Is it me or do people/families not eat dinner anymore?? VENT

[crisi]

My MIL is always appaled that I don't have dinner sitting on the table for everyone at 5PM on the dot. She swears that this is the "RIGHT" way to run your house. I could put dinner on the table then the nights I"m home, that doesn't mean that anyone will be here to eat it. She thinks that we are all Mrs. Cleaver, and that's just not what my family life looks like in 2011.

I don't even know how June Cleaver managed that.

My "normal" work day - and my husband's - is 8 am to 5pm. We have - if we leave at rush hour - about a 45 minute one way commute. So, assuming that we are working normal hours (and we are lucky to have flexibility), and assuming no one makes a grocery stop, or needs gas, we walk into the house at 5:45. Dinner isn't hitting the table until after 6pm.

My husband often gets stuck at work until after 6pm. So we don't always hold dinner for him. Sometimes I get stuck with late meetings. OFTEN I have evening meetings with Asia. Sometimes he does.

That's without adding the activities - for the kids or their parents. That's no PTO meetings, no church involvement, no conferences or concerts. That's before Mom or Dad or the kids see their friends.

And homework needs to get squeezed in.

Ward must have had a job he could leave at 4:30 and a twenty minute commute home. And, of course, Ward never had calls with Asia at 6 and 8 pm - trying to fit dinner in at 7.

Now, there ARE advantages. If we wanted to eat out every night and feed our family of four at TGIFridays and Outback Steakhouse, we could. We don't (it takes too long to go out), but affording it - that isn't part of the issue.

 

[drinkme]

My kids don't do everything possible. They are each on one travel soccer team. But it does have a committment of several nights a week and weekends, and their practices aren't necessarily on the same night. Plus, my husband is very involved with our soccer club and has those committments.

I would rather my family did their activities AND find the time to spend with each other elsewhere (though we do consider soccer a family activity), rather than sacrifice their activities. I find that to be a very large part of who our family is.

Not sure what being an Eagle Scout has to do with anything.

I totally agree! Having the kids do their activities is very important to us. It's a higher priority than having dinner together at 5pm every night (my PREFERRED time). If the OP's priority is having dinner at home together as a family, then fine. But for us, it's watching my son play soccer, or watching my dd on the stage performing. In order for the kids to do this, they need to practice. And practice is usually during traditional dinner times.

FWIW, with my family growing up we ate dinner EVERY night as a family at the dining room table. My mom worked FT, but she cooked from scratch EVERY SINGLE night. We got delivery pizza maybe a few times a year. It doesn't mean anything...we had such a disfunctional family!!

Also, alot of families who are not cooking and not eating at home aren't necessarily eating Big Macs every night. There are alot of good healthy choices for families to eat on the go.

Oh, and the teenagers who wouldn't have gotten any breakfast unless the mom brought it for them...well, that's just being judgemental. Why would you assume the starving kids' moms are being neglectful (that's how your statement comes across in your post). My 10 & 12 year old kids know they need to make their own breakfast/lunches or they're going to starve. I just don't get that whole remark??? Why wouldn't you make your own teenager make their own breakfast? Really?????

OK. that's my 2 cents!

 

[bettymae1121]

I wonder if some of it is because "activities" meet more nights a week than they used to. Growing up, my brothers and I were (all three of us) in soccer and CCD (think Sunday school but only 1 night a week rather than on Sundays), my brothers were both in scouts and I usually was in either a play or musical at any given time.

That said, it was a rare week where all the evenings that week were taken up by actives. CCD and soccer weren't year round and usually off set each other, scouts was only once a week and the odd weekend camping trip. My plays/musicals usually had one rehearsal during the week and one on the weekend, only the weekend we had the performance was busy. I was also in band and/or choir at school but rehearsals/lessons were during the day and we only had concerts once a quarter. So most weeks, between the three of us, we only had one or two nights of activities during any one week and only one weekend day with something going on. Sometimes things would over lap but that usually only happened for a week or two, then things would go back to normal.

