and Kay order hotdogs and chips (what else? ) and I have my first authentic Hawaiian meal.

Poi? BBQ pork? Nope.

A plate lunch.


Back when Japanese men were providing the bulk of cheap labour in Hawaii, the wives would come out to the fields at lunch time with plates of food for their husbands. Eventually, people started selling plates of food to the workers who didn’t have wives. And thus, the plate lunch was born. It consists of a protein (beef, chicken or pork) and usually a salad of some kind (usually macaroni) and two scoops of rice.


Mine was teriyaki chicken, tossed salad and a scoop of rice. Okay, so it wasn’t the authentic two scoops of rice… but close enough.

While, Kay is finishing her lunch, I borrow Elle’s camera and take a couple of shots of the view:

Not too shabby, eh?

As soon as we’re all done eating, we sprint to the car and tear out of there to Diamond Head. On the way out of the park, I see that it’s at capacity and been closed. I was right to come early.


We arrive at Diamond Head and pay the $5 parking fee. I realize that there’s something else I’ve forgotten.

Water.
Can’t do a one hour hike up a mountain without water.


Luckily there’s a couple of vending machines at the trail head.

Unluckily they don’t seem to be working.


There’s a food truck in the parking lot. I’m told that I can buy water there. There’s only a short line-up. We walk over.

There’s a couple at the window, picking up their order and a couple in front of us. We’ll be in and out in just a second. The couple in front of us meander up to the order window, and for the first time in their lives, they realize that there’s a menu. With choices!

Never before have they encountered this situation. They can chose between ordering a hot dog or shave ice. And there’s got to be at least four choices in beverage! This is far more than an average human being can take!

Our daring couple immediately begin to weigh their options. And as they argue the merits of almost certain botulism from consuming the hot dog versus the heartbreak of brain freeze from the shave ice, I look at my watch.

“Okay, kids! Let’s get back in the car.”

We’re out of time.


We paid $5 for the privilege of playing with defective vending machines and standing in line.


Kay is secretly… or not so secretly… pleased. She was not looking forward to the hike. She had made it clear that she didn’t want to do it… Well, there are times when you just gotta do what ya gotta do.

Elle, bless her heart, starts to cry.
“What’s wrong?”
“Daddy, you only had two things you wanted to do in Hawaii and you didn’t get to do either one!”

Not to worry. I’m going to get up early tomorrow and try again.

“I’m going with you!”

Okay.


Back at the hotel, I grab Ruby and head to the bar (she hadn’t had her lunch yet and we needed a quick bite). Ruby had a pizza and we both had our first Mai Tais. I don’t normally like rum, but I was willing to give it a shot. Ruby liked hers. Me? Nope. Still don’t like rum, even with pineapple juice.

After Ruby finishes her pizza we head out to the luau. I had read that the best luau on the island was either the one at the Polynesian Cultural Center or the one at Paradise Cove… with the nod going to PCC. So that’s where we’re going, even though it’s about an hour away.


I really don’t have much to say about the luau…

Oh stop that cheering!

Sheesh.

The dinner was extremely forgettable… like I thought it would be, but hoped it wouldn’t. The venue was in a big warehouse like building open to the elements behind the stage. The dinner show was boring and very amateurish. My favourite part was when they ‘dug up’ the pig on stage. It looked good… but wasn’t what we were served. The buffet was already set up, including pork. Maybe the one they had on stage was for the staff. Dunno. And the pork, while it was okay, tasted like it came out of a can. The girls seemed to enjoy it, so I guess that’s okay. The girls tried poi, and didn’t like it. I knew better so didn’t try any this time. I did try the lomi lomi (fish with tomatoes and green onion) it was okay. I also tried the poke which is raw fish. Again, meh. The rest of the buffet had what we called Worm noodles – kind of see through and so slippery you couldn’t possibly eat them, Teriyaki chicken, Salad, Taro buns (yum), Sweet potatoes, Sweet potato salad and Rice.


When Ruby and I had been in Hawaii last time, we went to a luau. On the beach, much better food, first class entertainment. This one was a huge let-down from that.


