JOINT CUSTODY question?? help????

[MOMOFMNM]

can anyone help me?

my dh has joint physical custody of his(our) daughter.

they share 1/2 weeks...
we now live 1 mi from each other (his ex and us) and live right next to the school she attends...it is private.

he has suggested moving her to our public school where my two girls go, it is one of the top schools in the state...it is also just 5 mins away from both homes...and they have busses she can ride

I am at home after school and on breaks and days out early with all three of them because I teach
we pick her up everyday from her school because her mom works downtown and my dh and I work only mins from the school and like I said I have all of them here with me after school everyday, no need to send her to daycare when she can be at home with her sisters and family...

anyway her mother now says she wants to move to another town 30 mins or more away and send her to that school...

can a parent w joint custody just MOVE out or town like that? My dh and I would have to drive an hour each day to take her to school then come back into town for work, and her mother already has to drive into town daily because she works in town

and who knows about who will keep her after school...

anyway her mother and her new husband say they want to build a house but they have no land, no house, and hers is not up for sale...

Does anyone know anything about shared custody??

can anyone give me some tips or advice??

I want what is best for our kids and the other seems unreasonable...
my dh is an involved father and picks her up from school daily and goes to all functions at school, etc...

we just have a good set up now and it seems so unreasonable for either of us to move farther away...it is not like she wants to move 10 mins away...we are talking a whole other town...

advice anyone??

thanks

 

[justhat]

I really don't have any experience with this but my guess would be that you're allowed to move. Even though it's another town, it's not like it's another state or something so that's why I would think it's okay. Maybe the dates each of you has your daughter would have to be altered or something to make it easier on everyone. I really wanted to say though that you guys sound like great parents so I hope it all works out for you.

 

[tmt martins]

It all depends on how the custody orders are written.Who is responsible for timed drop-offs and so forth.My friend had to take his wife back to court because she left the area and would not follow court guidelines.

Let her know your intentions and what you will no longer be able to do .They may have been taken this for granted and not concidered how it will effect things.

Good luck and remember this is still about the childern and don't punish or neglect them due to Adults making poor decisions.

 

[salmoneous]

Custody agreements are usually written and spell out what one parent can and cannot do. It may restrict one parent from moving out of a school district, it may not. Do you have one, and what does it say?

Note - it sounds like a friendly custody arrangement is in danger of turning less-friendly. I would get an outside mediator involved ASAP.

 

[punkin]

30 minutes away is probably not a material change so whatever is in the current custody agreement will probably stay (disclaimer: it completely depends on the law of your state). What does the custody agreement say? Is there a provision for moving?

If you are on friendly terms with the ex, let her know that this will disrupt the schedule you have set up. Also remind her that she will no longer get free babysitting or school pick up by you because you will not be willing to do that should she move.

Keep it friendly if at all possible.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

of course we are friendly

I see her every day because I watch dsd after school, even on her days


I do not think they had the best written agreement to begin with, they seem to friendly in a way, deviate from the decree... if that makes any sense


we are in no way starting trouble here just want what is best for the child for sure...and we do plan on seeking an outside mediator, that will be the best bet...

what will happen then??

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Seems that if the mother insists on moving that the girl should be put in the same school as your other girls and then the mother can be the one driving back and forth. Of course that's still not a good arrangement for your SD since she will need to spend more time in the car--in the morning getting to school and then in the evening when her mom picks her up. Considering the circumstances, the way it is right now seems so ideal. I hope it works out for all of you!

 

[jenks0718]

We are going through something VERY similar with my sds. His mom wants to move to Deleware County, PA which is a 45 mnute commute one way for us MORE in Philly traffic. Under DH's custody agreement she had to go in front of the judge, present her case and where she wants to move, and then it would be approved or denied. Based on mileage. So because she is moving within the miles guidelines he approved it. Not taking into consideration the long commutes for us with traffic and everything. We arent fighting it. We are so tired of mediators and attorneys and judges. We will see him and just have to deal

 

[aprilgail2]

My firend recently got full custody of his children because the ex wife decided to move 2 states away and expected him to drive back and forth every other weekend for visitation...the judge said no way did he have to do that and awarded full custody to the father....she hasn't been here to visit them once in 2 years since she moved!

 

[MOMOFMNM]

We are going through something VERY similar with my sds. His mom wants to move to Deleware County, PA which is a 45 mnute commute one way for us MORE in Philly traffic. Under DH's custody agreement she had to go in front of the judge, present her case and where she wants to move, and then it would be approved or denied. Based on mileage. So because she is moving within the miles guidelines he approved it. Not taking into consideration the long commutes for us with traffic and everything. We arent fighting it. We are so tired of mediators and attorneys and judges. We will see him and just have to deal

Jane

thanks for sharing your story, that helps a lot. The only thing with us is, they split the week...so we can not possibly drive an hour every other morning there and then back here...we have other children and jobs too...I don't know...I am sure they would allow it but it just seems like not in the childs best interest...it seems better to live where your child is already adjusted and happy and has friends and family around at all times and it seems like such a selfish choice, not saying that in a degrading way at all...but consider the pros and cons of that situation...

thanks again and I know we will work it out whatever might happen.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

My firend recently got full custody of his children because the ex wife decided to move 2 states away and expected him to drive back and forth every other weekend for visitation...the judge said no way did he have to do that and awarded full custody to the father....she hasn't been here to visit them once in 2 years since she moved!

we are considering this route too since we do the primary care of my dsd on a daily basis and are stable and here where she lives already...

