I've had it with him!!!

[Shugardrawers]

Now this, boys and girls, is where in law problems are born If, as you say, it's more about the way your Dh has been feeling lately, let the 2 of them duke it out (so to speak). I urge you, implore you, to stay completely out of it except as a sounding board for your Dh and to welcome this SO with open arms when the time comes. Men are funny, my Dh's family didn't even know I existed until we called to tell them we were engaged. He had to do it in his own time and when he knew it wasn't a temporary thing. I have to admit I wondered if the GF could be a BF as well, and we could be way off the mark but either way it shouldn't matter. If your in laws aren't ones to discuss feelings or emotions then there's your explanation as to why he hasn't said anything about her/him yet. Let your BIL be who he needs to be right now and take this opportunity to explain what you can about grown up love to your children so that they don't resent his absence or come to hate the new person in his life.

 

[CEDmom]

Maybe I missed the answer to this question in one of your posts but, why doesn't your DH talk to his brother? I have 3 brothers so I have a pretty good understanding of the dynamics of the relationship between brothers. I just can't imagine one of my brothers getting his feelings hurt because another who he saw a lot of was became involved with someone. I can imagine there would be some sarcastic comments made to get the point across, something along the lines of "so, you only come home to do your laundry now?"

 

[Yardbird]

Gee, give the guy a break. I dont' see a reason for you to be so angry with your BIL. Give him time, he'll come around, that is unless you push him away.

 

[Mermaid02]

I can't believe he hasn't moved out of his parents house yet.

Sounds like the brother in law has finally got his own life. Good for him.

 

[disykat]

My first thought was also that "she" might be a "he" or that there are other issues BIL is working on that he's not ready to share. If he seems happy, encourage dh to let him know he wants to spend time with him and that the kids do too, but give him space.

 

[RadioNate]

If he's not even mentioning names, it could be because it may not be "her" name...it could be "his" name and he's uncomfortable coming out to you guys.

My condolences on the loss of your DH's cat

WOW, I was having a really hard time trying to phrase my thoughts....I completely agree. BIL wants this relationship secret for some reason, my 1st thought after the OPs 2nd post was that the new SO wasn't a 'she' and that brother and family may not be tolerant of that.

Also, what's the only guy friend 'rule'? That it's ok to ditch your buddies for a girl. Seriously, my guy friends used to throw this out all the time....