Is it me or do people/families not eat dinner anymore?? VENT

[RitaE]

I didn't want this post to start bashing people, I was just making an observation. Some of you are very supportive in your answers while others are just plain mean.

I am basing my comments on what I know of the people in my community and who I work with. Most, not all, don't eat dinner at all and it doesn't matter what time. Of those that don't, most are the ones who plan such meeting and practices and they will tell you so. Once again, I am basing this on the people I work and live near.

To those that ask why we don't eat earlier, I am not home in time to do so.

And to make the record straight, I am the OP and I didn't make the cow bell comment, another poster did.

Signing off of this post.

Well our mistake then because usually when people title their threads as a "VENT" they aren't just making an observation. They're making a strong comment on something that they think is wrong.

I just find it kind of odd that in your post you talk about how you yourself have to be away for dinner 2 nights a week due to your work schedule, but you are so incredulous that other families might also have timing difficulties that make the Ozzie and Harriet dinner at 6pm on the dot life difficult. As for why do things get scheduled 6 to 8pm time it is simply because most people work a standard 8 to 5/6 workday and that's when they can do it. If they held it at 2 in the afternoon, attendance would be very poor. Same goes for 10pm or midnight.

And really? You think People don't eat just because they aren't sitting as a group at the dinner table? I really don't get what you are saying there.

And as for telemarketers interrupting (and I know you didn't make the cowbell comment) just don't answer the phone.

 

[azdizzymom]

That's one of the rudest things I've ever seen. And I'm supposed to think you are this awesome wholesome family because you eat together? LOL! Don't think so. You sound mean to me.

Excuse me! No I don't think it is awesome that my whole family eats together. I think we are in the minority. From reading the boards and responses it is the minority that people eat together due to working parents, kids schedules, etc. We find time to eat together around these schedules (golf ending at 7PM, husband working late and missing dinner some nights, etc). I did not personally go on the attack to anyone in the 2 replies I made to this thread. I stated what we did. In my second post I did defend my family as some people had said to let my kids do their own stuff, etc. I pointed out exactly what my kids did and how we are far from the perfect family.

As stated in that post if you bothered to READ it stated we are far from the wonderful family. We fight, my kids get in trouble and I will happily admit that. MOST PEOPLE DON'T. Most people will make excuse after excuse after excuse for their kids. Oh, my child would never do that or cause that issue in school or forget to do their homework or not argue with a coach, etc. etc. I work in a school and last week one parent actually had the nerve to go to a teacher and ask that her child who miss 1 on a spelling test be given a hundred so she could get the bonus words. Here was a parent trying to make excuses for her child missing ONE, trying to get her child to be perfect, etc.

My son actually got kicked out of Spanish 3 times for being disruptive. I was hearing a totally different story from him...it was the teacher who didn't like him, etc. Let him get detention, etc. and on the third time and hearing his excuse (I know the teacher) I set up a meeting with them. I had him tell me in front of her what happened...guess what...it matched her story but was a totally different story that what he had been telling. How many times have your kids come home and said I got in trouble and your first instinct is someone else did it, cause the trouble,etc. Majority of parents do that.

No we are not special cause we eat together. We are a loving family who enjoy time together, but also have times where we don't eat together. We eat the fast food, carry in or I cook or husband cooks or kids grill out. And then there are the times we don't enjoy being together. My oldest had an attitude yesterday BUT we all ate together after the words we had at COSTCO!. You know what it brings you closer when after you have a fight with your loved one and you are 'forced' to be together. Last night 3 nights my son was out with teammates eating, my husband wasn't home 3 nights for dinner we ate at odd times or not together BUT when we are all home we all sit together and COMMUNICATE and talk about or days. So many families don't talk and parents show no interest in their kids. Sorry for loving and caring for my family and be interested enough to want to spend time with them.

