Is it me or do people/families not eat dinner anymore?? VENT

[Planogirl]

I'm still mulling over the comment about choosing to be overworked. Are there really people who make that choice?

Many here would hate us. We often watch TV while we eat. We watch whatever it is together and discuss it and so on but we're not at the dining table.

 

[Seventh_Evil_Ex]

Growing up, when there were only two of us in the house, we would often eat in front of the TV, and I was quite close to my mum, at a time when other people didn't like theirs.

There's 3 of us now, and we usually eat together at a table, but we're still the same.

We normally eat dinner around 4-5pm

 

[crisi]

I'm still mulling over the comment about choosing to be overworked. Are there really people who make that choice?

I think its relative. We work a lot in our house - but we wouldn't do it if it weren't providing satisfaction...so for us, it USUALLY isn't overworked. But to an outsider - the fact that I answered my first email at 5:45 this morning and will hang up my phone from my final meeting this evening at 10:00 pm makes me seem "overworked."

However, I can also disappear in the middle of the day for three hours when I don't have meetings. But that isn't when my kids are available - usually. And I can work from home.

And then we add other commitments. I'm involved in Girl Scouts - along with my daughter. My husband has his hobbies and coaches my son's baseball team. I get together with my girlfriends, my husband sees his friends regularly, my kids have their social lives. Every Friday we host game night at our house for a bunch of old friends. My daughter does gymnastics. My son boards (snow in winter, skate in summer). I teach Sunday school. - And my kids aren't overscheduled compared to many - who work in piano and scouts and a commitment sport every season (none of ours are "commitment" sports - no traveling, no competitive teams).

So, yeah, there isn't always time every night to sit down to dinner. But its a sacrifice that fits in with our values.

 

[budafam]

And that is great, but where did you see anyone forcing their kids into something, and I am assuming that since you brought it up, that you may be assuming that some of us force our kids into it. As I have stated, it is my kids choice. I was like you growing up. But not my kids. they are going and doing.

wow, quit taking everything so personally. I actually did not read through everyone's responses... I was just stating my thoughts on the subject. Relax a little.

 

[mhsjax]

wow, quit taking everything so personally. I actually did not read through everyone's responses... I was just stating my thoughts on the subject. Relax a little.

NOt takin it personal. I just didn't know if you thought that some of us force our kids to do this stuff, because I think we all know that there are people that do. NO biggie.

 

[allison443]

We eat dinner together every night. I love to plan, prepare, cook and my husband makes sure he's home by dinner time, which is around 6 pm. Call us old fashioned, but that's very important to us. Playdates and activities are planned and scheduled before or after dinner, or mostly on the weekends. The kids never complain, it's just something that we do. Our oldest is 8 and is already asking when she can learn to cook real meals.

Since parents choose to be overworked, and to overshedule their kids with activities, there's no real quality time. As a result family members are forgetting how to relate to each other and eventually the family falls apart.

I found that when my kids were younger, it was much easier to schedule their activities. However, what would you do if in the future your dd had an activity that she loved that would interfere with your 6:00 pm dinner? Would you be flexible and accomodate that, as many posters have explained they do? Or will your kids not be allowed to do anything that interferes with that dinner time?

Many activities are coached/led by volunteers, like my dh and I did when we both worked full time during the day. So yes, we had to schedule practices/scout meetings when we finished work, and I'm sure that conflicted with someone's dinnertime, besides ours of course.

As for the bolded, I find that statement to be a huge generalization.

 

[tlbwriter]

I found that when my kids were younger, it was much easier to schedule their activities. However, what would you do if in the future your dd had an activity that she loved that would interfere with your 6:00 pm dinner? Would you be flexible and accomodate that, as many posters have explained they do? Or will your kids not be allowed to do anything that interferes with that dinner time?

Good question. Following to your family's rule, my DD would not be allowed to join Girl Scouts, take swimming lessons, participate in Odyssey of the Mind, etc. She would have missed out on a lot.

 

[crisi]

I found that when my kids were younger, it was much easier to schedule their activities. However, what would you do if in the future your dd had an activity that she loved that would interfere with your 6:00 pm dinner? Would you be flexible and accomodate that, as many posters have explained they do? Or will your kids not be allowed to do anything that interferes with that dinner time?