On the plus side, the reason the PCC gets such good reviews is for the show after the luau. It’s a big budget affair reminiscent of Cirque du Soleil. It tells the story of a King’s son who grows up to become King himself. It was very well done and we all really enjoyed it.


After we were back in Winnipeg, I asked everyone for their favourite memory of Hawaii and this show was Elle’s choice.


Lots of traditional Polynesian dancing (not just Hawaiian), singing and fire juggling. Cast of hundreds. Quite the spectacle.

So all in all, if you’ve got to do a luau, try somewhere else for the food, but go to PCC for the show (which you can do without having to do the luau).

We make the hour drive back to the hotel and call it a night.


And that’s what I’m going to do right now. Night all!

 

[mmeb144]

Whoa, dude! A turtle! That was so cool! I'm sorry the girls missed it.

I don't care about the Aulani visit. I'm enjoying your Hawaii trip a lot.

By the way, you get bonus points for using "plethora" in a sentence.

 

[nebo]

excellent chapter,,, just a comment or two if I may.

All charged up and no place to go

No, all charged up and nobody Bringing you where you want to go.

Rope Drop!

Okay, there was no rope… no attendant, no ticket agent, no…

Did you have to stick two fingers in a flipper for the gate to open up?

I’m getting ahead of myself.

Which is good, ‘cause I was getting a little behind.

Butt that’s just from diet and exercise.

I'm afraid of a Falling Behind a lot!

Neither of which I will willingly do.

do what?"…

Here’s today’s (Wednesday, April 18) agenda:
1. Get up stupid early again.
2. Go snorkelling at Hanauma Bay Nature Jam… um… I mean, Preserve.
3. Hike up Diamond Head Volcano. Sacrifice a virgin. (Just kidding… I couldn’t find one.)

Met Ryan's not good enough now?
Oh.
4. Go to a Luau.

Just out of curiosity, show of hands, how many of you patient readers are getting less patient? i.e. “When the Aitch Eee double hockey sticks is he ever going to get to Aulani? What does he think we’re reading this crap for anyway???”

Um, no. Now that you mention it,, I don't know what Im reading this crap for anyway, anyway.

Patience. Patience. Tomorrow, I promise… then you can stop reading this and get back to your normal, non-Hawaii, all Disney, all the time, lives.

Okay?

Hmmm… I read that after I typed it and it sure reads like you, the reader, have no life, doesn’t it? Kind of insulting a little, no?

I think I’ll leave it in just to stir up trouble.

Ah,,, now you're learning,,, sniff,,, they grow up so fast! You too can alienate as many people as I have over the years,,, maybe even more with your caustic personality!,,, But don't get your hopes up.
Patience…and Prudence.
Dear Prudence.



I just used ‘plethora’ in a sentence.

Yes,, perfectly pointless, Potpourri projects plentiful possibilities more pleasingly.

Ptoooie!







We quickly jump into our bathing suits… okay, the girls jumped, I more or less did an abbreviated hop… missed one leg hole… fell down. Lay down for a while until I could see straight again… crawled over and sloooowly put my suit on.

I am still amazed you are getting the girls up at these hours,,,,and,,,,even more so,,,, that RUBY is LETTING you all wake her up early when she has to go to work! Can you just imagine if "She Who Must Not Be,,,,," I shudder to think about it!
LOOK!>

(shudder)





Now that I’ve lost every female reader I ever had… or hoped to have…

You know,,,, this kind of stuff isn't exactly endearing yourself to the male readers, either.




The parking lot comes into view and there are about 6 cars parked in it.

Could see that one coming.

I drive up to the booth… and there’s nobody home. I’d read that there was a $1 fee for parking… but. I can’t pay it if there’s nobody there to take my money.

A dollar? Why bother? Reminds me of when I buy an Orlando Sentinel at the resort for a dollar,,, and Disney charges me 1.08 cents cuz they have to add in the tax,,,, and no,,, they don't have any that roll on.


You’re also required to watch a 9 minute video which basically tells you not to stand on the coral and don’t feed the fish.

Uh oh,,, is this like the pre-show to Honey I shrunk the Checkbook?

