June & Father's Day isn't easy for everyone

[LuvOrlando]

I married a good man, I raised a good man, I do not come from a good man.

June is so very messy and complicated, sending hugs to all.



Funny how the worst fertilizer can grow the most beautiful flowers:

 

[Karalee402]

I married a good man, I raised a good man, I do not come from a good man.

June is so very messy and complicated, sending hugs to all.



Funny how the worst fertilizer can grow the most beautiful flowers:

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This is SO true and is felt so deeply. You're definitely not alone! Sending hugs right back to you!

 

[WDWEPCOT]

Hugs to all ! Not a day I will be noting even thou I have children ! I can state for a fact my children will not note it either - which makes me so very sad & angry but I did everything I could - you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink ! My heart knows this ! Peace & Blessings to All !

 

[kymom99]

My grandson does not know his father. We were studying for a religion test and the commandment honor your father and mother came up. He said I don’t honor my father. I told him that’s ok, you don’t have to. June is confusing for him.

 

[LuvOrlando]

My grandson does not know his father. We were studying for a religion test and the commandment honor your father and mother came up. He said I don’t honor my father. I told him that’s ok, you don’t have to. June is confusing for him.

This one gives me a lot of grief too, always has.

With age I settled on the idea that the word honor can be a very wide range of things, just like the word love. I can love in a big way, like for my kids, and I can love in a small way, like I do the birds happily singing outside or a sunset. Sometimes honor can be just that I acknowledge that I exist because this person existed, no more and no less. I am smart because this human was smart, etc., keep it small, for some, like me, the smaller the better. There is peace in that, at least this is how I find peace with the commandment.

 

[kymom99]

This one gives me a lot of grief too, always has.

With age I settled on the idea that the word honor can be a very wide range of things, just like the word love. I can love in a big way, like for my kids, and I can love in a small way, like I do the birds happily singing outside or a sunset. Sometimes honor can be just that I acknowledge that I exist because this person existed, no more and no less. I am smart because this human was smart, etc., keep it small, for some, like me, the smaller the better. There is peace in that, at least this is how I find peace with the commandment.

Yes exactly. As he gets older and understands more, he can appreciate that he is here because he has a father. And some of what makes him great comes from his father.

 

[CynBeth]

I lost my dad unexpectedly when I was a teenager and my DH and I do not have kids so Father’s Day is a little sad for me.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I loved my father, and he loved us. He tried to be a good man, he really did. Alcohol was a demon for him for most of my childhood, and it kept him from being the provider and steady hand that we sometimes needed. Thank God my mother was both. It wasn't fair to her, but she did her best and always tried to make us see the good man underneath. He quit drinking for good when I was seventeen and I had two fabulous years getting to know the good man before he was killed. In the irony of all ironies, by a drunk driver. Fathers Day is...complicated for me, with complicated feelings. It doesn't make me sad, it's more like bittersweet.

 

[mommasita]

I married a good man, I raised a good man, I do not come from a good man.

June is so very messy and complicated, sending hugs to all.



Funny how the worst fertilizer can grow the most beautiful flowers:

View attachment 764536

I am exactly as you.
I tried and my father tried, but between alcohol, his obsession with being 100000% perfect in everything you do , sports , and him not having a son. We both failed miserably. I feel guilt I don’t miss him at all
I don’t miss trying to be perfect, or at least good “enough”
June will be another rough month in this household, another month I can’t wait to pass

Hugs and love to everyone

 

[White Cat]

Father’s Day can be difficult for some fathers.

 

[sam_gordon]

Isn't this true about EVERY holiday? I mean I'm sure every holiday can bring back negative feelings for SOMEONE.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Father’s Day can be difficult for some fathers.

Indeed, I do also understand how this can be very much true.

Life is a very messy undertaking & while I know some people live magical lives I suspect it is quite rare & most of us fall short in a great many ways.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Isn't this true about EVERY holiday? I mean I'm sure every holiday can bring back negative feelings for SOMEONE.

Is the human experience getting in your way and causing you a hardship in some way I should have taken into consideration?

 

[sam_gordon]

Is the human experience getting in your way and causing you a hardship in some way I should have taken into consideration?

Huh? There was nothing you posted (either now or for Mother's day) that was wrong. By the same token, I don't think there's anything in what I posted that was wrong.

 

[maxaroni]

{{{HUGS}}} to all having a difficult time.

For me, this will be a very difficult month and can already feel it. My birthday is this month and fathers day, normally a very happy time. However, my dad passed away unexpectedly in January so it’s my year of firsts and this is tough for me. My dad was 87 and until the last 6 months of his life, he was healthy. His health was deteriorating and it was getting to the point he would need assisted living or 24/7 care in his home. He had a single family home and that’s where he wanted to stay. He refused assisted living and 24/7 care and took matters into his own hands, committing suicide 1/1/23. Yes, he was 87 and we could see some health issues but so unprepared for suicide. He lived in Florida, moving there 5.5 years ago after being 2 miles from us. I always pictured us being with him when he passed as we were with my mom.

We are a small family as my parents were only children as we were 2 of my great grandparents. I am an only child and due to infertility, DS Is an only child. Both of my grandfathers were good men, my dad was a good man, as is my DH & DS. Sometimes people don’t know what they have until they lose it, I feel blessed to have these men in my life.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Huh? There was nothing you posted (either now or for Mother's day) that was wrong. By the same token, I don't think there's anything in what I posted that was wrong.

Not wrong, but the way your post was worded sounded as if you are being dismissive due to the frequency.

To be fair, I am sensitive at the moment so it isn't all that tough to hit a nerve in this space. If I am being overly guarded I apologize, as I said, its messy and I'm neck deep in the mud.

 

[EllieJedi]

June has always been tough. It’s both the anniversary of my dad’s death when I was 12 and Father’s Day. Like several others above, he was an alcoholic. He tried for many years to beat it but could not. He was drunk the night of his accident, when he fell asleep smoking and set his clothes on fire. My brother (was 21) and I decided to remove him from life support 2 days later. I felt a lot of guilt for many years once he was gone.

Luckily, my boys have had a wonderful step grandfather and uncle in addition to their dad so Father’s Day isn’t such a sad day for me anymore.

 

[Kae]

Isn't this true about EVERY holiday? I mean I'm sure every holiday can bring back negative feelings for SOMEONE.

I agree. My father was a raging alcoholic, my mom died father's day weekend, and I had years of fertility issues. never once did I think that someone should not enjoy a holiday because of me.

 

[fly girl]

Isn't this true about EVERY holiday? I mean I'm sure every holiday can bring back negative feelings for SOMEONE.

Your point is valid. Every holiday or anniversary can be brutal. Take me, who would’ve guessed Cinco de Mayo is a terrible day due to our friends losing their 2 year old daughter to a brain tumor in less than 24 hours. It’s the anniversary that happens to be on that holiday.

However, I think there is something very raw about Mother’s and Father’s Day. If you were dealt a bad hand in that department or you recently lost a parent, that day could feel traumatic. People tend to understand the first holiday season as tough, but I think these two days get overlooked.

 

[fly girl]

I agree. My father was a raging alcoholic, my mom died father's day weekend, and I had years of fertility issues. never once did I think that someone should not enjoy a holiday because of me.

I don’t think OP meant you shouldn’t celebrate or enjoy the day, just to take pause and realize that it may be difficult for some.

There’s a difference, I took it as OP trying to give empathy to those having a hard time.