Is anyone a Step-Grandparent??

[cepmom]

I agree with everything already posted here. Please tell your parents that they should treat their new DIL's son exactly how they treat their biological grandchildren, both attention wise and money/gift wise. Especially once the new baby arrives! Could you imagine the resentment if they treated the new sibling differently simply because he/she is blood?

Not saying they would do this, or are doing this, but I think that anyone that treats a "step" child or grandchild differently than their biological children/grandchildren is a self centered, self absorbed snob. To think that their "own" are better than a "step" is horrible!

I married into DH's family with my 6 yr old DD. They have treated her like family since day one. In fact two of DH's sister's have married men that had children from previous marriages and everyone of the "step" grandchildren (5 in all) have been treated no differently than the 10 biological grandchildren.

I realize this is all new to them and unknown territory ~ hopefully they will learn to love this little boy as much as the others

 

[Alicia87]

I married DH when DD was 5 y/o. She was the first "granddaughter" on DH's side of the family, and we thought she would be spoiled rotten due to that fact. When DD was 10, DH adopted her. From the time we were married, DH's family definitely drew a line in the sand during holidays. I will never forget the look on DD's face when all the kids were sitting in the middle of the floor at Christmas with all of their presents stacked in front of them, and she looked at her step-brother's presents piled to the ceiling and she had two presents. And to beat all, they took turns opening...so she had two turns to their twenty. I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but she was 5 years old for pete sake!! Kids love presents and they don't get the concept of step-grandparents' meaning of biological vs. step.

I guess what I'm trying to say is....spend the same amount on all!!! Don't start out the way my DH's family did...even though the child is only 4, he will definitely feel slighted. DD15 still talks about how hurt she was during the holidays with my in-laws.

 

[tycopj]

Yes, buy equally and treat them all equally.

Baby will now make grandchild number 4, not 3, and take the word "step" out of family descriptions and references. I don't think your nephew and his future sibling should be called "half" siblings either.

 

[Mono~rail]

My sisters and I are all 3 adopted. We were all adopted at birth, but my dad's mom has always treated us differently than my dad's brother's kids who are not adopted.

The four "biological" grandkids would get tons of nice gifts - Hot Wheels tracks, Honda 3-wheelers, Power Wheels, Atari with tons of cartridges, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and on. . .

My sisters and I would be lucky to get a doll made from old socks with a face painted on with markers - I'm not exaggerating, that was our gift one year. The bio grandkids gifts would be wrapped in real wrapping paper -yes, even the huge items- while our gifts would be wrapped in old newspapers. On a good year, we would get the Sunday comics for wrapping paper.

It was a huge source of conflict between my parents. My dad would make us go, but my mom didn't want us to have our feelings hurt year after year after year. They would have a huge argument over it every year.

 

[cepmom]

take the word "step" out of family descriptions and references. I don't think your nephew and his future sibling should be called "half" siblings either.

thank you for posting this...I forgot to. The whole "half" sister/brother makes me crazy. I would see red if I heard any refer to my older and younger DD's as "half sisters" Family is family ~ doesn't matter how you all come together.

 

[cepmom]

My sisters and I are all 3 adopted. We were all adopted at birth, but my dad's mom has always treated us differently than my dad's brother's kids who are not adopted.

The four "biological" grandkids would get tons of nice gifts - Hot Wheels tracks, Honda 3-wheelers, Power Wheels, Atari with tons of cartridges, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and on. . .

My sisters and I would be lucky to get a doll made from old socks with a face painted on with markers - I'm not exaggerating, that was our gift one year. The bio grandkids gifts would be wrapped in real wrapping paper -yes, even the huge items- while our gifts would be wrapped in old newspapers. On a good year, we would get the Sunday comics for wrapping paper.

It was a huge source of conflict between my parents. My dad would make us go, but my mom didn't want us to have our feelings hurt year after year after year. They would have a huge argument over it every year.

how unbelieveably sad

 

[minkydog]

My sisters and I are all 3 adopted. We were all adopted at birth, but my dad's mom has always treated us differently than my dad's brother's kids who are not adopted.

The four "biological" grandkids would get tons of nice gifts - Hot Wheels tracks, Honda 3-wheelers, Power Wheels, Atari with tons of cartridges, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and on. . .

My sisters and I would be lucky to get a doll made from old socks with a face painted on with markers - I'm not exaggerating, that was our gift one year. The bio grandkids gifts would be wrapped in real wrapping paper -yes, even the huge items- while our gifts would be wrapped in old newspapers. On a good year, we would get the Sunday comics for wrapping paper.

It was a huge source of conflict between my parents. My dad would make us go, but my mom didn't want us to have our feelings hurt year after year after year. They would have a huge argument over it every year.

That's just terrible We have several cousins who are adopted and one uncle who is adopted. In our extended family you couldn't tell who is or who isn't the "real McCoy." It's not the bloodlines that matter, it's the heartlines.

 

[janet715]

Yes, buy equally and treat them all equally.

Baby will now make grandchild number 4, not 3, and take the word "step" out of family descriptions and references. I don't think your nephew and his future sibling should be called "half" siblings either.

I totally agree. DS9 doesn't even know the meaning of "half sister". His sister is his sister and that's it. It doesn't matter that they have different fathers. And our ENTIRE extended family feels the same way.

