It happened to us...

[sara74]

my friend invited herself (and her two kids!) along on our trip next year!

We have vacationed with this family multiple times before, usually a beach vacation. The beach works out okay, since she is a late sleeper, so her DH would come out on the beach with us, and we would all watch the kids together. But late sleeper and WDW are not compatible as far as I am concerned!

The friend's DH also despises theme parks, heat and the sun, so there is the possibility that she would want to join us, with her two kids, WITHOUT HIM! Or, as she put it, "I think DH would rather not come so I could come for 4 or 5 days with the kids and then it would be easier since there would be 3 adults around to watch them all'! So, in essence, she would be using us to plan the trip (which I actually must confess I would enjoy) and then using us to help her manage her kids because her DH doesn't want to come and she wants an extra set of hands!

How do I tell her that I (and I guess we) would rather not have company on our trip? This will be DS2's first trip ever and our very first trip as DVC members so I want it to be special. OTOH, we are going for 10 days, so maybe there is less harm in them joining us for the last couple of days of the trip? Then there is my hope of all hopes, that she either didn't really mean it, or that her DH will reconsider and they will decide to do their own family trip...

 

[dementia412]

no clue what to do, but I do feel bad for you.... it seems really selfish for her to just expect you guys will help her take care of her kids

 

[Tinkerbell424]

Maybe hint it to her in a nice way?

Or if you don't REALLY mind her tagging along the last few days. But maybe she will want to go off with her children and spen some time with them and just meet up with you guy's later?

 

[daisyduck123]

I know what you're going thru.

My parents & DH's parents have both recently said they'd like to go to WDW with us over Christmas (Dec. 20-26). I had to be strong, but I did get out of that one. DH & I just want it to be us with DD12 & DS9.

 

[eliza61]

We have vacationed with this family multiple times before, usually a beach vacation. The beach works out okay, since she is a late sleeper, so her DH would come out on the beach with us, and we would all watch the kids together. But late sleeper and WDW are not compatible as far as I am concerned!

The friend's DH also despises theme parks, heat and the sun, so there is the possibility that she would want to join us, with her two kids, WITHOUT HIM! .

Tell her exactly how you do Disney. This happened to me last august (my cousin and her family came along, we shared a 2 bedroom villa) and it actually turned out better than I expected because I was upfront and truthful.

1. I let her know we were early risers and we would not wait. We usually got out the door by 8:30. Some days they made it, some they did not.

2. I am not a baby sitter. My cousins Dh doesn't move on sundays, literally! (he says its his day to goof-off ) He actually sat in the room all day sunday and watched football. Hey, if that's the way you want to spend your holiday cool- but I made it clear, I was not taking anyones kids to any parks.
3. We made dinner adr's together, all other meals people were on there own.

Basically I just stressed that we were not joined at the hip. It turned out nice, when we got to the parks usually the kids like staying together but when one party wanted to leave or go they're seperate ways that's what we did. Oh, we also had cell phones so keeping in contact was easy.

 

[mommyaof2]

I know exactly how you feel! Just last night, my dad asked if I wanted them to go to WDW with us when we go back next year. I just told him that it is nice for just my dh and the kids to get away together without anyone else. My mom takes care of my kids everyday and she gets to spend way more time with them than I do. So, I look at vacation as Mommy time. She went on vacation with us last year, it was not at Disney, but I swore then never ever again! I felt like I was just a by stander with my children. They always wanted their Nana. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and they help out alot, but I think it is important to make memories that just include my dh and I and our girls. So, after we go back next year, maybe they can go the next time. I jokingly told my dad that they could go if they paid for it. Now that would be a different story. We could go twice next year then! Anyways, back to your story, I would just tell her no. Family time is very important and with it being your first time at DVC and your little one's first time, I would just tell her that you would rather do it another time. She should understand if she is really your friend. You don't have to be mean about it, just tell her. It is better to tell her now than be upset about it during your trip, right? Good luck to you!

 

[MiniGirl]

Tell her exactly how you do Disney. This happened to me last august (my cousin and her family came along, we shared a 2 bedroom villa) and it actually turned out better than I expected because I was upfront and truthful.

I think this is key. We just booked our first Disney cruise, and my best friend had been wanting to go on another one. I offered to book 2 cabins if I could get them at a good rate. She told me how much they could afford, gave me her cc# (yes, she trusts me), and I went on the hunt. We've traveled together before, and our styles really aren't compatible, but because we are upfront with each other it just works out really well. We're early risers. Her family sleeps in, so we have all morning to do things as a family. They have the evenings since we tend to go to bed earlier. I am happy to watch her 2 girls for an evening or afternoon, so she and her dh can have some couple time; and she watches ours for an afternoon or evening, so dh and I can have some time to ourselves. We know we won't be joined at the hip, and neither of us expect that.

