Is there a nice way to say no siblings....

[gris gris]

Wow! You are playing with fire here. We had DS's birthday in the middle of July. We invited his entire clas when school let out as well as outside friends. DH was "sure" not everyone would show up because it was the middle of summer, people would be on vacation, people would forget, etc.

EVERY SINGLE kid showed up for the party.

I would have thought the same as your DH being a summer party! Maybe it's because during the summer people have more free time??

I am not sure how it is where you live, but people rarely RSVP here. I still am in shock every time I throw a party because about 1 in 10 RSVP. I never have any idea how many people are comming. My point is to expect for some to show up who dont RSVP.

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone followed directions?!! My family never RSVP's because they always show up. I don't even know why I send them invites! This is my first experience with inviting friends so I'm not sure what to expect.

 

[Minniemouse07]

Wow! You are playing with fire here. We had DS's birthday in the middle of July. We invited his entire clas when school let out as well as outside friends. DH was "sure" not everyone would show up because it was the middle of summer, people would be on vacation, people would forget, etc.

EVERY SINGLE kid showed up for the party. We had way more then we thought, though thankfully everyone RSVPed, so we knew how many would be here (even if they did tell me WAY past the RSVP date, giving me little to no time to prepare).

And a lot of the parents brought siblings. Everyone who brough a sibling asked me when they called/emailed if it was ok to bring them.

Thankfully every parent stayed to. I couldn't imagine that many kids, with only DH & myself (and the entertainer) to keep them all with in sight, and this was at my house, not a location.

Dd's birthday is in July as well. We sent out invites to everyone in her class before school ended, and invited everyone in her summer program. ONE parent from her class called and said her son couldn't come (on our way out the door to the party site) and we heard from none of the others. Dd was very sad her school friends didn't come.

FWIW, dd is 6yo and I've always stayed for every bday party she's been invited to. Ds is 22mo, and since his arrival, he's gone to almost all of them as well. I never expect to have him involved in the activities and I keep him away from it all, unless asked to do otherwise.

We just went to a fire house birthday (it was a blast!) and ds hung out in the stroller or in my mei tai the entire party. No fire hose squirting or ride on the fire engine.

In the end, many of dd's friends are from her former day care center (and where she attends their summer program) so they, and their parents know ds well and actually WANT him there!

 

[gris gris]

FWIW, dd is 6yo and I've always stayed for every bday party she's been invited to. Ds is 22mo, and since his arrival, he's gone to almost all of them as well. I never expect to have him involved in the activities and I keep him away from it all, unless asked to do otherwise.

My DS is 16 months and I asked the aquarium if he'd be counted as a kid and they said no. So I'm assuming if some younger siblings need to come and if I check with the aquarium they'll be allowed. I think it's more of the age range between 3-9. Most of the parties DD has been invited to are at friend's homes and it's more of a family party so all can come.

My DH is actually a fire fighter and we were going to have the party at the fire house but it would be crazy with all those kids & trucks. And, I'd worry that they'd get lost in the place! The banquet hall where our party is is owned by the FD so we get it for free!

 

[daisyduck123]

The aquarium has a strict limit of 30 children per party. Because we would like to include all the students in Johnny's class, as well as his cousins, we are unable to extend our invitation to any siblings.

This sounds great, IMO.


I've had people bring extra guests.
One lady once brought a kid she was babysitting. She thought it would be "OK" because I knew him......he was a student in my class that year!!

 

[badblackpug]

I never understood the willy-nilly bringing of siblings, I always assumed that the person on the invitation was the one invite, but I know it happens. I wouldn't put anything on the invitation about "no sibings" as people may think it rude. I would add a little note that said somehing like: "Because the aqauarium has a strict limit to the number of children that can be accomodated, and tickets must be issued in the childs name, please RSVP with your childs name and age by [date] so that we can supply them with an accurate gueat list."

That way if someone tries to RSVP with a child other than the one invited you can politely say, "I'm sorry, we only made enough room for Tommy, we didn't realize that his little brother would be attending, too."

On a side note, I don't understand the paranoia of "I'm not leaving my kid at a party." I understand it for maybe a toddler that needs constant supervision, but for an elementary school child? I think this is a little overprotective. After all, they are left at school for 8 hours, supervised by 1 person, I think a 2-3 hour birthday party is pretty safe. If I thought the parents hosting the party were that bad, they wouldn't go. Period.

 

[jrmasm]

I never understood the willy-nilly bringing of siblings,

Me either. Heck, I can't even imagine asking if it was ok.

 

[justhat]

My daughter went to a party this summer that had a similar restriction and this is how the parents handled it. They included a note with the invitation that said "Right now we can only guarantee 2 tickets per family, but more may become available closer to the date." It got the point across in a nice way.

The 2 tickets being for a kid and their parent. So clearly here parents are expected, or at least invited, to stay.

