Jon and Kate Plus 8, Official Thread--Part 7

[newtodis]

I am sorry for the situation that you are in, however it isn't that common to have alienated all of your family, which it appears she has, plus she didn't seem to want Jon's family around except for his father. Sorry but I b elieve Kevin and Jodi, should they have spoken out? probably not, but I think Kate is just mad that they made it public. Kevin and Jodi did so much for them. And what about Beth, the person she loved so much. I think Kate got her own money and now she doesn't need Beth to suck up to. I just don't believe that it is that easy to alienate that many people and I am not talking about her"friends" that I can see, but her entire family, I just don't buy it. I think Kate is to blame, especially after seeing the way she treats people.

I don't talk to anyone in my family - no one. Honestly, the last person I talked to was an email to my mom on her birthday saying "Happy Birthday". The rest of my family cut me out years ago - that's another story for another day. DH's family is the total opposite of mine - call and talk to each other 10 times a day, always at each other's house, always together. I can't tell you how hard it is to be around them sometimes - I'm just not used to that at all. I don't talk to his family either. They do come to visit (before we moved, we were within about 10 minutes of his entire family so they were always over, we're now about 1000 miles away) which is great but I still rarely talk with them - answer questions and that's about it. Has his family helped us out? Sure - his mom used to watch the kids often for me. Have they complained about me? I'm sure that they have which is fine if that's what they feel they need to do.

For me, it was my choice with some of them (to stop the cycle of abuse and hurt) and some of them it was their choice I would guess (just quit talking to my family during/after the divorce of my parents). I wouldn't say I'd "used" any of them to get where I am today.

I guess my purpose in putting so much out there is just that we don't know what's happened "behind the scenes". I could tell you horror stories about stolen identites, abuse, false accusations and much more but there's no point in airring dirty laundry...I like to take the high road! No one would know until I told them about my past - and everyone's shocked when I do tell them. But it does help them understand why I keep to myself most of the time. There could be a million reasons why Kate's not close to her family or why they've chosen not to be close to Kate. Maybe they're all again the family's choice to be on tv....who knows!

 

[DMRick]

I think Kate is to blame, especially after seeing the way she treats people.

I do think you are right, that Kate is to blame for not getting along with so many people. She likes control. She did say she still speaks with her sister (did she say she doesn't judge her?), and emails her mom. Is it a good thing that it's her way or no way? Maybe not. But I have no way of knowing if it's because of the way she treats them, or she just wants control.

I have yet to have any idea of what happened to Beth. At one time it was said on this thread that Beth no longer wanted all the attention the show brought, and that she went back to school. I kept asking the interviewer to ask her about Beth last night, but she didn't seem to hear me.

 

[newtodis]

That's pretty much what Kate said. She has trusted and been burnt. One only has to read the first couple of pages of the community board to know that there are people right here on the Dis that are not speaking to members of their immediate family. I think I also saw someone who wated to stop talking with a longtime friends. Kate is a control person. I'm thinking she always was, even when first married. I really do think for her it's her way or no way. That's her personality and how she is. All different kinds of people make up this world.

Thanks! I haven't seen last night's show yet so I probably shouldn't even be commenting on it since I haven't watched yet!

I'm a control freak too - I will openly admit that to anyone! I actually broke down in tears watching Desperate Housewives last week when Tom (one of the husbands) was talking to a neighbor about Lynette (his wife on the show) and said:

Here’s the thing you gotta understand about Lynette. She grew up without her dad, her mom was a drinker, so she had to be responsable for everyone. It left her with this constant fear that everything could suddenly fall apart, and that’s why she needs to control everything. Of course, she can’t. Nobody can. But… she can control me, if I let her. So I do, because it makes her feel safe, and that is my job as her husband… to make her feel safe.

Explains me to a "T" I'd have to say Maybe Kate's in the same boat??

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I do think you are right, that Kate is to blame for not getting along with so many people. She likes control. She did say she still speaks with her sister (did she say she doesn't judge her?), and emails her mom. Is it a good thing that it's her way or no way? Maybe not. But I have no way of knowing if it's because of the way she treats them, or she just wants control.

I have yet to have any idea of what happened to Beth. At one time it was said on this thread that Beth no longer wanted all the attention the show brought, and that she went back to school. I kept asking the interviewer to ask her about Beth last night, but she didn't seem to hear me.

I was controlled in a certain way in my youth in regards to the relationship with my father. I was never *asked*. I was *told* as far as visits as far as my step-mother's demand for correspondance. (I know it is rude, but to this day I have trouble with correspondance including thank yous b/c of this woman!) They'd send me station and stamps to force me to write them. I turned them into placemats and opened an imaginary diner in my bedroom.

