Is It That Hard To Ask? A Pregnant Vent ;)

[minkydog]

You can tell the people who would and wouldn't offer help to a sick friend!

I think a lot of us would offer to help a sick friend. We really do sympatize. But it's a fact of life, a lot of us had morning sickness with no more help than you have and we lived to tell the tale. I live over 400 miles from my family. Believe me, I have faced a LOT of crises with no help from friends or family. I say, what does not kill you makes you stronger.

Feel free to vent away. Sickest i've ever been what when I was pregnant.

 

[Jennasis]

Pregnancy isn't an illness.

I have and would continue to offer help to a sick friend. But not to someone that thought they were entitled to my help or expected it.

 

[AKL_Megs]

you aren't sick, you are pregnant

it does get better, wait til the second trimester, you will feel great!!!!

Well, I AM sick and tired of being sick and tired... Does that count?

And I WAS really sick one weekend, I was put on modified bed rest for dehydration one weekend.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Pregnancy isn't an illness.

I have and would continue to offer help to a sick friend. But not to someone that thought they were entitled to my help or expected it.

Can you please tell me (show me!) where I said I was entitled to her help? I never said that. In fact, I am pretty sure I said I WOULD NOT accept it. Don't turn this into something that it isn't. Thanks.

 

[lajones81]

You can tell the people who would and wouldn't offer help to a sick friend!

You aren't sick!!

 

[AKL_Megs]

You aren't sick!!

My toilet would disagree!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

At the time, it really never crossed my mind that MIL could have offered to help. Not really having a family, I didn't realize that sometimes family did stuff like that. It wasn't until after the baby was born and she never even helped us with our first child and others assumed she was that it dawned on me.

this is me. My mom died long before I was married, let alone pregnant. My in-laws lived close by and are wonderful people but don't offer help unless asked. If asked, they are happy to help with whatever we need, but I think they are trying not to intrude by offering on their own.

Although I was not as sick as the OP, I was very tired, had bad sciatica and was working 60-70 hour weeks during that first trimester, so I pretty much worked and slept, too, but my dh did the grocery shopping and cooking and it never occured to me that anyone else should help me out but him. It still wouldn't occur to me to offer help to a pregnant friend when she has a capable husband at home and no other children to look after.

 

[Hannathy]

Pregnancy isn't an illness.

I have and would continue to offer help to a sick friend. But not to someone that thought they were entitled to my help or expected it.

I agree!

May I add that if you are whining this much and with all the help you do have this had better be an only child.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I agree!

May I add that if you are whining this much and with all the help you do have this had better be an only child.

I'm not whining, I was venting... And yes, I have already said I am NEVER doing this again!

 

[Kellydelly]

OP, it sounds like pregnancy hormones. You admit you would decline the help, but you're upset someone isn't offering it??

Be grateful she isn't in your hair constantly bothering you. I hope you feel better soon!

I agree. Do you want her to hold your barf bucket? What exactly is she supposed to offer to help you with? I would not expect my MIL to come running over to clean my house or cook me non-nausea inducing meals. Your husband should be the first person helping you out.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

You can tell the people who would and wouldn't offer help to a sick friend!

Actually my best friend had all day sickness for her entire first pregnancy and since I only worked three days a week I spent one or two days with her each and every week keeping her company and helping her out around the house. As my best friend of 20+ years, we like to hang out together anyway. I didn't consider it helping a sick person, I was spending time with my friend and doing a few things around the house while I was there.

Since you won't accept any help anyway, there's really no point in being upset with your mil for failing to offer.

 

[robinb]

How ever you are feeling about your MIL right now, please don't hold onto it. Let it go. I remember how emotional (and a little insane) I was around 7-10 weeks pregnant. While I did not have morning sickness, I was exhausted and my hormones were completely haywire. Take a deep breath and let it go. It really won't feel so important in a few weeks ... because it's not all that important.