 

[donac]

Be strong and set down guidelines.

I will vacation at DW with my sister and her family. The kids are about the same age and get along great. We also know that we do not have to do everything together. DS1 is 22 and ds2 is 17 and love to go off to do things with their cousins.

I don't want to travel with a friend who I have traveled to dw twice. The first time was without husbands and the kids were small so they were with us all the time. It was funbut she was on a tight budget so we ate at the campsite alot. By the end of the week I was craving a hamburger and fries. The second time there were more people and my dh and her dh came later in the week. She was a maniac.She had the dining plan and we did not. She was like a drill sargent. She considered it the last time that she would probably be together as a family so she kept them togther as much as posssible. By the second day we finally said. We will meet you at such and such time. It was a long week.

next summer we are going to Key West. When we started to discuss the things we would do there, since we are not lie on the beach type of people. We ended up saying that we would spend 4 days there and drive up to Orlando and spend 4 or 5 days at Dw. My friend just asked me what we were doing this summer. "Are you going to DW this summer?" I could honestly say NO but I never mentioned next summer. But I did mention it to my sister so that we could overlap a couple of days and maybe have the kids do something fun like a Segway tour, now that they will all be over 16.

Good luck.

 

[Love the Mouse]

I am not sure when you are planning to go to Disney, but right now till Sept. if I am not mistaken, Disney is running the friends and family thing. Friends and family can get a special rate @ $164 per night ($115 savings) at Old Key West and SSR. Maybe you can tell them that if they would like to go (if you are heading down, this is how much she can spend for a room at this resort), but your room is off limits.

I know as a DVC member how much the rooms are in points. I don't know if you were planning on a 1BR or what. But, I would simply tell her that you really can't afford the points to add on to a 2BR.

Being a DVC member is great, but sometimes when you have a timeshare, people think if they give you some money it would make up for the points. The way that we use our points, we can get 3-4 vacations out of it!

Anyway, like I said, I would just tell your friend that for your sons first trip to Disney is special and you want to do it alone, but maybe next time they may be able to join you. Or tell her about the friends and family special, but I would seriously consider the fact that you are giving up your points for someone else to take a vacation!

Good Luck!

 

[dana1003]

i would tell her that maybe we could do something next year but that this year you really need time to bond as a family(tell her you and your hubby are going to use this vacation like a second honeymoon kind of thing to reconnect) tell her you guys have been so busy that this was going to be your one week where you all bond and that your hubby is really strict about this. if she still becomes pushy about it- keep saying "maybe next year"-if she continues then dont feel bad about being a little rude..i mean she did kind of invite herself w/out asking you guys if you had any special plans for that week. and dont feel bad about it..i think we (woman) put to much guilt onto ourselves worrying about everone else feelings..youll be better off w/just your family and youll have a better time

 

[Zoemakes5]

I think I'd be really up front with her and say, "while we really enjoy the time we spend with you and your family, DH and I talked about it and we'd just prefer to have DD's first experience be with just our family." If their family takes offense to that, I just don't think they're the best of friends anyway. Because, while I love to spend time with my friends, the last thing I'd want to do is impose on their family time. While I may not think of a Disney trip in that way to begin with, if they brought it up to me that way, I'd back off immediately, and I think anybody that I'd be concerned about offending would back off if I said the same thing.

Honestly, I don't think there's a good way out of it otherwise. Being "up front" probably won't make the impact you want. If her DH doesn't come, then more likely than not, the kids will be up and wanting to go to the parks in the morning, but she'll be asleep or still wanting to sleep. Then you're put in the very uncomfortable position of choosing to bring them with anyway or have some very disappointed children there. Your children may be disappointed too, and wondering why you didn't bring their friends with. It's almost impossible at that point to explain that "you're not babysitters" or "that's what we agreed to".

 

[Zoemakes5]

I "use" my DH as the bad guy frequently, and have told the kids that if they're ever in an uncomfortable situation, that they can "use" us that way too. Just a note of caution, though, make sure the "bad guy" knows that you've put him/her in that role! Had more than one situation go awry when DH didn't know that I "used" him that way.

 

[smylie1]

That's what I do! DH and I are each others best bad guys. You don't even need a real explaination. Just an eye roll and and a, "I don't know, that just what he's wanting to do this year."

We've told our kids the same thing. They can call me every kind of horrible mom in the world to their friends as long as they use it to walk away from a bad/uncomfortable situation.

 

[MiniGirl]

I "use" my DH as the bad guy frequently, and have told the kids that if they're ever in an uncomfortable situation, that they can "use" us that way too. Just a note of caution, though, make sure the "bad guy" knows that you've put him/her in that role! Had more than one situation go awry when DH didn't know that I "used" him that way.