Now I hear about sports practices being 4 or 5 nights a week and two games on the weekends, dance or other preforming arts are also taking up that kind of time. Add in church programs and PTA and it's a wonder parents or kids have enough time to sleep let alone eat together. I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, it just seems a lot different than what I experienced growing up, and I'm not even that old!!!

 

[tlbwriter]

Oh, and the teenagers who wouldn't have gotten any breakfast unless the mom brought it for them...well, that's just being judgemental. Why would you assume the starving kids' moms are being neglectful (that's how your statement comes across in your post). My 10 & 12 year old kids know they need to make their own breakfast/lunches or they're going to starve. I just don't get that whole remark??? Why wouldn't you make your own teenager make their own breakfast? Really?????

A teenager has no excuse for going hungry unless there's no food in the house, or they're being abused by having food withheld.

 

[Kathi OD]

I don't even know how June Cleaver managed that.

June Cleaver managed it because she didn't work outside the home. She was lucky enough to live in an era when all activities were school-related and took place right after school. Plus, the school districts all provided transportation for those activities and if you didn't live far enough away to ride the bus, no one was afraid of you walking home on your own.

In some ways, it was a much simpler time.

 

[mdsoccermom]

June Cleaver managed it because she was a housewife on a half-hour tv show.

 

[azdizzymom]

Yes I notice it! We are one of the minority and eat together! My boys are teenagers and I fix breakfast for the 3 of us (hubby is at work) and we eat together. For dinner we eat together ....even during sports seasons we will eat early or late but there is at least one parent and child eating together. Like you I always cook and plan ahead so there is something good and fast to eat.

BUT there are the meetings that the coaches plan at 6 or 6:30 PM...the practices that go from 4-7PM or something. Even the school will have meetings (high school orientation, etc.) at 6 or 6:30PM.

I am amazed at the number of families that don't eat together...even those where parents don't work. My son had a friend eat with us last night and it was like he hadn't had a good, normal dinner for days. Also found it interesting that my son had an all day sport even (golf) and his two friends who spent the night and my son were ONLY ones who had a lunch (they left at 10AM and returned home at 5PM). Some nice mom packed lunches and drinks for all of of them. No one else did --- know kids are old enough to do themselves but must admit at 8:30 AM on a Saturday morning teenage boys are more interested in sleeping or eating the eggs and bacon that nice mom made for them than packing a lunch!!

And yes the phone does ring to during dinner with people "are you busy"... I see who caller ID says it is and let it ring. OR the new favorite is to ring a cowbell in the ear of the solicitation call. I can tell from caller ID (shows area code and then 000 and remaining 4 numbers) that is is "Rachel" from cardholder services telling me there is nothing wrong with my account but they can consolidate or reduce interest rate. I just need to push '1' to talk to someone. I will push '1' and then ring bell as loud as I can in their ear...oh well!

Enjoy dinner with your family!!!!

Here is my original post which appears to be getting more and more distorted through these.

1. I never passed judgment on the other families who didn't bring food. Just said it was interesting that the 3 I had were only ones who took lunches. Yes, there is a concession stand at the course but according to the ones I spoke with the other boys did not eat because the course was crowded, they were walking the 18 holes and there wasn't time. The 6 kids my son played with didn't have food----that is almost half the team. My son did share.

2. I did not act like we were wonderful for eating dinner together, just stated a fact that we try and do often.

3. I didn't say kids were starving or didn't eat breakfast. Just said I sent thes boys off with full stomachs to golf. Studies have shown that eating breakfast helps in test scores, etc. I think it is wonderful schools are offering breakfasts to kids who might not get it at home.

4. Maybe it is wrong to ring a bell in someone's ear on the phone BUT I admit to some stupid thing I do. I did it and the calls stopped after nicely asking to remove from list several times...these calls even came to cell phone and my kids cell phones.

5. As stated in my subsequent posts we are not perfect and have never claimed to be. I never passed judgment on others stated facts about situation that appeared this weekend. I didn't rant and say how terrible the other parents were who didn't feed kids, send food, etc.

