I've created a monster...need some advice

[disneybound2010]

I'm apologizing ahead of time for the length of this. I really need to vent and I would appreciate the advice


Ok, here's the history. My family has been involved in our community theatre for almost 20 years in one capacity or another. For about 13 years straight,I did 5-6 shows back to back every season. When I say I have poured my blood, sweat and tears into that theatre, I mean it literally LOL When my Mom passed away there was even a light that was donated and a small ceremony held there in her honor for all the work she did for them. I took a small break from the theatre, but have since returned, along with my sister and father. It just feels natural for us to be there.

Now, I have a friend who has done some theatre in high school and then some shows in college. She wanted to get back into it, but wasn't quite sure where to begin. Back in September, I worked on a show and my DS asked our friend to be a part of her crew. Everything went well and my DF is a real asset. The problem is that after one show,she has become OBSESSED. Going into the Christmas show, she was stepping all over my DSis toes, telling her how things were going to be done, talking down to me as if I didn't know thing one about the theatre or the people there(these are people I have grown up with) and making sure that those she does not care for are left out of the loop. We've never had a big problem with cliques and drama down there,but she is making it a point to surround herself with a small group and also cause some friction between others. I have caught her in a few lies now and that is one thing I don't care for and cannot stand. On top of that, her roommates, which are also friends of mine, are irritated with me because since she has become involved down there she has neglected all responsibilities at home and has even called off work to be at the theatre,putting her very behind on bills.

Tonite, I was speaking to her on the phone and she was telling me about the things she and a few other volunteers have been doing to prep for the next show and then made the comment to me that she shouldn't be talking to me about it because I wouldn't understand what she was really talking about or that I could possibly understand all of the effort she has put into this theatre. EXCUSE ME????? That really hurt. Like I said, I have been a fixture there for most of my childhood and into adulthood. I think I have spent more time in the old building than I ever did in my house. I let it slide, but she just kept going on and on and on. She made a snarky comment again about my sister, she asked if I really wanted to be involved in the upcoming show and then made some very rude remarks abut some of the other people in the theatre. I just at there listening to her and thinking OMG I have created a total monster and while I never had a problem with her outside the theatre,this is a side I have never seen and do not like AT ALL. To be honest, it really makes me not want to have anything to do with some of the shows coming up because I don't want to have to deal with her.

I'm sorry if this sounds whiney and childish. It's just that this theatre holds so many memories-good and bad-and I have always thought of it as home. I have loved volunteering there and have met so many genuine members of our community, but since bringing her in, I am left with a very bad taste in my mouth.

 

[englishteacha]

As a fellow "theater person" I'm so sorry that the place you loved has become full of off-stage drama! I think it might be time to sit down with your friend and have a heart to heart.

 

[freckles and boo]

I am an artistic associate at a professional theatre. I have never done community theatre but I do know the kind of personality you are talking about. It is tough to tell a volunteer to take a hike but if she is creating problems within the group somebody may have to sit her down and have a conversation with her. That person isn't you. Is there a volunteer coordinator or a production manager you can talk to about this situation? In what capacity is she involved? If she is cast in a role then someone may want to suggest that she concentrate on the acting. The best thing to do would be to set limits to her contribution and to not let her overrun the production.

 

[disneybound2010]

I am an artistic associate at a professional theatre. I have never done community theatre but I do know the kind of personality you are talking about. It is tough to tell a volunteer to take a hike but if she is creating problems within the group somebody may have to sit her down and have a conversation with her. That person isn't you. Is there a volunteer coordinator or a production manager you can talk to about this situation? In what capacity is she involved? If she is cast in a role then someone may want to suggest that she concentrate on the acting. The best thing to do would be to set limits to her contribution and to not let her overrun the production.

Well, her main area is tech. The first show she did there, my Sis was SM and had her assist. She was great and for the next show, she ended up SMing because my DSis had to do lights(while we have many volunteers,not many are qualified for tech) My friend has made a good many friends down there, mostly new people that aren't really familiar with our history and that don't really see what is going on. There are some that have seen what I am seeing now, but a lot just don't even know what is going on. She is also good at letting people see what she wants them to(she really would be better ONSTAGE) and, again, I wish that I had seen this side beforehand.