My dad got tired of me not remembering his birthday (not marked on any calendars in my home with mom-they were divorced). He got tired of being ignored but sent me a "reminder". I was 9 and this reminder was a section of full-legth poster board that included his birthday, his sizes (shoe, shirt, pants, collar for dress shirts etc) and anything else one might need in shopping for a gift for a person.

Okay--you want to play that way--I still continued to "forget" and now did so deliberately. It wasn't my fault and an issue that he should have taken up with my mother. 9 yo's didn't keep calendars when was a kid.

Then there was other types of control---going to see them for 2 months. The "bribery" that took place...outside of the $200 child support that remained unchanged for 17 years, I was "punished" if I didn't visit and "rewarded" when I did. So they contributed to me with clothing and other needed items on ther generous salaries--only if I did what they expected me to.

Then there was my step-mother trying to control my "manners". Now I'm all about having decent manners and it is cool to learn teh fancy etiquette--but this woman took it to an extreme. (clenching objects she had with the vengeance of a 2yo shouting "no, mine" and refusing to unclench until I said thank you. Now--thank you following the act, I had thought to be good etiquette, never heard of saying thank you BEFORE the quick act is completed.)

My response to all that control (some are nitpicky, I realize--but there is more, this is just a sampling.) was to distance myself.

I would remain distanced today--I really would, but I have chosen not to.

But often--people don't watn to make that choice. We don't know KAte's upbringing. It wouldn't surprse me if her siblings disagree.

My siblings are completely clueless as to how grew up, b/c they aren't the chldren of my father and have no idea what it is like to be me. But "their upbringing" was fine--so I must be just making it all up. But I tell you what--they cannot stand my dad and especially my step-mother and appreciate any and all opportunities to avoid them. But their upbringing was fine.

Even at KAte's worst--we don't know what about her made her that way and folks respond to an undesired upbringing in different ways.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have yet to have any idea of what happened to Beth. At one time it was said on this thread that Beth no longer wanted all the attention the show brought, and that she went back to school. I kept asking the interviewer to ask her about Beth last night, but she didn't seem to hear me.

Beth was shown in a quick blip when they were moving into the new house. This was after being off camera for a length of time and speculaton that the relationship added. She was quick to get out of the way of camera.

I had thought I heard that she was going to school or doing something (she has some kind of talent ).

I think she's only "out of the picture" as far as the cameras are not picking her up.

I haven't seen the interview, yet--but my guess--no Beth in the tabloids...so no questions from Natalie.

 

[Promomx2]

I just heard about kate's speeding ticket on Inside Edition. They said kate said the reason she was speeding was to get the kids from the bus. But the article in the news says she had the kids with her. Which is it? I am soo over them.

 

[DMRick]

Here’s the thing you gotta understand about Lynette. She grew up without her dad, her mom was a drinker, so she had to be responsable for everyone. It left her with this constant fear that everything could suddenly fall apart, and that’s why she needs to control everything. Of course, she can’t. Nobody can. But… she can control me, if I let her. So I do, because it makes her feel safe, and that is my job as her husband… to make her feel safe.

Aww..makes me wish I watched the show. In real life, that would be a great husband.

 

[walden]

I've posted this several times before on this and previous threads. I'm not close to ANYONE. I've been burned by far too many people to be able to trust anyone. My parents haven't been there for me and I can't tell you the last time I've spoken with either of them. Well, maybe I can if I think about it for a minute. My dad it would have been at my wedding in 2005 - the one and only time he saw his first grandson who was nine months old (he has yet to meet his second grandson who will be three this month). My mom, the last time she saw us (previously lived about an hour away) was when we were back "home" visiting this summer for a couple of nights after work. I sent her an email on her birthday last month because it's the "right" thing to do. I may not go out of my way to have them involved in my life but have never gone out of my way to keep my kids from them. When my boys are old enough, if they want to be closer to them, that's fine by me - I would never stand in the way of that. I struggle a lot since I don't want them to get hurt like I have but don't want to take away from their relationship as grandparent/child.

It's not that I want people to "bow down to me" - I've just been burned far too many times to let anyone else in. I'm sure part of the problem is me - not willing to let others in - but I'm very clear and upfront once I let people in just a little bit that I'm a tough cookie, keep to myself and like it that way. Inside I honestly hate it but would never tell anyone that. I would love to have friends come over and hang out or have a nice "girl's night out" with. That just won't happen with me and I'm used to that. I've had great friends who have just stabbed me in the back time after time so I've kind of "given up". Maybe Kate's just in the same place???
I know I tend to defend Kate but I guess that's who I would more identify with. I can't relate to Jon's behaviour and running out dating all kinds of different people. I can understand Kate being a working mom and worrying about not wanting to go back to where she's come from (I grew up very poor and am so proud to have a wonderful job and be able to get my kids the things they need and occassionaly want and do our little Disney trips - I'm terrified of being "poor" again).