I mean,, Audience?

We walk up to the cashier’s booth and,… there’s no one there either.

So where are you going to get cashews now?

Um… the park is open, right?


A man wearing an official looking uniform walks over and asks if we’ve been here before.

Ok, now you've got me wondering,,,, what does an 'unofficial uniform" look like? I am uniformally uniformed uninformed.
Is it tired out today or is it just me?

Um… no. (Did I miss a sign or something?)
He tells us not to walk on the coral or feed the fish and to have a good time.

. We walk down to the beach. It’s a bit of a trek.

Wait,,, wait,,, allow me,,,,, "To boldly go where no man has gone before!,,, "Starfish Trek"


There’s a trolley that can take you down for $1 (I think), we didn’t use it… I’m not sure if it was even running yet.

Crap,, you're going to make me hurt myself yet..
"So, the Jolly, Maui, Trolley, was Prolley a folley, by golly,,, so solley. "

( Six years of building up my reputation here on the boards,,,, gone,,, just like that!)







Oh, the battery is fully charged. As a matter of fact, it’ll stay that way for the foreseeable future… ‘cause it’s plugged in… back at the hotel.

D’oh!

Huh,,,, not like I"VE ever had a problem with batteries on vacation before.

You have no idea, how upset I was. I’d waited months just for this opportunity to use the U/W camera here in Hanauma Bay.

Believe me,,,, I was upset I couldn't take yet another picture of the Potato Heads over at Pop,,, so yes, I can imagine.


We stake out a little piece of beach and have a 15 minute wait until the snorkel rental place opens up. When it does open, we rent three mask, snorkel and fins sets and I buy a cheap underwater camera… a film underwater camera. No previewing photos and only 18 shots.

You're not going to tell us how much you paid for that little disposable camera are you,,,, no,,, I would'nt either.

One of the snorkels was broken and we had to exchange it, but other than that, everything looks good. Let’s go snorkelling!

Um,,, isn't that all reletive to WHEN you find out the snorkel's broken?




That’s when Kay starts to complain and carry on about her eyes stinging.

My happy mood came to a screeching halt. I was so looking forward to this and had already screwed up with the camera… and now I wouldn’t even be able to do it at all??

It seems to me that you've had it easy so far,,, great kids. But I raised boys,,, and from what I understand,,,, as tough as that was,,, I hear it 's easier than raising girls.


Remember at the beginning of this TR how Kay came down with a cold? Well, she’d been a bit of a handful off and on during the last few days. Who could blame her? She was jetlagged, had been going to bed late and getting up early, was being exercised more than she’s probably ever been… and had a cold to boot?




Well, I guess I was tired and jetlagged and a little frazzled too.

“What’s the matter?”, I asked.
“Water’s getting in my mask and my eyes are stinging.”

Again? Again with the eyes stinging? It’s salt water! Of course it’ll sting a bit!
I couldn’t take it.

“Get out of the water, and go sit on the beach. We’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Well,, for what it's worth,,, that sounds pretty much like I would have handled it.


Sounds mean, I know. What you have to understand about Kay, is if you give her a few minutes, she’ll work out what she needs on her own. If you try and help her, she’ll depend on you utterly for the answer… and argue about every suggestion you make.

That's called the "Yes,,, but,,, " stage.


After almost drowning a couple of times, I have a bit of a fear of water. It’s well deserved in my case, I think. Heck, water’s tried to kill me twice, shouldn’t I be a little leery of it? Funny thing is, if I’m swimming, I’m nervous… because I can’t see what’s underneath me. I’m more comfortable with a mask on so I can look around and reassure myself that I’m not about to be… something. Grabbed? Bitten? I don’t really know.

I came scary close one time myself,,, not as bad as you, I'm sure,,,,but one more unexpected mouthfull and that "Prolly" would have been it for me.

Even with a mask on, though, I won’t swim into or around seaweed. Too many chances of getting tangled in it or something hiding in it.

I totally agree with you,,,, and the joke about screaming. I also can't let my foot touch the bottom,,, that's just as bad as seaweed if it's not a nice, sandy bottom.