I think you are very rude for your comments. Obviously you need to learn to read the entire posts and thread. I stated the bell got rung AFTER asking them several times not to call and several calls a day. The ringing of the phone is just as bad as a ring of a bell to them. Haven't had a call since then so.....must have finally taken my number off. You must think you are special being able to pass judgment on people you don't know. As I stated we are not the wholesome family and we are far from perfect. I don't write that gloating Christmas letter stating how my boys got straight A's, how my freshman son got his varsity letter jacket, how one son got mental attitude award for sport his freshman year, how we went to state in science fair, etc. etc. Those are facts about my family. My Christmas letter is saying we are all well ( we have jobs, kids enjoy school, list sports but no details, how thankful we are we have our health and wish people happy holidays). I can't tell you how many we get with the minute details of every accomplishment and brag for every member of a family. I read those letters and am happy for my friends and their kids BUT I refuse to write one of those.

Obviously you and I are totally different people but you think I am rude and mean and I will say right back to you. How perfect is your family? Do you cook for them and eat with them? Do you sit perfectly and not answer the phone when a solicitor calls or have there been times when you actually say something rude but won't admit it here?

We are all different people. I feel for the OP of this thread because they never expected this. In my original post I never expected my family to be attacked and you weren't the first BUT when I saw yours after my 2nd post about how we weren't perfect I responded. Hopefully this thread will be locked.

 

[msjprincess]

Excuse me! No I don't think it is awesome that my whole family eats together. I think we are in the minority. From reading the boards and responses it is the minority that people eat together due to working parents, kids schedules, etc. We find time to eat together around these schedules (golf ending at 7PM, husband working late and missing dinner some nights, etc). I did not personally go on the attack to anyone in the 2 replies I made to this thread. I stated what we did. In my second post I did defend my family as some people had said to let my kids do their own stuff, etc. I pointed out exactly what my kids did and how we are far from the perfect family.

As stated in that post if you bothered to READ it stated we are far from the wonderful family. We fight, my kids get in trouble and I will happily admit that. MOST PEOPLE DON'T. Most people will make excuse after excuse after excuse for their kids. Oh, my child would never do that or cause that issue in school or forget to do their homework or not argue with a coach, etc. etc. I work in a school and last week one parent actually had the nerve to go to a teacher and ask that her child who miss 1 on a spelling test be given a hundred so she could get the bonus words. Here was a parent trying to make excuses for her child missing ONE, trying to get her child to be perfect, etc.

My son actually got kicked out of Spanish 3 times for being disruptive. I was hearing a totally different story from him...it was the teacher who didn't like him, etc. Let him get detention, etc. and on the third time and hearing his excuse (I know the teacher) I set up a meeting with them. I had him tell me in front of her what happened...guess what...it matched her story but was a totally different story that what he had been telling. How many times have your kids come home and said I got in trouble and your first instinct is someone else did it, cause the trouble,etc. Majority of parents do that.

No we are not special cause we eat together. We are a loving family who enjoy time together, but also have times where we don't eat together. We eat the fast food, carry in or I cook or husband cooks or kids grill out.

I think you are very rude for your comments. Obviously you need to learn to read the entire posts and thread. I stated the bell got rung AFTER asking them several times not to call and several calls a day. The ringing of the phone is just as bad as a ring of a bell to them. Haven't had a call since then so.....must have finally taken my number off. You must think you are special being able to pass judgment on people you don't know. As I stated we are not the wholesome family and we are far from perfect. I don't write that gloating Christmas letter stating how my boys got straight A's, how my freshman son got his varsity letter jacket, how one son got mental attitude award for sport his freshman year, how we went to state in science fair, etc. etc. Those are facts about my family. My Christmas letter is saying we are all well ( we have jobs, kids enjoy school, list sports but no details, how thankful we are we have our health and wish people happy holidays). I can't tell you how many we get with the minute details of every accomplishment and brag for every member of a family. I read those letters and am happy for my friends and their kids BUT I refuse to write one of those.

Obviously you and I are totally different people but you think I am rude and mean and I will say right back to you. How perfect is your family? Do you cook for them and eat with them? Do you sit perfectly and not answer the phone when a solicitor calls or have there been times when you actually say something rude but won't admit it here?