Well can I just send you a big

I can also understand not being "close" to family. I learned, and so did my husband even earlier, that we, ourselves, could not rely on family. Some friends have disappointed us too. But not being "close" with and cutting them off from all contact from children are two different things.

With both our families we have had to set firm boundaries, but we have always stayed in contact. We have also gone a long way to help them as they aged, even though we do not agree with them. Or they with us. Why do we keep in contact? Because thyey have good qualities and they love (or loved as 2 are now no longer here) us. And we loved and love them too.

My feeling is that you can and should cut off all contact if, and only if, such contact is really dangerous. Think violence, sexual abuse, acute alcoholism. Not because of a snit or disagreement.

We had big problems setting boundaries with my in-laws when we had little ones. They really loved the idea of grandchildren in the abstract and wanted to have them visit, stay over and often offered to babysit. But their house was a deathtrap and neither had the least idea of how to care for small children, or the patience. Think hoarders (real hoarders with stuff to the ceilings) and with guns and unsecured ammunition.

Nope. The kids had supervised contact with them at our house. We did not cut off contact because we personally hate guns and mess is potentially dangerous for toddlers. With my parents, pretty much the same although the problems were different. My Dad was a yeller and a hitter. We were not, and needed to protect our kids from that. But the kids were allowed and encouraged to interact with these family members on our carefully negotiated terms.

Back to the Gosselins:

Unless Kate's parents were really malign, it makes no sense to me to cut them off totally from the grandchildren. Apparently Kate's Mom looked after the twins when she was on bed-rest for the tups, so I guess her parents were not truly awful . . . They were trusted with Mady and Cara.

It is not the lack of closeness displayed by Kate that bothers me. It is the all or nothing . . .

She now "only trusts 6 people." 4 of whom are supposedly the Neilds. Are the other two also paid employees? That is so sad.

 

[madge]

She now "only trusts 6 people." 4 of whom are supposedly the Neilds. Are the other two also paid employees? That is so sad.

I think Jamie Ayers is one, she referenced her in the show.

 

[mhsjax]

I don't talk to anyone in my family - no one. Honestly, the last person I talked to was an email to my mom on her birthday saying "Happy Birthday". The rest of my family cut me out years ago - that's another story for another day. DH's family is the total opposite of mine - call and talk to each other 10 times a day, always at each other's house, always together. I can't tell you how hard it is to be around them sometimes - I'm just not used to that at all. I don't talk to his family either. They do come to visit (before we moved, we were within about 10 minutes of his entire family so they were always over, we're now about 1000 miles away) which is great but I still rarely talk with them - answer questions and that's about it. Has his family helped us out? Sure - his mom used to watch the kids often for me. Have they complained about me? I'm sure that they have which is fine if that's what they feel they need to do.

For me, it was my choice with some of them (to stop the cycle of abuse and hurt) and some of them it was their choice I would guess (just quit talking to my family during/after the divorce of my parents). I wouldn't say I'd "used" any of them to get where I am today.

I guess my purpose in putting so much out there is just that we don't know what's happened "behind the scenes". I could tell you horror stories about stolen identites, abuse, false accusations and much more but there's no point in airring dirty laundry...I like to take the high road! No one would know until I told them about my past - and everyone's shocked when I do tell them. But it does help them understand why I keep to myself most of the time. There could be a million reasons why Kate's not close to her family or why they've chosen not to be close to Kate. Maybe they're all again the family's choice to be on tv....who knows!

I really am truly sorry about your family, and I DO believe you, things do happen. Almost all of us have at least some family drama, some worse than others. But you did say that your hubby's family was over at your house alot, true you may not have known how to deal with them and that it perfectly understandable in your situation, but it doesn't sound like YOU(like kate) Alienated your hubby's family and I happen to believe that she did that to Jon's family. See the difference. If one is to believe all of the reports(and I do) about how Kate acted when her fathers church gave her donations, no wonder they don't want to associated with her. And because I believe that she acted this way with her own family, I believe that she has acted that way with Jon's family. I see Kate as the problem not her family and with the limited info that you have given me and with you tone of your posts I would say that in your case it is your family that is the problem and not you. Viva la difference, (sorry I flunked French). lol

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

She now "only trusts 6 people." 4 of whom are supposedly the Neilds. Are the other two also paid employees? That is so sad.