6. My sons are not going to live in the basement...which we don't have as some 'wonderful pixie dust filled person stated'. They are self sufficient boys who have been know to also hold doors open and push an older lady to return counter in Kohl's because the clerk there would not get someone who worked there to assist her back to return counter. They then pushed her in wheel chair to car.

People here seem to read things into post or only half read (and I myself do this too at times). We are all different but if you are going to quote someone read through ALL pages of threads before you quote and see if the have made changes or apologized or something.

BTW...tonight we are eating together again tonight...different times and shifts but at least 2 of us together. Do I feel special because we do this or superior...nope just blessed that I can. Kids grow up too fast and one day my boys will remember eating together just like my husband and I will when they are gone on their own. You never know when things can change or what tomorrow holds....

Also we are more like the family from Still Standing than the Cleavers......my house and closets and cabinets are a mess. I don't wear dresses and heels (don't own them)...live in sweats and jeans. We eat prepared food and semi-homemade or fast food or carry out! I don't bake...

I am done with this...unless there is another 'pixie filled person' who doesn't read carefully. I feel for OP cause this can of worms didn't need to get like this. My post was in agreement that things are at bad times BUT we can all work around them with careful planning.

 

[BBandDisney]

Dear moderator, Please close this out of control thread.

 

[declansdad]

Dear moderator, Please close this out of control thread.

This thread is far from out of control.

 

[ilovediznee]

I am the OP that thought I could have a simple discussion that has turned ugly.

I agree with the others - please close.

Thanks!

 

[mhsjax]

I took my 12 year old cousin to WDW with us last summer. We stayed at the Cabins and ate several meals in our room. We would fix dinner, sit at the table, pray and eat. At the end of the trip, my cousin told us how much she enjoyed doing that; it was one of her favorite parts of the trip. She and her mom never eat dinner together much less at a table. I remember our crazy dinners (for 7 people) when I was a kid...so glad my very busy mom and dad took the time.

Wow. I never take the time. I hate to take the time. I am too busy taking the time to take them to practice and cheer them on at games, you know, something they are actually interested it.

 

[riley2008]

Wow. I never take the time. I hate to take the time. I am too busy taking the time to take them to practice and cheer them on at games, you know, something they are actually interested it.

WOW! Is right.

 

[tlbwriter]

I am the OP that thought I could have a simple discussion that has turned ugly.

I agree with the others - please close.

Thanks!

It's not going the way I wanted, people are disagreeing with me, please close it!

 

[jaminmd]

Wow. I never take the time. I hate to take the time. I am too busy taking the time to take them to practice and cheer them on at games, you know, something they are actually interested it.

It's not going the way I wanted, people are disagreeing with me, please close it!

They had no problem passing judgment but they sure took issue with being judged.

 

[sam_gordon]

Dear moderator, Please close this out of control thread.

I am the OP that thought I could have a simple discussion that has turned ugly.

I agree with the others - please close.

Thanks!

I don't understand why people post these 'close thread' requests. Do moderators read EVERY post in EVERY thread? If you don't like the way a thread is going, why keep reading it (and bumping it to the top with a 'please close' request)? If a post or posts are offense, isn't there a way to report the individual post?

 

[lillygator]

love it!!

 

[mdsoccermom]

I don't understand why people post these 'close thread' requests. Do moderators read EVERY post in EVERY thread? If you don't like the way a thread is going, why keep reading it (and bumping it to the top with a 'please close' request)? If a post or posts are offense, isn't there a way to report the individual post?

Because people here tend to be exceptionally sensitive.

 

[sam_gordon]

I find it amazing in our lunchroom the number of people and families who don't eat dinner or eat together at all. I work both FT and PT so I'm not home two days a week, but I fix dinner for my DD and DH otherwise it defeats the purpose of me working if they go out.

All meeting seem to be starting at 6pm and go to 7:30 - soccer, church, associations...

I can't tell you the number of times I get phone calls between 6 and 7:30 with friends just wanting to chat and I say, "are you eating" and they say no.

Maybe it's just me, but I find it very odd.

Anyone else notice this too?

BTW, the section I bolded from the OP is probably what rubbed people the wrong way. Even if you didn't mean it, you basically said "A family that doesn't eat together has something wrong with it".

