Ispired by "Last Christmas" thread

[justtemp]

If you thought this was your last Christmas, would you tell your family so, or would you try to act like things were normal?

I've struggled with a disease for many years. This year I suffered a major setback with complications which landed me in the ICU. I feel I'm going downhill, this time for good and I just have a feeling this could be very well my last Christmas. But I'm keeping it to myself. I don't want to mention it and make them think I'm trying to manipulate them into doing what I want.

I'm in my 40s, never married or had children. My only family consists of my mother and two sisters. My sisters and I have really grown apart and hardly act like family. My mom and I are very close.

I'm trying to make this Christmas as nice as I can for my mom. I'm trying to decorate our home a cheery and Christmasy as I can, but due to physical limitations there's a lot of stuff we can't do (like put the star on top of the tree). My sisters can't be bothered with this stuff. To one it's all just a big pain, and the other thinks Christmas should be like a Lifetime movie, full of romance. Christmas without a man angers her and she takes it out on us.

If I told them how I feel they would probably change their behavior, but I don't want them to change just to make a great last Christmas for a dying sister. IMO people should do things out of love, and just acting lovingly due to terminal illness is not worth much. Yet it saddens me that my last Christmas being so lackluster, sad and just crappy. I wish I could leave my mom with a memory of a joyous Christmas.

I've made up my mind about not telling, so I don't even lnow why I'm posting this. Maybe it is because I want to get this of my chest, and want to know what others would do.

Who knows, maybe I'll be around next year. But my health is bad, and I have a feeling. Still, miracles do happen, no?

I created a new account because I feel a sense of shame that this is my life. So pathetic. I don't know if I'll reply, but I will read every answer. Thank you for reading

 

[LuLuO]

This is tough. I wouldn't want people to be fake to me just for the sake of them not feeling guilty, but sometimes people need a kick in the head. If I thought that my telling them would truly mend the relationship (and that was something I desired), then I would tell them. If not then I wouldn't tell and I would just make Christmas with mom as special as possible.

 

[Costumesaremylife]

Do you have anyone you could call to help. a friend, a neighbor? If I was there I would love to put the star on your tree. I'm tall, it's always my job. I know that's not the point of your question.

I think if you don't want them to know, you don't have to tell. I understand that you don't want them acting christmasey for your sake. I don't know your sister, but if she is angry over not having a man it wouldn't take a leap to make her angry at you for things beyond your control. I say do what you like, and do it with whomever you like. If you can't ask for help maybe you could look up a local handyman to come and put up the star and string some lights or put up some decorations for a half an hour or so.

Ask your mom to tell you about Christmas when she was little, or other stories. I always like to ask my parents about things from when they were kids. Give her the nice memory of how lovely it was this Christmas. Don't worry about your sisters. Your mom will be happy she had time with you.

 

[wenrob]

This is tough. I wouldn't want people to be fake to me just for the sake of them not feeling guilty, but sometimes people need a kick in the head. If I thought that my telling them would truly mend the relationship (and that was something I desired), then I would tell them. If not then I wouldn't tell and I would just make Christmas with mom as special as possible.

We're all guilty of thinking we have time to let those we love know we love them. I don't know your sisters but they very well could just be oblivious to you're situation and not thinking about how selfish or ugly they seem. I think if they put on a joyful Christmas it could very well be sincere.

When I first opened this thread I thought, "Heck no, I wouldn't want that associated with Christmas forever after." But, this is totally different and I think you need to give them a chance to show that they DO love you. If YOU love them then IMHO it's the kindest thing you can do for yourself, your mom and them. (now if you've not spoken in years and don't feel they are family anymore that's a different story)

Good luck. I hope you update and I hope that you are wrong about this feeling.

 

[justtemp]

Thank you for your kind thoughts and replies.

I think that I'll just concentrate on trying to do the best for my mom and me.

This weekend I suggested doing things to brigthen the house up a little, fixing or replacing some lights that don't work and was met with "not having all lights work isn't the end of the world". They are busy with stuff with friends and too tired to help out here.

You know, it's pretty obvious I'm not well. I don't tell them anything, but they saw me at ICU, they know I'm constantly seeing the doctor, I take TONS of medication, so I don't know how can they even think I have years and years ahead of me. I guess they just don't think about it either way. But I really don't want them to make any efforts that don't come from their own desire or love for the family, so mom and I will do our best with what we have.

