is it wrong to want a simple Thanksgiving?

[ez]

This year we want a small turkey and just a few sides...which we thought we might make a little differently, we have some new recipes we want to try, and also we want to eat later in the day. I have a feeling I may have upset my mom, who is used to the whole shebang done the same way, and quite early in the day, each year. She offered to make the other stuff, but the point is we do not want all that stuff, we want it to be nice meal but not one so big the fridge is stuffed with leftovers for a week. My husband loves to cook, but he gets overwhelmed when they bring dish after dish in the house and we have to figure out how to heat it all up and store it afterwards. If she made one thing, whatever she wants, that would be fine. I told her they are welcome to come but that is how we are doing it this year. I do have a sister with a family my folks could drive to visit if they wanted to, and a brother they could do something with too. What do you think?

 

[golfgal]

Buy many of the Gladware things and send the leftovers home. If you are having your family over, it is hard to break with tradition. If you want to keep it simple, maybe next year don't have everyone over and keep it simple that way?

 

[mjkacmom]

My mom has been making Thanksgiving dinner for 40 years, same family members (some added, some passed), and we have the same exact menu every year. I still remember the year that I substitued a fancy sweet potato puree for the usually sweet potatoes with mini marshmallows (made from frozen sweet potatoes) - no one was happy with me!

It is so comforting to have the same people, same (old fashioned) menu each year. The memories the smell and taste of the food brings! I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I am very traditional, and I believe that some holidays are meant to be "overblown" productions - and this is one. IMO, if she is willing to do the preparation of those dishes, help get everything on the table when it is time, and agrees to help clean up afterwords, you should give ground.

As for the , "you are welcome to come, but" - nothing makes one feel less welcome than a comment like that.

 

[kirstenb1]

I understand. For the first time in 45 yrs, my mom is not cooking T-giving. When I realized my brothers and sisters were all doing their own thing (3 new babies, so they want to stay at their homes instead of traveling), I told mom I'd cook. I'm doing turkey breast, stuffing, wild rice, green peas and rolls. Mom is bringing pumpkin pie.

I'm not a great cook, or a foodie in any way, so I don't get excited by the meal anyway. I do love seeing everyone, and playing outside with all the nieces and nephews. That part I'll definitely miss. But with the cooking, I wanted to give mom a break.

 

[mhsjax]

My mom has been making Thanksgiving dinner for 40 years, same family members (some added, some passed), and we have the same exact menu every year. I still remember the year that I substitued a fancy sweet potato puree for the usually sweet potatoes with mini marshmallows (made from frozen sweet potatoes) - no one was happy with me!

It is so comforting to have the same people, same (old fashioned) menu each year. The memories the smell and taste of the food brings! I wouldn't change a thing.

We may be distantly related. THis is the way it goes down at our house. don't mess with the Turkey, dressing and sweet potatoes. Also must have Le Suer green peas, or there will be an outcry from the natives.

 

[wilderness01]

I am very traditional, and I believe that some holidays are meant to be "overblown" productions - and this is one. IMO, if she is willing to do the preparation of those dishes, help get everything on the table when it is time, and agrees to help clean up afterwords, you should give ground.

As for the , "you are welcome to come, but" - nothing makes one feel less welcome than a comment like that.

I have to agree. I'm sure you didn't mean it like that, but I would feel really uncomfortable if someone made me feel like that. I hope you were just thinking out loud that she could go to your other siblings homes rather than yours.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I am very traditional, and I believe that some holidays are meant to be "overblown" productions - and this is one. IMO, if she is willing to do the preparation of those dishes, help get everything on the table when it is time, and agrees to help clean up afterwords, you should give ground.

As for the , "you are welcome to come, but" - nothing makes one feel less welcome than a comment like that.

If your mom enjoys making Thanksgiving a big deal, let her do it this year.

Next year let her know well in advance that you're having a low key Thanksgiving with just your family.

 

[PatsGirl]

Your house, your menu If she wants to bring something additional, that is a nice gesture and I'd certainly welcome that but as a guest (albeit your Mom, lol) she should accept what you are offering. I would go the extra inch and make whatever her special dish is as well. Every year I jokingly offer to do Thanksgiving for the family but everyone knows that I'd go non-traditional and they don't want to risk changing the tradition ~ its a win/win

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

No it isn't wrong. In our society, there is a tendency to over indulge and you don't wish to do that. The holiday should be about family. I'm not a fan of my dh's family thanksgiving dinner. But I would not begin to dictate how they should do things. That is NOT what guests should do, tradition or not. However, as a hostess, if someone offers to bring a dish--I'm not sure it is good manners to decline just because you wish to have something simple.

