Is my DH weird?

[sherry7]

Hi Budget Boarders! I have a somewhat strange (and budget related) situation that I want your opinions on please.

DH and I have been married for almost 15 years. We both work full time, and make a similar amount of money. Bank accounts, credit card, etc are all joint. We don't normally disagree too much about money, and I take care of all of the banking business, paying bills, etc. We aren't rich by any means, but we are comfortable.

He has a very strange view (in my opinion) toward buying clothes, shoes, etc. He thinks that all clothing items that I buy myself should be paid for with money that I receive for Christmas, birthday, etc. Our families aren't extravagant with gift money, so that amount only totals around $200 a year.

I am NOT at all extravagant with buying clothes and shoes. I shop sales and clearance, so I probably only spend around $300 a year, if that. (The only exception to that was the year I lost a significant amount of weight and had to replace my entire wardrobe.)

This isn't normally a conversation that comes up between us, since we rarely shop together. However, we were both at Kohl's last weekend, and when I picked out 2 shirts and a pair of pajamas that were on sale and put them in the cart, he asked me if I was paying for them with my birthday money. My reply was, "No, why would I"? To which he replied, "Oh, you buy your clothes out of our money?"

I work in an office setting, so I can't go to work looking like a complete bum, although we are allowed to dress casually. So, I would consider the majority of my clothing purchases as being work related. On the other hand, he works outside, and wears coveralls, work boots, etc. If I'm expected to pay for my clothing out of gift money, wouldn't that mean that he should pay for his work clothing out of gift money as well? (For the record, he doesn't...his gift money always goes toward hunting and fishing equipment, etc.)

So, what's your opinion on this? Is my DH just completely off-the-wall about his views on this?

Just to add...this really isn't an argument between us. But, I just don't understand where he gets these ideas from. I'll continue to buy (and pay for) my clothing like I always have, regardless of his opinion. But, I'll probably avoid going clothes shopping with him in the future.

 

[carebee21]

Yeah, I think your DH is weird Unless you're buying a ton of clothes you don't need or something expensive that is a splurge that you don't need but want, I don't know why he would think you should spend your gift money. Clothes wear out and new clothes are needed. That's not a "gift" it's a neccessity.

Next time he needs new socks or underwear, ask him if he's going to spend his gift money on it. On second thought, that may backfire. My husband would keep wearing them, holes and all, until I simply replace them and throw out the old ones

 

[AlwaysMoving]

I know how expensive hunting and fishing can be with license, clothes, fishing string, bait, guns, ammunition, etc. Do you think that he spends less than $200 a year on that? I am sure it is much more.

During the year, do you buy expensive or unnecessary purses, shoes, beauty products, etc? If so, I could sort of understand him wanting you to use your gift money for work clothes, since you kind of already spent your gift money before you got it when you bought the purse, shoes, etc. $200 really isn't that much when it comes to shopping, even when you are looking for sales.

I can't imagine a couple who doesn't disagree much on money issues would find a problem with one purchasing discounted work clothes. That is what I find odd.

 

[Mickeyflower]

I do think your DH is a tad weird LOL. I like your solution, shop without him. That's what my niece does, and then she just takes the tags off, hangs it up in the closet, and her husband really has no clue if it's new or not I taught her well, she is a BARGAIN HUNTING QUEEN, so she doesn't spend a lot on clothes either.

If the shopping husbandless doesn't work, maybe you both could set up an account (or a jar, or whatever) for clothing for the both of you. My BFF takes about $30 a week (more or less depending on the week) and puts it into an account she uses for clothing for the family (2 toddlers, herself & her husband) so to her, it doesn't feel like it's coming out of the "household" account.

 

[SandrA9810]

Avoid clothes shopping, but keep an excel file of all the statements of purchases made at his favorite stores for his hobbies. I'm sure he doesn't go to Walmart for tackle and hunting gear, so those purchases are probably easy to pull out.

Next time he says something... well there's a $30 purchase for hunting, $20 at the bait store, another $50 on those new boots. You probably won't have to do it more than once to make him realize he's spending the "our" money on his personal interests. Then tell him he can drag you along (spending double on all the equipment needed), or just let you have the occasional new pair of pants.

 

[honeydiane1953]

My reply would be deleted if I typed it!!! He's tight and u can have him.

 

[harding0010]

While he is out hunting go out shopping. When my dad watched football my mom went shopping. She sure was not going to stay home and clean house while he was sitting on the couch watching football.

 

[Acklander]

Every person should have a bit of discretionary money they are allowed to spend, without justifying to the other, or it being considered household money.
If DH made a comment like that to me (and he occasionally has) I just jokingly tell him that, I work hard, I'm allowed to spend money, and if he has a problem with it to keep in mind that the 2 shirts are cheaper than a divorce lawyer. That shuts him up. seriously though, stand up for yourself.

 

[kellyg403]

I will preface this comment with the fact dh and I share an account together for all household needs, buuut, I have a personal account I put money into and we do not share any cc. We feel it works better for us, simply because dh is kinda like yours, weird about certain financial things.

I am not a crazy spender by nature, I usually don't go shopping unless I have a need. But, when I do, I don't need his opinion. Just like he doesn't need my opinion when he is purchasing lotto tickets, basketball crap, the NFL station so he can watch every game etc etc.

So, early on in our relationship I alleviated the issue for him. I spend out of my account, where I have a deposit of 150.00 of my paycheck automatically and little cash gifts here and there. I use it for whatever I want. He has the same setup. Its a don't ask don't tell situation.