 

[janets]

It seems to me in our area that parents are usually assumed to be staying at the party. Most parents order enough of the food (usually pizza) to have enough for all of the parents as well. And most parties are at "party places" like those with those huge bouncy things. We have one that my ds5 will be attending (for a child turning 6) at the local bouncy place, and the invitation actually has a waiver that must be signed by a parent, which absolves the place and any of the workers from any liability if my child is hurt, even through the negligence of the worker. If you don't sign, your kid can't get in.

Since I work for a large law firm, I know that provision would never stand up in court, so I cross it out and initial it before giving it to them. They've never questioned me, but you can be sure I wouldn't leave my skinny 5 yo in a place like that w/o me being there. It's simply impossible for the parent of the birthday child to adequately watch all the guests. Now for my older son (he's 9.5), he hasn't had a birthday invite in about 9 months. So I don't know what I would do with him when/if he gets one. But probably I would leave him and pick him up. At that age, I trust that he knows what to do and in the event of something happening, he can get to the adult and articulate the problem.

When older ds was smaller and got invited, I would never have expected to bring younger ds to the party. He wasn't invited and therefore didn't go. I found someone to watch him. End of story.

I also find that many fail to RSVP in a timely manner. That goes for bigger events (like weddings and bar mitzvahs). I think it's rude and insulting to fail to let a parent know if your child will be coming. All of these places have a minimum and you need to give them a count a few days before. Is it that hard to call and say "yes" or "no"?

 

[surfgirl]

heads up here... beware the sibling thing. I would personally rather see either 'no siblings' or 'siblings are ok'.

We went to a party where my DD asked the birthday girl if she could bring her younger sister (w/o me knowing b/c she knew Dad was out of town) ... my younger DD was also at same school so the little girl knew her. She was told 'no'. I busted my b*tt to find a sitter and when we got there other siblings were there. The mom had called the parents the night before to invite them. Wow! Was I hot! I chose to say nothing since it was the end of the year and we were going to different school districts and I would (hopefully) never see her again. Did I have hard feelings ? Absolutely!

I'm a parent that hustles to avoid taking siblings. Does it bug me when I see siblings there ? Usually... I regret that I should have asked. Maybe I need to learn to be more direct, but I go by what is listed.

so... the short of this is to be careful. I would rather see you stick with the original wording about 'no siblings due to their limitations', leave it at that, and if you have less than 30, then its a bonus and the kids have more 'handling' time

 

[kacaju]

heads up here... beware the sibling thing. I would personally rather see either 'no siblings' or 'siblings are ok'.

We went to a party where my DD asked the birthday girl if she could bring her younger sister (w/o me knowing b/c she knew Dad was out of town) ... my younger DD was also at same school so the little girl knew her. She was told 'no'. I busted my b*tt to find a sitter and when we got there other siblings were there. The mom had called the parents the night before to invite them. Wow! Was I hot! I chose to say nothing since it was the end of the year and we were going to different school districts and I would (hopefully) never see her again. Did I have hard feelings ? Absolutely!

I'm a parent that hustles to avoid taking siblings. Does it bug me when I see siblings there ? Usually... I regret that I should have asked. Maybe I need to learn to be more direct, but I go by what is listed.

so... the short of this is to be careful. I would rather see you stick with the original wording about 'no siblings due to their limitations', leave it at that, and if you have less than 30, then its a bonus and the kids have more 'handling' time

I agree with the op, it is not fair if you state no siblings and then allow some to come.

(No one is a stand by. We're inviting her entire kindergarten class because of the school rules.)

since when does the school tell you who you need to invite?? Around here the only rule is if you send the invitations to school for the teacher to hand out you must invite the whole class. If you mail them to their house you can invite only those you want.
I personally never understood feeling the need to invite the whole class.

 

[pha1226]

Our school is the same...we can mail invites to whoever we want or we can hand them out in school but we have to invite the whole class.

In our neighborhood, about 3/4 RSVP and it's about 50/50 with parents who drop off vs. stay. I personally LOVE the drop off party! And usually siblings come along.

 

[justhat]

(No one is a stand by. We're inviting her entire kindergarten class because of the school rules.)

since when does the school tell you who you need to invite?? Around here the only rule is if you send the invitations to school for the teacher to hand out you must invite the whole class. If you mail them to their house you can invite only those you want.
I personally never understood feeling the need to invite the whole class.

My daughter's school has a rule about birthday invites too. They break it down in a couple of ways. She's in a multi-age class of 25 kids, so the kids are 3, 4, and 5 years old. 3s and 4s go half-days and 5s go full day. You can either invite all 25 kids, all girls (or boys as the case may be), all half days, all full days, or all 3s (or 4s or 5s, however old your kid is). Invitations must be mailed, not handed out at school, but you are supposed to follow those guidelines. Now, since they're mailed, who will really know what you do, but they do ask that you follow the rules.

 

[lclark0621]

On a side note, I don't understand the paranoia of "I'm not leaving my kid at a party." I understand it for maybe a toddler that needs constant supervision, but for an elementary school child? I think this is a little overprotective. After all, they are left at school for 8 hours, supervised by 1 person, I think a 2-3 hour birthday party is pretty safe. If I thought the parents hosting the party were that bad, they wouldn't go. Period.

