Is There Less Anger In Same-Sex Relationships?

[SanFranciscan]

I remember watching a morning news show and hearing the hosts say that there was more humor in same-sex relationships and more hidden anger in opposite-sex relationships. Do you think that that is true? I wish that they had elaborated, but it was just a sound byte.

 

[DVCajun]

That's an interesting idea. I'm always fascinated by sociology studies, especially those involving same-sex relationships.

I can see why that particular statement could be true. I've read that same-sex relationships have more freedom of expression because the couples aren't bound by social expectations. They are more likely to mix and match their roles in the family based on individual strengths and preferences as opposed to the gender identities imposed on heterosexual couples.

Regarding the "anger" issue between the sexes, I have experienced that first hand. The opposite sex relationships I have been in definitely had an element of "us and them," between the sexes. My girlfriends and I would band together and the guys were the target. It wasn't hostile, necessarily (depending on whether or not he had been an *** lately ), but it was definitely a comradeship of the sexes. The guys had the same kind of "guys club."

Now that I'm in a relationship with a woman, that element just doesn't exist. There's no resentment. No anger. No "clubs." Part of it probably has to do with the fact that we're grownups and we've made our share of mistakes in past relationships -- we're determined not to repeat our mistakes. Who knows -- part of it could be that we're in the same "club." Interesting topic!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Less anger. More humor. Hmmmm...sounds like a fascinating bit of criteria to develop a social-psych bit of research on.

Less anger. Not so sure anger is gender based, although there are some studies that indicate the male of the species is more prone to anger than are the women of the same species. (This would be the human species... ).

I don't know if there is more humor in a same gendered relationship either.

I know that the intensity of our relationship is based on each of us, who we are, our deep trust, that sort of thing.

I think same gendered relationships can be humorless and anger filled, just as the het relationships can be.

I think we should design a study and find support (or not) for the hypothesis!

 

[OrlandoMike]

I could count on one hand how many times Shrek and I have had what you could call a fight! And it was usually due to something from the outside world. We laugh all the time, at others and each other! Who knows?

 

[npmommie]

I don't know , this is interesting. I do know my dh ( we are a hetero couple ) is a big goof, always making me and the kids laugh, there is a lot of laughter here.......no hidden anger. ( I let him know when I am po'd )

We probably do have stereotypical gender roles here for the most part, but he does laundry and cooks sometimes, and sometimes I mow the grass and take out the trash.
Interesting topic,
I suppose too that the couples themselves have a lot to do with things, I mean I can see that both same sex couples and hetero couples could have the same issues.

 

[SanFranciscan]

Interesting topic,
I suppose too that the couples themselves have a lot to do with things, I mean I can see that both same sex couples and hetero couples could have the same issues.

Of course, same-sex couples have the same issues. The TV show hosts just thought that same-sex couples handled them differently, and I wondered how much truth there was to that.

My friend Ginny, whom I think was the person who told me about this Disney web site, is in a lesbian relationship with someone who is more fussy. She told Ginny that she would prefer that Ginny put the toilet paper rolls so that the roll went over the top instead of from underneath the roll. I was there when Ginny told her that she would prefer a woman with more on her mind.

 

[DVCajun]

Of course, same-sex couples have the same issues. The TV show hosts just thought that same-sex couples handled them differently, and I wondered how much truth there was to that.

My friend Ginny, whom I think was the person who told me about this Disney web site, is in a lesbian relationship with someone who is more fussy. She told Ginny that she would prefer that Ginny put the toilet paper rolls so that the roll went over the top instead of from underneath the roll. I was there when Ginny told her that she would prefer a woman with more on her mind.

Ouch! And how did that go over?

 

[npmommie]

Of course, same-sex couples have the same issues. The TV show hosts just thought that same-sex couples handled them differently, and I wondered how much truth there was to that.

well thats what I meant when I said it would depend on the couples themselves, everyone handles things differently, you could probably find example of same sex couples and hetero couples handling things the same and differently. depending on the personalities involved, if that makes sense

 

[DVCajun]

I think there can ben a tendency, esp. in the LGBT community, to idealize same-sex relationships. I know I do. I am so happy that it's hard to imagine that others aren't too. Unfortunately, I've seen first hand some very unhealthy same-sex relationships. Abusive, even. So I know it's not realistic to assume that the people in same-sex relationships are any less human and flawed than those in hetero relationships. I think it boils down to the maturity and humility of the individuals involved in the relationship. If you're self-centered, egotistical and have a hard time seeing your own faults, you're going to be a lousy partner. Being able to see yourself and your faults clearly always helps you see others with compassion when their faults come to light.

I do think that same-sex couples have an advantage in that the relationships roles are ironed out according to the strengths and weaknesses of the couple, and therefore are more likely to work for them as opposed to hetero couples who try to abide by socially imposed structures. I also think that we are more likely to value and nurture a happy relationship because it's not as easy for us to meet someone and fall in love. I see people all of the time that I *think* are gay, but ... short of seeing them in a gay club there's no way to really know, let alone feel comfortable flirting with them. I am so thankful I don't have to worry about that!!!

On the other hand, we face serious difficulties that hetero couples don't -- most are so obvious I won't even mention them, but one that strikes me as the most destructive is the lack of social/family support for our marriages. Our marriages aren't acknowledged as binding, so when a couple goes through a rough patch, I think there's a tendency for others to think "well, if you're not happy break up." No one would ever think that of a hetero couple who had been married 10 years. A hetero couple faces pressure to stay together, which isn't always a bad thing. It can help them ride out the storm, hopefully emerging to better days in the future.

just some thoughts.