 

[punkin]

we are considering this route too since we do the primary care of my dsd on a daily basis and are stable and here where she lives already...

Your situation is not the same. 30 minutes is an inconvenience, not a real barrier to visitation like moving two states away. (BTW, I noticed that aprilgail was in NY and in NY a child cannot be moved out of state without some pretty extraordinary circumstances. this is not the case in other states.)

 

[MOMOFMNM]

Your situation is not the same. 30 minutes is an inconvenience, not a real barrier to visitation like moving two states away. (BTW, I noticed that aprilgail was in NY and in NY a child cannot be moved out of state without some pretty extraordinary circumstances. this is not the case in other states.)

I did not say it was the same, I said we may likely go this route too, meaning court...that is all

 

[punkin]

I did not say it was the same, I said we may likely go this route too, meaning court...that is all

Well, good luck to you whatever you decide.

 

[Poohgirl]

I have a joint custody agreement as well with my boys spliting the week between their father's and my house. We live 5 min apart. If you have a court agreement stating joint physical custody and you do not want her mother to move, you have every right to go through the court and have them decide. Usually the joint agreement is only set up in situations where there is a minimal impact on the children's lives. If sharing custody, both parents living in the same town greatly helps children lead a more "normal" life. Sorry to say if she continues to threaten to move, if it were me I would suggest to her that if you can't come to some agreement, then perhaps the court will need to decide.

 

[BuckNaked]

It would seem to me that a reasonable thing might be to consider changing things so that you guys have her every other week instead of every other day.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

yeah I agree about the weekly thing but if she moves 1/2 hour away then on the weeks we have her we have to drive there to drop her off, there to pick her up and there to drop her off again and so on all week...that is a lot of gas and a lot of time on the road for her and us...imo...seeing as though we work and live here in this town. DH brother is a family attourney and just says take it to court and let them decide, they will weigh the pros and cons of each situation...

I am not harsh or bitter and I really do want to have a close relationship with all the girls and my dh wants to be very active in her life on a daily basis.

I am not her mother nor do I try to be, it is just in my nature and my profession to stick up for the "little guys" when they seem not to have a voice...

thank you all so much for the advice and help...I would hate to see this come to such a blow out because everything right now is very nice between all of us, we do parties together and sit together at functions and she and I talk friendly to each other...

just wondering why someone would want to mess with a good thing...for their own sake and happiness...
just like I wonder why my ex moved 5 hrs away from his own daughters...

sorry

depressed and anxious and 9 mos away from our trip
thanks again so much

I am glad I can come here and talk to someone, I can not talk about it much with dh family or even dh because I do not want him to think I am so worried about it all...we discuss it a lot, but you know what I mean...

and my own family and friends would only say what I want to hear and none of them have these situations like dh and I do...

thanks

 

[BuckNaked]

just wondering why someone would want to mess with a good thing...for their own sake and happiness...
just like I wonder why my ex moved 5 hrs away from his own daughters...

Perhaps because they don't see it as much of "a good thing" as you and your DH do. Just because you and your DH are happy with the status quo doesn't mean it is best for his -ex's family, and their well being and happiness is every bit as important as yours, wouldn't you agree?

I hope you can get it all worked out without a big court battle, but based on your comments so far, unfortunately it doesn't look promising.

Good luck to you all, though.

 

[Disney Doll]

Is she DH's ex's only child, or has she had children with her second husband? perhaps something about that is impacting their decision to move. Can you "flesh out" her reasons for wanting to move a little more?? Not that it is your business, but maybe if you understand their side and they understand your side, some compromise could be reached.

I do agree with you that the arrangement you have now seems so ideal, with everyone close by, allowing great parental involvement onbth sides and good relationships between the stepparents and parents.

I always feel sorry for the kids in these situations...no matter what, they end up the vicitm. Their little lives get upheaved, and then just when things settle into a nice routine...BOOM! Mom wants tomove.

 

[S. C.]

yeah I agree about the weekly thing but if she moves 1/2 hour away then on the weeks we have her we have to drive there to drop her off, there to pick her up and there to drop her off again and so on all week...that is a lot of gas and a lot of time on the road for her and us...imo...seeing as though we work and live here in this town. DH brother is a family attourney and just says take it to court and let them decide, they will weigh the pros and cons of each situation...

Sometimes the courts will order that the parents have a meeting place in the middle to exchange the child. Or that you guys would pick her up when it is your time with her and mom has to come and get her when it is time for her to go back.