Is your childs school PTO very cliquish?

[disykat]

Afraid I have to say yes.

I joined when my son was in kindergarten and continued to volunteer even though I was never called. I pretty much forced myself on them and felt pretty disliked actually.

I am now President. Me and several other gals are working very hard on being friendly to parents and staff and getting more volunteers (even the staff couldn't stand the old PTA people). The sad thing is that while we are getting volunteers, it still seems to be a very few of us that are involved in the leadership - so the same names appear over and over making us appear cliqish. We also still have the old people standing around with frowns on their faces trying to say "I told you so" everytime a new volunteer is a no show.

Through the discouragement, we are still persevering and I really think things will turn around - but it may take a few years! Meanwhile we'll try to be friendly and have fun at it while we grow. I think what happened in our case is that we had people who have never held leadership roles before, never went to training that was offered, and seriously didn't realize that they were killing the organization by insisting on doing everything themselves.

 

[paras4ri]

I did the same thing! We don't live too far apart.

Originally posted by Boo'sMom
YEP.
**As she frantically checks everyone's profile...sure one of you must live in my town....LOL***

 

[Cindy B]

I am banned from the PTO for participating.
I have no idea what I did, but I never get calls regarding committes (tried to be on arts enrichment committee), but never got calls back, and they always scheduled meetings during the day ... (Hello, I work!)

I did the homeroom parent thing last year. I never got a call to do it this year, or a thank you for participating, etc...

But THREE moms can do my daughters class... THREE isn't that excessive? And TWO can do my sons class... neither one has done it before...



Yes, its a clique. No I don't go... Have you ever heard these lyrics? Its so true even though the song was in 1969.... except in my case its not Harper Valley Hypocrites, but Radnor Township Hypocrites...


HARPER VALLEY PTA

want to tell you all a story 'bout a Harper Valley widowed wife
Who had a teenage daughter who attended Harper Valley Junior High
Well her daughter came home one afternoon and didn't even stop to play
She said, "Mom, I got a note here from the Harper Valley P.T.A."

The note said, "Mrs. Johnson, you're wearing your dresses way too high
It's reported you've been drinking and a-runnin' 'round with men and going wild
And we don't believe you ought to be bringing up your little girl this way"
It was signed by the secretary, Harper Valley P.T.A.

Well, it happened that the P.T.A. was gonna meet that very afternoon
They were sure surprised when Mrs. Johnson wore her mini-skirt into the room
And as she walked up to the blackboard, I still recall the words she had to say
She said, "I'd like to address this meeting of the Harper Valley P.T.A."

Well, there's Bobby Taylor sittin' there and seven times he's asked me for a date
Mrs. Taylor sure seems to use a lot of ice whenever he's away
And Mr. Baker, can you tell us why your secretary had to leave this town?
And shouldn't widow Jones be told to keep her window shades all pulled completely down?

Well, Mr. Harper couldn't be here 'cause he stayed too long at Kelly's Bar again
And if you smell Shirley Thompson's breath, you'll find she's had a little nip of gin
Then you have the nerve to tell me you think that as a mother I'm not fit
Well, this is just a little Peyton Place and you're all Harper Valley hypocrites

No I wouldn't put you on because it really did, it happened just this way
The day my Mama socked it to the Harper Valley P.T.A.
The day my Mama socked it to the Harper Valley P.T.A.

 

[nops]

Yes, PTA"s may seem to be cliquish, but it's only because the same group of parents usually do the work. This past Sept we had to start planning for our Oct Harvest Fest. Almost all of the chairpeople from previous years had moved on and we told the parents in flyers that went home that we needed lots of new help. Well, at our first planning meeting , we were overwelmed by at least 20 new volunteers, and we used every single one of them!!!! Hopefully, they have been initiated into the 'clique' and will come back to more meetings and more events. School events don't happen magically, they need great parents and families to be successful! I would gladly offer my board position to someone else-I can't ever remember having anyone having to run against someone in the spring. So please, if you are even thinking about getting involved, please try again! Your kids school needs you.

 

[grinningghost]

Love that Harper Valley PTA post!

