"JACK & JILL SHOWER"

[momrek06]

My family has been invited to a "surprise" Jack & Jill shower. The cost is $25.00pp and there will be dinner/dancing all night.

MY QUESTION IS: DO WE BRING A GIFT??? We have paid $100.00 (4) to attend. I asked another person and that person said NO GIFTS...but they also were not sure either.....??

I do not want to go w/o a gift and look like a jerk OR for that matter WITH a gift and look like a jerk...UGH....

Does anyone know if when you go to something like this and have paid for the meal and entertainment you do NOT bring the couple a gift???

A CARD???

UGH!!!!

 

[Beth76]

Wow! What kind of shower is this--baby, wedding? I've never heard of anyone charging guests for a shower, or any party for that matter. Very tacky. Personally, I wouldn't go.

 

[rayelias]

Here's an idea...

Buy a gift. Wrap it up real nice. Keep the receipt.

When you show up, leave the gift in your trunk. When you walk in, make a glance to see if others brought gifts. If so, simply say, "I just wanted to come in, say hello, shake hands. Let me make the rounds and I'll go grab your gift and be right back."

If not, just unwrap the gift and return it the next day.

Either way, you're covered.

 

[Christine]

Well, I had to "google" Jack & Jill shower because I really didn't know what it was. Anyway, it is just a goofy name for a co-ed shower. It looks like the $25 per person is going to be your cost for the evening of dinner and dancing--not any part of something I thought would be part of a "Jack and Jill" theme. Sounds like you need to bring a gift too. Seems kind of tacky to charge people to come to a shower. I would think that if they were using the $25 per person toward a gift, they would have been clear about that in the invite, like, all montary proceeds will go to pay for the honeymoon or something.

 

[mickeyfan1]

Wow, I have never heard of hosting a shower and then expecting the guests to pay! But yes, you are expected to bring a gift, becasue you are only paying for what the host should be picking up.

I would have declined.

 

[hentob]

I would have declined.

Me too. Wow..Tacky, Tacky, Tacky!

 

[cepmom]

I've been to a couple of Jack and Jill showers, but never have I heard having to pay per person to go!!! Very tacky, if you ask me!!

If you like the couple, then maybe send a gift, but paying to go to a shower is unheard of around here. Maybe it's a regional thing???

I would not be going to it


ETA ~ just noticed you are from MA too...I've never heard of such a thing

 

[gris gris]

This is so weird to read your responses, because I've been to Jack & Jill's before and paid to go. $20 ticket or something like that (like buying a ticket to a bachelor party). Gifts were not expected. It was a blast, and a great way to celebrate the bride & groom together with family & friends. The Jack & Jill was in place of a bridal shower/bachelor/bachelorette party. I'd rather go to a Jack & Jill than a bridal shower!! They're tons of fun!

 

[helenabear]

Wow, I have never heard of hosting a shower and then expecting the guests to pay! But yes, you are expected to bring a gift, becasue you are only paying for what the host should be picking up.

I would have declined.

Same here! Very very tacky IMO!!!!

A shower is for giving couple gifts and meeting people! If they wanted a party, they should NOT have called it a shower! A shower is not the same thing as a bachelor/ette party at all.

 

[momrek06]

Here's an idea...

Buy a gift. Wrap it up real nice. Keep the receipt.

When you show up, leave the gift in your trunk. When you walk in, make a glance to see if others brought gifts. If so, simply say, "I just wanted to come in, say hello, shake hands. Let me make the rounds and I'll go grab your gift and be right back."

If not, just unwrap the gift and return it the next day.

Either way, you're covered.

GREAT IDEA!!!!

Yes, this is at a HALL, and they will have it CATERED with a BAND, so I am confused as I figured it the profits go to the B&G, what exactly will that be AFTER all the bills are paid....hence I was assuming a GIFT!

Both B&G have already been married. They are like 35yo! What I did hear as far as the wedding goes...which is Memorial Day weekend, is that they are building a house and would like gift cards from Home Depot or Lowe's Hardware Store....so I figured that is pretty easy with the wedding gift!!!

What I will do is get the g.c. @ Home Depot for the shower, if no one else brings anything...it will be for the wedding gift!!! AND best of all the g.c. can easily slide into my purse for the shower (I won't need to leave it in the trunK)!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I thought this was about bathrooms!
I guess I was not too far off.