I know. I know. Irrational. Tell my sub-conscious. Don’t tell me.

He knows.

So here I am, in an ocean full of critters whose sole purpose is to do me harm in one form or another… I’m scared of water… I see something big and I don’t know what it is…

the Nautilus?

Shouldn’t I be running on top of the water… at high speed… away from whatever it is?

Only if it's the Naughtylus.



Or maybe since the shape was all wrong, I knew it wasn’t a shark. And that was enough for my sub-conscious to not go, “Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Every man for himself!”

This is what I saw:

How cool,,,did you ask it how old it is?
How cool is that? I swam up to it and it didn’t seem to be bothered by me. Probably it came here fairly often and was used to seeing the funny looking turtles that would come out of the water on two flippers.





Once ashore, Kay came running up to me, “Daddy! I know what the problem is. My mask’s too big!”

There is not a person reading this right now that doesn't want to give her a big hug.



We head back out into the water and I hold my breath (see what I did there? Huh? Didja?) And Kay is happy with her mask; no water is getting in.

Brilliant,,, you know your kids!

And I was really pleased to see a fish that I had seen on TV several times. It was one of the few I knew by name: a Moorish Idol. My favourite fish, if one can have a favourite fish..

I had to leave all the pictures in right now,, cuz it looks like ,,, I think the second one?,,,, like it's about to turn around and go,,,"You following me?? What's the matter,, the ocean's not big enough for the two of us?"

And I think Gil,,, was a Moorish Idol. At least after he wasn't sent on to Hollywood.



There were two things that I absolutely wanted to do while in Hawaii.
1. Visit Pearl Harbor… and we know how that turned out.


Uh,,, they bombed it?
2. Hike up Diamond Head to see the view.

Uh, they let Rosie on for awhile?

So today was Diamond Head hike day. I was really looking forward to it.

We first had a hike just to get out of Hanauma Bay. It only took 10 minutes or so to climb back up to the top.

ok,,, that' s about the 9th time you used the H word,,,, you are getting supplemented for this report,,, arent you?

What a sight at the top! Yes, there was the spectacular view that I couldn’t photograph, but…

There was about 25 people watching the required video. There was another 100ish standing in line, waiting their turn to watch the video and another dozen or more lined up at the cashier.

Boy. Am I glad I did rope drop!

Ah,, sometimes justification is so sweet,,, especially when your kids are there to see it for themselves!





But Kay grabs a few items and says it’s all she needs. She doesn’t want to have to suffer the ignominy of having to carry a bag into a change room. Oh, the humanity!

“Are you sure you’ve got everything you need?”

I receive the requisite eye roll in return.

One of the greatest "eye rolls" I have ever seen came from the actress that played the President's daughter in Air Force One. It came early on ,, before the takeover,,,, but it truly made you wish that Gary Oldman would blow her brains out soon just for the eye roll.

We march over to the restrooms and split up.

"Hut one , two three, Hut one, three, four."
"Hut one, two three, Hut one, three, four,

"I don't know but I've been told."

"I don't know but I've been told",

"Ponzi's running out of dough."

"One two,,,One two,,, three four,,,",,,,,,,

"There she was,, just a walking down the street, singing Do wah Diddy Diddy dum Diddy Do."


I quickly change and go back outside to wait for the girls. After a few minutes, Elle comes out and sits beside me.

"So, come here often?"


“So why didn’t you just call out to your sister and ask her how long she’d be?”

“I dunno.”

:lma


More minutes go by. I go over to the restroom entrance and call out, “Kay? Are you almost dressed?”

And the large, woman named Kay yelled out to you,, what's it to you?

“I haven’t started yet.”

….

!!!

“Could you come here please?”

C'mon,, admit it,,, you wondered just how long you would have sat there if you hadn't done something.

Kay comes out of the restroom, obviously upset and near tears.

“I couldn’t get dressed! My underwear is in the bag!”

Of course it is.


Right about now I’m trying to decide whether to yell at her or throttle her… when I take a good look at her. Hmmm… she’s pretty upset. Yelling probably wouldn’t be overly constructive. It rarely is, but sometimes….

