I've got the Cruise planning blues...

[FigmentSpark]

I didn't read all these posts but the ones I did I can relate to. I am the DH and do all the planning. I do talk about it a lot with DW and we will discuss the top few things and decide together but like the OP said, not once has anything just showed up at our room. Every cruise so far I have had something extra in our room for DW (except probably this cruise). I am not at all complaining but it would be kinda nice.
My DW understands what goes into planning all this and I sometimes I make sure she knows the details of the decisions that had to be made but I am just the planner. I kind of like doing the planning but sometimes I would like to split it out and delegate a few things.
Anyway, good thread for a little vent. It has never been an issue and I will continue planning and we will have great vacations. I don't think I would know what to do and probably have control freak out issues at this point if someone else did plan my vacation, lol.

I did delegate our excursions. I sent DH the link to the Disney excursions, a copy of the itinerary and said "pick". I also suggested he check reviews with cruisecritic, but I doubt he did, just like I'm sure he didn't research independent options, either. But he did pick, so that's something I didn't have to do.

What I hate is how the family teased me, as I was learning about cruising Disney-style. "Oh, look, she's talking about the cruise again." "It only took her 5 minutes to mention the cruise, this time." "Let me guess, something about the cruise?" "And there it is... she's mentioned the cruise again!" I really rarely brought it up, but I did want them to have some enthusiasm for it, like I do. Now, when it's only a few months away, they're much better about it and even ask me questions... on occasion.

 

[Shanti]

Are you the 'planner' in your house? As the husband, I'm the rare case of the guy doing all the planning...all of it. I do the decorations for doors, excursions, amenities, travel, transfers, on board fun, specialty meal, wine purchases, plan, plan, plan. Now, I like to plan, but as the planner do you ever get sick of "anything you want to do is fine with me" and "I don't care, whatever you think" or no response. In all the trips I've planned, never once has an amenity arrived at my door that I didn't know about. Never.

Just once, it would be cool to have a bottle of wine or a surprise massage planned for me. Nope. If I want it, I better make it happen. One time I bought myself a Keys to the Kingdom tour (as a Father's Day gift from my family), booked it, paid for it and gave it to myself on Father's Day, now my wife knew about it beforehand, but I basically gave it to myself...yay me.

I think I'm getting bummed out. No one ever seems to think of the planner.

Oh don't get me wrong, our cruise will be a blast, but man, just once someone come up with something without me having to plan it.

Just needed to vent.

I feel your pain about never being planned for. I have to plan all of our trips, but the upside is that I enjoy doing it. It would make me feel special for someone else to plan that perfect trip for me, but I enjoy giving and feel blessed that at least I get to take these trips. They are gifts for myself, as well as for my loved ones.

 

[mandylovesdisney]

I'm the major planner of the family...but the hubs does plan trip and/or "surprises". I say "surprises" because he can never keep it to himself so it's ACTUALLY a surprise LOL Just once it would be nice to have a surprise I don't know about.

 

[Amanda129]

I have always been the planner of trips. It doesn't matter if it's me, me and an S/O, me and my sister, etc. I do every detail. Yes, it would be nice if just once, someone surprised me with something while on a trip, but really, I do get a lot of satisfaction to see everyone else get excited and really enjoy the trip.

 

[Neptune's Fork]

I did delegate our excursions. I sent DH the link to the Disney excursions, a copy of the itinerary and said "pick". I also suggested he check reviews with cruisecritic, but I doubt he did, just like I'm sure he didn't research independent options, either. But he did pick, so that's something I didn't have to do.

What I hate is how the family teased me, as I was learning about cruising Disney-style. "Oh, look, she's talking about the cruise again." "It only took her 5 minutes to mention the cruise, this time." "Let me guess, something about the cruise?" "And there it is... she's mentioned the cruise again!" I really rarely brought it up, but I did want them to have some enthusiasm for it, like I do. Now, when it's only a few months away, they're much better about it and even ask me questions... on occasion.

Do they not have fun on the vacations?

 

[Iamaplanner]

I'm another one of the planners (or rather, overplanners! Lol)

Somehow I don't mind it when it comes to my family. My husband works crazy hours and doesn't have the time to do the amount of research I do. (That being said, I'm definitely the organized/planner type so even if he had time, I know I'd still be the one choosing). I'm picky and I know what I like and what I don't. I WANT to be the one to choose things I like. I probably would feel differently if I was organizing for extended family. Too many moving parts and way more work. Our little family of four is easy enough. And while I never hear anything like "thank you for all your efforts in getting this trip pulled together", my thanks is just being able to book what I WANT and being with my family having a great time.

The one time my husband surprised me with a vacation, he booked some random party Carnival cruise. It was enjoyable but not what I would have booked. We had never been on a cruise before and he googled cruises and that came up so he booked!!!!!

 

[FigmentSpark]

Do they not have fun on the vacations?

My family are more "in the moment" people, but they are happy to follow my plan. They just don't want to hear about it until they're doing it. I should qualify. It's my 'too-cool' teens that are like that. DH got into the spirit when he started looking at excursions. Really, that helped him envision doing something and became more real for him.

