
That's why a lot of times I feel like food is my enemy. I'm not a compulsive eater, and I've never battled eating disorders, it's just when I'm upset or stressed I crave food. Specifically carbs.
Right now I like to think I am a work in progress. I guess I should give you a little background about myself. I'm a 35 year old single mom. Growing up I was always athletic and played basketball and soccer in high school and even soccer in college. Weight was never really an issue. I ate what I wanted and because I was active I never really gained.
But that all changed after the birth of my son in 1999. I gained a normal pregnancy weight and even took some off after he was born since I was nursing, but DS's father and I were not in a good place. We tried for 2 years to make it work but it was a never ending battle and with each fight or arguement I would seek comfort in food. I didn't have to look at the scale to know I was putting on more and more weight. We eventually split up and now have a good relationship for our son's sake.
But life as a single parent has it's ups and downs and mine is no different. I have a fantastic family and they have always been wonderful. My DS and I stayed with my parents for a few months after the breakup, but I knew I needed to be on my own. I saved up money, bought a house and began the next phase of my life. I worked in a fairly stressful job in television news and while to others I am calm and composed, behind closed doors I would take my stress out on pints of Ben and Jerry's and take out.
This went on for years. I think over the course of the last 7 years I put on at least 40 years, add that to the weight I had put on with my pregnancy and then during my breakup and I had hit 244 pounds.

About 2 years ago, I knew I needed to make a change in my life, but I just didn't know how to accomplish it. Add on some personal set backs and I was hitting an emotional low. In August of 2005 my good friend and mentor was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumer. He was just 45. Over the next year I watched as he got worse and worse. He died 13 months later. I was at a loss. He was the first friend who I had ever lost to cancer and it took a long time for me to get a firm grasp on why this had happened.
By the following February, I was emotionally exhausted and told my boss that I needed to make some changes in my life, changes that included cutting back on some of my job responsibilites. By then I was in middle management and oversaw a staff of about 40 people. He agreed to lighten my work load, which helped a little.
Then in july, July 19th 2007 to be exact, a year ago today my Dad died from
a massive heart attack. He was just 65. It was completely unexpected and a year later we are all still dealing with his loss. After my father's death I made some big changes in my life. I sold my house, moved home to help my mom, and left my job. These were just the first steps in my life transformation. I knew I needed to make these changes, not just for myself, but for DS too.
In February I was ready to make my next big step. February 26th 2008 I joined a local gym and began working out again. It was hard at first. I would do circuit training and walk on the treadmill a couple days a week, but I was starting to get bored. After doing that for about a month, I got up enough courage to try my first "class." It was a cardio/strength training class and I really liked it. I continued to take the class a couple days a week and would lift weights in the circuit room. I started to notice little changes, my clothes were looser, I had more energy, etc....
Since then, I've increased my classes I take and do a variety of classes from cardio to kickboxing and even a weight training class. I also did a nutrional program for 6 weeks and am happy to report it opened my eyes to eating healthier. But it didn't destroy my demons all together.
I am happy to say that since March I've lost nearly 30 pounds and dropped at least 20 inches off my body.

This week was a perfect example. My Mom was out of town visiting my brother and his family and I was in charge of checking in on my Great Grand Mother (93) everyday. DS and I would go in to her house twice a day to get her breakfast and dinner and spend time with her. But Monday morning when we arrived at her house I found her lying on the bathroom floor. She had fallen during the night and couldn't get up.

She broke her ankle and was admitted to the hospital so they could monitor her heart because of her age. In the meantime, I had 2 job interviews this week, and I had to pick of my Mom at the airport and of course today is the one year anniversary of when my Dad died. I feel like I'm on emotional overload.
I also resorted to old habits this week. Despite my schedule, I did make it to the gym 2 days but my eating habits were horrible to say the least. Let's see, this week I know I had Burger King, Chinese take-out 2x, McDonald's, and chicken parm with pasta. Yes, I can feel the carbs in my belly.

My goal is to get through the weekend and hopefully get back on my program on Monday. I'm hoping that by writing down how I'm feeling each day will help me get my groove back. But I also need some outside support. My friends at the gym are great with the workouts, but it's the eating that seems to be my biggest vice.
So I guess I'm just looking for words of encouragement or help from those of you who are fighting the same demons as I am. I just need some help getting out of this slump and getting back on target to my goals.
Thanks for reading!