This seemed like the best icon to post,,, no,, not sure why.

We’ll eat lunch here. Then go as fast as humanly possible to Diamond Head. Hike it as fast as we can... no stopping! Then go back to the hotel and grab Ruby and head out to the luau.

Might work.


Elle and Kay order hotdogs and chips (what else? ) and I have my first authentic Hawaiian meal.

Poi? BBQ pork? Nope.

A plate lunch.





Mine was teriyaki chicken, tossed salad and a scoop of rice. Okay, so it wasn’t the authentic two scoops of rice… but close enough.

Ok,,, I'm eating with the kids,,, but Smidgy want's to go with you.

While, Kay is finishing her lunch, I borrow Elle’s camera and take a couple of shots of the view:

Not too shabby, eh?

Yes,,, so glad Rosie's not in them, too.

As soon as we’re all done eating, we sprint to the car and tear out of there to Diamond Head. On the way out of the park, I see that it’s at capacity and been closed. I was right to come early.

I thought we already established how brilliantly clever you were,,,,


We arrive at Diamond Head and pay the $5 parking fee. I realize that there’s something else I’ve forgotten.



There’s a food truck in the parking lot. I’m told that I can buy water there. There’s only a short line-up. We walk over.

There’s a couple at the window, picking up their order and a couple in front of us. We’ll be in and out in just a second. The couple in front of us meander up to the order window, and for the first time in their lives, they realize that there’s a menu. With choices!

Uh oh,,, the dreaded sanskrit menu!

Never before have they encountered this situation. They can chose between ordering a hot dog or shave ice. And there’s got to be at least four choices in beverage! This is far more than an average human being can take!

Our daring couple immediately begin to weigh their options. And as they argue the merits of almost certain botulism from consuming the hot dog versus the heartbreak of brain freeze from the shave ice, I look at my watch.

Was there an uninformed man in uniform there reading off the cuniform menu,,,,,,,
oh,,, this is where we came in..




Elle, bless her heart, starts to cry.
“What’s wrong?”
“Daddy, you only had two things you wanted to do in Hawaii and you didn’t get to do either one!”

Not to worry. I’m going to get up early tomorrow and try again.

“I’m going with you!”

OH, OH,, can I borrow her for a hug?

Okay.


Back at the hotel, I grab Ruby and head to the bar (she hadn’t had her lunch yet and we needed a quick bite). Ruby had a pizza and we both had our first Mai Tais. I don’t normally like rum, but I was willing to give it a shot. Ruby liked hers. Me? Nope. Still don’t like rum, even with pineapple juice.

Here's a big surprise,,, I'm not the biggest rum fan either,,, I'll drink it if that's all there is,,,, and I cannot stand,,, GIN.



The dinner was extremely forgettable… like I thought it would be, but hoped it wouldn’t. The venue was in a big warehouse like building open to the elements behind the stage. The dinner show was boring and very amateurish. My favourite part was when they ‘dug up’ the pig on stage. It looked good… but wasn’t what we were served. The buffet was already set up, including pork. Maybe the one they had on stage was for the staff. Dunno. And the pork, while it was okay, tasted like it came out of a can. The girls seemed to enjoy it, so I guess that’s okay. The girls tried poi, and didn’t like it. I knew better so didn’t try any this time. I did try the lomi lomi (fish with tomatoes and green onion) it was okay. I also tried the poke which is raw fish. Again, meh. The rest of the buffet had what we called Worm noodles – kind of see through and so slippery you couldn’t possibly eat them, Teriyaki chicken, Salad, Taro buns (yum), Sweet potatoes, Sweet potato salad and Rice.

I do not like tomatos.
I do not like raw fish.

The rice sounds good though,,,, this is why I've never been in a hurry to do the lewow at the Poly,,, not unless you can promise me an accident with a flaming torch,,,,




On the plus side, the reason the PCC gets such good reviews is for the show after the luau. It’s a big budget affair reminiscent of Cirque du Soleil. It tells the story of a King’s son who grows up to become King himself. It was very well done and we all really enjoyed it.


