Is it rude to request Family party to start...(Update)

[Mickey's Minion]

Holidays with family are usually one of two things:

1. the family gets together because they have to, because they are family and that's what families do during the holidays.

or

2. the family gets together because they want to, they enjoy spending time together and they want to share the holiday spirit with the people they love the most.

If you are family 1 then you are going to think it's rude

If you are family 2 then you won't think it's rude and will try to work out what's best for everyone.

Perfectly to the point. Couldn't have summed it up better myself!

 

[tzolkin]

It doesn't matter when other people think a Sunday dinner should start, the OP's family had decided on 6 pm. At this point, it was inconsiderate for one sibling to ask for it to be changed to accommodate their schedule. If they had issues with a 6 pm start because of children or work the next day, they should have stated that before now.

That's kind of what I was thinking.

I agree with others that 6 is a bit late to start a Sunday get-together. We usually get together by 4 at the latest for a Sunday dinner, usually we arrive and have some appetizers around 1 or 2. So I don't see how there could be an issue with not being hungry. Don't eat lunch

I don't think it's rude to ask that they start at 4 instead of 6-- I do it all the time with my mom. (My family gets together on a regular basis.) However, I would have said this up front when we were discussing the get-together initially. "Could we get together earlier since my kids go to bed at 7:30?" Not an issue at all.

It is rude to expect that the entire family will change their plans now because you want to attend another party.

 

[MariDisney]

Holidays with family are usually one of two things:

1. the family gets together because they have to, because they are family and that's what families do during the holidays.

or

2. the family gets together because they want to, they enjoy spending time together and they want to share the holiday spirit with the people they love the most.

If you are family 1 then you are going to think it's rude

If you are family 2 then you won't think it's rude and will try to work out what's best for everyone.

I think you have summed it up nicely.

 

[Christine]

It is rude to expect that the entire family will change their plans now because you want to attend another party.

We have yet to get confirmation that this is the reason this sibling is asking for the change. The OP indicated that she assumed that was the reason. I'm not sure she knows.

If this is the case, then I agree that it is pretty rude to ask a group to change a meal because you want to go to a second party. I don't think it's rude to ask your own family to make a change because starting a party at 6 p.m. on a Sunday wreaks havoc with your Monday workday.

 

[alexandria674]

To me, I think it is rude.

 

[declansdad]

We have yet to get confirmation that this is the reason this sibling is asking for the change. The OP indicated that she assumed that was the reason. I'm not sure she knows.

If this is the case, then I agree that it is pretty rude to ask a group to change a meal because you want to go to a second party. I don't think it's rude to ask your own family to make a change because starting a party at 6 p.m. on a Sunday wreaks havoc with your Monday workday.

Then why would you agree to it in the first place?

 

[Minnesota!]

I think it is rude to start a Sunday party at 6:00 when people have to get up the next day for work, etc.

Why not start at 4:00 and eat at 6:00 then people will be free to leave if they chose at a reasonable hour??

Ditto!

Have people come at 4, eat at 6, then they can leave at a reasonable time! 6 is way late!

 

[mumom95]

Then why would you agree to it in the first place?

Maybe they never agreed to it. Maybe they were told the party started at 6:00 and had no say in the matter. The OP just said the party was set for 6:00 pm, she never said who decided the time, when it was decided and when everyone found out about it. For all we know the sibling that wants to change it may have just found out about the time a few days ago.

 

[KirstenB]

Depends on the reason.

FWIW, we host several family get togethers throughout the year. I always set the time at 4 pm. My reasoning is, my siblings who live a couple of hours away can get there, and still have time to return home that night if not staying over. Secondly, several of them have young children. Which means an early bedtime. I figure I can get everyone fed between 5-6, and not have cranky kids up too late.

 

[Christine]

Then why would you agree to it in the first place?

I wouldn't have. But, in this case, we really don't know the whole story and, it appears, aren't going to get it.

 

[luvmy3]

Holidays with family are usually one of two things:

1. the family gets together because they have to, because they are family and that's what families do during the holidays.

or

2. the family gets together because they want to, they enjoy spending time together and they want to share the holiday spirit with the people they love the most.

