Is this strange or is it just me?

[mefordis]

You are not alone in the parenting approach. I feel once my daughters turn 18 and graduate HS, and go off to college they will be on their own and they will have plenty of time to take trips with their significant others if they want to do that. While they are minors and under my care I will take them to Disney World myself, as well as other family trips.

I don't really get this having to invite friends and boyfriends on family trips.

It's not a 15 year old going away with 'another family'...it's a 15 year old child going away with her BOYFRIEND of 18 months...booked by his wealthy parents who didn't even respect OP enough as the child's MOTHER to INFORM her of the trip...You seriously would be fine with this? Look, you obviously have decided that, for whatever reason, you dislike my posts most of all out of the several other posts that have stated basically the exact same things that I've said in different ways...whatever. You are saying that I'm over-protective...perhaps, I'm just running my family in a way which is appropriate for US. The OP asked an opinion and I was giving it...you then saw fit to attack me, for what my 'opinion' indicated to YOU as what kind of parent I must be...In all honesty, I'm sorry, but I do not think it's appropriate for a 15 year old to go away with a boyfriend, In my opinion that is too young...perhaps, being the cool, hip, non over-protective, mom that you must be maybe your 15 year old has a job, and perhaps can pay for an unplanned pregnancy, or I don't know comes and goes as they please...great...but in my 'backwards' child rearing my over-protected little prisoners are doing things like going out to the movies in groups, playing softball with her friends, and painting each other's nails at sleepovers while giggling about boys they are too shy to talk too yet...you're right. My daughter is going to have a lot of problems...she's growing up WAY too slow...(said no mother...EVER.)

 

[Aurora0427]

There is nothing over protective about not letting your 15 year old child go on vacation with her boyfriend. I'm also not saying that allowing your child to go is wrong, but it's definitely not being overprotective to not allow them to go. Not letting your 15 year old go see a movie with a group of friends is overprotective. I can tell you that my parents would not have allowed me to go on vacation with a boyfriend at age 15. I turned out totally fine and it has not affected my relationships. This thread has devolved into viciousness. I feel that family time is precious and I think that's something that really hits home once your children get married. Never again will it just be your family- you'll have your son/daughter in laws around forever. So enjoy these family trips while you still have them- once I got married it dawned on me that never again would I go on vacation with just my family. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and BIL, but it'll never be just "us 4" again. Treasure these trips with just your kids- leave the friends and boyfriends/girlfriends at home.

Disclaimer: This is my opinion. Feel free to have whatever opinion you wish- no one is right or wrong here. Sheesh.

 

[OurBigTrip]

It's not a 15 year old going away with 'another family'...it's a 15 year old child going away with her BOYFRIEND of 18 months...booked by his wealthy parents who didn't even respect OP enough as the child's MOTHER to INFORM her of the trip...You seriously would be fine with this? Look, you obviously have decided that, for whatever reason, you dislike my posts most of all out of the several other posts that have stated basically the exact same things that I've said in different ways...whatever. You are saying that I'm over-protective...perhaps, I'm just running my family in a way which is appropriate for US. The OP asked an opinion and I was giving it...you then saw fit to attack me, for what my 'opinion' indicated to YOU as what kind of parent I must be...In all honesty, I'm sorry, but I do not think it's appropriate for a 15 year old to go away with a boyfriend, In my opinion that is too young...perhaps, being the cool, hip, non over-protective, mom that you must be maybe your 15 year old has a job, and perhaps can pay for an unplanned pregnancy, or I don't know comes and goes as they please...great...but in my 'backwards' child rearing my over-protected little prisoners are doing things like going out to the movies in groups, playing softball with her friends, and painting each other's nails at sleepovers while giggling about boys they are too shy to talk too yet...you're right. My daughter is going to have a lot of problems...she's growing up WAY too slow...(said no mother...EVER.)

I have no problems with your posts, but if you're going to be abrasive in your posting style, then you shouldn't pretend to be shocked when you're given a dose of your own medicine.