 

[zeitzeuge]

Well let's see. My previous relationship, he and I had knock down drag out fights. He was wrong and I was right bascially. I kid. Not really. He was young, his first serious relationship, optimistic, happy go lucky. Most of the things that I'm not or struggle with. Guess I'm a bit more jaded. We butted heads constantly. When we fought, he wanted to have 6 hour therapy sessions, talking everything out while I wanted to walk away for a few hours by myself and calm down. Humor? Not as much as I would hope.

My current relationship, we've had "disagreements", but nothing that's blown up to "someone all the police" proportions. I can say we've had one true fight, but he respects the fact that I need space to calm down because he's the same way. We don't feel the need to talk for hours about our feelings and analyize everything. As far as humor, I've never laughed so much as we do now.

Long story even longer, said all of that to say that I think we're really no different then anyone else.

 

[soulmates]

I agree, very interesting topic. I too agree, that being the same sex, there is that level of understanding, I never had with the same sex. I rember when DP and I go together (this being my ONLY same sex relationship) I was telling ALL my straight friends, how amazed I was at our compatibility! There is this emotional place that only we can go....simply put, she's a woman, so she gets me!! After experiencing this, I could never go back w/ a man ( no offence to all the VERY sweet gay men here) but I'm sure they'll agree....there is such a level of intimacy and compatibility, it's really amazing.

Interesting subject!

 

[rpmdfw]

I can't really speak for lesbian relationships, but I've definitely witnessed some situations where double the testosterone, double the male-insecurity, and double the male sex drive led to some extremely angry and violent relationships. I know of one couple that had knock-down drag-out fist fights at least once a month. They swore that they were in love, but I don't see how that could possibly be the case. Looked to me like they were stuck in a co-dependent nightmare. But whatever. It's not my place to judge them. (I did judge, mind you, it's just not my place. )

I don't think that same-sex relationships are any more or less prone to dysfunction than straight relationships are. I think it's too much of a blanket statement to make either way. Each couple is different, and has to be judged solely on itself.

Just my two cents.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

...put the toilet paper rolls so that the roll went over the top instead of from underneath the roll...

This isn't even a matter of discussion, its ALWAYS overhand on the tiolet paper roll, that is the correct way!

 

[soulmates]

I can't really speak for lesbian relationships, but I've definitely witnessed some situations where double the testosterone, double the male-insecurity, and double the male sex drive led to some extremely angry and violent relationships. I know of one couple that had knock-down drag-out fist fights at least once a month. They swore that they were in love, but I don't see how that could possibly be the case. Looked to me like they were stuck in a co-dependent nightmare. But whatever. It's not my place to judge them. (I did judge, mind you, it's just not my place. )

I don't think that same-sex relationships are any more or less prone to dysfunction than straight relationships are. I think it's too much of a blanket statement to make either way. Each couple is different, and has to be judged solely on itself.

Just my two cents.

I would agree with that statement. I think everyone know's of a couple like that. We know of 2 women, who've broken up and gotten back together so many times, its' crazy. The one woman is VERY violent...I don't ever see her changing. They are not friends, just girls we knew from softball. I have to say that the women we have chosen as our friends, all share the same values we do and respect is at the top of the list!

 

[SanFranciscan]

Ouch! And how did that go over?

There may have been a "discussion" about it after I left. I don't think Ruth was too amused, but I sure was. I sat there sucking in my cheeks like a fish trying not to laugh until I just couldn't stand it anymore.

I don't think Ginny is a cruel person, but what she did is rather characteristic of her. She is just above just about any insult, and that may be offensive to really sensitive people.

You mentioned not always being able to tell whether someone was gay. Ginny is the sort of lesbian that men ask out. I heard her telling a rather persistent man that he "had the wrong plumbing." When he started lecturing her that she was immoral, she told him that she would see him in Hell then because he wasn't sublte about his own motives for his interest in her. She didn't get mad at him, even when he got mad at her. She was just laughing at his attempts to make her angry. See what I mean? I would be willing to put money on it that that is how she handled Ruth too.

 

[rpmdfw]

This isn't even a matter of discussion, its ALWAYS overhand on the tiolet paper roll, that is the correct way!

In that case I'd be saying "you're lucky it's on the roller, not just tossed on top of the tank"

 

[OrlandoMike]

In that case I'd be saying "you're lucky it's on the roller, not just tossed on top of the tank"

Thats where ours is!

But in all honesty, we just haven't had time to put in a dispenser yet, too busy with other projects!

 

[jenn&nelsonrego]

In that case I'd be saying "you're lucky it's on the roller, not just tossed on top of the tank"

We are lucky to have any at all when we get home from work. You see, the toilet paper rolls in our house tend to attack the cat... It is a sad, sad state of TP affairs.

 

[Sphyrna]

In that case I'd be saying "you're lucky it's on the roller, not just tossed on top of the tank"

We have one of those free-standing TP holders. There are times I've found an empty roll on the roller, an empty roll on top of that, and the roll we're using sitting on the sink. This is one of those little things that annoys me. How hard is it to change the roll? You're just sitting there with a few minutes to spare!!

 

[rpmdfw]

We have one of those free-standing TP holders. There are times I've found an empty roll on the roller, an empty roll on top of that, and the roll we're using sitting on the sink. This is one of those little things that annoys me. How hard is it to change the roll? You're just sitting there with a few minutes to spare!!

I'm sorry. Those few minutes are prime reading time. There are lots of magazines I have to catch up on in there!