Is a Friday Night Weddding inconsiderate?

[ICF]

interesting article in the local paper today that touched on this subject.....it's a good way to save money on the costs.

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009304270002

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, since I posted on the other recent wedding thread,
I'll bite.

Ideal for everyone???? Maybe not.

But, 'inconsiderate'???? NO, I don't think so.
I wouldn't go quite that far.

There is no guarantee that even on a Weekend that everyone can make it. You mention that the elderly people will not be attending...
Well, I really don't see the wedding being on a Friday evening instead of a Saturday as the big reason, the deal breaker. Assuming that these older relatives are retired or working at jobs that are not so demanding that that they can not make arrangements for a little time off. Whether or not to attend is clearly their choice.

 

[Camicar]

On the one hand, yes, a host can have an event whenever they want. OTOH, they need to understand that their choices are not command performances.

And... Well, in a way I do think it is inconsiderate to schedule an event without considering how it might affect others.

For example, when my niece got married last year, her wedding was on Friday afternoon at 4pm. We found this out on the invitation, which was mailed out 6 weeks in advance, which is NOT enough time to make arrangements if you are in a position like I was of having to plan my days off from work well in advance. Given the location, that meant everyone who worked had to take off at least an afternoon of work in order to attend. For us, it meant we had to fly out a day earlier and spend more money on an extra night in a hotel.

Now, this is NOT the host's problem, right? Then don't call me up and yell at me when I am debating if I can come or not because your choices create a problem for me attending, okay?

When my SIL called me to up to yell at me for not rsvping immediately, I explained that I had to get permission from my boss because I had no more vacation days left, which meant I'd be taking an unpaid day off at the same time that it would be costing us MORE money to attend (we were already at the $1000 mark) and that I had to think about this. Her response, "Oh. I never even considered the cost to any one else. I guess I was just thinking that WE were saving money."

So, yeah. That meets my definition of inconsiderate.

I also had another Friday afternoon wedding, to which invitation I responded "no". Got a nasty phone call from the MOB reaming me out for not taknig the day off.

So, let's see. Two Friday night weddings. Two inconsiderate set of hosts. Not a good track record IME.

it's a good way to save money on the costs

yeah, especially when a lot of guests can't come.

 

[onelilspark]

On the one hand, yes, a host can have an event whenever they want. OTOH, they need to understand that their choices are not command performances.

And... Well, in a way I do think it is inconsiderate to schedule an event without considering how it might affect others.

For example, when my niece got married last year, her wedding was on Friday afternoon at 4pm. We found this out on the invitation, which was mailed out 6 weeks in advance, which is NOT enough time to make arrangements if you are in a position like I was of having to plan my days off from work well in advance. Given the location, that meant everyone who worked had to take off at least an afternoon of work in order to attend. For us, it meant we had to fly out a day earlier and spend more money on an extra night in a hotel.

Now, this is NOT the host's problem, right? Then don't call me up and yell at me when I am debating if I can come or not because your choices create a problem for me attending, okay?

When my SIL called me to up to yell at me for not rsvping immediately, I explained that I had to get permission from my boss because I had no more vacation days left, which meant I'd be taking an unpaid day off at the same time that it would be costing us MORE money to attend (we were already at the $1000 mark) and that I had to think about this. Her response, "Oh. I never even considered the cost to any one else. I guess I was just thinking that WE were saving money."

So, yeah. That meets my definition of inconsiderate.

I also had another Friday afternoon wedding, to which invitation I responded "no". Got a nasty phone call from the MOB reaming me out for not taknig the day off.

So, let's see. Two Friday night weddings. Two inconsiderate set of hosts. Not a good track record IME.

yeah, especially when a lot of guests can't come.

IMO: Problem was with the brides, not you. I couldn't imagine calling someone up and giving them a hard time about not taking time off work

 

[Metsfan520]

No, not inconsiderate. If I can't get off work, I don't go. But the only time I was invited to a Friday night wedding, I took off the whole day, and had a fantastic time. And then I still had my weekend to do what I needed to do. So it wasn't an inconvenience at all.

