JOINT CUSTODY question?? help????

[BuckNaked]

That says it all for me.

If the mom really cares about her child then she can make the commute when it is her turn. Why stress out this child more than is necessary.

ITA as far as having both parties make the commute - there is no reason that only one "side" should have to do that. But from what I've read, the OP is wanting to stop the move and the school change from happening, and I don't think that's right.

 

[bettyann29]

Me and my exhusband have joint custody with me being the custodial parent.. My divorce decree states that I cannot move outside of 100 miles from him.. If I wanted to move further than that than Id have to go in front of a judge and get permission before I can do so.. Personally I dont think her moving the distance she is talking about moving is horrible.. I dont mean that it wouldnt change things for your DSD but its not that far of a move.. even though it will change things for you and your husband.. I wouldnt imagine a judge or mediator saying much about a move that of that distance..

 

[jodifla]

Nope, one husband, two kids, and we're all living together, in the same house.



You'd be guessing wrong - I have the same husband I started out with, going on 15 years now, and we're raising our children together. I just think it's sad to see what I think is a stepmother trying to come between a child and her mother. The jabs at the mother's work schedule, her comments (on another thread) about the mother not being able to stand the stepmom because she's a good mother, etc. Her comments certainly don't jibe with her claims that all was well until the mom decided she might want to move.

If you all believe that this is simply selfless behavior on the part of the stepmom, looking out for the best interests of the child, that is certainly your right. But based on the comments of the OP, I see it differently, which is certainly my right. IMO, this is a control issue, nothing more, nothing less. And I'm entitled to have that opinion, whether it is popular or not.

Yes, I thought the comments about the mother working 10 hours a day were pretty transparent. OP obviously holds a lot of hostility toward the mother.

And I don't think it's realistic to expect adults never to move because it may upset their children. Get real!

 

[punkin]

Yes, I thought the comments about the mother working 10 hours a day were pretty transparent. OP obviously holds a lot of hostility toward the mother.

And I don't think it's realistic to expect adults never to move because it may upset their children. Get real!

ITA. 30 minutes away is nothing. I drive my daughter to school each morning 30 minutes away and it really is nothing more than a slight bother. The mother can do the drive one way and the father (or stepmother) can do the other way.

If this goes before a judge, it will get laughed out of court. Now if she was moving out of state or a significant distance away, I might think differently.

Oh, and before anyone asks, I have never been through a messy divorce (or any other kind of divorce) It just seems obvious to me.

 

[momof2inPA]

I don't think you can keep the lady from moving, and seeking full custody could damage the entire family dynamic beyond repair. You will just have to work around it. Thirty minutes isn't that far. My kids ride the bus for 30 minutes to get to school.

I think you should try to keep the kid in the private school at least one more year for continuity, with the mom bringing her in, you watching her afterward, and the dad taking her home. Change one thing at a time, the move this year, the school next year.

 

[simpilotswife]

I honestly don't see why this child should have to leave the school district that she is in. Mom is certainly entitled to move but if the child can remain in the same school district that she is currently in where her friends are then why shouldn't she? Why should she have to go to an afterschool daycare program when a little flexibility on the mom's side would eliminate that.

I guess I am having a hard time understanding why people aren't trying to look more at what might be in the best interest of the child.

 

[momof2inPA]

are you a very bitter divorcee yourself or what?? If you are you should seek help...I have an ex husband who is in Iraq right now and we talk on a daily basis...and his wife (which btw he had an affair with when she and I were friends) talk often...I like her...we get along great and we visit each other while he is at war...so as far as being bitter or whatever I think I am not...

Just curious (since you brought it up kind of by mentioning how your ex met his current wife), was your DH still married when his daughter came to your daycare? Because, that would be awful for the girl's mom to lose her husband to the daycare provider then have the daycare provider try to take custody of the child. That would be a truly horrific scenario for any mom.

 

[justhat]

I don't know the OP so I can't speak for her, but my impression was not that she was trying to take this kid away from her mom. They have joint custody, so the kid splits her time equally between both parents. So why doesn't the kid just stay in the school she's in, or go to the public school in her dad's district so that her life remains mostly the same and the mom drive her the 30 minutes to school on the days she has her? To me that really seems like the best solution-mom and new hubby get to move to the new town, kid gets more consistency, dad and stepmom not inconvenienced by driving out of their way to/from new school. I don't think she was asking how she can get this kid, just asking if the mom was allowed to move cause it will upset the child's life.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't see how 30 minutes is that big of a deal people in many parts of the country think that is close. I drove my DD 20 minutes each way to school and back for years.

The child changing schools in elementary is no big deal - high school yes elementary no, my daughter willing changed school to go to a special program didn't know anyone and made better new friends.

maybe you should look at it that she is only moving 30 minutes and not 100 miles like that one poster said she could without approval.

Let's be real it is a divorce and the kids do suffer plain and simple.

 

[simpilotswife]

Let's be real it is a divorce and the kids do suffer plain and simple.

So as long as she's suffering.....what the hell let's make it worse?



I am amazed that everyone thinks it's okay for the mom to take the kid and move when there is clearly a joint custody agreement in effect.

How many of the "It's only 30 minutes away" people on this thread would be okay with this scenario if the roles were reversed. Think about it. What if it was dad intending to take the child and move her to a school in another city and mom and stepdad were the ones who wanted her to remain enrolled in the district she is in.

Sadly I think that the hue and cry would be enormous.