We are all different people. I feel for the OP of this thread because they never expected this. In my original post I never expected my family to be attacked and you weren't the first BUT when I saw yours after my 2nd post about how we weren't perfect I responded. Hopefully this thread will be locked.

Even so, the person who's calling you at that moment has no control over what you told another CSR. They're just doing their job. It's rude, obnoxious and uncalled for no matter how you try to spin it.

And you can't seriously think a ringing phone is just as bad as you ringing a cow bell in their ear.

 

[azdizzymom]

Even so, the person who's calling you at that moment has no control over what you told another CSR. They're just doing their job. It's rude, obnoxious and uncalled for no matter how you try to spin it.

And you can't seriously think a ringing phone is just as bad as you ringing a cow bell in their ear.

Like I said I am not perfect. That is what I choose to do. Wish I were perfect like some around here.

 

[azdizzymom]

I think your future daughter in laws would like if you teach your son to do for himself! Or maybe just make up the basement for him, he can stay forever.

I find the cow bell ringing thing the most bizarre thing I have ever heard in my life. No one else thinks this is so weird? What a waste of time. You do realize the people calling you are getting paid regardless of how badly you treat them, right? What an odd waste of time!

We don't have a basement and if you read my other post #54 on page 4 you will see me list ALL MY CHILDREN DO. My sons won't be living in the basement, crawlspace or my home. They know how to load dishwasher, sort clothes, do laundry, make beds, clean house and toliets, mop the floors, take out the garbage, have manners, participate in activities, maintain high GPA's , have friends, all while being normal teenagers getting in trouble, disrepecting parents and teachers at times like most kids, thinking mom and dad are stupid and don't know anything, etc. They will find a wife who will be thankful that their husband knows how to do things and is willing to do them. I don't have to ask...my boys do things. They even cook....but if I haven't worked that day you bet I will cook!

 

[tlbwriter]

Obviously you and I are totally different people but you think I am rude and mean and I will say right back to you. How perfect is your family? Do you cook for them and eat with them? Do you sit perfectly and not answer the phone when a solicitor calls or have there been times when you actually say something rude but won't admit it here?

No, we are not perfect. I also didn't come here to brag about us. Yes, I do cook for my family and eat with them. No, we do not answer the phone when a solicitor calls (at dinner or at any other time... we have caller ID and we use it).

We are all different people. I feel for the OP of this thread because they never expected this.

Well, maybe she should have. She posted a VENT about families who did not use their time exactly the way her family did. It was uncalled for. And also completely illogical.

In my original post I never expected my family to be attacked and you weren't the first BUT when I saw yours after my 2nd post about how we weren't perfect I responded. Hopefully this thread will be locked.

I didn't attack your family. I "attacked" you for being RUDE and MEAN enough to actually do something that could cause physical harm to a telemarketer. Yes, they're annoying. But the person on the other end of the line did not make the decision to call you. They don't know you've been called multiple times and have been asked to be put on the no call list. Picking on them is inappropriate behavior.

 

[Planogirl]

I think that ringing cowbells and blowing air horns is rather mean too. Whoever calls has no control over what you've told other people. That person is just trying to make a living.

And no, I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be.

 

[declansdad]

And yes the phone does ring to during dinner with people "are you busy"... I see who caller ID says it is and let it ring. OR the new favorite is to ring a cowbell in the ear of the solicitation call. I can tell from caller ID (shows area code and then 000 and remaining 4 numbers) that is is "Rachel" from cardholder services telling me there is nothing wrong with my account but they can consolidate or reduce interest rate. I just need to push '1' to talk to someone. I will push '1' and then ring bell as loud as I can in their ear...oh well!

Enjoy dinner with your family!!!!

You have caller id, why not let it ring instead of ringing a bell in a person's ear? I'm not a fan of telemarketers calling but the person is just doing their job. Talk about rude.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm not begrudging anyone, Mr. Crabby. I'm allowed to think it's odd.

Sure you are. Your even allowed to post on a message board that you think it's odd. But calling someone (or a family) 'odd' isn't exactly polite. Are you surprised by the reactions? And 'Mr. Crabby'? Really?