 

[mickeyboat]

Talking about being in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

If you want her to do something, then tell her. Ask her to bring over the favorite meal she made for your husband or his favorite cookies and beer.

You were complaining like 2 months ago about her trying to come over and help when he was sick. You took offense to her offer then.

How are you going to have a real relationship with your MIL if you find fault with her for anything she does or doesn't do?

I hope you feel better.

You are never going to turn the corner if you continue to look for things to be pissy about.

Pregnancy isn't an illness.

Yes to all of the above. Some people won't offer to help without being asked. They don't want to intrude in other people's lives - especially when it might make someone feel badly about themselves if they ask.

I get the feeling that you are a very sensitive person, who tends to take things personally. I am sure your MIL doesn't want to damage her new relationship with you by saying or doing the wrong thing. If she asks if you need help - you might think she thinks your house is a mess. If she asks if she can cook - you might think she thinks you aren't feeding her son. If you ask to run errands - you might think she thinks you can't take care of your own business.

She can't win for losing.

My suggestion is to understand that your MIL is probably treading very lightly around you, and she may continue to do so so that she doesn't jeopardize her relationship with her grandchild. Learn to live with it - and if you need something, ask!

 

[Mkrop]

My MIL is a nurse and very clinical. She would not be offering her help bc this is just the way it is. Suck it up buttercup would be what che would say or how bad could it be my pregnancy wasnt like that. Now if I asked she would help but she still would think why did I need help

 

[marthachick]

And some people are just selfish and don't care if someone DOES need help. MIL never once offered to help me out when I was pregnant and VERY sick (yes you can be sick & pregnant!!!), after DS was born OR when I had knee surgery & a 2 year-old at home. BUT she sure expects help when she needs it and on her schedule! SO maybe AKL_Megs isn't just overly sensitive or hormonal. Maybe her MIL just isn't a very thoughtful person!

Hang in there AKL_Megs! Hopefully you'll get over the sickness soon & your baby will be worth it!

 

[tlbwriter]

Well, I'll tell you what a wise woman once told me: You need to ask for what you want or you're not going to get it.

But the thing is, it doesn't sound like she wants actual help. It sounds like she wants her MIL to care enough to offer help. And that's not the same thing. One cannot ask for someone to care.

Also, this whole "you're not allowed to complain because lots of pregnant women had it worse than you" vibe? SO preachy and annoying.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The only advice I can offer--is beg for the help if you feel you need it.
Otherwise, folks who aren't offering, just won't.

To those who claims the OP is not sick--pregnancy may not be an illness, but there are various conditions that can and do occur during pregnancy that does make the person sick and sometimes even violently ill.

The OP is sick--but her diagnosis isn't pregnancy. Pregnancy is just what caused the illness.

 

[SaraJayne]

Can you please tell me (show me!) where I said I was entitled to her help? I never said that. In fact, I am pretty sure I said I WOULD NOT accept it. Don't turn this into something that it isn't. Thanks.

But yet you expect her to ask.

Poor woman.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I'm not "upset", just hurt. Heck, if she offered to bring a few meals over, I would probably accept, just so my DH had something to eat. I just thought we were turning a corner, and it just hurts my feelings that she can't find it in her to just ASK. I don't think that's crazy of me. And I know she knows I wouldn't be upset.

I remember many a time my parents saying to me, "Even if you know someone will probably say no, it's always nice to ask and show them you care, just in case they DO want help." Maybe that was just how I was brought up, I don't know.

Just needed to vent, but feel free to continue with me, I'm used to it by now!

Is your husband incapable of making his own food or ordering some?

 

[AKL_Megs]

But the thing is, it doesn't sound like she wants actual help. It sounds like she wants her MIL to care enough to offer help. And that's not the same thing. One cannot ask for someone to care.

Also, this whole "you're not allowed to complain because lots of pregnant women had it worse than you" vibe? SO preachy and annoying.

This is EXACTLY what I am saying, thank you!