Planning's like that, I think. It helps you to get excited about your trip. I find the planning is stressful, especially doing WDW, but it's so relaxing to be able to just go and know you have a plan. There's no standing around looking at each other and the line ups and being disappointed. My family does enjoy the trips I plan. I don't think they'd enjoy it without the planning, but they don't want to hear about it beforehand.

 

[Toon crazy]

I am definitely the planner at my house. I love it though. I love the surprise and happiness on my DWs and DDs faces.

 

[RedSox68]

While I do all the planning (air reservations, hotels, cruise, timing excursions/specialty dinners, etc. and transportation), I should mention that my DH is always willing to do research -- especially if it involves maps LOL

For out last two cruises he has helped lay out sites to see, what is feasible and what we should leave out -- which helped me greatly with the timing schedule and ticket buying. Like many PPs have said, family members do offer thanks and "good job" comments, which helps in the "notice what I've done" department. But a physical/material/planned surprise would be an awesome change Those moments really truly make one glow.

Since I mentioned previously that they rarely do anything to surprise me as a thank you, there is one major example: when we did London in 2015, I spent 18 months planning everything, including purchasing tickets for sites and events ahead of time, etc. When we did the Downton Abbey tour, it was on our anniversary and my daughter knocks us over by surprising us with an afternoon tea there! That will stand out from our trips more than anything and it meant so much -- and I didn't have to do a thing!!!!

 

[Neptune's Fork]

My family are more "in the moment" people, but they are happy to follow my plan. They just don't want to hear about it until they're doing it. I should qualify. It's my 'too-cool' teens that are like that. DH got into the spirit when he started looking at excursions. Really, that helped him envision doing something and became more real for him.

Planning's like that, I think. It helps you to get excited about your trip. I find the planning is stressful, especially doing WDW, but it's so relaxing to be able to just go and know you have a plan. There's no standing around looking at each other and the line ups and being disappointed. My family does enjoy the trips I plan. I don't think they'd enjoy it without the planning, but they don't want to hear about it beforehand.

Usually when you're looking forward to something it's going to pop into your mind often so it's natural you're going to comment on it.

 

[Sir William]

I don't mind doing the trip planning, and in fact prefer to do it since none of my family has the mindset to do it. I also don't need a "surprise". I usually get a thanks or two, and that is generally good enough for me.

I would, however, like participating family members to give me some input as to what they want to do or what they want to see. I have to sit DW down almost forcibly to go over excursion possibilities (I pre-select ones I know she might like, but I want her to help decide which ones to actually do).

I'm currently planning a two-week family trip to Ireland for DW's 60th birthday, but I can't get her to provide any input as to what she'd like to do or see, which is particularly frustrating as it her special trip (her whole family comes from Ireland) that she has been wanting to do her entire life. But, all I get is "I don't know what is there so don't ask me about it." DD has provided some input (Titanic stuff) and DS will probably do so eventually (Games of Thrones film locations), but DW figures I'll pick all the right things "as always" so she doesn't have to do anything.

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

I definitely feel like planning the trips is a way to make them last for months and months instead of just one week. And then afterwards, I spend some time writing up what happened and paring down the pictures. So I make the experience last a few more months as well.

Unlike some PPs I am not one to have strong opinions about what we do, nor am I very picky. My issue is trying to get everyone else to agree, at least enough to make something possible. Once you get three people talking about their wish list for a vacation you are bound to have at LEAST four points of view. The great negotiator, that's me. The consensus builder. Or at least I try to be.

 

[mevelandry]

The further it went for me is my DH surprising me with «Let's go to NYC. It's my gift to you. Can you plan it?» ... Still, that's a start. XD

 

[richkaryn]

I wish i'd gotten "I don't care" or " anything is fine with me" when I wanted to add the dog sledding on glacier excursion to Alaska (We already had bus white pass/yukon tour and float plane). Instead DH said "the bleeding has to stop somewhere, and this is where it's gonna stop." That's ok, we will just have to do another Alaskan cruise so I can do that excursion (And I'm sure he'll agree because it was an amazing trip!) And yes, we did already have about $1000 in excursions booked, so I can see not wanting to add another $1800 for the dog sledding, but a girl can dream...

 

[richkaryn]

Oh, vent away! I could have written your post! All the well thought out, fun surprises. Snagging hard to get activities and reservations. Looking at all the reviews and feedback and carefully researching against my families wants and needs. Planning my own birthdays and celebrations! I do love it and will have a blast but it must be nice to simply walk into these amazing experiences without all the knowledge.

Yeah, I get the birthday thing...we just went to WDW and stayed at the Poly/AKL for my birthday and I really wanted (and strongly hinted) that I'd love a small Snow White cake during our dinner at Ohana on the night of my bday.....I also emailed the info on how to go about it to DH.....all I got was "that's so overpriced" and no cake. I guess in the future I'll handle that myself too but I felt like it would be awfully weird ordering my own bday cake, lol.

