Its taken me awhile to get up the nerve to post this, but..

Hugs! :grouphug:

I agree to check with an attorney ASAP. In some states 10 years is a "magic number" for the amount of years to be married to get the most of your DH's retirement/pension so be sure to ask him about it since you are so close to 10 years.

We are battling DH's ex over child support (he is AD Army) and have learned a few things the hard way - like the fact that his BAH is considered income in the eyes of the court and his CS is based not only on his salary but his BAH as well. Also your girls will be covered with TriCare and you should be until the divorce is final so if there is any dental work or any doctor visits you need for you then get those scheduled soon. Find an attorney who has experience dealing with military issues - I can't stress this one enough! DH has really been taken to the cleaners by his ex (that is why we are back in court with a new attorney now) - that's a whole other thread... :rolleyes1

Stay strong for your sweet little girls.
 
Oh and the more time goes by the more I think there might be someone else. I mean it is the only thing that makes sense. He is back in NY on TDY right now so I have been wondering if he's seeing someone as we speak KWIM? Heck, not to sound all daytime soapish, but maybe he has a "secret family" or something. I never would have thought it before but something isn't right with this whole thing KWIM.

Does he have a cell phone that you have access to the bill?? Look at the bill and see who he talks to alot or messages alot. I'm pretty nosey and would call the number.


It's really odd but sounds like he has the 7 year itch but just a little late. I know that your husband has been gone from the family alot. Do you think that he has just grown apart from ya'll?? While he was deployed, did he see some bad things or loose some friends?? I know that this is the major thing for my friend's husband.
 

I'm so sorry this is happening. It sounds like you're doing a very good job of being rational about what to do, and that's very important.

I agree. See a lawyer. If you don't have the cash, call your family services at the base. Someone there can help you. Get the separation documented before you leave. I actually got divorced in Maryland, since that's where we lived when things went bad. Up there, you could do something called a separation agreement, which documented what you planned to agree upon. But I'd have a lawyer draw it up for you.

I do know in FL, you have to be separated for 6 months to qualify for a divorce, and you will have to take a parenting type class. I took mine at the local community college with some other folks who were right at the 6 month window. Beyond that, it sounded like FL was fairly straightforward in the way they handle divorce (based on the other peoples' stories). They said that the court just throws all the numbers into a standard formula and defines who gets what. Given your situation, you will probably end up doing much better than what your soon to be ex- is offering.

I'll keep you and the girls in my prayers. I'm glad to hear you're going to be seeing your family. You need that support now.
 
First, I am so very sorry about what is happening to you and your girls. :grouphug:

While I am certainly no authority on divorce, divorce laws, etc, I have many friends who have gone thru it. GET A LAWYER BEFORE another day goes by, before you talk to you Mom, before you talk to anyone, else!!!!!!

In most cases, if YOU leave the family home, it will read that you are abandoning the marriage, not him. This could result in reduced support, since it will be a matter of his word-her word, but you took the action.

Please, please, please get a lawyer.
 
I have been through a divorce and at the time I just had my son daniel. Even though I was the bread winner it was still a hard thing to go through. My advice to u is take him to court don't take the 600 dollars there is no way any court will give u that with 2 kids and he makes 3 grand a month. IF he is military stay away from those courts they are there to help the military and no other. I learned that when my parents were divorcing. If he won't be there at least his money will help put food on the table.
Second sit your babies down and let them know that this isn't them that their dad has some things that he needs to work out and it has nothing to do with them. Thank god Daniel was a baby but I have seen it first hand with my sister kids. Kids always seem to make it their issue. Good luck hun. This is gonna be hard but god will never ever give u something u can't handle. :hug: :grouphug:
 
:grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through this.

My SIL is going through something simular. Her DH is in the army about 3 hours away from her. She and their two children are here in Houston since her family is here and they live with them (She is a SAHM). He treats her horribly spending money and draining the bank account. She has to go ATM on the day he gets payed or else he takes the money out soon after and leaves her with nothing. He parties and drinks alot, we suspect him of cheating also. She talks of getting a divorce but hasn't yet.
 
I am so sorry that you are going through this. :grouphug:
Definitely get a lawyer and some counseling.
 
First, I am so very sorry about what is happening to you and your girls. :grouphug:

While I am certainly no authority on divorce, divorce laws, etc, I have many friends who have gone thru it. GET A LAWYER BEFORE another day goes by, before you talk to you Mom, before you talk to anyone, else!!!!!!

In most cases, if YOU leave the family home, it will read that you are abandoning the marriage, not him. This could result in reduced support, since it will be a matter of his word-her word, but you took the action.

Please, please, please get a lawyer.

Yes, yes, yes! You do not need to think about ANY of the rest of this until you contact a lawyer. They will be your willpower. They will be your backbone. YOU don't have to think, feel or do anything until you have an attorney who you trust to look out for you & your girls.