Some of my friends had sports kids who were always running off to another game; they would eat standing up! Now they're all in college and none of them are playing sports.

Not sure what your point is here.

I think it's odd to sacrifice time with the people close to you in order to rush off doing a lot of 'activities'. My kids all had/have activities but they don't do everything possible. Maybe that's the difference.

Neither do mine. We have a limit of one sport each 'season' for each kid. DS also has Scouts. Youngest DD takes soccer classes. Not really 'everything possible', but it's enough to fill the calendar.

And one of my kids is an Eagle scout.

Good for him! But again, I'm not quite sure what your point is here.

When I was growing up, when I got into HS, I was helping with our sports teams plus working with the drama club. I think I ended up coming home right after school maybe two weeks out of the school year. More often it was 8pm or later, and one parent had to pick me up (until I got my car). That doesn't mean my family didn't spend time with each other.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I'm not begrudging anyone, Mr. Crabby. I'm allowed to think it's odd.

Some of my friends had sports kids who were always running off to another game; they would eat standing up! Now they're all in college and none of them are playing sports.

I think it's odd to sacrifice time with the people close to you in order to rush off doing a lot of 'activities'. My kids all had/have activities but they don't do everything possible. Maybe that's the difference.

And one of my kids is an Eagle scout.

My kids don't do everything possible. They are each on one travel soccer team. But it does have a committment of several nights a week and weekends, and their practices aren't necessarily on the same night. Plus, my husband is very involved with our soccer club and has those committments.

I would rather my family did their activities AND find the time to spend with each other elsewhere (though we do consider soccer a family activity), rather than sacrifice their activities. I find that to be a very large part of who our family is.

Not sure what being an Eagle Scout has to do with anything.

 

[badblackpug]

I don't see why people are so upset about 6/6:30 meetings... what time do you want them?

If you have them earlier many kids can't get to them becuase the parents have jobs. Or if this activitity isn't a school activity lead by a teacher then the person teaching it needs time to get there from work.

If you have them later then parents get upset that the little ones are late for bed time or even if its a meeting for older kids that the other children in the house have to get up so the one parent that is home can pick up the older kids. Oh and if this is something that generally occurs outside its too dark to do stuff now.

No matter what time you pick its inconveinent for some group

Off Topic:

I hate these times because in addition to a 13 year old and a 10 year old, I have a just-turned 3 year old and a 16m old. As I mentioned before, I work nights and my husband works days. There are 3 nights a week where there is only 1 adult at home. The little kids are usually tired by 7 and we try to get them bathed and ready for bed at about 7:30 and in bed by 8. Meetings that break up between 7:30 and 8 usually require hauling out sleepy, cranky babies, or trying to arrange for another parent to give the bigger kids a ride home.

 

[tlbwriter]

Off Topic:

I hate these times because in addition to a 13 year old and a 10 year old, I have a just-turned 3 year old and a 16m old. As I mentioned before, I work nights and my husband works days. There are 3 nights a week where there is only 1 adult at home. The little kids are usually tired by 7 and we try to get them bathed and ready for bed at about 7:30 and in bed by 8. Meetings that break up between 7:30 and 8 usually require hauling out sleepy, cranky babies, or trying to arrange for another parent to give the bigger kids a ride home.

Unfortunately, there IS no perfect time to do anything. No matter what time you pick, it will conflict with someone's needs.

 

[lillygator]

No where in my post did I mention a traditional time or set hour for dinner. I do like to have dinner ready at 6 pm. But on nights when we are pulled in different directions we eat when we can...thank goodness for crock pots, tacos, and other fast meals! Having 3 children in 3 different schools, and being in education myself it is hard but it is something that is a priority both for family time and budget!

As for amazed at eating out and affording it...I am amazed how people can do this! For my family of 5...we spend close to $60 for an average meal out...even fast food is nearly $30. If you multiply that by at least 5 nights a week that is close to $300 a week or $1200 a month! WOW! My grocery budget (minus most meat is $75 a week...$300 a month the same for 1 week of eating out). How do people do it!?

