Is your childs school PTO very cliquish?

[allicat]

I cant help but notice that the PTO members at DD school are very much a group that says they want parents to join in and participate but when I did, noone made me feel welcomed at all.
I cant help but feel that maybe other parents have tried going to the meetings but have abandoned the idea of attending future meetings because they felt like I did. Like I didnt belong there and I was invisible.I understand why this PTO has so few members!

 

[browneyes]

Kinda. My kids' school's PTA have a clique of the officers. They all get together for the PTA and their kids are on all the same ball teams together. Usually if I go to PTA, I spend time with my kids and do very little mingling. I usually just go on Family Reading night and in May for the Family Fun night. If my kids are in a presentation, I go, but I don't chat up with everyone there. I watch the presentation, talk a little to his/her teacher then we go home.

 

[CajunDixie]

Of course we are. Actually in our PTFO we've found that new parents come to the first meeting then thereafter they disappear. We do try to explain the "old" business and our goals to new people. Our meetings are held once a month on Thursday mornings and of course people complained yet again this year so we're having an evening meeting next week but I know it will be the same old thing....people will show up expecting to be entertained or think its all just for show and chatting and when they find out we expect volunteers to help with different projects they'll all have excuses why they cant help do anything at all but will want to complain about how we are spending the money we've raised from our fundraisers. We dont expect people to volunteer for everything but if they filled out the paper at the beginning of the school year and said they'd help then they should expect to be called when that activity nears. For example our school's students earned $27,000 through the fundraiser and we'll most likely spend the majority of it for a track and playground equipment. People will complain and say its up to the school district to provide these things but there just isnt money in the budget for those things. And out of about 680 students I'd say only about 15 moms and 1 dad and 4 teachers helped with that fundraiser. Pretty sad only 16 parents when we sent out numerous announcements asking for help.....help being anything from checking forms when they came in to setting up delivery in the gym to filling orders in the gym to counting money and passing out prizes a week later. I know the carnival in the spring will be the same way....it will be like pulling teeth to find 3 parents per class of 20 to work the class' game for one hour that night in addition to the help we'll need with the raffle, setup, cleanup and food prep. The teachers all volunteer to run the food sales that night so that at least helps up tremendously. We keep the prices of the food to a bare minimum so all families can afford to bring their kids for dinner. I suppose after being at this school for 6 years I've become a bit jaded but like any other volunteer organization it seems to be the same group of people who volunteer for the work all year long.

 

[Kallison]

I don't recognize cliques, therefore I don't feel like anyone is ever being cliquish, if that makes sense. I talk to everyone. I hate meetings, especially when they get off topic. I go out of a sense of duty. I volunteer for one big project per year, currently I'm the Schoolpop rep for our school. I try to help, usually if a friend is in charge I'll lend a hand. I never criticize, because then you get stuck in charge of whatever you didn't like.

 

[shortbun]

Ou PTA is a clique for the same reason-the
group does all the work. I was actively recruited when
DS began to attend, it's not like they're not looking
for new members of this clique, I could join anytime.
I chose to attend meetings, be on
a few committees but not to head anything or be an
officer. Our family participates in everything, we contribute
food or time or money. We attend all functions.
I am amazed at how many don't even attend Parent/Teacher
conferences much less contribute to PTA and we have
the most active parent group in our big city. Our PTA
sponsors 12 luncheons over the school year-three big
evening events-four dinners for teachers-two big fund
raisers and lots more stuff on a smaller scale like
"family picture night" and "Popcorn Fridays".

 

[Serena]

The only way I think our PTO group could be called a clique is because we are the ones that we can count on the help when it's needed.
Some parents help when they can and they are tremendously appreciated, some parents say they will help and never show up.
But there were three of us that could be counted on. Now that I'm going to be working, there will only be two women doing most of the work. But I'll be there when I can.