That's so funny. We do the same thing. My dh is out of town a lot; so when he is in town, Family time is a common reason we give people for not attending a function. I have also told my oldest (youngest is still too young) to use me as her excuse. I don't really care how mean I come across to her friends.

 

[donac]

We already told our sons that next year's vacation is to Key West and not to mention Disney to our friends.

We've also told our sons that they can use us a bad guys if they need to.

 

[virginiamama]

I know as a DVC member how much the rooms are in points. I don't know if you were planning on a 1BR or what. But, I would simply tell her that you really can't afford the points to add on to a 2BR.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Maybe you could tell her she is welcome to plan her trip for the same dates as part of your trip and stay separately, maybe at a value resort. Then you could meet up to spend some park time together, but that the trips would be separate. We have our trips for the next few years mentally planned out. We're taking DM and DMIL with us this trip, but we plan to try to fit in more than one trip per year for the next couple of years (while DSs are still small), so we're planning to stay in studios or 1BR for those trip. Point-wise we can't afford to take so many point-intensive trips and still get in as much time as we'd like. We all have different priorities in the parks and on vacation and it is so hard to try to fit into someone else's mold. We'll see how it goes with the mom's this fall!!! Good luck to you!

Oh - otherwise - stop talking about the trip, maybe she'll forget!

 

[sara74]

OP here with clarifications...

When we bought DVC we got just enough points to go every other year, so this is a bigger deal to me in that it is not like we will be going again the next year, KWIM? Also, we will have extra points next year as we don't yet need a two bedroom unit so the plan was to get a one bedroom to go with our kids and then make a grownups trip in the fall for F&W without kids. We invited the other couple to join us on that trip sans kids as well of course.

To DF's credit, she isn't asking to stay on our points, she was asking if she could stay at SSR with cash, which I know she can, so she isn't looking for us to pay her way, but she is looking for us to plan for her and to keep track of her kids for her, etc.

Maybe I am being selfish, but I want to enjoy the magic of WDW with just US at least one more time before we start going with all sorts of other people. Then again, we have been friends forever, and it would be nice to pass my love of WDW on to another family...ACK I am so conflicted!! This trip next year is planned for 10 days, I am considering telling her that she is welcome to join us for the second half. That would give us one day in each of the parks and one resort day with just us. Then they could tag along. Maybe? Of course, I would lay down the law about her inability to get up in the AM. We will be at the bus stop at X and if you are not there, then call our cell phone and find out where we are. I am a 'belly to the rope at rope drop I will sleep when we get home' kind of vacationer and I won't let anyone stand in the way of that!

And, like the pp said - I am not bringing up the trip at all again around her. Maybe she will forget it ever came up?

 

[Aristomommy]

I would suggest that if she is really insistent and you don't want a conflict, explain that you have reserved some special events that are difficult to change or add more people to. Offer to meet up a couple of times during the trip, and see if she is willing to take that offer. You can then do a half day a Epcot or a waterpark together, but still have plenty of family time together.

I understand your feeling of experiencing WDW with your family. Our last trip to DL was difficult for us as DH and I are planners and do the parks commando style with our kids who love it. MIL came with us and complained because a) it was a lot of walking and she wanted to sit down (and have us sit with her) and b) she had not spent a minute planning anything but was upset because we told her where to go next My mom, OTOH went with us to WDW and was glad that someone did the planning, she can outwalk all of us and thoroughly enjoyed herself.

Hopefully your friend will realize what she is proposing and respects your decision.

 

[mitushib]

Take it from some1 who has just been on a trip with a neighbor try and get out of it ASAP. if ur having doubts now u will be miserable later.
First things forst the kids didnot get along well. they r fine here but fro some reason long lines + high level of excitement mean two squabbling 4 year olds. I hade made all the plans but that ended up her + der DS4 going with me dh and ds4 everywhere. Now with us having to pull our kids apart every 2 min by the second day my Ddh got so upset i actually told her we needed a day apart. it was awkward and embarassing.

Thirdly if she does go with u please make sure to let them choose their own ADR's and have a few common. I chose for every1 for my trip [i asked her atleast 20 times about the choices i made wiht menu and all] and it ended up here not liking any food she ordered anywhere.i have no clue why but she ended up making all wrong choices. we on th eother hand got great food and services. its almost by the end i was defending disney from her because everything seemed to be wrong. she supposedly did not get towel animals. i got an average 3 eveyday. she seemed to have to wait long for buses we never waited more than 5 min. over all with the cribbing and all please if u can squirm out of it. some egos maybe hurt but better now than in front of each other room at the SSR

 

[DawnM]

Oh I feel for you!

I had a friend invite herself and her daughter on a road trip with us once and we had to explain that this was not just a road trip but a FAMILY trip. We rarely get away as just a family and we wanted to go alone. I blamed DH and said it in the nicest way possible.

She did NOT take it well and hasn't really spoken to me since.

Dawn