Who are the Neilds?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Viva la difference, (sorry I flunked French). lol

Tres bien...I think. It looks correct anyway.



I thought Jon's mom remarried and that wasn't so much cut off contact as she was unavailable? Correct me if I am wrong, but I didn't think that was a Kate directed relational cut off. I don't know though.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think Jamie Ayers is one, she referenced her in the show.

And who is this person?

I thought I was keeping up--but I guess not.

 

[mhsjax]

Tres bien...I think. It looks correct anyway.



I thought Jon's mom remarried and that wasn't so much cut off contact as she was unavailable? Correct me if I am wrong, but I didn't think that was a Kate directed relational cut off. I don't know though.

I don't know either, but for some reason I have it in my head that she did. but I could be wrong.

 

[madge]

And who is this person?

I thought I was keeping up--but I guess not.

A friend of Kate's ...

http://www.radaronline.com/category/tags/jamie-ayers

The Neilds are the bodyguard and family.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't know either, but for some reason I have it in my head that she did. but I could be wrong.

I've heard it both ways, thus my confusion.

 

[DMRick]

If one is to believe all of the reports(and I do) about how Kate acted when her fathers church gave her donations, no wonder they don't want to associated with her.

Although many agree that Kate's attitude could stand some adjusting (and unless everyone from their families come forward with all the past that has gone on, together and they all share with us, including Kate, we'll never know the whole story of why who talks to who, and who doesn't), I happen to agree with the reasons Kate did not take the cribs. They were used cribs from people's attics. Some were quite old. When someone found out that Kate needed cribs, new ones were donated. That was much safer, IMO. The people in the church understood. I do not think that is why her dad and her had a disagreement, if in fact they did.

 

[walden]

Beth was shown in a quick blip when they were moving into the new house. This was after being off camera for a length of time and speculaton that the relationship added. She was quick to get out of the way of camera.

I had thought I heard that she was going to school or doing something (she has some kind of talent ).

I think she's only "out of the picture" as far as the cameras are not picking her up.

I haven't seen the interview, yet--but my guess--no Beth in the tabloids...so no questions from Natalie.

I thought that was Carla, not Beth. Carla was also shown babysitting, at the yard sale, and I think also was at the tups 5th birthday party. Carla has been described as a paid employee, but was supposedly a "friend of Kate" from way-back also.

Beth has only released one quite dignified statement to my knowledge (which is not exhaustive). She said something along the lines of "they lived it, I wrote it" on Multiple Blessings. That was after the publication of the book, when Kate was on her book tour and rather pointedly not mentioning Beth's co-authorship. Beth has been out of the picture and off-film since she left the Utah trip early. Jodi flew to Utah to help J&K + 8 home. Remember Jodi? She gave them a lot of time back then, but then it all went bad.

So, Carla, Kate's parents and her sisters have so far said nothing at all to the press. I would hope they are given the benefit of the doubt for respecting her privacy. She can't accuse them of betraying her. Oooh, perhaps Carla is # 6, if the Neilds are 1-4, and Jamie is #5.

Poor Kate. I find it a little strange that her family are not jumping to support her. I can only wonder why.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I thought that was Carla, not Beth. Carla was also shown babysitting, at the yard sale, and I think also was at the tups 5th birthday party. Carla has been described as a paid employee, but was supposedly a "friend of Kate" from way-back also.

Beth has only released one quite dignified statement to my knowledge (which is not exhaustive). She said something along the lines of "they lived it, I wrote it" on Multiple Blessings. That was after the publication of the book, when Kate was on her book tour and rather pointedly not mentioning Beth's co-authorship. Beth has been out of the picture and off-film since she left the Utah trip early. Jodi flew to Utah to help J&K + 8 home. Remember Jodi? She gave them a lot of time back then, but then it all went bad.

So, Carla, Kate's parents and her sisters have so far said nothing at all to the press. I would hope they are given the benefit of the doubt for respecting her privacy. She can't accuse them of betraying her. Oooh, perhaps Carla is # 6, if the Neilds are 1-4, and Jamie is #5.

Poor Kate. I find it a little strange that her family are not jumping to support her. I can only wonder why.

I stand corrected!! I think it was Carla.

Sorry about that.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

Holy cow! I've been gone to Disney for only 10 days and there's over 60 pages to read! You all have been busy.

OK, I've read some pages but let me be sure I've got this right:

The hearing went well, Jon repaid the $ and Kate didn't show up?

Kevin & Jodi reunited with the kids?

Jon's attorney has dropped him again?

Gosh, I missed you guys. But I have to say that Disney was awesome! Hope everyone is doing well.