Is anyone a Step-Grandparent??

[MrsKreamer]

I wanted to add something. My son is a step grandchild on Dh's side too. The situation is a bit different because my MIL is gay. Her SO has been treated by us as a grandparent from day one, as I wouldn't have it any other way. She also has a natural granddaughter. However when her daughter and grand daughter are in town, my son get's treated like "Oh that's so-and-so's grandchild" So yeah people notice...

 

[doxdogy]

DH and I have no children of our own. We do however have his daughter from a previous marriage. DD has always told me tha it made her feel so good that my parents treated as a biological grandchild. Heck they even treated my niece and nephew as grandchildren. My nephew still refers to my dad as grandpa! So I agree with the others, he should be treated the same as the other grandchildren.

 

[SleepyMom]

I am so glad to see that the majority of the responses have been positive, meaning that the steps were welcomed fully into the family.

My oldest DD is the only "step" grandchild on DH's side, and it was mentioned often. We joined the family when she was 5 years old and she was never accepted by my late MIL. DD knew it too There were many holidays where the grands were buried in presents and DD had one or two in front of her. The worst year was when "Santa" came and had bikes and a Gameboy for each grandchild, but not for DD. I actually felt bad for Santa because he was only delivering what he had been told and didn't know that there would be a beautiful little girl standing there wondering why Santa didn't bring her anything. I told DD that he took her stuff to our house, but I doubt that erased the sting.

I hope your parents will fully accept being this little guy's grandparents and enjoy all the rewards he will bring into their lives.

Another thought... DH and I had a DD together that was a "real" grandchild to MIL. She quickly realized her Sissy was different at Granny's house, and to be truthful I think it affected her own relationship with MIL. We've had a lot of talks over the years and I truly believe MIL missed out on having a close relationship with both of my girls because of her inability to accept oldest DD.

 

[NikiM20]

Well MY DD7 gets it from both sides

My stepdad adores Kara. That is his first grandchild and that is that. She is the only granddaughter.

DH parents dont want to have much if anything to do with her. DH adopted my DD when she was small. It was always his baby not their grandchild. When DH's brother found out they were expecting the comment was made that they would have a "real" grandchild now. And kara is now old enough that she knows they dont like her and she will ask me "Why dont daddys parents love me?" DH now rarely talks to his parents because of this.

 

[Disney Doll]

I was in the exact same position 4 years ago. I had a 5 year old son from a previous marriage. DH's parents were WAY beyond wonderful with him from the very day they met him. They didn't have any other grandchildren, but DH and I have since had a DD. DH's parents do not treat their biological grandchild any different then my DS.
DS has grandparents on both sides that he gets gifts from, along with his father, but DH's parents NEVER used that as an excuse to buy him less. And it makes both of us feel extraordinarily special that we have been so generously accepted into such a wonderful family.

This would be the advice I would give to your parents so their new DIL will be able to say the same thing about them.

Anything less and there will be hard feelings, and it will cause a rift.

My brother married a woman with a child and my parents treat him as if he were their "blood" grandchild as a opposed to a "step".

Plus, yes, your brother's new son has other grandparents whom he sees, but his little life has been "upheaved"... and he's only 4 and has already had to deal with adult issues... and kids can't have too many people who love them, whether blood or not.

DH & I could not have children. I have nieces and nephews and friends' children whom I consider almost like my own. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love them unconditionally. They are kids...that's all they need to know.

 

[Disney Doll]

Even Republicans and Democrats agree.

 

[PhotoLisa]

I can tell you from the child's point of view how this feels to them.

My two older children became part of a step family and when Christmas came around, they would go to their step grandmother's house with their dad and stepmom for the family celebration.

They felt COMPLETELY disregarded and it hurt them considerably. They did not receive gifts and were the ONLY children there originally as they are the oldest. My children were 3 and 5 at the time when this began. Their dad would bring a couple of gifts for them to open from him but my children knew the difference and were very hurt.

My current husband became a stepparent only 5 years ago (my children were 18,16 and 11 when we got together). He accepted my children into his family and has treated them exactly like his two grown sons. They all receive identically.

My children are now grown and are adults; my oldest has two children. Their children have stepgrandparents on all sides of their family. They are so fortunate to have four sets of grandparents. Our generation has not allowed our grandchilldren to experience what my children did.

 

[janet715]

In reading this thread over and over every day, there is one thing that I don't understand. For the parents of the children that have not been lovingly accepted into their step families - why do you take your children to the grandparents homes if you know they are not going to treat your child the same as the others? If my in-laws acted that way toward my DS, he would never go there again. Nothing is worth a hurt child on christmas.