So if said dish can be brought already made---then let them bring it and you send it home afterwards. But I don't feel you should donate kitchen time because Thanksgiving without ______ will make them feel uncomfortable.

Tradition
schmadition!

Now I'd you already promised it a certain way, you are on the hook.

 

[Art 1]

No, in fact we now have our children come home from school, (hopefully) and they can bring fellow students if they wish, Son is bringing a buddy and maybe his girl. Don't need the big production with large amounts of family.

 

[kimmar067]

This year we want a small turkey and just a few sides...which we thought we might make a little differently, we have some new recipes we want to try, and also we want to eat later in the day. I have a feeling I may have upset my mom, who is used to the whole shebang done the same way, and quite early in the day, each year. She offered to make the other stuff, but the point is we do not want all that stuff, we want it to be nice meal but not one so big the fridge is stuffed with leftovers for a week. My husband loves to cook, but he gets overwhelmed when they bring dish after dish in the house and we have to figure out how to heat it all up and store it afterwards. If she made one thing, whatever she wants, that would be fine. I told her they are welcome to come but that is how we are doing it this year. I do have a sister with a family my folks could drive to visit if they wanted to, and a brother they could do something with too. What do you think?

...it is absolutely NOT wrong to want a simple meal - after all, it's not really important whether you eat turkey with corn, popcorn, corn syrup, or corn flakes - it's having your health and being with loved ones... Why not have a 'ONE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING' meal, and then have yur mom make some of those things that she wants to make, but stress to her that she make LESS of it. Then you could serve those 'new items' withyour leftovers....HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 

[kimmar067]

...Tradition
schmadition!....

...try sayin' THAT 5 times fast!

 

[kimmar067]

...THIS is the way it goes down at our house. don't mess with the Turkey, dressing and sweet potatoes. Also must have Le Suer green peas.....

...don't ever invite ME to your Thanksgiving dinner! BLECCCHHH!!! [ ]

 

[mhsjax]

...don't ever invite ME to your Thanksgiving dinner! BLECCCHHH!!! [ ]

Oh, let me fix that, I HATE them, I call them China berries. (got the name from DH co worker that also hated them) but several people do like them. I for one do not. But I am required to have them.

Thanksgiving and Christmas all bets for healthy eating are off, kids can eat whatever they want and how ever much they want. They don't have to eat the peas either.

 

[mickeysgal]

I can go either way with this. We've done both - the smaller scale dinner and the large blow out complete with every family traditional dish. I guess it depends on how deep rooted the family is. My mother can't cope with not having items 1,2,3,4 and 5 because "it's tradition" even though most of us have long since gotten tired of the same old stuff. Some family members don't cope well with change.

We had our personal family holiday dinner yesterday since DD will be traveling for actual Thanksgiving. My kids this year asked for those traditional dishes and I made them only because I felt like making them. If I wasn't up to it or didn't have the funds to do it, I wouldn't do it. It's hard to cook all stinkin' day long. My legs ached last night. I don't think it's wrong to want to scale down. Too much food ends up being thrown away and that is a real shame.

 

[kimmar067]

Oh, let me fix that, I HATE them, I call them China berries. (got them name from DH co worker that also hated them).....

.... HEY!! Let's start a 'I HATE PEAS' thread!!

 

[mhsjax]

.... HEY!! Let's start a 'I HATE PEAS' thread!!

Sounds good to me.

 

[Buckalew11]

We're having thanksgiving breakfast this year. Talk about a different kind of day...


Tradition change started for us when my parents sold everything, bought an RV and would leave town for FL on Thanksgiving day and go to FL for the winter. We went out to eat! Out!!! Blasphemy! lol So, never the same since then for me.

Last year I cooked but my BIL took their kids and went out of state, left my sister home alone and she was too upset and embarrassed to even tell me or my mom. Who does that? Well, when you are ending a marriage you do that, maybe. Ugh. So this year, their in the middle of that so the family tradtiions are still all up in the air. DH is working so I'm doing breakfast.

I'm learning to roll with the punches as life is changing for sure.

 

[disykat]

Sorry, I'm going with the minority here. If it's at your house you get to set the time and the outline of the menu.

Let her bring whatever she wants, but make it clear you'll have containers available because you're expecting everyone to take the leftovers. If the leftovers stress your DH that, tell her that!

I've seen the leftover argument on the DIS before and I'm always surprised by how many people think the polite thing is to leave all your leftovers and dishes so the host has to deal with them as well as return the dishes. Your mom probably thinks she's doing the polite thing.