 

[Mono~rail]

how unbelieveably sad

That's just terrible We have several cousins who are adopted and one uncle who is adopted. In our extended family you couldn't tell who is or who isn't the "real McCoy." It's not the bloodlines that matter, it's the heartlines.

Thanks.
Kids being treated unequally because they aren't "biological" is a sensitve topic with me.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I too am a "step"child and grandchild. My dad remarried when I was 7 and he and his wife(I call her mom) never had any children. She alwys told me she didn't want to experience pregnancy, childbirth, or those non-potty trained years, so when she met my dad and me she knew she we were her family! She always treated me like a daughter and only used the word step for a year (I think she read a how to step parent guide books around that time) and since then I have always been referred to as her daughter(and my children her grandkids...they call her Nana). Her mother OTOH, has always introduced me as Sharon's step daughter or Greg's daughter, at Christmas I got less and yes when I was a kid(she had 4 now 5 "real" grandkids and me) I noticed and it hurt. My children get treated differently from her other 3 great grandkids.

I am over it and I just chalk it up to how she is. She was always sweet to me and always shared her time and wisdom. I was interested in things like cooking and sewing when her other grandkids aren't, and I love to spend time with her in country(she lives out in the sticks) when she barely gets a phone call from others. But, I always noticed the differences at Christmas...

 

[bubie2.5]

Even Republicans and Democrats agree.

 

[kellyg403]

Yes, definitely treat him the same. We also do not use the half/step thing at our house...your sister is your sister and your brother is your brother. When I am gone I want my children to have each other without worrying about who was/is their parent.

Besides, you can buy alot of stuff for a 4/5 year old that won't cost alot of money if that is the issue. The monetary amount doesn't matter...its the equal number of gifts IMHO.

Kelly

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

I've not read any responses but I'll give my 2 cents. I married a wonderful man who had a 3yo daughter. We've been together 8 years. While my mom does send me money to buy my wonderful daughter (step) a Christmas present, her birthday is totally overlooked, Christmas isn't on the same scale as my nephews (my sisters boys), MY father doesn't do anything for her for Christmas OR her birthday and it hurts my feelings so bad that they dont treat her as part of our family. I was married once before as was DH. My parents (who are divorced) just LOVED my 1st husband who treated me like crap. My DH now, treats me like a queen and I've never been happier but its like they've never truely taken to him. He would lay down his life for me and makes me happier than I've ever been in my entire life. Yet it's almost as if he and DD are an afterthought. I was also a step child and unfortunately, my step grandparents treated me the same way...and I was completely aware. My DH and DD are my family. Just because I didn't give birth to her, doesn't make me love her any less and doesn't make her any less special or important than the "real" grandkids. I've never said a word about it because I don't want them doing things because I made them. If they do it, I want it to be from their hearts...if that makes sense. But DD knows I love her. She's not my "step" daughter, she's my daughter and always will be.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

Even Republicans and Democrats agree.

Isn't it great to know we can all find common ground? Maybe that should be the political platform this coming year.

 

[bsnyder]

Even Republicans and Democrats agree.

 

[nuke]

Kids know when they are treated differently. My biological grandmother treated me and my brothers differently than she treated my cousins. This same women also treated my father differently than his brothers.

My son has two step-grandparents who absolutely adore him.

 

[4nana]

A couple yrs ago our DS married a young widow with 2 sons and recently they were blessed with a baby of their own . Dear DIL is loved and respected as one of our daughters and her boys are treated like our own grands. Birthdays and holidays are treated equally to our other 10 grands and they refer to us as Nana and Pop Pop. Our family is a close knit bunch and family has always come first, so it only seems natural for them to be included in our circle.

Hugs to those who were/are not considered equal, it breaks my heart.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

My IL's are Maddy's step-grandparents, and they treat her like she is their first grandchild (I guess technically she is...no other grandkids yet).

 

[Sherri]

I totally understand and believe my parents will treat this little one with the same love and affection. I would be very upset if they didn't. My main question was money oriented. If they spend XXXX amount on my kids, for Christmas, they should spend XXXX amount on this other little one for Christmas? Even though they don't know him well and they've only been married since October?

Yes- money wise they should be treated the same as the other grandchildren, even if now means spliting their grandchildren Christmas budget by three instead of two.
To me that seems like the only choice to avoid hurt feelings.

 

[simba928]

My uncle is engaged (as far as we know, he could be married by now for all we know, but thats a whole other story) to a girl with 3 kids. The oldest son is like 19 and we have only met him once or twice. Her daughter is 16 (we rarely see her) and her youngest son is like 8 (we see him all the time). The youngest son doesn't have his dad or anyone from his dad side of the family in his life. From day one he has called my grandparents Granny and Pap. He calls my dad and my other uncle Uncle (insert name) and my mom is Aunt (insert name). My grandparents have 4 grandkids, but only get to see me and my brother. We haven't talked to or seen the other 2 in years, unfortunately, but that is yet again a whole other story). They treat my uncle's fiance's son like hes their grandson. I think one reason is because they don't have any contact with their other 2 grandkids, but they would treat him as their grandson even if they did. They always treat him the same on birthdays and stuff. They may spend slightly more on me and my brother, but it really isn't a noticeable difference. They celebrate his birthday the same way they do everyone else's birthday in the family.