Is it really different when it's your own?

[pearlieq]

I enjoy kids. I really do. I've been "auntie" and special friend to a lot of kids. I ran the church nursery. I was a very busy and sought-after babysitter.

But after a few hours, I'm ready to be done! Every single babysitting job I've ever had, I had lots of fun with the kids for a couple of hours, and after that I was counting the minutes until Mom & Dad came home or I could put them to bed.

Yesterday I had the neighbor kids over--their mom has had a cold for days and she needed a couple hours of peace & quiet. These are great kids. They're funny and bright and we enjoy each other. And we had a great time for the first 3 hours, but after that, I had just had my fill! I even brought them home about 20 minutes before I had to just because I couldn't take one more minute. They were acting up and getting a little wild, but nothing I would consider out of the ordinary for a 6 year old and a 9 year old...

DH and I had been considering trying to start a family, and the whole experience yesterday kind of freaked me out. Do you think it means anything? Am I cut out to be a mom if after 3 hours I just want them to go away?

Is it really different when it's your own?

 

[Christine]

Yeah, it is a little different when it's your own kids. First off, you don't *have* to interact with your kids for every minute they are in your presence. They live with you, have their own lives, entertain themselves, so you do get breaks. When you are babysitting or having other kids over, it is a bit different than having your own kids at home.

My kids don't bug me too much (although I am very intolerant of other kids). You are even better than me that you enjoy other people's kids for short amounts of time. I don't even feel that way, yet I still like my own kids.

Just yesterday, my DD had her friend over and a guy friend of theirs. They were grating on my nerves the entire time. They weren't doing anything wrong--just being teens, giggling, screeching, etc. I couldn't WAIT to get the friends out of my house. But I kept a nice, cheerful smile on my face. When it was just my DD after they left, all was well again.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Is it really different when it's your own?

Sort of, yes. It's hard to explain, but it just is different (and better).

 

[liznboys]

I definitely think it's different. No, I don't think it means you aren't cut out to be a mom.

 

[we3disneygo]

yes!!!

 

[CathrynRose]

Yes - completly different, honestly.

I (generally) really like kids. But certain kids - especially hyper ones, drive me nuts. Just NUTS.

So, you end up kinda raising your kids like you - so mine are much more laid back, and never got that "hyperness" that drives me up a wall.

Truly - it's different.

 

[mickeyfan1]

It is different. However, that doesn't mean that you will enjoy it any more. When my sone was young, I would only let one or 2 at the most of his pals come over. I don't have the patience for lots of little kids at the same time. I never had any parties for him, because I knew I would be screaming before it was over. As he got older, I didn't mind it. I liked all the teenagers. I think you have valid concerns.

 

[lindakmonty]

yes, it is different when they're your own! I have always loved kids spoil my nieces and nephew big time...but my ds5...it is so different. For one, when they're your own and they're misbehaving...you discipline them! My ds is VERY well behaved. I can't hardly take my sisters kids anymore b/c they're not behaved at all... that's the parents fault. Plus when they're yours...the bond between you and your child are priceless! My ds and I are SOOOOO close! He is such a great kid. He is very smart and well behaved but that is because the time I've invested into teaching him to be that way! If he misbehaves he knows there are consequences! He has to stand w/his nose at the wall for 5 minutes...or I take something away from him.."tv, games..etc."... I take 25cents from his allowance every week...just something...or even a spanking. Just depends what he does. I'll warn him... If I count to 5 and you don't quit, you're gonna lose "x"! And 99% of the time he quits! I can't imagine my life w/o my ds...it is an incredible experience. He is so sweet and sensitive and loves to snuggle Nothing like hearing him say "mom...do you know that I love you"... just makes you melt!

 

[summerrluvv]

Completely different!!! I'll be honest..and I might sound mean, but I really don't care for other people's kids. I mean, I love my nieces and nephews, but after a couple of hours, I'm done!

 

[jennyl772003]

I don't do well with kids. Never have. I never thought I was cut out to be a mom. I did the whole babysitting thing when I was younger, and it went OK, but I did it for the money, not the kids. I had kinda decided maybe having kids wasn't for me.

Fast forward to me becoming a mom. It is TOTALLY different! I love my son, and I enjoy being with him. It is true that as a mom you don't have to amuse the kids constantly like when you babysit. It is a completly different experience.