 

[Uncle Remus]

I'm apologizing ahead of time for the length of this. I really need to vent and I would appreciate the advice


Ok, here's the history. My family has been involved in our community theatre for almost 20 years in one capacity or another. For about 13 years straight,I did 5-6 shows back to back every season. When I say I have poured my blood, sweat and tears into that theatre, I mean it literally LOL When my Mom passed away there was even a light that was donated and a small ceremony held there in her honor for all the work she did for them. I took a small break from the theatre, but have since returned, along with my sister and father. It just feels natural for us to be there.

Now, I have a friend who has done some theatre in high school and then some shows in college. She wanted to get back into it, but wasn't quite sure where to begin. Back in September, I worked on a show and my DS asked our friend to be a part of her crew. Everything went well and my DF is a real asset. The problem is that after one show,she has become OBSESSED. Going into the Christmas show, she was stepping all over my DSis toes, telling her how things were going to be done, talking down to me as if I didn't know thing one about the theatre or the people there(these are people I have grown up with) and making sure that those she does not care for are left out of the loop. We've never had a big problem with cliques and drama down there,but she is making it a point to surround herself with a small group and also cause some friction between others. I have caught her in a few lies now and that is one thing I don't care for and cannot stand. On top of that, her roommates, which are also friends of mine, are irritated with me because since she has become involved down there she has neglected all responsibilities at home and has even called off work to be at the theatre,putting her very behind on bills.

Tonite, I was speaking to her on the phone and she was telling me about the things she and a few other volunteers have been doing to prep for the next show and then made the comment to me that she shouldn't be talking to me about it because I wouldn't understand what she was really talking about or that I could possibly understand all of the effort she has put into this theatre. EXCUSE ME????? That really hurt. Like I said, I have been a fixture there for most of my childhood and into adulthood. I think I have spent more time in the old building than I ever did in my house. I let it slide, but she just kept going on and on and on. She made a snarky comment again about my sister, she asked if I really wanted to be involved in the upcoming show and then made some very rude remarks abut some of the other people in the theatre. I just at there listening to her and thinking OMG I have created a total monster and while I never had a problem with her outside the theatre,this is a side I have never seen and do not like AT ALL. To be honest, it really makes me not want to have anything to do with some of the shows coming up because I don't want to have to deal with her.

I'm sorry if this sounds whiney and childish. It's just that this theatre holds so many memories-good and bad-and I have always thought of it as home. I have loved volunteering there and have met so many genuine members of our community, but since bringing her in, I am left with a very bad taste in my mouth.

Oh hell, I know that person!

No, not really, but I know the type, this looks like good advice to me:

I am an artistic associate at a professional theatre. I have never done community theatre but I do know the kind of personality you are talking about. It is tough to tell a volunteer to take a hike but if she is creating problems within the group somebody may have to sit her down and have a conversation with her. That person isn't you. Is there a volunteer coordinator or a production manager you can talk to about this situation? In what capacity is she involved? If she is cast in a role then someone may want to suggest that she concentrate on the acting. The best thing to do would be to set limits to her contribution and to not let her overrun the production.

 

[freckles and boo]

Well, her main area is tech. The first show she did there, my Sis was SM and had her assist. She was great and for the next show, she ended up SMing because my DSis had to do lights(while we have many volunteers,not many are qualified for tech) My friend has made a good many friends down there, mostly new people that aren't really familiar with our history and that don't really see what is going on. There are some that have seen what I am seeing now, but a lot just don't even know what is going on. She is also good at letting people see what she wants them to(she really would be better ONSTAGE) and, again, I wish that I had seen this side beforehand.

Stage managers tend to be control freaks (at least the best ones are ). Still, if she is alienating people and stepping on toes it is probably time to bring it up to someone up the food chain. Don't let her drive you away from something you love. Good luck!!!