 

[alexandria674]

No one is going to please EVERYONE especially in terms of weddings. The bride and groom must of planned their wedding on Friday because of their reasons. They can't accomodate EVERYONE and so if a guest can't come, they simply can't come. In other words, stop taking potshots at the bridal couple, their reasons are their own why they had to plan it on their wedding. Whether it is for budgets or whatever. However, just like the bridal couple has a right to plan their wedding whatever way they want, the guest has every right to decline. It is not inconsiderate to plan a wedding on Friday, at least it is better then on a week day.

 

[Pigeon]

Yes, it's inconsiderate.

 

[ead79]

I don't think it's inconsiderate. However, I do hope they are serving dinner since most people probably won't have time to eat dinner before they come. I was once in a wedding on a Friday at 7 PM, and they only served desserts at the reception. Man, was I starving! To be totally honest, I did find that tacky since no one had time to eat before the event. Etiquette dictates that a 7 PM wedding have a full dinner, and I wish they had done that.

I will say, however, that I'm sure glad I'm already married! Some of these threads (I'm not saying this one in particular) really seem very guest-zilla like to me. It seems that every single couple is darned if they do and darned if they don't. You just can't please everyone, and it seems like some wedding guests get all up in arms if the couple doesn't do *exactly* what they expect them to. If you can't go to a wedding without too much inconvenience, then just politely decline the invitation.

 

[luvmy3]

Why would I think being invited to Wedding on any day or at any time is inconsiderate? If I have a scheduling conflict, I would just decline the invite, no big deal.
I wouldn't think it was any more inconsiderate (which I don't) than any out of town wedding. People would need to work around a whole weekend of things in order to go and never seem to have a problem. If they do, then they just don't go. The bride and groom should pick a day that is important for them, whether it be for sentimental reasons, budget or any other without having to worry if their guests think its inconsiderate.

 

[Kae]

I'd rather go to a Friday wedding than a holiday weekend wedding.

I agree with that.

Kae

 

[luvmy3]

I'd rather go to a Friday wedding than a holiday weekend wedding.

My wedding was Labor Day weekend, and it never occurred to me that it was when I picked the date, but even if it had I wouldn't have cared if people decided they would rather have a picnic or go camping instead of go to my wedding. That date was important for me and I wanted to be married that day, I wasn't thinking about how the guests would feel about it. I guess none really cared since most everyone that was invited, came.

 

[daughtersrus]

I was married 23 years ago on a Friday night. We did take into consideration that most people would be working that day so we had our ceremony at 5:00pm (we honest didn't expect most people to come to the church) with a dinner reception at 7:30. The only person that was coming from out of town was my Maid of Honor. We actually picked the date of the wedding based on her Spring Break at college. She has family in the area that she came out to visit with early so it wasn't an inconvenience for her.

We picked Friday because of the cost savings. My parents were only able to give us $1,000 as did my in-laws. We were very appreciative of that. Of course things are were not nearly as costly as they are now, but we still saved 1/2 of the per plate cost, were given the wedding cake at no cost as well as upgrading the liquor to name-brand vs shelf. The DJ had a reduced rate as did the photographer. For us, the ***

We just received an invitation for a neighbor's wedding next month. The ceremony is at 4:30 with a dinner reception at 6:30 about 20 miles away. DH, DD's and myself will have to take off work early but for us, that's OK. Some would think that it's inconsiderate for the reception to be so far away but my opinion, it's the choice of the bride and groom at to when they will get married and where they will celebrate. If the invited guests have a problem with it, they are free to decline the invitation.

If someone

 

[pooh4evr]

Both of my brothers got married on Friday evenings - and it was great! Mostly because it gave us an extra day to recover - but it was fun, the girls went to school in the morning, we picked them up early, took them to get their hair fixed, got dressed, pictures, wedding, reception, got to stay in a nice hotel downtown and then still had our whole weekend. It was great!