If you would have simply said something like "I've noticed a decline in "family dinner time. It seems many families are too busy with meetings, activities, and sports. How does your family handle it?" I don't think anyone would have had a problem.

 

[dogluva]

Here is my original post which appears to be getting more and more distorted through these.

1. I never passed judgment on the other families who didn't bring food. Just said it was interesting that the 3 I had were only ones who took lunches. Yes, there is a concession stand at the course but according to the ones I spoke with the other boys did not eat because the course was crowded, they were walking the 18 holes and there wasn't time. The 6 kids my son played with didn't have food----that is almost half the team. My son did share.

2. I did not act like we were wonderful for eating dinner together, just stated a fact that we try and do often.

3. I didn't say kids were starving or didn't eat breakfast. Just said I sent thes boys off with full stomachs to golf. Studies have shown that eating breakfast helps in test scores, etc. I think it is wonderful schools are offering breakfasts to kids who might not get it at home.

4. Maybe it is wrong to ring a bell in someone's ear on the phone BUT I admit to some stupid thing I do. I did it and the calls stopped after nicely asking to remove from list several times...these calls even came to cell phone and my kids cell phones.

5. As stated in my subsequent posts we are not perfect and have never claimed to be. I never passed judgment on others stated facts about situation that appeared this weekend. I didn't rant and say how terrible the other parents were who didn't feed kids, send food, etc.

6. My sons are not going to live in the basement...which we don't have as some 'wonderful pixie dust filled person stated'. They are self sufficient boys who have been know to also hold doors open and push an older lady to return counter in Kohl's because the clerk there would not get someone who worked there to assist her back to return counter. They then pushed her in wheel chair to car.

People here seem to read things into post or only half read (and I myself do this too at times). We are all different but if you are going to quote someone read through ALL pages of threads before you quote and see if the have made changes or apologized or something.

BTW...tonight we are eating together again tonight...different times and shifts but at least 2 of us together. Do I feel special because we do this or superior...nope just blessed that I can. Kids grow up too fast and one day my boys will remember eating together just like my husband and I will when they are gone on their own. You never know when things can change or what tomorrow holds....

Also we are more like the family from Still Standing than the Cleavers......my house and closets and cabinets are a mess. I don't wear dresses and heels (don't own them)...live in sweats and jeans. We eat prepared food and semi-homemade or fast food or carry out! I don't bake...

I am done with this...unless there is another 'pixie filled person' who doesn't read carefully. I feel for OP cause this can of worms didn't need to get like this. My post was in agreement that things are at bad times BUT we can all work around them with careful planning.

People who toot their own horn are a real turn off. Also, people who toot a horn in someone poor soul who is trying to work to put food on their family's table (whether they eat it together or not) is actually pretty mean.

Why are you "venting"? Your post was a vent. To me that means that you are bothered. If you were asking a question or stating an opinion, you don't have to vent. You worry about your family, the rest of us will worry about ours.

We eat dinner together when we can. Sometimes we go through the drive through of Mcdonalds and eat it in the car too. Why do you care?

 

[ccgirl]

I find it amazing in our lunchroom the number of people and families who don't eat dinner or eat together at all. I work both FT and PT so I'm not home two days a week, but I fix dinner for my DD and DH otherwise it defeats the purpose of me working if they go out.

All meeting seem to be starting at 6pm and go to 7:30 - soccer, church, associations...

I can't tell you the number of times I get phone calls between 6 and 7:30 with friends just wanting to chat and I say, "are you eating" and they say no.

Maybe it's just me, but I find it very odd.

Anyone else notice this too?

Sorry..didn't read the whole thread.

What is it you find odd? My family does not eat until 7pm. My Dh and myself do not get home until 6pm. We still eat together as a family every night. Everyone has their own schedules as well. Some families eat at 4:30. Just because they are not eating at the same time as you does not mean they don't eat as a family. If they don't eat as a family, it doesn't make them a bad family either. BTW, I have read a few posts where you say one adult ate with one child. Technically, your family is not eating as a family either. Don't judge others.