It was way easier when our kids were little and WE picked the activities and the times. As they've gotten older, the school, or the league starts picking the times - you participate or not. Baseball games are Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 6pm to 9pm (and you need to be there at 5:45) - practices Saturday mornings - there isn't an option for "oh, I want my kids to play Thursday afternoon." My daughters writers club through school meets after school on Mondays. It ends at 5:15 - there isn't an option for participating from 7pm - 8:30. Wednesday night around here is church night - almost every church (and Hebrew School) has activities happening on Wednesday.

Now, we can elect not to have our kids participate, but they'd have missed out on a lot. And I'm not saying that baseball and writers club and religious education are more important than family dinners for everyone - but they are more important than family dinners every night for us. Although I do value the times during the week when we do pull off a family dinner.

And we need to fit in the 1-2 hours of homework the kids have every night as well.

 

[almburr]

We try to eat as a family every night, but there are times when that is not possible. DH is in Spring farm mode so hes not home until 9pm or so, Im not going to hold supper until he is home. Wednesday is church night for the older two kids so they eat at the church. If it is a game night we eat together at the games concession stand or stop on the way home. The ones that are home we will sit down and have a family meal.

The kids love to cook with me, and prepare plates etc. Also here school sports dont get out until 6:30pm I try to have dinner ready by then.

We are a family that interacts with each other, and spends time together but there are just times when something comes up. Im not going to deny my children to be in activities because I want dinner to be at a certain time.

 

[mindyd]

My kids are in tons of activities and I eat dinner with them 7 days a week there is one or two days a week that we have to start eating before my husband gets home but when he does get here we are still eating. I think it is very important to eat as a family and understand it's not always possible I think even if you do it once a week if that is all the time will allow is a good thing. I don't think any less of anyone that doesn't do it. I do feel bad about some of my girls friends who eat alone with no parents though.

 

[mhsjax]

My kids are in tons of activities and I eat dinner with them 7 days a week there is one or two days a week that we have to start eating before my husband gets home but when he does get here we are still eating. I think it is very important to eat as a family and understand it's not always possible I think even if you do it once a week if that is all the time will allow is a good thing. I don't think any less of anyone that doesn't do it. I do feel bad about some of my girls friends who eat alone with no parents though.

YOu are lucky that you can pull that off. I would love to, but it won't work for us, and it is only going to get worse. DS is starting football next year and won't get home from school until after 8:00. We just have to make the weekends family dinner time, and that is usually what we do now.

If I ever do have a child that is eating alone, I stand there in the kitchen and talk to them. They eat at the bar when we aren't eating together. Or there maybe a TV show that they want to watch and I will let them do that, out TV is viewable form the kitchen bar.

 

[2Monkeys]

We eat dinner together as often as we can, but the kids are busy and the activities do run late. Cheer practice is 5-8pm - no room for dinner in there!!

It is very sad to me how overcommitted we all are and that there is no time for this time-honored tradition. Everyone has to do what works for their family. However, I do not think the OP deserved all the snarky comments. It is amazing to me how offended people get with someone expressing their opinion - isn't everyone entitled to their own?

 

[cristielf]

OK I will try and word this nicely
My boys do things on their own. They do laundry, clear the table, clean the cat box, empty the garbage, help cook, make beds, clean rooms, do yard work, etc.
Anything else that you need to know that they do. They also help clean the house. I think they are well prepared for their future wives and will live nicely one their own.

We eat together and I do cook BUT MAJORITY OF THE STUFF THEY DO ON THEIR OWN! I didnt personally attack anyone just stated what we do as a family. Guess some people are a little jealous of a family that can spend time together. My boys do more things on their own than most of their friends do who don't eat with their families.

Sorry if the cow bell is rude but sounds like others do things like it also OR WON'T ADMIT IT! BTW this is to a company who I have asked NUMEROUS TIMES NOT TO CALL! We are on the do not call list. I have asked at least 10 times not to call, and sometimes I get 2-3 calls a day from them. Sure I can ignore BUT I can also ring a bell.

My boys are hard working boys. Get great grades in school, are on honor roll. Help out in everyway possible at our house at with neighbors. Want me to go on or will I get attacked then. I will defend my boys to the end and their wives will be lucky to have good men who will help around the house and do things equally. DO YOUR HUSBANDS HELP YOU AND DO YOUR KID DO THINGS?

