Jungle Cruise - Jokes

[JimmyV]

I haven't heard it for quite some time, but just before the scene where the lions are chowing down on the zebra, the guide would rattle off the names of all the animals that we would see as we rounded the bend. He told and tell us that the zebra's name was "Kenny". Then, when we turned the corner and could see the lions munching away, he shouted: "Oh My God! They Killed Kenny!" I thought that was pretty funny. And if you don't get the reference, google it. I'm certain that this was an "off script" joke and Disney probably did not take kindly to the use of a catch phrase from a show that could not be considered "family entertainment".

 

[erincon23]

I always crack up at the end when they say something like, "If you enjoyed your tour, my name is John. And if you didn't, I'm Robert!" I'm sure I've mangled this, but if you liked this joke, my name is Erin...

 

[PoohsFan1]

This thread is awesome, I was laughing just reading it . Like a PP had said, I too have ridden JC countless number of times and I still laugh at all the jokes (JC is one of my all time favorite rides). The one that my family absolutely loves is the "Hey everyone, it's the backside of water" joke, and when we are not in WDW, and whenever we have a chance to quote that, we will regardless who is with us or not. The best is when we are with friends or family and they just look at us as if we have two heads .

 

[cigar95]

My all-time favorite is highly politically incorrect, and I haven't heard it used in years.

"Up ahead on the left is the African bull elephant, the *second most* feared animal in the jungle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (pause for a few seconds) . . . . . . And on the right, is the *most* feared animal in the jungle. That's his mother-in-law."

 

[kofslinky]

My favorites are Ginger snaps and the back side of water. But my most favorite of all time was an off-script moment. It was my first trip ever, and it was a chilly day in February so I was wearing a sweatshirt. It was bright yellow for the sports team I coach. We were coming up on the gorillas and our skipper looked at me and said, "Ma'am. Whatever you do, do NOT act like a banana." We still use that joke at home!

 

[Minerva Mouse]

Ladies and gentleman, you were outstanding on the boat today, but now I need you out standing on the dock.

 

[sadossey]

"Don't forget to visit tomorrowland, the 1970's vision of the 90's"

 

[PoohsFan1]

My all-time favorite is highly politically incorrect, and I haven't heard it used in years.

"Up ahead on the left is the African bull elephant, the *second most* feared animal in the jungle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (pause for a few seconds) . . . . . . And on the right, is the *most* feared animal in the jungle. That's his mother-in-law."

I completely forgot about that one. We heard our skipper say this on our last trip and it got everyone laughing.

 

[LBIJim]

I really don't have a favorite. Most of the jokes are equally lame, which is what makes the ride so good. But some skippers definitely have a better delivery than others.

Jim

P.S. I do like the lack of reaction from some foreigners who obviously don't get some of the wisecracks.

 

[LadyZolt]

I can't believe no one has said, "People think that is water in the elephant's trunk, but it's not (it's snot)."

One time there was a backlog of boats, so we had time before we could get to the dock so the skipper told several jokes. One was, "Why does Ariel wear sea shells?" Kids said things like, "Because she's a mermaid," but the answer was: "Because B shells are too small and D Shells are too big." I thought that was hysterical, and I am sure some moms had to explain it to their small kids.

 

[>Ash<]

some of the ones that make me really smile are....


with the butterflies "look at those babies, their species is plastica-britanica you can buy them in the disney gift shop for 7.99 ... 1.99 at wallmart" lol

with the lion "dont worry kids, that zebras only sleeping," lol

at the end "as you leave you will notice a dock on the left and a dock on the right thats what i call a pair-a-docks" lol

as their going through the temple slowly singing "its a small world after all"

with the gorillas at the camp "well at least they got my truck to turn over" lol

headhunter "hes got a special on today... one of your heads for two of his" followed by "but its certainly not a way to get ahead in life"

with the gun at the hippos "dont worry ill scare the hippos" waves the gun and shouts "shooo!!" lol

"rememberr to take your kids with you... children left behind will be put to work.... on its a small world.... as a hula girl.... thats how i started.... now im a skipper.... going round.... and round.... and round.... all day.... for the rest of my life... stay in school" lol

"so its been fun guys but theirs only one thing left to say... get out of my boat... sorry where are my disney manners... get our of my boat now! have a nice day" lol

"dont forget if you slip and fall on the way out one of my fellow skippers will assist you... i will be rolling on the floor in hysterics" lol