For him, he had a ex gf after his divorce that spent 30k on 'stuff' that he had to pay for. (And yes, it was on him, he should never have blindly let her handle the books, so really that debt was a learning experience, he doesn't see it that way..just the trust factor) When I realized that it wasn't about what I was spending money on but the fact I was spending money at all that drove him to get anxiety, I suggested this. Like you, I work hard, I do my share, if buying a pair of pants for myself is an issue he needs to look the other way. Some of dh's hobbies are expensive and he didn't get the same anxiety, so its hard to say!


Kelly

 

[It'sOffToDisneyWeGo]

While he is out hunting go out shopping. When my dad watched football my mom went shopping. She sure was not going to stay home and clean house while he was sitting on the couch watching football.

I like this idea.

 

[disney4us2002]

Perhaps your dh, like mine and I'm sure many, have no idea what clothing costs. I cannot believe you manage to keep your clothing purchases to around $300 a year. I just spend $100 at Victoria's Secret on 2 bras and 5 panties!

 

[ziggystardust]

My Dbf (we live together), is very strange about money. And while he's never said something like this, he does say odd things all the time. The other day he said I have expensive taste - most of my clothes come from target or on major sale. So his perception is way off. Anything he says about money/shopping I take with a grain of salt and then continue on my merry way.

 

[akcire]

OP--I guess the answer is to start helping him spend his Christmas money on work related clothing purchases. It will make holiday shopping easy for you if all you have to do is get him some coveralls or a pair of boots for christmas.

Imagine the fun of extra shoe laces as a stocking stuffer.

I would suggest you open another bank account and have a small amount of money out of each of your paychecks deposited to that account $25 or $50. It would be easiest to do this with your next pay raise. Then you can have clothing money from "your" money--if he ever asks again.

My husband once complained about the amount of money I spent on a pair of shoes. I sent him to the mall to 'do better'. He came back 4 hours later (after visiting 6 stores) and declared my purchase to be a deal.

 

[punkin]

Perhaps your dh, like mine and I'm sure many, have no idea what clothing costs. I cannot believe you manage to keep your clothing purchases to around $300 a year. I just spend $100 at Victoria's Secret on 2 bras and 5 panties!

I'm sure the DH would not mind that. It's the winter coats the husbands have problems with.

Actually, my DH keeps telling me I need to buy more clothes, so I have no input.

 

[kellyg403]

OP--I guess the answer is to start helping him spend his Christmas money on work related clothing purchases. It will make holiday shopping easy for you if all you have to do is get him some coveralls or a pair of boots for christmas.

Imagine the fun of extra shoe laces as a stocking stuffer.

I would suggest you open another bank account and have a small amount of money out of each of your paychecks deposited to that account $25 or $50. It would be easiest to do this with your next pay raise. Then you can have clothing money from "your" money--if he ever asks again.

My husband once complained about the amount of money I spent on a pair of shoes. I sent him to the mall to 'do better'. He came back 4 hours later (after visiting 6 stores) and declared my purchase to be a deal.

If I sent my dh to the store to 'do better' he would come back with something totally different at a better price. Our tastes are not the same, at all! Which doesn't help, he looks at the 'price' of the item not at the style or color. To him its all about the price.

When we first started living together, I thought I could change his style..but really I was giving him the o.k. to try and change mine! So, I don't buy his clothes, he can look at prices all day long! He thinks buying a pair of shorts at kmart for 2.99 means he will have a pair of shorts all summer long. Lets face it, for kids those stores are great because they grow and change. The only thing we are doing is flip flopping in weight. I need things that last and am willing to spend 20.00 for a shirt on sale that will last. We have 2 different concepts of 'budget'.

Kelly

 

[maggiew]

Avoid clothes shopping, but keep an excel file of all the statements of purchases made at his favorite stores for his hobbies. I'm sure he doesn't go to Walmart for tackle and hunting gear, so those purchases are probably easy to pull out.

Next time he says something... well there's a $30 purchase for hunting, $20 at the bait store, another $50 on those new boots. You probably won't have to do it more than once to make him realize he's spending the "our" money on his personal interests. Then tell him he can drag you along (spending double on all the equipment needed), or just let you have the occasional new pair of pants.

I think this would turn the current "non-argument" into an argument. This would just escalate things, IMHO.

What I would do is sit down with your DH and write out a budget. Look at other example budgets from the internet for categories. A clothing allowance should be one of the categories of a normal budget. As long as you are spending within that budgeted amount, your DH should not be able to comment on your clothes shopping. If you want to go over that agreed to clothing budget, then you should use your gift money. Same should go for him and his work/non-work clothes.

Maggie

 

[ssawka]

If you guys can afford it then what is his problem? Now if you have closet full of clothes that fit you and are relatively in style and/or money is tight, then I can kind of see his point. Otherwise give him the angry bird and buy what you need. Fortunately, DW and I are in good financial shape, so we really don't question each others purchases. However, we are both pretty conservative with money and feel the need to justify every purchase. We are not really impulse shoppers. Also, I don't question DW's purchases, because I probably spend way more than she does.

 

[Pooh2]

Congrats on your weight loss!

Condolences on your tight wad hubby!

 

[eeyorethegreat]

So, what's your opinion on this? Is my DH just completely off-the-wall about his views on this?

Just to add...this really isn't an argument between us. But, I just don't understand where he gets these ideas from. I'll continue to buy (and pay for) my clothing like I always have, regardless of his opinion. But, I'll probably avoid going clothes shopping with him in the future.

My opinion...(bolding above in quote mine) if it isn't an argument. Don't make it one. (not saying you were going to) Sounds like if it isn't and argument and you aren't going to change how you have gone about buying clothes then it is a non issue. Nothing to discuss really at home and certainly non of our business on the Dis (even though I DID give my opinion

 

[mrsklamc]

She said she was just curious if DH was odd about this, nothing wrong w/ that. But the answer is yes.