Joke Contest

[SBubba18]

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up."

Right away, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

 

[Princess victoria]

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up."

Right away, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

that is pretty funny
that took me a couple of seconds to get though

 

[acesupercoolme]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Me, I kill you!


Not my joke... Jeff Dunham said it..

 

[VMK_MagicalLadee]

What do you get when you cross a pig and fireworks...


BANGERS! ^_^

 

[Axel]

Joke 1:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
You know.
You know, who?
AVADA KEDAVRA!

Joke two:

Two goldfish are swimming in their tank. One turns to the other and says, "I'll drive- you man the guns".

 

[VMK_MagicalLadee]

Wheres george and his muffin joke. XD

Two muffins are in an oven.
Onemuffin turns to the other and says, hey its hot in here.
They other muffin turns and says... OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!

 

[miniminniemouse]

there were two flies on the ceiling.
one of the flies said to the other
"hey your man is open"

haha

 

[Princess victoria]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Me, I kill you!


Not my joke... Jeff Dunham said it..

bahaha that is one of the funniest videos i have ever seen

 

[dancergirlsasha]

there were two flies on the ceiling.
one of the flies said to the other
"hey your man is open"

haha

 

[VolleyballQt07]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Me, I kill you!
Not my joke... Jeff Dunham said it..

lmfao Jeff Dunham is freaking amazing! IMO, that joke wins...

Wheres george and his muffin joke. XD

Two muffins are in an oven.
Onemuffin turns to the other and says, hey its hot in here.
They other muffin turns and says... OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!

Jamie! That's freaking hilarious!

 

[ahoy kristen]

what's brown & sticky?









a stick.

 

[cindys_castle2011]

there were two flies on the ceiling.
one of the flies said to the other
"hey your man is open"

haha

wow.. i actually got that one the first time i read it.
hahahahaha thats funny

 

[cindys_castle2011]

First Joke:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”


Joke 2:
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

 

[Princess victoria]

First Joke:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”


Joke 2:
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

the first one is great!

 

[marypops!]

Wheres george and his muffin joke. XD

Two muffins are in an oven.
Onemuffin turns to the other and says, hey its hot in here.
They other muffin turns and says... OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!

rawr my joke!

uh... A man walks into a bar, OUCH!

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

“Why?” asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“Well, I’m a panda,” he says, at the door. “Look it up.”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

 

[SBubba18]

sometimes, i just stare at the stars in the sky and wonder... where the heck is my ceiling?

 

[ahoy kristen]

what is bruce lee's favorite drink?

WAH TAH!

 

[marypops!]

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupting Co...
MOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

[::Snow_White::]

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

“Why?” asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“Well, I’m a panda,” he says, at the door. “Look it up.”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

First Joke:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

 

[Ms.Squeakers]

there were two flies on the ceiling.
one of the flies said to the other
"hey your man is open"

haha

Am I the only one that doesnt get this?