 

[JAP]

Ok you guys have made me afraid to attend a meeting this week! DD is in kindergarten and I was thinking of checking it out this week. I really had no clue that people would be cliquish over being in the PTA!

Does it ever stop w/us adults? Very sad. I hope my DD's PTO is not like this and I can help in some way.

Thanks for the heads up though. I will be a little prepared for the worst and the best!

 

[Sharon A.]

I remember when my daughter started kindergarten and I signed up to be room parent. I had one mom come over and introduce herself by saying that she always checks to see what other parents sign up for so she can see who the "good" moms were. Not surprisingly she's also active in PTA and knows everyone else's business.

 

[aprincessmom]

In a word, yes. I had wanted to be an active participant but the meetings are held monthly at 1:00 p.m. which pretty much rules out my participation in those. When I called the President of the group to express my willingness to be part of the group as a volunteer for events or set-up, phone calls, etc. -- anything outside of the meeting that could be done either at home or after business hours, I was told (and this is an exact quote) "Don't bother if you can't make it to at least half the meetings." She went on to explain to me that this is a big commitment and if I'm not "serious" about devoting the time it requires then it would be best if I didn't join. Much of the work they need to do is not done at night since they "have families to take care of outside of school hours".

Since that's pretty much impossible for me to drop everything midday (I work full time), I am not a member.

What was especially funny was her sermon on how it's always the same people who do things for the PTO and that no one seems interested in taking part in the welfare of the schools.

I am, however, able to help out in DD's class. I am an out-of-class volunteer and have done all the flyers, notices, and special projects for her teacher at home on the computer. It works out great and the teacher is very appreciative of the help. She was also excited to have a parent that DIDN'T want to volunteer in the classroom -- apparently many parents are miffed that they weren't chosen and refused the non-classroom assignments/opportunities.

So if one door closes, try another one. Eventually you'll end up with something that works for you.

 

[Amy]

Add our PTA to the list of cliques! As a working mom, my boys were in daycare. The cliques in our town started with the stay-at-home moms who enrolled their kids in this one "mother's day out" program when their kids were toddlers. When my boys started school, I went to PTA meetings. I volunteered for whatever I could (I only work 3 days a week, so I AM available during the week). First year, nothing. So I quit going to meetings. Second year, nothing. Third year, I actually got a phone call: "I see you volunteered for [blank] but we already have enough volunteers." Fourth year, FINALLY they needed help in the library and I found my niche. I went to one volunteer appreciation breakfast and boy, did I feel like an outsider!

Now that both boys are in middle school, all the PTA officers are the same moms who've done it in the past, they just keep rotating from President to Vice President to Treasurer. I don't even know who the homeroom moms are this year.

From now on, I'll pay my dues, buy the fundraiser stuff, but that's it. If the classroom teacher needs chaperones for a field trip and it's my day off, I'll volunteer. But that's it.

 

[dandelion]

Originally posted by JAP
Ok you guys have made me afraid to attend a meeting this week! DD is in kindergarten and I was thinking of checking it out this week. I really had no clue that people would be cliquish over being in the PTA!

Oh please give it a try! I'd say our school is medium clique-ish. There is a core group of officers that seem pretty tight, but when I do go to meetings (my dd is now in first) I make the effort to sit with a 'regular mom' and try to get to know her. Chances are she's just as apprehensive as you are. I can't do a lot as I have a 3YO boy at home, but for anything I have done I follow the same pattern - look for someone else that seems "lost" and you may find a new friend.

The Harper Valley song cracks me up too, my HS was sure like that. My mom didn't get too involved and I don't blame her.

 

[grinningghost]

Wouldn't it be nice if we attended a PTO meeting in the near future and this topic was suddenly brought up? Maybe there are a few PTO lurkers out there who are seeing a little bit of themselves in this thread...

 

[disykat]

Try suggesting an email loop to your PTA (offering to do one if necessary!). It is hard to make phone calls etc. - especially trying to reach working moms when you are a SAHM trying to get all your PTA stuff done during daytime hours. (Sorry if that offends anyone - that's just the way it's often done!) I have found the e-mail loop a good way to let everyone interested know what's going on. We have several working moms who are active this year - they just do evening activities.

