Jill Duggar's wedding

[MissManda]

Am I the only one that thinks saving the first kiss for marriage puts a lot of pressure on the wife?

You go from months of only side hugging and holding hands, to having your first kiss on the same day you are expected to have sex for the first time! That's a pretty big leap IMO.

Married or not, I think there is some time needed to build up to the comfort needed to give yourself to a man for the first time ( for lack of a better way to say it)

I can sort of see (in their belief system) saving your first kiss for engagement. But I think missing out on some old fashioned 'make out' time would make the wedding night a lot more nerve racking!

Oh, I think it would be super awkward and uncomfortable for both the man and the woman. One day you aren't allowed to hardly touch each other, aren't allowed to be alone together, or even have a private conversation. Then the very next, you are expectd to go all the way. It's such a huge leap to take in a days time. I would think that maybe the couples take it a little slower and spend their honeymoon working their way up, but with all the innuendo during Jill's wedding, you know they are expectd to get right to it.

 

[sk!mom]

I never watched until this courtship story line. It's interesting to me because it seems so archaic. Watching led me to read up a bit on the belief systems they follow and they are truly disturbing to me. It's fine to say tat the girls seem perfectly happy but if you read up on it- happy is all they've ever been allowed to be.

I will say that Derrick and Jill seem genuinely in love and he hasn't been raised in this strict system so I have hope that she will gain some equality and the chance to think for herself.

Jessa and Ben seem awkward and, I think< he's been raised the same way and is now working for the Duggars so although she seems like a bit of a pistol, I doubt there is any hope for her to gain any free thought.

As far as the whole first kiss and such, I am completely creeped out by Jim Bob. Why is he so fixated on his children's sex lives? It seems really abnormal. I don't understand why you would wait until the wedding to kiss but if they want to then let's respect their privacy and not discuss it.

I was glad that Jessa and Ben apparently declined to publicly kiss but then bothered by the fact that Jim Bob and Michelle kissed in their place- way to horn in on your kids wedding and bring the spotlight back on to you.

I actually hate even the tradition of asking for the parent's permission and would hope that when DD marries it doesn't happen. Even at 18, she's an independent young woman who can and should decide for herself who and when to marry. Her dad and I do not own her and will not be giving her away. I hope we will celebrate with her a big moment in her life.

 

[Pembo]

I was thinking we would be seeing a "premie" too with the fast wedding only 2 months after the engagement and Ben's dad's weird statement how they are praying the get closer.

Here is another good blog about the Duggars, although if you are a Duggar supporter, you probably do not want to read it.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/08/an-open-letter-to-duggar-defenders.html

Love this blog!

 

[aprilgail2]

As far as the whole first kiss and such, I am completely creeped out by Jim Bob. Why is he so fixated on his children's sex lives? It seems really abnormal. I don't understand why you would wait until the wedding to kiss but if they want to then let's respect their privacy and not discuss it.

I was glad that Jessa and Ben apparently declined to publicly kiss but then bothered by the fact that Jim Bob and Michelle kissed in their place- way to horn in on your kids wedding and bring the spotlight back on to you.

I .

I think Jim Bob is so fixated on his daughters sex lives because that is what they were brought up to be- just a baby incubator so the sooner they get married and start having sex the sooner they will begin their "job" of having one kid after the next.

 

[Southernmiss]

Here's something i don't get. The Duggars have their own home church because their beliefs don't completely mesh with a larger organized church, but they 'use' churches for their weddings and vow renewal.

Is it just a venue for them? If so, that bothers me. Or do they really want to belong somewhere.

Seems sacrilegious to me.

For the church's sake on maintenance etc., I hope the Duggars open their wallets and pay for electricity, upkeep and the use of the facilities.

 

[wilkeliza]

Here's something i don't get. The Duggars have their own home church because their beliefs don't completely mesh with a larger organized church, but they 'use' churches for their weddings and vow renewal. Is it just a venue for them? If so, that bothers me. Or do they really want to belong somewhere. Seems sacrilegious to me. For the church's sake on maintenance etc., I hope the Duggars open their wallets and pay for electricity, upkeep and the use of the facilities.