Guess I can add...shovel snow, get homework done without asking, assist in helping with younger soccer and sports teams, etc etc. All the while being the typical teenagers who have the attitude, are mean to mom and sibling at time, etc. They are far from perfect and we are far from the perfect family. I do things for them, they do things for me. We all work as a family unit while they are polite, helpful,well rounded children. BUT we also argue and have behavioral issues. Now how many people admit this....I know so many people who say their kids and families are perfect (think of the XMAS letter you write or receive where everything is hunky dory and the bragging goes on about the perfect kids, perfect family and not one mention of the school suspension, calling mom or dad or sibling name, breaking curfew, etc). These are the parents who go to school and say their perfect kid didn't do anything wrong during fight...I am mom who goes and talks with kid to teacher about what they did wrong and what needs to be done to correct the problem on the third time they got kicked out of class for talking and being disruptive. Get the picture...we are not perfect and this attack on how I raise my family is rude. We are not perfect and I believe none of you have the perfect family. We all raise our kids and families differently. We eat together, I cook for them SO WHAT! Is that the worst thing in the world when my kids are self sufficient.NO WAY!

I just wanted to say and I mean this in all sincerity that you guys are the kind of family that I would want my kids to be around and that I really wish more people were like. I have two children and although we don't eat together every night, I wish we did. I see so much decline in the family unit and I can't believe some people take such offense to a simple post about asking about dinner that it really makes you wonder how angry these people have to be in real life. I didn't get anything judgmental or "holier than thou" out of your OP, in fact I wonder the same thing.

 

[tlbwriter]

However, I do not think the OP deserved all the snarky comments. It is amazing to me how offended people get with someone expressing their opinion - isn't everyone entitled to their own?

The problem was that her opinion was that people who didn't do exactly what she thought they should do were wrong. And she called it a vent, as if it really bothered her that people didn't eat the way she thought they should (she later claimed to merely be making an observation, but a vent is not an observation). And of course, the fact that she herself has a schedule that makes it impossible to always eat the way she thinks people should eat made it a little ironic, or even hypocritical.

In short:

"I think families should eat together as often as possible." Good.

"I think families should eat together. It makes me very angry that people don't do that. Even though I don't always do that." Bad.

 

[ccgirl]

Disclaimer: I'm not judging anyone; I just thought this article was interesting/relevant to the...um, discussion, if that's what this is:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1200760,00.html

"Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use."

We eat dinner together every night. I love to plan, prepare, cook and my husband makes sure he's home by dinner time, which is around 6 pm. Call us old fashioned, but that's very important to us. Playdates and activities are planned and scheduled before or after dinner, or mostly on the weekends. The kids never complain, it's just something that we do. Our oldest is 8 and is already asking when she can learn to cook real meals.

Since parents choose to be overworked, and to overshedule their kids with activities, there's no real quality time. As a result family members are forgetting how to relate to each other and eventually the family falls apart.

My kids are in tons of activities and I eat dinner with them 7 days a week there is one or two days a week that we have to start eating before my husband gets home but when he does get here we are still eating. I think it is very important to eat as a family and understand it's not always possible I think even if you do it once a week if that is all the time will allow is a good thing. I don't think any less of anyone that doesn't do it. I do feel bad about some of my girls friends who eat alone with no parents though.

We eat dinner together as often as we can, but the kids are busy and the activities do run late. Cheer practice is 5-8pm - no room for dinner in there!!

It is very sad to me how overcommitted we all are and that there is no time for this time-honored tradition. Everyone has to do what works for their family. However, I do not think the OP deserved all the snarky comments. It is amazing to me how offended people get with someone expressing their opinion - isn't everyone entitled to their own?

Here is an article from Time Magazine talking about the benefits of eating as a family...just in case anyone is interested. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1200760,00.html

I just wanted to say and I mean this in all sincerity that you guys are the kind of family that I would want my kids to be around and that I really wish more people were like. I have two children and although we don't eat together every night, I wish we did. I see so much decline in the family unit and I can't believe some people take such offense to a simple post about asking about dinner that it really makes you wonder how angry these people have to be in real life. I didn't get anything judgmental or "holier than thou" out of your OP, in fact I wonder the same thing.

Here is the OP's quote again:

Since parents choose to be overworked, and to overshedule their kids with activities, there's no real quality time. As a result family members are forgetting how to relate to each other and eventually the family falls apart.