After we were back in Winnipeg, I asked everyone for their favourite memory of Hawaii and this show was Elle’s choice.

What was yours? '
Waiting outside the restroom?
Waiting on the beach?
Waiting ouside the clothes store?
Waiting outside the bathroom?


Lots of traditional Polynesian dancing (not just Hawaiian), singing and fire juggling. Cast of hundreds. Quite the spectacle.

So all in all, if you’ve got to do a luau, try somewhere else for the food, but go to PCC for the show (which you can do without having to do the luau).

Should I know the difference between Hawaiian dacncing and Polynesian?

We make the hour drive back to the hotel and call it a night.


And that’s what I’m going to do right now. Night all!

Ok,, well thank you very much,,, I can't believe how much stuff you are doing,,,, I keep waiting for Ruby to get her own lines.

 

[MAGICFOR2]

Dude! Awesome chapter! So cool you got to swim with the sea turtle! I'll bet that comes with getting there early, too!

Oh, us girls do have our needs. And when we are with our dads, and we have difficulties, it can be quite daunting. Good call on not prolonging the agony!

Too bad about Diamond Head - I might have just pretended I was from the Northeast and stepped up and said, "we're on a time crunch, do you mind if we grab a water while you decide? THREE WATERS PLEASE!" (I had a lady from that part of the world take an iron out of my hand on a cruise ship because she had early dinner seating and had to get ready - so did I )

Oh! that comment goes on Laura's thread sorry.

Too bad the luau was a dissapointment. It is fun to see what your experiences were and compare with ours. Sounds like the show ended well, so that's good.

 

[nebo]

It is fun to see what your experiences were and compare with ours. Sounds like the show ended well, so that's good.

Hi Magic,,, you know,,, I see your signature,,, and the word "Wahines",,,, and it makes me think of my boating days on the Chain of Lakes, here in Illinois,,,back when we had money,,,,,, we kept our little cabin cruiser at a Polynesian semi-themed resort,,,,, and in the bar area,,, the restrooms were names,,, Wahines and Kane's I believe.

It was so much fun to bring newby's up and watch them try to figure out if theywere Wahine's or Kane's!

 

[Kgroo]

Great chapter!!! What a treat getting to see Crush the views in Hawaii are so incredible. You would think that it would be so wonderful to be able to move ther, but I havevheard a lot of stories of people who move there and not being able to stay. It is called Island Fever-they can't deal with the fact that they can't drive far and the mainland is so far away. I think I would be up for giving it a try though.

We did luaus on both trips to Hawaii. Both were on the beach and fairly decent. The food was ok and the drinks were watered down, but the entertainment was decent.

Great insight into your daughter's moods. I am having a hard enough time figuring out the moods of a 4 year old

Hope you are having a great weekend !!!

 

[Mac Brew]

Wow that’s twice in the water by yourself i.e. not in a cadge with the sharks and both times your followed by the same friendly turtle. Hope you feed it lots of cookies. Just shows you there is a natural world outside of sea world. Great update

 

[cp'ersmom]

Great update Ponzi! You are all really taking advantage of all the outstanding stuff Hawaii has to offer. Most families do maybe one of those things in a week and you have already done a months worth of activities. I bet you needed a vacation when you got home!!

 

[pkondz]

Whoa, dude! A turtle! That was so cool! I'm sorry the girls missed it.

I was totally amped, dudette.

We tried for quite a while to find him again, but.

I don't care about the Aulani visit. I'm enjoying your Hawaii trip a lot.

Right. I suggest you skip the 2nd half of the next chapter.

By the way, you get bonus points for using "plethora" in a sentence.

Sweet! Always gnarly to score some bonus points.

Dude! Awesome chapter! So cool you got to swim with the sea turtle! I'll bet that comes with getting there early, too!

I asked if seeing turtles was common and was told that it's not too uncommon early in the morning.

Oh, us girls do have our needs.

You do? Huh. Who knew.

Too bad about Diamond Head - I might have just pretended I was from the Northeast and stepped up and said, "we're on a time crunch, do you mind if we grab a water while you decide? THREE WATERS PLEASE!"