 

[mevelandry]

I sooo hope she has fun. I was kinda over it when we were explaining what a cabana was and asking her if she thought that would be something she would be interested in. I figured she would have a spot to sit in the shade and watch the grandkids with transportation there (she has some mobility issues) if we could snag one. She said she wasn't even going to get off the boat at Castaway Cay. Ok well whatever then you do you and I won't spend hundreds on a cabana you don't want to use sounds like a win win for me.

She sounds fun... :/

 

[aprincessatlast]

It's been eluded to, but ask yourself -- would you really be happy on a trip that someone else planned? I recognize that my need to plan comes from the control freak in me. Yes little surprises along the way (that bottle of champagne or someone buying a rain forest room pass) would be nice.
When it all starts to get to be too much, I turn over the wine list to the server and say "surprise me, don't go over $x". Check, one decision I didn't have to make.
Cheer up, your trips are better for your hard work and you know it -- deep down they know it too.

lol completely this! I feel super privileged to be the planner. I am never going to complain about that. The little surprises like a massage are not important to me on a vacation. If I got them I would probably be thinking what did you get that for when we could have used that for xyz....My favorite surprise is when I am told to get the souvenier I was looking at in the gift shop.

 

[richkaryn]

I stressed myself out massively planning Hawaii with hopping 3 islands for 7 of us......including me, DH, DS, my inlaws, siser-in-law, and nephew. Inlaws had not flown since late 70s or early 80s maybe. SIL and nephew had never flown....and none of them travel much at all, take vacations, etc. We travel alot. My first clue as to what an adventure it would be was when I was flying from Nashville to Boston for a family funeral a month before the trip. MIL says (to me, who travels a lot) "Don't forget to take quarters for the bathrooms at the airport." I must've been looking at her like she was nuts bc she said "When I use to fly to dallas we always had to have quarters for the bathrooms" I quickly informed her that both myself and DH had flown in the past couple years (DH 3 times in the prior few months for work) and there were no pay bathrooms. Bathrooms were least of my worry as I was managing flight with layover in possibly worst airport in US (MCI), a bus, 2 subways, and a commuter train just to get there.
I printed all the TSA liquid/carry-on info for her when I returned from the funeral. I went over it all, answered her daily (somewhat stupid and repetitive) questions for the rest of the month, etc. WE somehow managed to get thru BNA with no issues. We stayed overnight in LA on our layover....had to go back through security with carryons....and MIL has an open 20oz bottle gets pulled out because of an item in her bag.....she has a incurable form of cancer and carries a huge "walking pharmacy" so I figured that was it....NOPE...an open 200z bottle of water!!! Then in our island hopping, FIL gets pulled out....full size can of shave gel in his carry on. And they are not "live by a schedule" type people...so when we said be down in lobby by "X" time to catch shuttle, etc, we usually had to call up to room for them......we waited over 45 mins in lobby for them to come down for dinner one night.....All my planning, scheduling, and nothing......but I will have to say, at the end of the trip, MIL did thank me and say that this was her dream trip of a lifetime and they never would've been able to do it without me and DH (mostly me planning, but DH makes a decent "taxi driver' with the rental cars). And they did end up paying for a majority of our portion of the trip out of gratitude. But I don't think I could do it again. Of course SIL had no thank you for us.

 

[bethy]

I

Are you the 'planner' in your house? As the husband, I'm the rare case of the guy doing all the planning...all of it. I do the decorations for doors, excursions, amenities, travel, transfers, on board fun, specialty meal, wine purchases, plan, plan, plan. Now, I like to plan, but as the planner do you ever get sick of "anything you want to do is fine with me" and "I don't care, whatever you think" or no response. In all the trips I've planned, never once has an amenity arrived at my door that I didn't know about. Never.

Just once, it would be cool to have a bottle of wine or a surprise massage planned for me. Nope. If I want it, I better make it happen. One time I bought myself a Keys to the Kingdom tour (as a Father's Day gift from my family), booked it, paid for it and gave it to myself on Father's Day, now my wife knew about it beforehand, but I basically gave it to myself...yay me.

I think I'm getting bummed out. No one ever seems to think of the planner.

Oh don't get me wrong, our cruise will be a blast, but man, just once someone come up with something without me having to plan it.

Just needed to vent.

I could have written your post, too. For me it is not just travel but most everything. And my DH has never once in 27 years blown me away by a surprise. It just is not in his blood. So I gave up wanting that and starting trying to focus only on the great things about him. It was hard to give up that dream though.

 

[MaleficentRN]

Yeah, I get the birthday thing...we just went to WDW and stayed at the Poly/AKL for my birthday and I really wanted (and strongly hinted) that I'd love a small Snow White cake during our dinner at Ohana on the night of my bday.....I also emailed the info on how to go about it to DH.....all I got was "that's so overpriced" and no cake. I guess in the future I'll handle that myself too but I felt like it would be awfully weird ordering my own bday cake, lol.

That's how I feel about my birthday. I feel like a jerk ordering my own cake. But I guess I'd have to. Our first ever cruise departed on Mother's Day. I sent my children and DH links to the DCL gifts page and to the now defunct Shirley's Gifts. I didn't even get a card.