Granted my DS is only 4. But at school they are in a controlled enviorment, generally a class room.

Places my DS has been invited to for birthdays are nuts. They are huge, there are no provisions to keep kids from leaving with strangers (like a Chuck E Cheese) kids wander everywhere & a lot of times it is dark. They are crazy places, were kids could easily get seperated from a group (at any age) & noisey.

So you bet I am staying.

 

[gris gris]

since when does the school tell you who you need to invite?? Around here the only rule is if you send the invitations to school for the teacher to hand out you must invite the whole class. If you mail them to their house you can invite only those you want.
I personally never understood feeling the need to invite the whole class.

OP here - our school has the same rule. The problem is, they don't hand out the addresses of the kids. So for 17 kids, using whitepages and our phone book I've been able to find the address of 10 of them. So, I either invite just the 10 via mail, or I have to invite all via leaving the invitations in the classroom. I'd prefer not to invite the entire class but really don't know how to get around it.

 

[merryweather20]

Wow! I'm completely floored that anyone would consider staying at a party or bringing one of their oher children! I found this so incredibly rude I had to post, but I don't know exactly what to say...

I guess some of you live in areas where its pretty much expected, so that certainly makes it less rude. But by staying you are specifically asking for that parent to provide you with a slice of cake and a meal (and any other hard costs tickets etc.), and to entertain you and the sibling for the duration.

If one's child can't be trusted to be obedient and polite to staff or another parent for the duration of the party than they shouldn't be permitted to attend period. If you think an area is unsafe for your child, then they shouldn't attend period.

Its one thing to ask someone if they could use an extra set of hands at a party, it is quite another to party crash!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I think the sibling/party thing differs based on the timing and day of the party. We have been invited to weekday parties where it was obvious that the sibling would need to be invited (who can find a babysitter at noon on a Thursday?) Most other parties have been held on weekends. The weekend parties I would assume no siblings b/c its pry easier to have the spouse watch the other child or get a babysitter. Is this clear?

 

[calliemom]

We had the same problem this year for our daughters birthday. It's always the same mom who brings her smaller child along and without even asking!!! This year I was sure to put on that child's invite instead of a simple, please rsvp by (date)...."Please let us know if Olivia will be able to come to our Build A Bear Party". It worked, for the first time in 4 years she actually just dropped off the one child.
I don't think it's rude at all to make reference to your limit issue, especially to those families that have younger siblings. What's rude to me is the fact that they bring the other child without even asking.

 

[Kae]

I guess my view you are not invited unless your name is on the invitation. now when the kids were younger I would ask the host if she need help that day when I RSVP'ed and it was less than 25% that would say yes most had plenty of help.

Kae

 

[memobrien]

OP here - our school has the same rule. The problem is, they don't hand out the addresses of the kids. So for 17 kids, using whitepages and our phone book I've been able to find the address of 10 of them. So, I either invite just the 10 via mail, or I have to invite all via leaving the invitations in the classroom. I'd prefer not to invite the entire class but really don't know how to get around it.

My daughters old school had a policy that you could only hand them out in school if youinvited the whole class. But they would mail them for you if you wanted to invite some of the kids. You had to put a stamp on it and the kids' name. But then you handed it into the admin. She would add the addresses and send them out for you.

Can you ask someone at the school if this is a possibility?

Also....THANK YOU for the tip on the traveling party. I'm a member of the Aquarium and didn't know this was an option. What age is your DD that you are having the party for. My daughter is 5. I'm wondering if this would be good, or if they are too young to sit for the activities.


Maura

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Wow! I'm completely floored that anyone would consider staying at a party or bringing one of their oher children! I found this so incredibly rude I had to post, but I don't know exactly what to say...

I guess some of you live in areas where its pretty much expected, so that certainly makes it less rude. But by staying you are specifically asking for that parent to provide you with a slice of cake and a meal (and any other hard costs tickets etc.), and to entertain you and the sibling for the duration.If one's child can't be trusted to be obedient and polite to staff or another parent for the duration of the party than they shouldn't be permitted to attend period. If you think an area is unsafe for your child, then they shouldn't attend period.
Its one thing to ask someone if they could use an extra set of hands at a party, it is quite another to party crash!

Okay I have to respond to this. I do not need cake or pizza when I come to a party but I always provide whatever meal I am serving the kids to the adults as well. My children can be and are obedient and polite to staff and parents but I will never ever leave them in the care of anyone one that I do not really really know or in a public place such as a party facility. Examples are but not limited to Chuck E Cheese, the aquarium, build a bear etc. Just because my kids are behaved does not mean I think they are old enough to be at such locations without an adult. The host is in charge you say? Well don't kid yourself into thinking that they can watch 30 kids. It has nothing to do with something being unsafe. I don't think it is safe for them to be at the park by themselves but it doesn't mean that we never go there. I also will not let them go to the park with another parent without me or dh there. Sorry but you are not going to watch my child like I will. I am not trying to be rude here but responding with a no just because I won't drop my kid off is imo a little extreme. Of course- where we live parents stay.