Don't try to attribute your words to me - I never said anything about "backwards" parenting. If what you're doing works for your family, more power to you - I'm just saying that I wouldn't parent that way.

And you're right, you don't know. My kids didn't come and go as they pleased, but I also didn't treat them like toddlers when they were well into their teens. My kids would if anyone described me to them as either hip or cool. They knew what was expected of them, and with very few exceptions, they lived up to those expectations.

 

[OurBigTrip]

There is nothing over protective about not letting your 15 year old child go on vacation with her boyfriend. I'm also not saying that allowing your child to go is wrong, but it's definitely not being overprotective to not allow them to go. Not letting your 15 year old go see a movie with a group of friends is overprotective. I can tell you that my parents would not have allowed me to go on vacation with a boyfriend at age 15. I turned out totally fine and it has not affected my relationships.

This thread has devolved into viciousness.

The 15 year old is not going on a trip alone with her boyfriend - his parents will be there. No way would I let a 15 year old go ALONE with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but with parents along? I see no problem whatsoever.

And we'll agree to disagree - IMO, anyone that claims that only they are capable of chaperoning their child is overprotective.

I'm sorry that you see difference of opinion as viciousness.

 

[OurBigTrip]

Treasure these trips with just your kids- leave the friends and boyfriends/girlfriends at home.

Again, just your opinion on what is right, meaning it's no more valid for others than a differing opinion is for you.

 

[Aurora0427]

The 15 year old is not going on a trip alone with her boyfriend - his parents will be there. No way would I let a 15 year old go ALONE with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but with parents along? I see no problem whatsoever. And we'll agree to disagree - IMO, anyone that claims that only they are capable of chaperoning their child is overprotective. I'm sorry that you see difference of opinion as viciousness.

These are not just differences of opinion. Posters are attacking each other left and right. It's vicious- no matter the opinion.

I'm not stating that one viewpoint is right or wrong- I'm simply stating that a parent not allowing their 15 year old to go on vacation with their boyfriend AND HIS FAMILY, is not being overprotective.

 

[Aurora0427]

Again, just your opinion on what is right, meaning it's no more valid for others than a differing opinion is for you.

I never said my opinion was any better than anyone else's opinion. Did I? No. In fact, my posts were polite and I never called anyone out for being right or wrong.

 

[OurBigTrip]

These are not just differences of opinion. Posters are attacking each other left and right. It's vicious- no matter the opinion.

I'm not stating that one viewpoint is right or wrong- I'm simply stating that a parent not allowing their 15 year old to go on vacation with their boyfriend AND HIS FAMILY, is not being overprotective.

They are absolutely just differences of opinion. Again, we'll just agree to disagree on protective v. over-protective.

 

[Mad Hattered]

So I am just going to assume that all the Mods are standing in line for Gringotts.

 

[OurBigTrip]

I never said my opinion was any better than anyone else's opinion. Did I? No. In fact, my posts were polite and I never called anyone out for being right or wrong.

When you make a statement such as

Treasure these trips with just your kids- leave the friends and boyfriends/girlfriends at home.

you're absolutely saying that your way is the best way for everyone. I just don't happen to agree.

 

[Aurora0427]

So I am just going to assume that all the Mods are standing in line for Gringotts.

Seriously. I was just thinking the same thing, minus the Gringotts part.

 

[Mad Hattered]

It' like virtual Hunger Games.

 

[boltfan]

It' like virtual Hunger Games.

 

[ronandannette]

I find it to be no more abrasive than telling people that you actually know "I don't trust you, as parents, to chaperone my child".

Not at all - but there is protective, and there is over-protective.

To me, the OP is protective, and understandably so. She had questions and concerns that she wanted addressed prior to giving her consent. I would have had the same concerns and asked the same questions, and the let my DD go on the trip.

Over-protective, again, IMO, is saying that no one but you is capable of adequately chaperoning your child. That only you have her best interests in mind when making decisions. Saying that a 15 year old can't go on a vacation with another family unless Mommy is there to protect her.

