It happened to us...

[mdsouth]

OP here with clarifications...

Maybe I am being selfish, but I want to enjoy the magic of WDW with just US at least one more time before we start going with all sorts of other people. Then again, we have been friends forever, and it would be nice to pass my love of WDW on to another family...ACK I am so conflicted!! This trip next year is planned for 10 days, I am considering telling her that she is welcome to join us for the second half. That would give us one day in each of the parks and one resort day with just us. Then they could tag along. Maybe? Of course, I would lay down the law about her inability to get up in the AM. We will be at the bus stop at X and if you are not there, then call our cell phone and find out where we are. I am a 'belly to the rope at rope drop I will sleep when we get home' kind of vacationer and I won't let anyone stand in the way of that!

And, like the pp said - I am not bringing up the trip at all again around her. Maybe she will forget it ever came up?

I think you are totally justified in wanting to take a trip with just your family! It is not being selfish at all! You want to be able to enjoy watching your own children's reactions to WDW especially for the first time. You might miss out on some of this if you are having to take care of your friend's kids at the same time.

I understand your dilema. On one side, she is a friend and it might be fun for you and your kids to visit WDW with your friend and her kids. So, your idea to invite her to join you for the last part of the vacation might work fine.

However, you definitely need to decide what you would do if she does sleep late and her kids are up and anxious to go to the park with you. Like you, I would not want to be thrown into the role of babysitter to her kids all day. Would you and your husband be able to watch all the kids closely for safety reasons?

It is one thing to be responsible for other people's kids at home, and another thing about watching out for them somewhere where there are large crowds of people. It would be like chaperoning a field trip! The kids (yours and hers) will be extremely excited and easily distracted or can easily walk away from you and they might not listen as well to you as they do at home. So would she be okay with you disciplining her kids if needed?

 

[antree]

I have been there with groups of people and I been there with just one family, you do need time for you and your family. If she is only going for part of your vacation then it can work out, and with you staying at DVC I would tell her;
"I just want you to know we will be staying in two different Hotels, because I will be staying at the Vacation Club and I don't have enough points for both families."
I would not bring up renting for her unless she asked, and then it still can be costly.

It works out so much better when they are in another hotel.
With her sleeping late she can just meet you at the park when she gets up.

Don't let her make you feel bad, if she can't afford renting DVC and she doesn't want to stay in a different Hotel then, say well maybe we can plan another trip the following year and it will give you to time to save for it.

 

[tweedlemom]

A family trip is a family trip! There is nothing wrong with just wanting to have a vacation with your immediate family. You sound like a very kind, giving person who thinks about everyone else's feelings. Don't forget about your own! If you truly want it to be just your family, say so with no regrets. If she is truly your friend, she will understand, and a future shared trip will give you a reason to go back to Disney again!

 

[mericletwins]

Tell her exactly how you do Disney.
1. I let her know we were early risers and we would not wait. We usually got out the door by 8:30. Some days they made it, some they did not.

2. I am not a baby sitter. but I made it clear, I was not taking anyones kids to any parks.
3. We made dinner adr's together, all other meals people were on there own.

Basically I just stressed that we were not joined at the hip. It turned out nice, when we got to the parks usually the kids like staying together but when one party wanted to leave or go they're seperate ways that's what we did. Oh, we also had cell phones so keeping in contact was easy.

I would ditto this. We have done Disney with several families at once and everyone did Disney differently. We just met up when we got to the parks. If someone came late or left early, that was fine. I would not use my points to accomodate them however, I would let them get their own accomodations. Sometimes we were in the same resort, sometimes different. It still worked out fine.

 

[Kim1964]

It really does sound like she wants to take the kids to Disney, but her DH doesn't, so she is taking advantage of the opportunity provided by your trip to take her kids but not be the only adult on duty. I think that unless you are staying at separate resorts, there is almost no way you can avoid taking care of her kids, no matter how up front you are about it. I think you and your DH have to get it settled between the two of you whether you are both willing for your trip to take that direction. If you aren't both on board, I'd find a way to tell her this trip is your family vacation and you won't be going again for a couple of years and you'd really like to have the time for just your family. That gives your friend 2 more years to convince her DH to go!

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

I know what you're going thru.

My parents & DH's parents have both recently said they'd like to go to WDW with us over Christmas (Dec. 20-26). I had to be strong, but I did get out of that one. DH & I just want it to be us with DD12 & DS9.

I don't mean to hijack the thread b/c your advice could help the OP too. Please, please share how you got out of it! We did NOT get out of going with DH's parents last year and we're pretty sure they want to tag along on our future trips too. They weren't with us the entire time, but it was enough. It wasn't horrible, but there were so some rough moments between DH and me.

DH does not want to hurt their feelings and says he can't tell people when and where they can go. I really want it to be just us. The in-laws live less than 15 min. away, so it's not like we don't see them all the time. They can be involved in my girls' lives in other ways! (Oh, and I won't even go into how MY Mom felt about us going to DW w/ the in-laws and not them. )

 

[daisyduck123]

I don't mean to hijack the thread b/c your advice could help the OP too. Please, please share how you got out of it!

With DH's parents, we just told them that it will just be us going this year.
Then we said, "Maybe next year, we'll all go together".

With my parents, when my mom said they'd like to come with us this Christmas, I replied, "Oh no, that would leave Bill all alone on Christmas! You can't do that". Bill is my younger bachelor brother (in his '30s,) who lives alone, with no girlfriend at this time. All of us live within 10 minutes of each other & always are together for the holidays. He wouldn't want to go to WDW. So now my parents will stay home for Christmas so that my brother won't be alone. Works out well for all of us!

 

[kjetjl]

I am in awe of people who travel with groups of people. It took us three trips to WDW for DH and I to get our 'vacation styles' in sync.
Everyone I know who has gone with extended family or good friends ends up having some sort of difficult issues such as :
1. early vs. late risers
2. budgets differ so it is difficult coordinating meals
3.differing opinions on which parks to attend
4.hurt feelings when one group wants to split up for a while

DMIL keeps wanting to plan a big Disney trip for the entire family....6 sibs and their kids.....I think it would be a nightmare but would be willing to do it if they payed for it. Disney is not cheap and we run a 'tight ship' year round so we can afford a nice family trip!

 

[Jill in Chicago]

DH and I also "use" each other as the "bad guy." I just say, "Traveling to Disney together would be fun, but this time DH says he wants it just to be our little family, so that's what we need to do."

I have read over and over on this board about disasters with friends and extended family. I say RUN as fast as you can in the other direction.

The other thing people think is that their own children will have so much more fun if other children are also there. This really isn't true. Children love when their parents play with them. Disney gives you the perfect excuse to really play. They do not need other children. They have you!

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

The other thing people think is that their own children will have so much more fun if other children are also there. This really isn't true. Children love when their parents play with them. Disney gives you the perfect excuse to really play. They do not need other children. They have you!

ITA! One of the things I loved best about being at DW with my girls was that I wasn't focused on anything else. I didn't have a house to clean, laundry to get done, meals to make, or errands to run. It was just about us being together and having fun!

 

[Allison]

Why not just be straightforward and honest and tell her you are planning this trip for your family only? That should be the end of it.

I would not have a problem telling someone that if that is the case.