 

[Phedre]

I got married on a Friday. It had to be Friday because I chose a date that was my parent's and my grandparent's wedding day, so now we all have the same anniversary I thought it was inconsiderate that people were whining to me about it being on Friday. If you can't come/ don't want to come, then don't come but you don't need to try to make the bride feel bad about it. Be classy and just send back the invite saying you can't make it and wishing them a beautiful day

 

[disbridemimi]

No, its not inconsiderate. People do what they can afford, and we can't all afford prime time weddings spots, myself included. They probably know not everyone will be able to make it, and I am sure they will be fine with it. Do you want to see the couple get married? How well do you know them?

If you can't get there on time, show up a little late. Or simply decline. Its an invite, not something you have to go to.

Did you consult all of your guests when you had your wedding? I doubt it! Sounds ridiculous to me.



A wedding is to celebrate the marriage, its not supposed to be something you "have to" go to or "have to" be invited to. I think sometimes we forget what its about. Its not about YOU, you had yours already.

As someone planning a wedding, if you for any reason feel like its something you "HAVE TO" go to, and its not something you "WANT TO" go to, then please dont come. We only want people that want to be there, to actually come. I dont want any people who feel like they had something better to do, cuz id rather they go do that instead. We just want people who know us and who will be happy to see us get married, and who want to celebrate with us.

 

[Heidict]

Nope, not inconsiderate. The wedding is about the bride and groom. They have to do what they are able to do, within their budget. A Friday night might be harder for you then a Saturday, but Saturday's can be hard for alot of other people also.

 

[mjkacmom]

I got married on a Saturday afternoon, but a Friday night wedding would be way more convinient for me. My kids are totally booked on Saturdays, and it would be a huge PITA to find ways to get them schlepped around. I happen to love Friday night weddings - a fun night out!

 

[Andy B]

In this country wedding are only allowed in the hours of daylight. Some ancient law applies

 

[RN4Babies]

Besides my own, I've been to three Friday night weddings in the last year. I had a ball at each of them, and was honored to be invited.

I work every Saturday and Sunday, 12 hour shifts, so for me Saturday weddings are "inconsiderate".

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Of course, brides and grooms and everyone else who hosts an event can do anything they want...it's their party. But there are a lot of judgments made on both sides.

For all those who said that they did it their way and it was fine with them if people felt they couldn't come, then my hats off to you...I think you're a rare bunch. I've heard a lot of complaining over the years (I'm the youngest of 5, and the youngest cousin on both sides of the family, so I was indoctrinated early into the joys of throwing a wedding) from both sides...the party throwers and the invitees. Rarely have I not heard complaint and utter dismay about a guest choosing NOT to come, and the party thrower not having some issue with their excuse.

We were invited to DH's cousin's wedding shortly after we were married. His wedding was on a Friday at 5, two hours away...in February. And of course, there was a snowstorm. (Their reason for a Friday wedding was to give them an extra day on their week-long honeymoon.) We went because we knew there'd be a big issue with my IL's about NOT going, and at the time, newly married, I didn't want to do that. (Now, 24 years later, I'd have no problem saying "No", but still would HATE the fallout of that, because there certainly would be.) We ended up having to stay in a hotel too, because of the weather...a financial strain at the time, since we were newly out of college too. Would've at least been nice if that marriage had lasted out the year.

My wedding...ALL of my relatives were from out of state. I had my wedding on a Saturday afternoon, at 4 PM, cocktail hour immediately following, even tho we couldn't attend because we went for pictures (because yes, I think 3 hours between ceremony and reception is inconsiderate too), followed by dinner. I felt that most likely, if people came, they'd be staying over, and felt that the best time to stay over would be after the reception, rather than the night before and then drive 4 hours home afterwards. What I felt would work best for my guests was my highest priority. JMHO I would have understood people not coming that distance no matter when it was, but the best part of my wedding was how many of my absolutely favorite relatives did.

Heck, my mom even had my father's funeral at a less than attractive funeral home, rather than the one they had planned to use, because the nice one couldn't accommodate a weekend funeral (he died on a Wed)...would've had to wait until Monday, and again, she wanted to make it easier for those who wanted to come from out of state so they wouldn't also have to miss work.