Huge difference between the two, and while I parent in the mold of the former, you are absolutely free to choose to parent in the mold of the latter. But my experience with over-protective parents is that it adds an unnecessary layer of angst and difficulty for future significant others.

There are TONS of people I actually know that I wouldn't trust to chaperone my kid. My level of trust in the character and parenting style of anyone asking to take him would be the ONLY thing that determined whether or not he would be going.

So I am just going to assume that all the Mods are standing in line for Gringotts.

It' like virtual Hunger Games.

Some of you folks must not spend too much time on the Community Board, huh?

 

[edk35]

We took our son's gf with us last AUG. They had been dating for about a year. They were both 19. My dd who was 22 at the time...took loads of pics and kept whispering to me... "I hope they stay together because I have taken a zillion pics". So we get home...she does her scrapbook..... and it is mostly my daughter and gf in all the character pics . She laughed.. thinking how awkward it would be to have a FUTURE GF look through the scrapbook.. or future wife. Well.. they BROKE UP IN MAY OF THIS YEAR....... and she broke up with him and wasn't too nice about it. Nonetheless......my daughter HATES her scrapbook now.

 

[NewRVLady]

Interesting attitude. Who's bragging? It's just a fact that the parents are rich. All of her other friends are not. And she's almost 16, so they started going out when she was 14. And she would never feel IN DEBT to anyone just because they took her on a trip. We go to Disney every other year, we used to go to the Outer Banks every summer, and we took our daughters to London last year. She truly cares about this boy, so what's your problem with that? And as for letting things slide, they aren't even allowed to be alone at either home without an adult present.

If everything is so HUNKY- DOREY and great, then WHY did you start this thread??

 

[lampshadehead]

My DD says that they've gotten two rooms, one for boys and one for girls, where the dad stays with the boys and the mom with the girls.

So, this boys parents are going to sleep in separate bedrooms without each other for this whole vacation?

 

[ChickyRootie]

I have no problems with your posts, but if you're going to be abrasive in your posting style, then you shouldn't pretend to be shocked when you're given a dose of your own medicine.

Don't try to attribute your words to me - I never said anything about "backwards" parenting. If what you're doing works for your family, more power to you - I'm just saying that I wouldn't parent that way.

And you're right, you don't know. My kids didn't come and go as they pleased, but I also didn't treat them like toddlers when they were well into their teens. My kids would if anyone described me to them as either hip or cool. They knew what was expected of them, and with very few exceptions, they lived up to those expectations.

You know what...I'm sorry for making presumptions then...You sound like you have very mature and well adjusted children.

To me when a topic like this gets brought up, we may turn the situation 'inward' and think...'what would I do if this was MY child'...however, it's not my child...I'm a 'mama bear'...That's me, and I own it...so yes, when you call me over-protective, it's not a lie, so I don't know why I got insulted...with that, I got defensive...I'm sorry.



I will be honest, my children are very young preteens...they are good, smart kids who are athletic... however, boys and relationships are not on their radar yet so this is so far off for me that I can't really relate...

sorry

 

[OurBigTrip]

You know what...I'm sorry for making presumptions then...You sound like you have very mature and well adjusted children.

To me when a topic like this gets brought up, we may turn the situation 'inward' and think...'what would I do if this was MY child'...however, it's not my child...I'm a 'mama bear'...That's me, and I own it...so yes, when you call me over-protective, it's not a lie, so I don't know why I got insulted...with that, I got defensive...I'm sorry.



I will be honest, my children are very young preteens...they are good, smart kids who are athletic... however, boys and relationships are not on their radar yet so this is so far off for me that I can't really relate...

sorry

No problem, and I apologize as well if I came of as denigrating your parenting style. It isn't necessarily for me, but if it works for you and your family, that's all that matters.

 

[boltfan]

If everything is so HUNKY- DOREY and great, then WHY did you start this thread??

Because I was looking for input on whether the BF's parents behavior was strange or if it was normal...exactly as the title of my thread said. I wasn't looking for parenting advice or to start a huge argument between other posters.