First, some parents don't choose to be overworked it is by necessity.

Secondly, just because kids have something scheduled during dinner does not mean they are overscheduled or there's no real quality time.

Third, I don't think it's the not eating together than the family falls apart because of.

Fourth, she makes this statement then throughout her posts there are many instances of her just eating with one child. Hence, she is not truly eating as a family yet is judging those that don't.

Again...it is quality not quantity. I know a few parents where one parent stays home and they eat dinner together every night. Yet, the children get awful grades and constantly in trouble at school. There is no communication in that family whatsoever but they are the first to correct how you are raising your children.

I am not an angry person at all. Quite the opposite. I accept all people regardless of their family dynamics and don't judge them.

 

[mindyd]

YOu are lucky that you can pull that off. I would love to, but it won't work for us, and it is only going to get worse. DS is starting football next year and won't get home from school until after 8:00. We just have to make the weekends family dinner time, and that is usually what we do now.

If I ever do have a child that is eating alone, I stand there in the kitchen and talk to them. They eat at the bar when we aren't eating together. Or there maybe a TV show that they want to watch and I will let them do that, out TV is viewable form the kitchen bar.

It works for us now but who knows in the future It is great that you are able to eat on the Weekends together I think what ever works for each family is great. My daughter has friends who come home and no one is there and then they eat by themselves and barely get to talk them and don't see their parents till very late at night and it breaks my heart.

 

[mhsjax]

It works for us now but who knows in the future It is great that you are able to eat on the Weekends together I think what ever works for each family is great. My daughter has friends who come home and no one is there and then they eat by themselves and barely get to talk them and don't see their parents till very late at night and it breaks my heart.

That is sad. We are all here tonight. I have been cleaning and DH just announced that we aren't messing up the kitchen, and we are all going out. LOVE IT. WE will eat together for the next week most likely, we are on spring break, and then the normal routine sets in again. So we really take advantage of these times.

 

[mindyd]

That is sad. We are all here tonight. I have been cleaning and DH just announced that we aren't messing up the kitchen, and we are all going out. LOVE IT. WE will eat together for the next week most likely, we are on spring break, and then the normal routine sets in again. So we really take advantage of these times.

Enjoy your dinner out it's always nice not to cook and it's great that you take advantage of the time when you all can eat together.

 

[TheRatPack]

OP was just making an observation and I think a good one. Why do other posters have to so rude!

As for spoiling her family and making some future wife a "great husband"...or living in the basement for the rest of his life...REALLY DID YOU HAVE TO GO THERE!


What amazes me is the number of families that live by eating out almost EVERY night of the week. I am amazed that people can afford that!

Agree....why is everyone so on edge over the OP just making an observation. This board used to be so nice to come to and chit chat...it's gotten quite hostile lately

As for the OP's question....we eat together every single night whether it's around our own dinner table our out somewhere. And all of my sons know to do for themselves.....BUT I enjoy being able to cook for them and pray one day they can share some of their favorite recipes/foods with their new wives .....even if she doesn't cook.

 

[marlynnp]

I find it amazing in our lunchroom the number of people and families who don't eat dinner or eat together at all. I work both FT and PT so I'm not home two days a week, but I fix dinner for my DD and DH otherwise it defeats the purpose of me working if they go out.

All meeting seem to be starting at 6pm and go to 7:30 - soccer, church, associations...

I can't tell you the number of times I get phone calls between 6 and 7:30 with friends just wanting to chat and I say, "are you eating" and they say no.

Maybe it's just me, but I find it very odd.

Anyone else notice this too?

It's you.

If I work late my husband and daughter make their own dinner (and a plate for me for when I get home). And even if I don't work late they usually get most of it done because they are home before I am. Sounds like you need to give some cooking lessons.

Why does dinner have to be served between 6 and 7:30? I never realized there was some standard everyone must adhere to. (In other words, who died and made you boss?)

And why in the world would you ask someone who is calling you if they are eating??? Hello, they are calling you. Seems pretty obvious that they aren't eating. And if YOU are eating when they call don't answer. I don't interrupt MY family time to take phone calls whether it's dinner time or some other activity.

And why is dinner the be all and all? I've known some families that always had dinner together and were still a mess and dinner was the only time they spent together.

Thanks! I was really annoyed by your presumptions but I feel so superior now!