 

[snoopy]

I found that to be true when my son was in Catholic school. Those women in the PTA were scary, and not at all friendly to newcomers. They made me feel very excluded, which is unusual for me, I usually fit in to any new group quite easily.

Now that my son is in Public school, I love the people in PTA. Very warm and friendly, and willing to take whatever help is offered. Since I work outside the home, I can't offer as much as those who don't, but they were very gracious when I volunteered to head up the cultural arts committee. I've had a ball this year participating in the PTA, and have made some great new friends.

 

[paras4ri]

Originally posted by allicat
I cant help but notice that the PTO members at DD school are very much a group that says they want parents to join in and participate but when I did, noone made me feel welcomed at all.
I cant help but feel that maybe other parents have tried going to the meetings but have abandoned the idea of attending future meetings because they felt like I did. Like I didnt belong there and I was invisible.I understand why this PTO has so few members!

YES, YES, YES!!!!!!

This is a perfect descriptoin of the PTO at my kids school. I first attended meetings when DS started Kindergarten and felt completely excluded. I tried again when he was in first grade yet
everytime I volunteered for a committee or a project I never even got a phone call. We've always attended functions and participated in fund-raisers
Last year our school had a 50th anniversary celebration so I tried once again. At that meeting they went through a list of committees and asked verbally for volunteers...but only noticed the "regulars" who had their hands raised.

I gave up!

 

[grinningghost]

I really don't know about the middle school PTO. I paid my membership dues but never attended a meeting. Here's why: my daughter attended two different elementary schools and I was an active member of both PTO's. There were a core group of women at each school that insisted on asking for help, but when it was offered, they either didn't call you, or left you standing there at the event wondering what to do. I don't know how many spaghetti dinners and Chinese auctions, etc. I volunteered at where I did absolutely NOTHING. You would ask them what you were supposed to do, and they would give you a job, that either was already well-staffed, or absolutely unnecessary. These ladies also had a bad habit of getting off topic at meetings and discussing things that alienated me (such as church, I'm not into the church thing). I've noticed that all the flyers that come home from the middle school PTO list the same names over and over again. So I'm guessing the clique thing is alive and well at the middle school too. Sad, because I have alot of time to devote to the PTO, but no tolerance for cliques.

 

[gepetto]

Originally posted by paras4ri
I tried again when he was in first grade yet
everytime I volunteered for a committee or a project I never even got a phone call.

I know what you mean. The ones at our school don't want volunteers. Plenty of people sign up but never get a phone call. They seem to like to be the martyrs that have to do all the work because "no one else wants to help".

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Originally posted by gepetto
I know what you mean. The ones at our school don't want volunteers. Plenty of people sign up but never get a phone call. They seem to like to be the martyrs that have to do all the work because "no one else wants to help".

Exactly. I pay my dues but don't bother to even try to get involved anymore. That core group doesn't want anyone else moving in on their turf.

We get involved with DS' school by volunteering in the classroom instead. That way, he knows that we are truly interested in his education and we are able to make a noticable contribution.

 

[paras4ri]

I certainly don't mean to imply all organizations are run this way......I have friends who are members of wonderful PTO/PTA groups.

One final observation......the yearbook is produced by a PTO committee.....and several years I have volunteered to help because I've worked on yearbooks in high school and college. I still was never contacted. The committee did send notices home with all students asking for copies of pictures from dances, field trips, etc. to use...yet the only pictures that end up being published are ones that feature their children!

 

[Rock'n Robin]

I hope no one takes this personally because I can only speak for my DDs own school, but our parent organization seems to really favor moms who don't work. I also sign all the volunteer sheets at the start of the year, but am never called. The one time they called last year asking me to bring in a soup for the teacher appreciation lunch on teacher work day--I told them I teach in another school and couldn't come in at lunchtime, and she seemed offended! I offer to type things at night, work night activities, proofreed their newsletters (I wish someone would!!) but no one ever takes me up on it. And they have half their meetings at 9AM on weekdays--guess that says what they think of working moms!
Robin M.