It was probably for the best. See the next chapter for details...

(I had a lady from that part of the world take an iron out of my hand on a cruise ship because she had early dinner seating and had to get ready - so did I )

I love it when people think their agenda is more important then yours. Please refer to the Karma lesson at the beginning of the TR.

Now that I think of it, I would've given her the iron.... can you guess by which end?

Too bad the luau was a dissapointment. It is fun to see what your experiences were and compare with ours. Sounds like the show ended well, so that's good.

Yeah. Luau... 2 out of 10. Show afterwards, 8.

Great chapter!!! What a treat getting to see Crush

I was really stoked. I don't think the girls actually believed me until I showed them the pictures.

the views in Hawaii are so incredible.

We were the consummate tourist types. Gaping at anything and everything all the time.

You would think that it would be so wonderful to be able to move there, but I have heard a lot of stories of people who move there and not being able to stay. It is called Island Fever-they can't deal with the fact that they can't drive far and the mainland is so far away. I think I would be up for giving it a try though.

That's interesting. I wonder how I'd manage. On the one hand, I can drive almost anywhere given enough time. On the other hand, I have to drive 8 hours to get anywhere, so it's not so common.

We did luaus on both trips to Hawaii. Both were on the beach and fairly decent. The food was ok and the drinks were watered down, but the entertainment was decent.

Yeah, it was a huge let down in comparison to our previous luau. Oh, well. The kids enjoyed it.

Great insight into your daughter's moods. I am having a hard enough time figuring out the moods of a 4 year old

Hope you are having a great weekend !!!

Sometimes I get lucky... frequently I don't and I'm just a clueless dad. Good luck with your 4 yr old...been there, done that!

Wow that’s twice in the water by yourself i.e. not in a cadge with the sharks and both times your followed by the same friendly turtle. Hope you feed it lots of cookies. Just shows you there is a natural world outside of sea world. Great update

You know, I never thought of it that way. I'll have to mention something about that in a few more chapters... stay tuned.

 

[laura74]

Get up stupid early again.

Who are you calling stupid?

Just out of curiosity, show of hands, how many of you patient readers are getting less patient? i.e. “When the Aitch Eee double hockey sticks is he ever going to get to Aulani? What does he think we’re reading this crap for anyway???”

Oh yeah. That's why we're reading this.

I think I’ll leave it in just to stir up trouble.

That's very neboish of you.

I just used ‘plethora’ in a sentence.

Congrats.

We quickly jump into our bathing suits… okay, the girls jumped, I more or less did an abbreviated hop… missed one leg hole… fell down. Lay down for a while until I could see straight again… crawled over and sloooowly put my suit on.

It takes you longer to get in a suit than it does a girl??

Even if it’s a speedo? Even if it’s an old out-of-shape dude in a speedo?

Is this payback for Nebo?

Now that I’ve lost every female reader I ever had… or hoped to have… the remaining TR will be devoted to the topics of Monster Trucks, Beer and Football.

My favorites!

And for the record, I don’t even own a speedo.

Phew.

We walk down to the beach. It’s a bit of a trek.
The parking lot is at the top of the volcano and the ocean is somewhere around sea level… ahem…

That's where I'd put the ocean.

Oh, the battery is fully charged. As a matter of fact, it’ll stay that way for the foreseeable future… ‘cause it’s plugged in… back at the hotel.

D’oh!

You have no idea, how upset I was. I’d waited months just for this opportunity to use the U/W camera here in Hanauma Bay.

That's too bad. I feel for you, really.

I buy a cheap underwater camera… a film underwater camera. No previewing photos and only 18 shots.

What a pain that you have to go old school and have prints made and then scan all the photos.

Sounds mean, I know. What you have to understand about Kay, is if you give her a few minutes, she’ll work out what she needs on her own. If you try and help her, she’ll depend on you utterly for the answer… and argue about every suggestion you make.

Sounds like sensible parenting to me.

Or maybe since the shape was all wrong, I knew it wasn’t a shark. And that was enough for my sub-conscious to not go, “Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Every man for himself!”