I have also found it carries over to my neices and nephew. I enjoy them much more then just random children.

 

[bamajill]

There is a good reason they come to us all small and helpless. If they came as a WILD 2 year old (or hyper 10 year old) none of us might choose to become parents!

You fall so in love with your baby that it changes you. It changes almost everything (in a good way) and you start to realize that yes, you can do this parenting thing and yes, it is an amazing ride.

I still don't like OPC (other people's children) all that much. I certainly wouldn't want to take care of them for more than a couple of hours. But I have 3 of my own and think I'm a pretty great mom.

If you want to start a family you will be fine! Guarantee you that you will feel 100% different about your own children.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Yeah it is. I have never once said to myself "When is this little brat going home?" when referring to my own kids.

 

[CEDmom]

It's completely different. I hope I can put it into words well enough. When you're caring for someone else's child not only are you responsible for their safety but you also feel responsible for entertaining them as well.

As a sitter, for ,you're a novelty and kids want every second of your time. With your own kids it's different. While they want your time and attention if you start out carving time throughout each day for them they become content spending time playing by themselves or with siblings/friends.

In my situation it's not that I don't play with my DD because believe me I do but it's not for hours upon hours. If she's playing with her doll house I might spend 15 minutes playing and talking with her and then move on to necessary chores. When we go to the pool I'll play in the water for 20-30 minutes and then spend time talking with neighbors. Each night I'll read to her for a little while and then she'll read on her own.

The fact that you enjoy spending time with children who aren't yours is really special. You'll make a great mom if that's what you want.

 

[Nancy]

I'll repeat what the others have said, yes it is different. I also babysat and had my nephews at my house 2 days a week, my nephews were/are high needs kids and after about 3-4 hours I was ready for them to leave. Even now as teens when they are over they are so much louder and demanding than my girls are. With your own kids you don't entertain them all the time, you teach them to play on their own so when you have other things to do (like laundry and dinner) you get away from them. I am a very laid back Mom so my kids tend to be laid back. Now, I will say that having all girls and having teenage girls, that when all the friends are over I am just about ready to pull my hair out, way too much noise and screechy, giggly stuff for me.

 

[JoyG]

My mother hates kids. She always said the only children she ever liked were her own. Although she'd never admit it, I don't think she was fond of her nephews and neices either.

However, she loved my brother and I. And now, I can see she loves her grandchildren. She gets more joy out of seeing them than I have EVER seen her exhibit around any children.

So, based on my mom's opinion, yes it's different for your own and for your own grandchildren too.

And, just because you're not too fond of children, doesn't mean your own kids will have the same opinions. I love kids and grew up to be a teacher.

 

[summerrluvv]

Yeah it is. I have never once said to myself "When is this little brat going home?" when referring to my own kids.

 

[Buckalew11]

Yes.

I remember babysitting my sister's oldest and needing a nap. She was a well behaved, quiet child but still...

Having my own is very different.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

Completely different!!! I'll be honest..and I might sound mean, but I really don't care for other people's kids. I mean, I love my nieces and nephews, but after a couple of hours, I'm done!

I'm the same way. I mean I love my nieces and nephews, but uh, I don't want to be around them much. Other peoples kids drive me nuts. I know, it sounds terrible. It's different with my own. She's a part of me and her quirkiness doesn't drive me batty like it would if it was someone elses kid. It's very hard to explain. But to the OP yes, it makes a difference when it's yours.

 

[minkydog]

Being a babysitter(or teacher or caregiver) is totally different than being a mom. There is a certain rhythm to family life that is not present in a babysitting relationship--it's the permanence & predictability of family that sets it apart. You can anticipate how your kids will react toward events and plan for it. As a babysitter, you don't know the kids so intimately and don't have that deep connection that a parent has. As a mom there are times that all I have to do is look at my kids to discipline them. A babysitter's job is far harder and with fewer rewards.

I don't think any mom alive would say that parenting is all lovely. At least they wouldn't say it with a straight face. Parenting is hard, boring, repetitive, and sometimes icky; but it's also warm & fuzzy, exhilerating, fine and most pleasurable. There is no relationship quite like that of a mother & child. And babysitting doesn't even come close.

 

[dustysky]

I agree, mean or not I am not normally very tolerant of others kids but I can not think of anything I would rather do then spend time with my own!

Hard to explain but to answer your question YES its different.