WHAT AMAZES ME MORE IS HOW RUDE OTHER POSTERS CAN BE WHEN OTHERS STATE AN OPINION DIFFERENT THEN THEIR OWN. Lately there has been a rash of judgemental posts on the board...I try to stay with the facts as much as possible and treat other opinions with kindness. I have learned that you can't change my mind, and I can't change yours...but we can be nice to each other!

$60 for a family of 5? that is a deal! We are a family of 4 and spend more than that out to eat.


The op was dripping with "this is how it should be done" that is why I think so many people disagree. Do we eat together all the time, no but most of the time...and the airhorn/cowbell - how RUDE...why are you taking precious time away from dining together as a family to answer the phone? Do you all get a family kick out of it?

also - the comment...."it is a privilege to cook for my husband"....

 

[Leajess99]

Well, when exactly should we have a 2 hour soccer practice? Seems logical to me that it would fall sometime between your dinner hour.

Sometimes my family eats dinner at 4:30 before practice. Sometimes they eat when they get home closer to 8:00pm.

Why on earth would you assume people should be eating at 7:15pm, and why would you find it weird if they aren't?

Didn't you know that soccer practice should not start untile AFTER 7:30 and then you can be bad parents for not having your children home and in bed at 9:30 pm.

Sorry but here we generally end up eating dinner at like 4:00 just so all the kids can get where they need to go and then they are hungry when we get home so it means more food. The weekends vary on when we can eat and many times not everyone can eat together.

I am an awful parent anyway since I also don't cook the kids bacon and eggs for breakfast or pack their lunches. My oldest (my only boy) loves cooking and I let him. My youngest packs her own lunch (I check what she packs) and I let her as that is what she wants to do. She does not want anyone else packing her lunch and since she knows how to pack a healthy, well balanced lunch I let her.

I would rather my kids be independent and know how to do things for themselves than to have them be ones that have to bring their dirty clothes home from college cause they don't know how to wash them. IT was quite sad when I was in Basic training to see the number of young adults that were clueless on how to wash their own clothes or even when we got to our first duty station and some had no idea how to cook for themselves.

 

[scrapquitler]

We only eat together once or twice a week, at most. Our schedule just doesn't work out for us to do it more.

My DD dances from 4-8:30 one day, from 6-9 another day. I have meetings a few times a month where I have to leave home by 5:30 or so to get to them and don't get home until after 9. The days that DH has to go to the office he doesn't get home until after 7 or 7:30. My son has an activity another night until from 5-7. On the weekends we always have things to do, and I usually work either 11am-8pm or 3-11pm at least 3-4 times a month on the weekend.

Some nights we eat 'dinner' at about 3:30 or 4. Other nights we don't eat until around 9. Most often, a couple of us will eat together, whoever isn't home either eats before they leave or when they get home.

We make a huge effort to eat breakfast and lunch together whenever we can (three of us are home MOST days during the day, unless DH has a meeting or I have to work).

My MIL is always appaled that I don't have dinner sitting on the table for everyone at 5PM on the dot. She swears that this is the "RIGHT" way to run your house. I could put dinner on the table then the nights I"m home, that doesn't mean that anyone will be here to eat it. She thinks that we are all Mrs. Cleaver, and that's just not what my family life looks like in 2011.

If having everyone eat together in your family at the same time every night works for you, that's great. But not all familys are the same.

 

[Leajess99]

WOW, I never expected some of these answers. I've been on the boards for years and I must say they are getting more and more vicious as time goes by.

My main point was not necessarily WHEN families eat, it is the fact they DON'T EAT at all. As one poster said, many times my DD has friends over who haven't eaten all day or they come to their soccer games at 10:30 am and haven't even eaten b'fast. I feel bad for these kids.

I don't care when people eat and yes we eat late somedays but it is the point that some people don't even consider that other people do eat and eat together. Her soccer coach said she totally forgot about dinner when he planned last season's games. I also have a friend who doesn't even consider dinner a part of their families day.