We tend to have our monthly meetings right after school gets out. Unfortunately it excludes some working parents and also some SAHP's who don't want to stay after school. However it seems to work best for the teachers who are involved and since their input is crucial that has worked best for us. There's no way to make everyone happy. We have our general membership meetings in the evening four times a year.

Unless the PTA is coming after you making accusations - I don't think the Harper Valley PTA song really applies. We are trying to get our PTA past the negative attitudes people have formed toward it - and I tell you it's hard work!

 

[onemichelle]

I am so glad someone brought this up! I am on the executive board of our PTO and the clique thing drives me crazy! We are a 10 person board and the members cannot seem to get along! I feel comfortable around everyone, no personal problems with anyone or anything, but there are four or five who never can get along. I think it is a power struggle, they all want credit, want to be in the limelight, get jealous, etc.
It is so sad. I do volunteer for my kids. I also help out in the classroom. I think more people need to keep in perspective that we're all trying to help our kids!
Thanks for listening! It's frustrating when everyone bickers all the time. Makes me think frequently about quitting the PTO board.

 

[bfeller]

I have moved several times and have always made it a point to get involved. One of the towns that we lived in the PTO was so cliquish that they didn't even have PTO meetings. They just had the executive board meeting. It was a small school and they said that you were invited to their board meeting but they made it very uncomfortable. I was one of the hell raisers that finally started to ask questions. By the end of the first year there, I became a board member and we had meetings twice a year for the public to come to. Seems I had hit a sore sport and there was a silent majority that felt the same was that I did. Things started to change the second year. Needless to say when things started to change so did the faces of the PTO.

 

[wdwfam]

I just went to our PTSA meeting Monday night and mentioned this thread to some of the members. I even introduced myself to a new lady that came to the meeting. Wow! I'm seeing progress. I wish everyone would remember it's all for the kids that we're doing what we do. I love volunteering and meeting other parents.

 

[bananiem]

I think our PTO is still suffering in numbers due to the last President 5 or 6 years ago. It's alot different now but we still don't get many volunteers.
We might be considered a clique (by those who chose not to attend) because we tend to joke around at school functions and our families often sit near each other at concerts and such. But we're together for every stinkin' planning session or committee meeting. We've become friends and have jokes between us. We know how to tease one another and have a good time! That doesn't mean we wouldn't welcome anybody else and tease them too. For a school with 450 kids I think it's a shame that the same 8 do everything. We send out a volunteer form at the beginning fo the year for parents to sign up for whatever they would like to help with. Then when it comes time for the activity many people "just can't." After the same person tells you that time after time you do tend to blow them off. And if I hear one more time that somebody can't help with one thing because they"work and I need to spend time with the kids" and then I see them out and about every other night of the week... ARGH! Even though I'm a SAHM I'm away from my kids all day too.
Sorry, Apparently I needed to vent...

 

[Mermaid02]

Maybe a bit..... but I am a VERY pushy lady so I just make myself at home!

 

[disykat]

Actually in our case me and one other gal started mentioning this problem about four years ago. The previous group simply did not believe it or listen to our input in any way. Our new executive board is being very welcoming but are still having to fight the other group. They don't care that we felt unwelcomed - they simply don't believe it. The old President (who calls me almost daily to complain about something) even told me in an amazed voice how one of our old members moved to a new place where their PTA doesn't get along - can you imagine? Hello???

The funniest part is that the same gal that has always been membership still is. The new executive board is busting our tails to get new members and we have tons more members and volunteers than previous years, yet the same gal is sitting back taking all the credit for it. Kind of laughable.

 

[KiminChicago]

Wow, I thought maybe it was me! My son's school has a Teacher's Aide program (TAP) and I signed up to help. Since I'm a working mom, I can only help once a month (by using a vacation day) and I guess they didn't like that. I spoke to one of the other TAP moms at DS's Halloween party because I never got a schedule and she said that the schedule had been out for a while! I also volunteered to help with the parties, but every single meeting has been scheduled on a weekday. I want to be involved but apparently since I work I'm just not good enough

 

[gemmie214]

I do not hace children and I have to say that some of these situations ae so sad. I can't imagine grown adults behaving like middle school meanies. Ignoring the working parents???? This is so sick