 

[Harley Quinn]

Hi all I'm a long time lurker on the these boards and never been brave enough to post before now.

First of all let me say I wish you better health and that you have many more Christmas before you.

To sort of answer your question this year because of circumstances way beyond my control I won't have my beloved 7 year old DS with me. At the time of writing I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost 5 weeks and it is unlikely that will change before the New Year. I have got to drop some of Christmas gifts and his stocking in to a centre next week.

Sorry for the tangent my point is if I'd of know last Christmas that I'd be without my son this year I would of stopped sweating the small stuff, the mad writing of cards, shopping till I dropped then the spending three hours Christmas morning fielding calls from friends and family and just hung out with my little man, played with his presents with him and just enjoyed him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the "frills and bows" are just that garnish what matters is the memories and being around the people you love.

Sorry for the brief thread hijack

 

[Liberty Belle]

First of all, you have no reason to feel shame.

I don't know...if your sisters know how ill you are and still are not making the effort, you telling them that you feel like this might be your last Christmas likely will not do much good, but you never know. Maybe they're fooling themselves thinking you're really not that sick?

My worry is that you'll tell them and nothing will change. That would have to be just a terrible feeling. I don't think it would mean they didn't care about you, but maybe that they'd stay in denial or something.

Do you have a neighbor who could help with a few things? If I knew my neighbor was that ill I would love to help them.

I hope somehow this Christmas will be the best yet for you and I hope you have many more to come.

 

[MIGrandma]

I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling as Christmas approaches. Would I tell my family, if I were in your shoes? I honestly don't know. I mean, I could say I would or I wouldn't, but until it was to happen to me I really can't stay for sure. That would be so hard. I do hope this isn't your last Christmas, but if you feel it might be and you've decided not to tell your family I hope it's the best one you've ever had!!

 

[4nana]

I feel your pain and send hugs, prayers, from Md that your C'mas and all your tomorrows hold love, hope, faith, courage, be pain free and hold a miraculous cure . Telling your sisters is a tough personal decision. Altho I'm not in your shoes, for me, I think I'd lean towards No. Be that as it may, try to let Christmas hold all the magic by celebrating the reason behind the season, while making special memories with your dear Mom . I'll pray your family sees the light and perhaps finds it in their hearts
to share the holidays with you. Pls try to cling to your faith and hope...for miracles do happen every day. ^j^

 

[justtemp]

Hi all I'm a long time lurker on the these boards and never been brave enough to post before now.

First of all let me say I wish you better health and that you have many more Christmas before you.

To sort of answer your question this year because of circumstances way beyond my control I won't have my beloved 7 year old DS with me. At the time of writing I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost 5 weeks and it is unlikely that will change before the New Year. I have got to drop some of Christmas gifts and his stocking in to a centre next week.

Sorry for the tangent my point is if I'd of know last Christmas that I'd be without my son this year I would of stopped sweating the small stuff, the mad writing of cards, shopping till I dropped then the spending three hours Christmas morning fielding calls from friends and family and just hung out with my little man, played with his presents with him and just enjoyed him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the "frills and bows" are just that garnish what matters is the memories and being around the people you love.

Sorry for the brief thread hijack

This must be so hard for you I hope that somehow you are reunited with your son in the near future.

I don't know...if your sisters know how ill you are and still are not making the effort, you telling them that you feel like this might be your last Christmas likely will not do much good

exactly

My worry is that you'll tell them and nothing will change. That would have to be just a terrible feeling.

And that's the main reason why I'm not talking about this with them. At least by keeping it to myself I can still think that maybe things would be different. But telling them and then getting an indifferent or even a negative reaction would hurt too much, not just me, but also it would devastate my mother. I just can't risk it.

I really appreciate all your replies. Your kindness, thougths and prayers have really moved me.

Yes, miracles do happen every day. I have been waiting for mine for a long time, and it's getting harder to believe it will happen. But maybe.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I will include you in my prayers, OP. Try to stay positive.

 

[Liberty Belle]

One question: Do we know that you, under your real username, are ill? It would be nice to be able to support you, but I can understand if you just don't want to bring it to the board as "yourself" and would rather just talk about other things.

 

[dislaney]

I don't have any real advice, but I do hope that your health improves and this isn't really your last Christmas!