I don't know if you yet know how strong you will need to be, but I feel sure you can do it. Mothers are amazing and I know you will be able to do this. ((hugs)) to you and your girls. I hate to hear stories like this but you know, it is soooo common. I know that doesn't make you feel any better but honey, please try and believe that life may be sweeter for this. Try and hold on to that and for now, just breathe in, breathe out.
 
I'm sorry you are going through this. I have no sage advice to give having never been through impending divorce myself. I wish you well in getting down this rough patch of road you'll be traveling down, no doubt it won't be easy on you or your girls. :hug:

I will say that I'd like to slap your husband up the side of his head though.
 
Get a lawyer. Now. One that is experienced with divorce and with the military aspect of it. Do not wait another second.

Make copies of all your financial information. date them so you know what you have as of "X" date. Put them in a safe place that he does not access to. Your parents, a trusted friend, a bank safety deposit box.

Ignore what he says about what he will "give" you. He will be told what to pay you. The beauty of the military is that if he does not voluntarily pay you, you can attach his pay and they take it off the top, before he ever gets his paycheck. That's a beautiful thing.

Do not, under any circumstances, leave your home. It is not "his" house. Tell him to go "scratch" when he pulls that crap on you. A divorce attorney gave my friend some very good advice once..."A woman never leaves her home". If anyone is going to be getting an apartment, it should be him. That is your children's home, they should not be uprooted unless absolutely necessary, or until you choose to move to a different location where you can make a better life for them.

Don't worry about whether he is having an affair. Who cares at this point? If he is, she deserves him. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I can't stand these men who decide after so many years that they don't feel like being married and then think they can make all kinds of demands. I always tell my DH that he better make damn well sure that if he decides he doesn't "feel like" being married anymore, that it will be worth losing everything he's ever had, because he will. This crap of "I'm the man and I'll tell you what I am going to give you"...take a hike pal. I'll tell you what I am taking.

Get pissed "R&HMom" and stay pissed. This loser is hurting your children, both emotionally and financially.
Get the Mama Bear out.
 
Disney Doll is right about everything. The courts favor leaving the kids in the family home with the parent who will have physical custody. Take your time. It would be better to get the financial arrangements settled before you make any drastic changes.
 
Disney Doll you have the best advice! Get that Mama Bear out! Protect yourself and your children!

HE IS NOT THE MAN YOU MARRIED AND DOES NOT DESERVE YOU...He didn't take it easy on you or "spare" your feelings...don't you dare try to spare him anything!

It sounds as if he will be out of your life and that of the girls after the divorce is final...happens to a lot of families....

Get a lawyer...make sure they are willing to bust Ba##s!
Don't move out!
Make copies of everything.

Best of luck to you!
 
Get a lawyer. Now. One that is experienced with divorce and with the military aspect of it. Do not wait another second.

Make copies of all your financial information. date them so you know what you have as of "X" date. Put them in a safe place that he does not access to. Your parents, a trusted friend, a bank safety deposit box.

Ignore what he says about what he will "give" you. He will be told what to pay you. The beauty of the military is that if he does not voluntarily pay you, you can attach his pay and they take it off the top, before he ever gets his paycheck. That's a beautiful thing.

Do not, under any circumstances, leave your home. It is not "his" house. Tell him to go "scratch" when he pulls that crap on you. A divorce attorney gave my friend some very good advice once..."A woman never leaves her home". If anyone is going to be getting an apartment, it should be him. That is your children's home, they should not be uprooted unless absolutely necessary, or until you choose to move to a different location where you can make a better life for them.

Don't worry about whether he is having an affair. Who cares at this point? If he is, she deserves him. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I can't stand these men who decide after so many years that they don't feel like being married and then think they can make all kinds of demands. I always tell my DH that he better make damn well sure that if he decides he doesn't "feel like" being married anymore, that it will be worth losing everything he's ever had, because he will. This crap of "I'm the man and I'll tell you what I am going to give you"...take a hike pal. I'll tell you what I am taking.

Get pissed "R&HMom" and stay pissed. This loser is hurting your children, both emotionally and financially.
Get the Mama Bear out.


I have to agree with you, DD, especially about not moving out. Hire a lawyer and whatever you do - stay put.

You are one of my favorite poster's, remyandhollandsmommy. Take care of yourself and your beautiful daughters! :hug:
 
I am soooo sorry that this is happening to you and the girls but believe me eventually look back on this and look at it as just a stepping stone to a stronger "you".... When I became a divorced mom I decided to come up with a new life motto.... Success is the best revenge!!!! This motto works for most everything but it started when I got divorce and my X thought that I would never get to where I am today...
Trust me it sounds like you have a great family and support system and you will be just fine!!!:thumbsup2
 
:hug: I've been through it too. It sucks. But, it does get better. Hang in there, sweetie!
 


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