For all of you that felt the need to be mean, thanks but no thanks. I enjoy being on these boards for feedback, not criticism. Please find something else to do besides bashing on the OP's.

BUt how do you know what the child's circumkstances are?? Maybe the child got up late and did not get to eat or maybe the child does not like to eat breakfast or quite possibly the child's family is one of the ones who end up going without food on the weekends due to income. Unless you 100% know the circumstances you are clueless on what is going on.

Some kids choose not to eat while others are unfortunately unable to afford food for their families. My son, 18 years old, does not always eat during the day but he makes up for it later. Some kids are on medicine that supresses their appetites. Some kids are not breakfast eaters and actually get sick if they eat breakfast.

Unless these kids are coming to you complaining they are starving than what business is it of yours when or if they eat??

As for the soccer coach, in all the leagues we have played in the league sets the game schedules and not soccer coaches. My kids practice from 6 to 7:30 4 nights a week and has games on the weekends. This past weekend we were at the soccer field from 9:30 to 6:30 Saturday and from 1:30 to 6:30 last night. You better believe we ate out because I was exhausted and not about to cook after the all day outing.

As for phone calls, most phones do have voicemail or answering machines.

 

[Leajess99]

Seriously the rudest thing I have ever heard of. Why don't you just turn off the phone or ignore it while eating dinner? Or better yet get yourself on the national no call list. The people who are calling you are just doing their job and trying to make a living. There is no need for that kind of abuse.

In the case of "Rachel from cardholder services", being on a no call list does nothing with them. Because they have figured out a way to get around the caller id, the state attourney generals cannot prosecute them because they can't get a correct number or location.

They call my house and now even my cell phone which are both on the no call list. When you ask them to not call you they just hang up on you and do it again. I, personally would never ring a cowbell in their ear but I do hang up. Every number they call from I report and sooner or later they will mess up and get caught and prosecuted.

 

[Leajess99]

And OP, if you are so concerned about kids not eating or being fed than why don't you volunteer to bring that family food to make sure those kids are fed??

 

[Arenita]

I took my 12 year old cousin to WDW with us last summer. We stayed at the Cabins and ate several meals in our room. We would fix dinner, sit at the table, pray and eat. At the end of the trip, my cousin told us how much she enjoyed doing that; it was one of her favorite parts of the trip. She and her mom never eat dinner together much less at a table. I remember our crazy dinners (for 7 people) when I was a kid...so glad my very busy mom and dad took the time.

 

[mjkacmom]

BUt how do you know what the child's circumkstances are?? Maybe the child got up late and did not get to eat or maybe the child does not like to eat breakfast or quite possibly the child's family is one of the ones who end up going without food on the weekends due to income. Unless you 100% know the circumstances you are clueless on what is going on.

Some kids choose not to eat while others are unfortunately unable to afford food for their families. My son, 18 years old, does not always eat during the day but he makes up for it later. Some kids are on medicine that supresses their appetites. Some kids are not breakfast eaters and actually get sick if they eat breakfast.

Unless these kids are coming to you complaining they are starving than what business is it of yours when or if they eat??

As for the soccer coach, in all the leagues we have played in the league sets the game schedules and not soccer coaches. My kids practice from 6 to 7:30 4 nights a week and has games on the weekends. This past weekend we were at the soccer field from 9:30 to 6:30 Saturday and from 1:30 to 6:30 last night. You better believe we ate out because I was exhausted and not about to cook after the all day outing.

As for phone calls, most phones do have voicemail or answering machines.

Ds8's soccer practices are twice a week, 5:30 - 6:45, ds12's are twice a week, 7 - 8:15. DH coaches both, and he has absolutely no say. As for games, we just got our schedule, and the emails going back and forth trying to schedule the TBA games are crazy! They have to be finalized tonight, or else the clubs get fined.

And if any of my kids show up at a game without having breakfast or lunch, that's their problem. They are all capable of at least grabbing a yogurt, or bowl of cereal, poptart, bagel, etc. I spent many, many years, scrambling to get food on the tables for 5 little ones - they have learned to be independent. That's not to say that I won't make them something if they ask.