 

[punkin]

So as long as she's suffering.....what the hell let's make it worse?



I am amazed that everyone thinks it's okay for the mom to take the kid and move when there is clearly a joint custody agreement in effect.

How many of the "It's only 30 minutes away" people on this thread would be okay with this scenario if the roles were reversed. Think about it. What if it was dad intending to take the child and move her to a school in another city and mom and stepdad were the ones who wanted her to remain enrolled in the district she is in.

Sadly I think that the hue and cry would be enormous.

This is the way I see it. The OP and her DH want to go to court and change the custody situation because the mom wants to move 30 min. away. That is realistically NEVER going to happen.

My suggestion always was to talk to the mom and see what they could work out for the child. The mom moving does not necessitate the child's changing schools. She is in a private school and district doesn't matter (actually since dad lives in the district, she could still go to the public school there no matter where the mom is)

The OP does not seem to want to do that because DH's bro is a lawyer and they want to go to court and the mom is always working anyway and the OP is a better parent.

That's the undercurrent in OP's posts that we are reacting to.

 

[BuckNaked]

I am amazed that everyone thinks it's okay for the mom to take the kid and move when there is clearly a joint custody agreement in effect.

And there is absolutely no reason that the joint custody agreement couldn't remain in effect. So long as both sides are willing to make the drive, I don't see the big deal.

How many of the "It's only 30 minutes away" people on this thread would be okay with this scenario if the roles were reversed. Think about it. What if it was dad intending to take the child and move her to a school in another city and mom and stepdad were the ones who wanted her to remain enrolled in the district she is in.

Sadly I think that the hue and cry would be enormous.

Perhaps, but certainly not from me. It's not like the mom is trying to move across the country or even across the state. It's 30 mintues, for God's sake.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

I guess I just dont get it. Like I said my kids both live 30 minutes away and its not a big deal. Heck...my sons bus ride to school is 45 minutes

I just think that with FOUR adults, some type of compromise could be reached. As for the child changing schools...it happens all the time without too much of a fuss. I'm sure many of you on here have moved while your children were in school and they had to switch.

So as long as she's suffering.....what the hell let's make it worse?



I am amazed that everyone thinks it's okay for the mom to take the kid and move when there is clearly a joint custody agreement in effect.

How many of the "It's only 30 minutes away" people on this thread would be okay with this scenario if the roles were reversed. Think about it. What if it was dad intending to take the child and move her to a school in another city and mom and stepdad were the ones who wanted her to remain enrolled in the district she is in.

Sadly I think that the hue and cry would be enormous.

 

[BuckNaked]

The OP does not seem to want to do that because DH's bro is a lawyer and they want to go to court and the mom is always working anyway and the OP is a better parent.

That's the undercurrent in OP's posts that we are reacting to.

Exactly!

 

[punkin]

And there is absolutely no reason that the joint custody agreement couldn't remain in effect. So long as both sides are willing to make the drive, I don't see the big deal.

You must have been typing the same time I was. I just wanted to say that I agree with you completely.

 

[taximomfor4]

When I got my divorce, even joint custody named one parent the residential parent. Oh, and in my divorce decree, it states that I, as the residential parent, can move anywhere in my county or into any adjacent county, without forfeiting residential custody. If I move 2 counties away (which would be more like an hour's drive), I could forfeit custody. I did move 25 minutes away from where I lived during the divorce, when I was able to buy a house. My ex has also moved several times, and conveniently lives a bike-ride away for now. If I moved again, it would probably be 20 minutes farther out, and ex and I would communicate about visitation again. As dd gets older and her activities change, and school extracurricular participation changes, etc, we end up re-working arrangements around her. Basically, this is all done outside the order of visitation.

In the OPs situation, we are, of course, only getting one side. And on a message board, nonverbal communication is completely missing. I think there are great amounts of info missing, because of the brevity reequired on a message board. While I am confident that the OP is truly considering the DSD in her opinion, it would be impossible for her to do that without her own preferences slanting her viewpoint. Same for the DSD's mother. If she was so completely selfish to be making a decision to move that was detrimental to her dd's wellbeing, I would have to wonder how she has maintained even shared custody up till now, and how the OP would be able to respect her enough to have a usually positive relationship with her.

Sorry if my post is confusing...my usual eloquence seems to be lacking. Nursing School is burning out my brain cells, I think!

 

[simpilotswife]

And there is absolutely no reason that the joint custody agreement couldn't remain in effect. So long as both sides are willing to make the drive, I don't see the big deal.

Perhaps, but certainly not from me. It's not like the mom is trying to move across the country or even across the state. It's 30 mintues, for God's sake.

I agree on both of these. So why can't the child remain in her current school district?

 

[elismom]

Maybe there is another reason the Mom wants to move farther away.
Could it be you. That fact that you are willing to go to court and drag the kids throught that tells me something about you

 

[BuckNaked]

I agree on both of these. So why can't the child remain in her current school district?

If the two sides can work out an agreement to do that fine. Both sides apparently want her to change schools, and the mom should have just as much say in that as the dad, and the decision shouldn't be based only on what is most convenient for the OP and her husband. If convenience is going to be an issue, then the mother's convenience should be considered just as much as theirs.

 

[punkin]

I agree on both of these. So why can't the child remain in her current school district?

She's not in the school district. She's in a private school. Both parents want to take her out. Mom wants to put her in a new school where she'll be living. Dad wants to put her in a new school where he lives.