This is what I saw:

So cool! I bet you were glad you didn't panic and swim away.

How cool is that?

I just said it was cool Ponzi.

I ran my hand down it’s shell and touched a flipper.

Now you're even with the girls, right?

And I was really pleased to see a fish that I had seen on TV several times. It was one of the few I knew by name: a Moorish Idol. My favourite fish, if one can have a favourite fish.

I'd say dolphin, but that's not a fish, is it?

Girls need more. Shirt, shorts, underwear (and right there, you’ve got double what I’ve got… or more) and various strange implements and lotions and potions for performing your arcane and mysterious rituals.
Don’t get me wrong. I like the results of your magick… I just don’t understand it.
All I know is that it takes a lot of stuff and a lot of time to do what you do.

I’m okay with that. Really.

It's better that you don't know.

I receive the requisite eye roll in return.

I'm not looking forward to the day my daughter starts doing that.

Easy peasy.

I sense foreshadowing.

“I couldn’t get dressed! My underwear is in the bag!”

Of course it is.

She needs to retract that eye roll.

Parenting can be trying some times. But the rewards outweigh any negatives by a wide margin.

Agreed!

We’ll eat lunch here. Then go as fast as humanly possible to Diamond Head. Hike it as fast as we can... no stopping! Then go back to the hotel and grab Ruby and head out to the luau.

Sounds exhausting!

Back when Japanese men were providing the bulk of cheap labour in Hawaii, the wives would come out to the fields at lunch time with plates of food for their husbands. Eventually, people started selling plates of food to the workers who didn’t have wives. And thus, the plate lunch was born. It consists of a protein (beef, chicken or pork) and usually a salad of some kind (usually macaroni) and two scoops of rice.

Interesting.

Elle, bless her heart, starts to cry.
“What’s wrong?”
“Daddy, you only had two things you wanted to do in Hawaii and you didn’t get to do either one!”

Aw. That's so sweet!

I really don’t have much to say about the luau…

Oh stop that cheering!

After we were back in Winnipeg, I asked everyone for their favourite memory of Hawaii and this show was Elle’s choice.

I guess it was worth it then.

Great chapter Ponzi!

Too bad about Diamond Head - I might have just pretended I was from the Northeast and stepped up and said, "we're on a time crunch, do you mind if we grab a water while you decide? THREE WATERS PLEASE!" (I had a lady from that part of the world take an iron out of my hand on a cruise ship because she had early dinner seating and had to get ready - so did I )

Oh! that comment goes on Laura's thread sorry.

Hey! We're not all rude!

 

[Sandy Mouse]

Hmmm… I read that after I typed it and it sure reads like you, the reader, have no life, doesn’t it? Kind of insulting a little, no?

I think I’ll leave it in just to stir up trouble.

Hey, if I wanted to abused like that I'd have conversation with my kids.

That’s when Kay starts to complain and carry on about her eyes stinging.

My happy mood came to a screeching halt. I was so looking forward to this and had already screwed up with the camera… and now I wouldn’t even be able to do it at all??

I recognize the 12-year-old female mood. <sigh> I raised 2 girls and have a 13-year-old granddaughter. You see, girls go into a downhill slide from 10 to 13, bottom out at 13, and slowly claw their way out of it from 14 to 18. It's a mine field for you... anything you say or do during those years will be varying degrees of wrong.

<inward sigh> “No problem honey. Tell you what. See the little eatery there? Why don’t you pick out what you’d like to eat. I’ll order it and by the time you’re done getting dressed, it should be ready, okay?”

She nods her head and gives me a little smile.

Parenting can be trying some times. But the rewards outweigh any negatives by a wide margin.

You're a good dad.


I love that you got to swim with Crush; too bad your girls didn't get to see him, too.
The show after the Luau sounds fun, but it would be a huge disappointment that you don't get to eat the pig that was cooking.

Great chapter.

 

[Sandy Mouse]

We walk down to the beach. It’s a bit of a trek.

Wait,,, wait,,, allow me,,,,, "To boldly go where no man has gone before!,,, "Starfish Trek"

Now, that's funny! Wish I had thought of it.