Joking about the teenage boyfriend.

[ckay87]

You know, it's a popular thing for a dad to joke about his daughter's dating, saying how he'll meet the boy at the door with a shotgun etc. etc. You've heard variations of this. Kelly Rippa even made a similar joke on the show yesterday and it made me think.

Am I the only mother of sons who is not amused by this? Every time I hear this type of joking, I really just kind of find it sick. I have a pretty good sense of humor, but I don't find the prospect of my boys being threatened with a deadly weapon....joking or otherwise....to be funny in the least. If I laughed about your daughter coming around and how I'd chase her away with a rifle, would you even chuckle?

And yes I know it's a joke. But DS did have one girlfriend whose dad was pretty rude, probably for no reason other than DS was there as a boyfriend. It really hurt DS's feelings and I had no excuse to offer for the man. Anyway...just remember that when a boyfriend comes around, that is somebody's child also.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

AS long as its not too over-the-top...I think its fine for Dad to razz a teen boy about dating his daughter some.

 

[Camicar]

Given what I know of teenage boys, striking fear into their hearts is the best possible attitude for a father of a teen girl to take.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Given what I know of teenage boys, striking fear into their hearts is the best possible attitude for a father of a teen girl to take.

I totally agree.

And for the record, I have two teen boys, and I expect that the dads of their girl friends are going to make that joke, and that the boys should take it as a thinly veiled threat.

 

[Hercules10]

Given what I know of teenage boys, striking fear into their hearts is the best possible attitude for a father of a teen girl to take.

Amen. When the little horndawgs think that Dad (or the Uncle) is just a little off his nut when it comes to his girl (or niece) then maybe he'll think twice before doing something stoopid.

 

[georgina]

Yes, because of course everything is the boy's fault, and it couldn't be that his precious little daughter would do anything wrong!

I hear you OP.

 

[mumom95]

Given what I know of teenage boys, striking fear into their hearts is the best possible attitude for a father of a teen girl to take.

I agree. I have a daughter and a son, neither anywhere near dating age. But I used to teach high school so I'm well aware what a teenage boy is like.

As long as it isn't over the top, I have no problem with it.

 

[ckay87]

So maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think it's too much to expect that you treat my child with respect as much as you expect the same from me. If your daughter comes by, I'm not going to approach her with the attitude that I feel like she's a little hooker (no matter how much I think she might be

I know it's mostly all talk and joking, but like I said, we had a real life dad kind of act that way and it made me mad. I was always nice to his daughter and he was a jerk to my kid simply because he was a boy.

 

[Darsa]

DH already "teases" DD's boyfriend in this manner, and they're only 13; the boyfriend knows very well that DH wouldn't *really* do the things mentioned, just making it clear that we're watching out for our kid, something that a lot of parents don't do nowadays. Her BF still loves us

I should have expanded upon this to mention that a lot of DD's female friends scare the bejeepers out of me with the extent of their knowledge and INTEREST in the opposite gender. Often it seems as tho the jokes need to be switched to be about the girlfriend as opposed to the boyfriend. DD and I talk a LOT about this and what's appropriate and what's not. Hopefully it's sunk in.

 

[Va-bear]

Wow. I was prepared for folks to tell you "it's just a harmless joke..." (though, I tend to agree with you, that's it's uncalled for and not respectful to the young man).

But, I wasn't prepared for the number of people who think it's just fine. We should treat people with respect until they show us they deserve otherwise. Just bacause some boys are rude and over-#%*ed doesnt mean they all are. And, from what I've seen, just as many teen-aged girls are rude and over-#%*ed.....

If we think less of people that's often what we get - most young people are trying to be good upstanding people - let's give them a chance.

 

[LBKB]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander right?

You said it very well VA-Bear I agree 100%. Respect until they prove other wise. I know I wouldn't appreciate my 2 (18&16) year old boys being treated that way. I don't treat any girls that way and let me tell you some girls can be REAL pushy and controlling.

 

[DVCLiz]

I think it's rude - plus really tacky - to do that to today's teen boys. Maybe back in the day when it was expected that all daughters were virgins on their way to youth group and all boys were horndawgs (love that phrase!) but today you are just as likely to get a boy who is dealing with a "faster" girl.

I wouldn't want the dad of some boy my daughter was dating to say, "Hey, now, little jailbait, you just watch yourself with my boy tonight, you hear?" and I would never do it to a boy my daughter was dating.

Ugh, I think it's so tacky. What kind of parent would really do that in real life with their own child standing there?

 

[Camicar]

And, from what I've seen, just as many teen-aged girls are rude and over-#%*ed.....

Hasn't been what I've seen/experienced at all. And as I said in my comment, "Given what I know..."

 

[DVCLiz]

I totally agree.

And for the record, I have two teen boys, and I expect that the dads of their girl friends are going to make that joke, and that the boys should take it as a thinly veiled threat.

But do you feel equally comfortable saying the same kinds of things to their girl dates?

 

[SCHBR'smom]

OP, I think you're being overly sensitive. A joke is a joke, get over it. The dad who was rude could just be a jerk and be like that to everyone. Or, he may have been having a bad day. Or, he could just be over protective.
Girls may not have to deal with that kind of joke, but they do have to deal with a boy's mama. And some mama's can be over the top about their sons and can accuse a girl of controlling their son or taking him away from her. When I started dating DH, I was 15 and my inlaws thought I was controlling him and taking him away from them. Far from it. If you know him, you know no one can control him. If I tried, it would have pushed him away. They just didn't like him growing up. It does work both ways, its hard for a parent to watch their child grow up and start dating and becoming independent. They all deal with it differently. That joke is to let you know that I'm watching my daughter, that's it.
I have a son and I won't be upset about that joke. If the dad actually puts a gun in his face, then I would be upset, but not at just the words. And the day my oldest DD was born, my DH said he had the shotgun ready.

 

[Hercules10]

But do you feel equally comfortable saying the same kinds of things to their girl dates?

My mother used to to our dates.

 

[DVCLiz]

Hasn't been what I've seen/experienced at all. And as I said in my comment, "Given what I know..."

I appreciate that your experience may be entirely different. Certainly girls in a particular city or environment may present an entirely different attitude or way of dress, for example.

But in my city and in the teen population I knwo about, some girls dress very casually - lots of short shorts and low cut tops. And the girls are participating in the sexual behavior just as much as the boys, and at far earlier ages.

If a girl showed up to date my son and had short shorts with the word "Juicy" written across the butt and I could see cleavage, I would think she would be just as likely to be the one to start things as my son. Since I have daughters, we talk a lot about the message your clothing sends and we don't allow really short shorts or too much cleavage showing.

 

[DVCLiz]

My mother used to to our dates.

Ugh, gross. I think it's wrong on both sides - can't you find a respectful way to discuss this with your own child and leave the snide comments about someone else's alone?

 

[NMAmy]

What I find interesting is that the people making the "threatening" jokes were once teenage boys themselves and perhaps have some insight into how teen boys think. I'm guessing that they heard the jokes themselves when they were young and perhaps it struck a chord with them or they look on it as a rite of passage.

I have no clue, really, but that's the reasoning my ex gave me. Of course, he's a cop so having guests stop by and catching him cleaning his gun wasn't unheard of to begin with since he did that every day. Teenage boys interested in dd were more worried by the fact that she'd known most every cop in town since she was born and they were all keeping an eye on her.

 

[Hercules10]

Ugh, gross. I think it's wrong on both sides - can't you find a respectful way to discuss this with your own child and leave the snide comments about someone else's alone?

But that takes all the fun out of it!