 

[PRINCESS Ariel34]

Yes they are cliquish and snobby

Each Thanksgiving and Christmas I donate 30 turkeys, 30 hams, dressing, vegetables,cranberry sauce, pies, cake mixes ect.... I don't do this for praise , nor do I do this to get my named printed in the weekly newsletter,(AS I HAVE SEEN SOME PTO MEMBERS EXPRESS DISSAPOINTMENT BECAUSE THEIR NAMES WERE NOT MENTIONED ). I always request to keep my name out of the newletter. I don't need the recognition for what I do. I do it because I love to help people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the PTO at my son's school. I just think its a prestige thing with them. Since I'm not snobby, nor am i into cliques, I do what I do when I have to do it without doing it with them.

 

[ripleysmom]

I also find the PTAs to be cliquish. I know that that was a big problem for me and if one mom hadn't been so friendly to me I might not have gone back but......

I have to say that for those of you who find it cliquish please don't give up and please do volunteer. It makes a world of difference when you know who people are.

Be friendly and go up and introduce yourself to the Executive Board (Pres, VPs, Treas, Secretary). Do your best to participate.

My own foot in the door was becoming Recording Secretary. For me it was an easy job to do that no one wants because you really can't participate as fully as you would like in the meetings. By the same token though you learn really fast about a lot of things and minutes do not to need to be as detailed as some people think.

Just remember you get out of it what you put into it. Please don't give up. What you will be surprised to find is that it can really give you an advantage with your children when you need it.

 

[Boo'sMom]

YEP.
**As she frantically checks everyone's profile...sure one of you must live in my town....LOL***
Seems like that everywhere huh?

 

[tiggerlover]

I am vice president of our PTA, this is the first time in my life to hold a position within the school. I would not consider ourselves cliquish. We are a very small school (61 students) and we are constantly looking for parents to participate. We have a membership of about 10 and would love to have some assistance. As a parent myself I would think that everyone would want to be involved in their child's school, perhaps it is because they have had bad experiences with cliquish boards that keep them away. A lot of the times we HAVE to do it all because we can't get parents to volunteer. A perfect example, the school library is only staffed on Friday's, so the school principal asked the PTA if we could coordinate volunteers to cover Monday through Friday every month. We advertised in the base paper, our monthly newsletter and word of mouth and our response was 7 parent volunteers, of which 3 were board members. So if we don't "do it all" it wouldn't get done. I'd like to think we are friendly and we are always willing to welcome new members. I am sorry to hear that so many of you have had bad experiences.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't participate with the PTO/PTA and I'm not a member. I decided this due to my own lack of time and not-so-great past experiences with these groups. However, I do donate money and sell what I can.

 

[wdwfam]

Yes, I think we do come across as not wanting to let others in. Being through elementary, middle, junior, and now high school, I also find that it is easier if the mom doesn't work to be more involved. Most weeks I am at our high school 2-3 days a week doing something for PTSA. The first meeting I went to I found little groups, but I had to overlook it and decide that I was doing this for my child, and that I wouldn't be intimidated. It wasn't easy at first, but I stayed with it, and now am friends with many of our PTSA members. (There are always going to be that "group" that are the snooty ones.) My children are what's important, and I want to know what is going on at school. Volunteering is a great way to get to know their principal, teachers, peers, etc. I was a building volunteer coordinator for several years, and it is hard to find parents who are willing to help out on a regular basis. For the working parents, we tried to find things for them to do in the evenings. Also, if we asked them to bring food in, many times it could be sent with the child or they could sent non-perishables. There is ALWAYs something that someone can do. (For those who say they never get called, why not ask the teacher or the volunteer coordinator. Also, I know from experience if you keep getting the answer "No", time after time, then you'll likely quit calling that person.)

 

[LIDisneyFan]

Big time.




'nuff said.