is this grammatically correct?

[gvillemama]

I am working on our engagement announcement to go in our local paper. I think it's worded right, but I just want to make sure the commas are where they are supposed to be and such.


Stan & Tonia Tucker of Island are proud to announce the engagement and upcoming marriage between their daughter, Andrea Tucker, and B.J. Shelton, son of Tim & LaFrieda Shelton of Dunmor and Sherry & Keith Inscoe of Lewisburg.

Thanks!

 

[Cantw8]

I think it's correct but it sounds awkward...how about this


Stan & Tonia Tucker of Island are proud to announce the engagement and upcoming marriage of their daughter, Andrea Tucker to B.J. Shelton, son of Tim & LaFrieda Shelton of Dunmor and Sherry & Keith Inscoe of Lewisburg.

 

[Philagoofy]

Congratulations.

I agree with Cantw8.

 

[HsvTeacher]

I think it's correct but it sounds awkward...how about this


Stan & Tonia Tucker of Island are proud to announce the engagement and upcoming marriage of their daughter, Andrea Tucker to B.J. Shelton, son of Tim & LaFrieda Shelton of Dunmor and Sherry & Keith Inscoe of Lewisburg.

I like this one.

 

[gvillemama]

That sounds better! Thanks!

 

[FireDancer]

Stan & Tonia Tucker of Island are proud to announce the engagement and upcoming marriage of their daughter, Andrea Tucker to B.J. Shelton, son of Tim & LaFrieda Shelton of Dunmor and Sherry & Keith Inscoe of Lewisburg.

Exactly what I was going to say. I am assuming from the fact the fiance has 4 parents that the biological parents are divorced. My parents are divorced and I would still only have the two of them as my parents and not their new spouses. Of course every situation was different and I was in my 20's when they separated. If I was younger and the new spouses helped raise me maybe I would think differently.

I only bring it up because it would make the sentence less awkward.

 

[NotUrsula]

Personally, I'd go with "pleased" over proud.

You could break up that last long sentence by wording it this way.

... engagement of their daughter, Jane, to Mr. John Brown of Springfield. Mr. Brown is the son of Mr. Tim Brown of Anytown and Mrs. Mary Doe of Townburg.

 

[Green Tea]

I would just say engagement. That implies the marriage is upcoming. I do not think you need to essentially say it twice. Also, I would spell out and, not use the &. I also prefer the more formal Mr. and Mrs. John Smith to John and Mary Smith. (And Brian James Smith to B. J. Smith) And as others noted, use marriage OF their daughter.

 

[gvillemama]

I thought the same thing about all the parents, but he insisted that he wants them all to be included...actually he only wanted his stepdad but he thought that would be rude so he included his stepmom.

I could have made it even more complicated and added my son!

 

[LuvBaloo]

Congratulations!
I would not change the parents to Mr & Mrs John Smith. I personally don't like it when the woman is only identified as so & so's wife.
And I agree, you could skip the "upcoming marriage" part.

 

[MM27]

I agree that "upcoming marriage" should be taken out. It's implied when you say engagement.

 

[Cindy B]

Don't need the implied marriage part. When people are getting engaged, the marriage is implied.

also in the original example, there is a Andrea Tucker, and B.J. Shelton

The comma is not needed if you use the conjunction (and).

I do like the idea of splitting up the sentences as well, the flow and sound is better.