 

[golfgal]

This is so weird to read your responses, because I've been to Jack & Jill's before and paid to go. $20 ticket or something like that (like buying a ticket to a bachelor party). Gifts were not expected. It was a blast, and a great way to celebrate the bride & groom together with family & friends. The Jack & Jill was in place of a bridal shower/bachelor/bachelorette party. I'd rather go to a Jack & Jill than a bridal shower!! They're tons of fun!

So does the money go to the bride/groom then or does it go to cover food and drinks? If the money went to the bride and groom in lieu of gifts, I would go and have fun, if it was on TOP of a gift, I would decline and just send a gift.

 

[Bearvet]

We've lived in Western MA for almost 20 years and this seems to be the norm around here. Friends usually organize the Jack & Jills party and people pay to go AND they bring a gift. They usually do a bridal shower also. I thought it was very tacky also, but everyone does it here and has come to expect it.

I've also been to weddings with a cash bar which I also felt was very tacky. When we lived in Ohio many of our friends did the "Dollar a Dance" at their wedding where you "pay" to dance with the bride or groom. I also felt that was tacky. So, it just goes to show you that there are different views on what's tacky and what's accepted in different areas.

 

[gris gris]

So does the money go to the bride/groom then or does it go to cover food and drinks? If the money went to the bride and groom in lieu of gifts, I would go and have fun, if it was on TOP of a gift, I would decline and just send a gift.

The money went to the hall, dj & food (bar was a cash bar). Whatever was left over went to the bride & groom. In lieu of gifts. They got wedding gifts at their wedding. But there was no separate bachelor party (money maker) or bridal shower (for gifts).

I think the difference here is a Jack & Jill really isn't a traditional "shower". It's a co-ed celebration/party/fun time!

 

[stinkerbelle]

So does the money go to the bride/groom then or does it go to cover food and drinks? If the money went to the bride and groom in lieu of gifts, I would go and have fun, if it was on TOP of a gift, I would decline and just send a gift.

We need more southerners here...I thought this tradition started in the south and worked it's way north. I'm seeing it more and more in New England.

Anyway - my girlfriend got married in 2003...she had a shower AND a Jack and Jill.

yeah - don't go there.

ALL the money/proceeds of the jack and jill - went to the bride and groom. (all the food/drink/raffle prizes/entertainment was paid for by the bridal party and the immediate family of the bride and groom)

then took home quite and amount of cash.

for me, as a bridesmaid...it was a nightmare. cooking, serving, collecting money. oye!

Since, in the OP's case...this is a SURPRISE "jack and jill" and a second marriage for them both...I'm guessing they are NOT registered and will be getting the proceeds from the party.

IMO...and only IMO...I don't like these. Fine - have a casual party with both the men and women...but dont' make people pay for it. JMO.

 

[golfgal]

We've lived in Western MA for almost 20 years and this seems to be the norm around here. Friends usually organize the Jack & Jills party and people pay to go AND they bring a gift. They usually do a bridal shower also. I thought it was very tacky also, but everyone does it here and has come to expect it.

I've also been to weddings with a cash bar which I also felt was very tacky. When we lived in Ohio many of our friends did the "Dollar a Dance" at their wedding where you "pay" to dance with the bride or groom. I also felt that was tacky. So, it just goes to show you that there are different views on what's tacky and what's accepted in different areas.

I think with a dollar dance at least the money is going to the bride/groom presumably to start their new life together-a hold over from when people got married pretty young. I think if you are going to host a party, then host a party and pay for it, you don't ask your guests to help pay for a party. If it were a mutual thing where say 20 couples got together and said, hey, wouldn't it be fun to get a band and have a dance for Joe and Jane for their wedding, great but to send invitations out for a party and THEN ask for people to help pay is rude.

 

[DaisyD]

Never heard of it. Personally if I wanted to go I would but I would NEVER bring a gift. I'm from MD and this is not common here!

 

[jekajekalynn]

Hmmmm.... I wonder if I could charge $$ for people who are going to my ds bday for Chuck E Cheese because of the stress I will endure with 8 kids under 7.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

In a hall?! With a band?! Sounds like a wedding reception to me!

Actually it sounds like a fun event, although I don't think I personally would have wanted two similar parties for my wedding. I don't like the idea of charging guests, either, unless it's made clear that profits will be a gift to the B&G.

 

[Bob Slydell]

It sounds like it's in lieu of a bachelor/bachelorette party, not replacing the bridal shower, in which case, no, I can't imagine you'd be expected to bring a gift.

I've been to couple's bridal showers and I've heard of parties like this in place of a bachelor/bachelorette party. I'd say calling it a "shower" is a bit of a misnomer.