They pay a rental fee just like everyone else who uses a church so why does it matter?

 

[Southernmiss]

They pay a rental fee just like everyone else who uses a church so why does it matter?

To me, it seems that if you publicly explain that you don't need a church and the community every other Sunday then it's a double standard to say 'oh i need a church now for my wedding'.

I attend a church regularly and as a congregation we have a vested interest in each other's day to day lives--we celebrate good times together, we are sad in bad times together. So to me the Duggars are outsiders of that congregation and to me have said by their actions we aren't there for you, but you need to be there for us and our 2000 guests when we need a place to get married because suddenly our home church isn't adequate.

They had quite the army of volunteers to pull off Jill's wedding that was interesting to me as well.

 

[havaneselover]

Here's something i don't get. The Duggars have their own home church because their beliefs don't completely mesh with a larger organized church, but they 'use' churches for their weddings and vow renewal. Is it just a venue for them? If so, that bothers me. Or do they really want to belong somewhere. Seems sacrilegious to me. For the church's sake on maintenance etc., I hope the Duggars open their wallets and pay for electricity, upkeep and the use of the facilities.

I wondered about the same thing. The churches aren't good enough for them unless they need a big venue. The home church thing is very isolating when coupled with home schooling.

 

[htmom]

Shrug. I don't understand why its any different than other people that use churches, that they don't belong to, for weddings.
Lots of churches use venue space as a way to provide funds for upkeep and such.

 

[wilkeliza]

To me, it seems that if you publicly explain that you don't need a church and the community every other Sunday then it's a double standard to say 'oh i need a church now for my wedding'. I attend a church regularly and as a congregation we have a vested interest in each other's day to day lives--we celebrate good times together, we are sad in bad times together. So to me the Duggars are outsiders of that congregation and to me have said by their actions we aren't there for you, but you need to be there for us and our 2000 guests when we need a place to get married because suddenly our home church isn't adequate. They had quite the army of volunteers to pull off Jill's wedding that was interesting to me as well.

They only used the churches because the mega churches in the area were the only places that had enough space. They showed them looking at many other venues but none would fit 1,000 guests.

 

[mjkacmom]

No, I think it a difference in culture. I don't think there is anything wrong with it either way, but I like the show of respect thing better. A child wouldn't call their school teacher by his or her first name, and I think the dance teacher deserves respect also, but Miss Jenn is more casual than Mrs Dubillio.

My girls call their dance and CCD teachers miss first name, but their school teachers miss/mrs/mr last name, same with their friends' parents or my friends.

 

[sk!mom]

Here's something i don't get. The Duggars have their own home church because their beliefs don't completely mesh with a larger organized church, but they 'use' churches for their weddings and vow renewal. Is it just a venue for them? If so, that bothers me. Or do they really want to belong somewhere. Seems sacrilegious to me. For the church's sake on maintenance etc., I hope the Duggars open their wallets and pay for electricity, upkeep and the use of the facilities.

People don't rent churches in your area? I thought that was common everywhere. In my community the most beautiful historic church in town is booked a year in advance. It's definitely not all members getting married there but is actually a lucrative income stream for the church to have weddings every weekend. We attend a large church that is newer and a really modern style. It's used much less often as even most members choose to go with a more traditionally beautiful location.

 

[Southernmiss]

They only used the churches because the mega churches in the area were the only places that had enough space. They showed them looking at many other venues but none would fit 1,000 guests.

Perhaps. In our area, there are community centers and convention halls that can accommodate that sized gathering. Just wonder if those are available near the Duggars or if the atmosphere/sanctity of a real church is what they wanted. If so, to me that's using the church for selfish reasons. I need you today for my wedding and I'll pay you, but you won't see me again. I guess paying for the rental makes it a business deal and ok. Shrug.

 

[wilkeliza]

Perhaps. In our area, there are community centers and convention halls that can accommodate that sized gathering. Just wonder if those are available near the Duggars or if the atmosphere/sanctity of a real church is what they wanted. If so, to me that's using the church for selfish reasons. I need you today for my wedding and I'll pay you, but you won't see me again. I guess paying for the rental makes it a business deal and ok. Shrug.