If you are family 1 then you are going to think it's rude

If you are family 2 then you won't think it's rude and will try to work out what's best for everyone.

Sorry I belong to families in the #2 choice and asking at the last minute to change a party time because I have since been invited to another party is rude.I would either decline the other party since I had agreed to go to the one at 6 or I would leave a little early and let the host know at the other party that I may arrive a bit late. I would never ask that of my any of my family and they would never ask that of me, and yes we all love eachother and want to spend as much time with eachother as possible

 

[TinklednPants]

I'm with the camp that thinks starting at 6PM on a Sunday (particularly when there will be drinking involved as the OP mentioned) is waaaaaay too late. My family are partiers and on Sundays we start at 1 or 2 and conclude by 6PM.

Who has all these Sunday night parties? Are you all school teachers and off for the week????

 

[BelleWDW]

Clarification..............for this particular gathering its a casual "Cocktail with heavy appetisers" type party )(many just have coke)

It usually lasts 1 1/2 to 2 hours . We do eat immediately-all adults or teens. No little kids. It subsitutes our Sunday Night meal.

Gift giving does not occur at this gathering.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm with the camp that thinks starting at 6PM on a Sunday (particularly when there will be drinking involved as the OP mentioned) is waaaaaay too late. My family are partiers and on Sundays we start at 1 or 2 and conclude by 6PM.

Who has all these Sunday night parties? Are you all school teachers and off for the week????

Many kids have their last day of school this Friday so next Monday would be a vacation day. As for the adults, I'm pretty sure they can handle having dinner at 6 with family and still have no problems come Monday morning

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

For your party--yes it is rude.

My job is not to entertain based on the other invites my guests receive.

However, when we were up in Atlanta for Thanksgiving, we had a 1st b-day party for my niece. DH got a new job that required a 15 hour drive from our home, so we had to leave Atlanta on Saturday. The b-day party was kindly moved to Friday. However, we did not request it and it was kind that it was moved. To me--that is a different type of situation that it is reasonable to accomodate IF IT IS POSSIBLE. We never would have asked this to be done, though.

It isn't like this family member is claiming work the next day. They have another party they want to go to and want everyone else to accomodate their social.

I'd have a problem with that level of entitlement.

Also--I personally do not have an issue with a 6pm gathering.

*I have a bunko group once a month--we convene on a weeknight at 6:30pm--half work and half do not. I do not see the issue neither does anyone else in our group.

*DH used to bowl in a Sunday night bowling league before he moved and it started at 6pm.

 

[abdmom]

If it's only a 1.5-2 hour cocktail party, then 6-7:30 is just fine. It sounds like it would be easy enough to say one's goodbyes at 7 p.m. So, my answer to moving the time would be "No".

 

[mjkacmom]

Also--I personally do not have an issue with a 6pm gathering.

*I have a bunko group once a month--we convene on a weeknight at 6:30pm--half work and half do not. I do not see the issue neither does anyone else in our group.

*DH used to bowl in a Sunday night bowling league before he moved and it started at 6pm.

That's how I felt - before having children. Now, I like everyone ready for bed and calmed down by 7 pm. My kids would sleep late every day if I let them, so I let to get back on a regular schedule on Sunday nights.

 

[Rora]

I think if a party's time/date has been set for a while, it's absolutely rude. Why should you have to change your plans just to make it more convienent for someone else?

Tell your sibling that your party time is set and you hope she can make it!

Good luck!

 

[BelleWDW]

Update............ we compromised and made it 5pm

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That's how I felt - before having children. Now, I like everyone ready for bed and calmed down by 7 pm. My kids would sleep late every day if I let them, so I let to get back on a regular schedule on Sunday nights.

I guess I'm different. We have 3 children are are expecting our 4th. What I posted reflected our current schedule. Except for the bowling league that was dropped when DH had to relocate for a job.

Likely you would have told the person that the 6pm time did not work for you given your circumstance.

In the case of the OP though--the family member received a second invite to another soiree, so clearly--a 6pm gathering was not an issue in regards to being too late (until it conflicted with their new plans).