Happens all the time. I don't get why your against it. My brother was married in a church he didn't see except for the day he got married. In fact he is an atheist and only did it because he didn't want to upset my grandparents.

Also most community centers and convention halls don't have built in seating (unless it is massive like a sports stadium) so you would have to rent chairs as well.

 

[Southernmiss]

People don't rent churches in your area? I thought that was common everywhere. In my community the most beautiful historic church in town is booked a year in advance. It's definitely not all members getting married there but is actually a lucrative income stream for the church to have weddings every weekend. We attend a large church that is newer and a really modern style. It used used much less often as even most members choose to go with a more beautiful location.

I suppose you're right. But the Duggars venue wasn't the typical older, historic church. It was a modern, remodeled space whose mentioned history was that it was where Jim Bob and Michelle had married 30 years ago. I guess that was part of the appeal for Jill. But for some reason the Duggars had not recently raised their children in that church. So the Duggars don't need the people there until there's a wedding. That's what was uncomfortable to me.

 

[olwyngdh]

My girls call their dance and CCD teachers miss first name, but their school teachers miss/mrs/mr last name, same with their friends' parents or my friends.

Nice to know we aren't alone in that

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Here's something i don't get. The Duggars have their own home church because their beliefs don't completely mesh with a larger organized church, but they 'use' churches for their weddings and vow renewal.

Is it just a venue for them? If so, that bothers me. Or do they really want to belong somewhere.

Seems sacrilegious to me.

For the church's sake on maintenance etc., I hope the Duggars open their wallets and pay for electricity, upkeep and the use of the facilities.

Many faiths or specific churches allow their facilities to be rented just like any other venue. While specific religions may have specific guidelines or rules about being active parishioners and members of the church, not all do.

Thus, the Duggars are no different than any other family that do the same thing.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Perhaps. In our area, there are community centers and convention halls that can accommodate that sized gathering. Just wonder if those are available near the Duggars or if the atmosphere/sanctity of a real church is what they wanted. If so, to me that's using the church for selfish reasons. I need you today for my wedding and I'll pay you, but you won't see me again. I guess paying for the rental makes it a business deal and ok. Shrug.

They looked at non church venues as well.

I can understand your sentiment. I just hope it applies to anyone who uses a church when they don't attend one.

 

[jahber]

Here's something i don't get. The Duggars have their own home church because their beliefs don't completely mesh with a larger organized church, but they 'use' churches for their weddings and vow renewal. Is it just a venue for them? If so, that bothers me. Or do they really want to belong somewhere. Seems sacrilegious to me. For the church's sake on maintenance etc., I hope the Duggars open their wallets and pay for electricity, upkeep and the use of the facilities.

I'm not sure I completely understand what you're saying here. Because they don't attend the church, they aren't allowed to rent it? Certainly they paid for electricity, cleaning, etc. That's what the rental fee is for. If a church didn't want to be "used" that way, they would restrict marriages to members only. As some do.

My church doesn't have its own building (neither does theirs). So, because my church is small (and so is theirs), I can't have a church wedding (and neither can they)? My beliefs didn't align much with the church I rented for my wedding--it was Anglican--but it's still a church and I'm a Christian. So, was I using the church, even though I don't agree doctrinally with them? If I had become a member just to have access to the facility--and yes, it happens at some high-demand churches--THEN I would have been "using" the church for my own selfish desires. I guess I'm just not understanding your point, unless what you're really implying is that you don't like home churches.

 

[Southernmiss]

They looked at non church venues as well.

I can understand your sentiment. I just hope it applies to anyone who uses a church when they don't attend one.

Yes, it does apply to anyone.

I was simply discussing a topic of the Duggar wedding that i hadn't seen discussed yet.

I've followed the Duggars for years--younger kids are really cute, how large families operate facinates me (have 4 kids of my own, which in many places is a lot of kids today) admire the Duggars for working hard and being debt free. But am truly puzzled, by some of their very conservative ways and then how they are very religious yet not belonging to a big church they seemed to realize they needed a church, as i would be for anyone.