Is 44 too old to become pregnant?

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Speaking for my friend and judging by the few posters here who have mentioned having older parents I can say that their wish wasn't to never be born at all, just a wish that they were born sooner.

I left that out as an option because many of these folks have siblings who were the ones born sooner. So in their particular cases, it was either be born to older parents or not be born at all.

These are the "bonus babies". The "caboose babies". I can understand that there might be downsides to being the last one born, but I still think it's better than the alternative.
 
I'm glad it worked for you but I cherish the 2 I have and seriously can't imagine suddenly having the desire to start over in my 40s, sorry if that offends you.

No offense here. I'm not saying that everyone should have kids just because they can - or even that they should want to. I think we agree that it's a very personal choice for each family. There's no one right or wrong answer that fits all.

I have found that what I wanted in my twenties was not the same thing I wanted in my thirties and, for most everyone I know, the way they think/live/things they want in their forties is totally different than what they'd imagined it would be at 28. I have friends who've examined their lives in their forties and traded in the minivans for designer suits and convertible sports cars. I have others who, like me, took a look at their life after achieving those things they'd dreamed of and worked for, only to decide that what they really wanted to do with their future was exactly what they'd been doing all along - parenting.

It's something that seems unbelievable at thirty but after forty your priorities often change drastically. It's that time when you examine your life and decide what direction you want the next forty years to take - a much bigger coming of age/goal setting time than even deciding on your college major/career path ever was. It's different for every individual and certainly no choice is wrong - just a path taken on the road...

I'm hoping by late 40s to 50s to be holding my grandchildren not having more kids of my own.

In our area having children before thirty is frowned upon. It's an expectation that children will get their BA/MA, begin careers, marry and buy houses first. That means lots of our friends' kids are just getting married at 30 and starting families at 35. I'm one of the few we socialize with who had grandchildren that early. I love my grandkids more than life itself but also realize the sacrifices DS32 made when he became a father at only 22. I'm really hoping the girls will wait until they're more established before considering children.

Like I said, I personally have no problem with what other people choose but that's not for me. It certainly doesn't mean that I find my kids to be a "chore" or that I don't acknowledge them as blessings.

I'm sorry if I sounded snarky or abrupt and certainly never meant to imply that you didn't also consider your children a blessing. I don't think I worded that well and want to apologize.

It was meant more as an observation - not directed at you specifically - because so often I hear people say how they can't wait for their kids to grow up/or how they're waiting to get on with their lives/or wouldn't dream of starting over once their kids are grown, like that's the golden carrot at the end of a race - or even the starting line for some - without acknowledging (or maybe even realizing) that this amazing journey from diapers to college might just BE the best part of their lives. :flower3:
 
I don't think 44 is too old. My mother was 17 when she had my brother and 41 when she had my youngest sister, with 5 kids in between. So she was on the young end and on the older end. Everything turned out fine.

This sounds like me, I was 18 and then 41 with the last, 21 years between.
BUT, I has a 1-100 chance of a Downs baby. I had CVS testing at 9 weeks and everything was OK. But the risk goes up much higher with each year.

At 55 with a 14 yr old I am exhausted. It was easier after the others, but really do not travel, play, as I did 35 years ago. Very exhausting. If she were special needs I don;t know where I would get the strength from.

If you have a mothering need, maybe adopt a puppy first and see if you really take on demands at your age.
 
I'm sorry if I sounded snarky or abrupt and certainly never meant to imply that you didn't also consider your children a blessing. I don't think I worded that well and want to apologize.

It was meant more as an observation - not directed at you specifically - because so often I hear people say how they can't wait for their kids to grow up/or how they're waiting to get on with their lives/or wouldn't dream of starting over once their kids are grown, like that's the golden carrot at the end of a race - or even the starting line for some - without acknowledging (or maybe even realizing) that this amazing journey from diapers to college might just BE the best part of their lives. :flower3:

Apology accepted. No big deal. ;) Yeah, I love being a parent and constantly wish they didn't grow so fast so I realize this is the best part of my life. That being said, I STILL don't want to do it again when I'm in my 40s. Not because I hate doing it but because there are a lot of different things I hope to do at that stage of my life. And if my kids are anything like my brothers they will still be living at home at that point anyway so I may still be "raising" them then, ya never know! :rotfl: And my dd will be in her late 20s and 30s when I'm in my late 40s and 50s which is why I said that I might like holding my own grandbaby at that stage of my life. It's up to her whether that happens but I'd still rather be going through the grandparenting stage then than the parenting stage. I certainly hope she doesn't make me a grandmother when she's only 22 though! However, if she is married and financially secure and that's what she wants, it won't be MY decision. I had her at 24 and had been married for 5.5 years by then and felt pretty secure at that point so you never know. She is almost 5 now and amazing in every way and I have no regrets about having her young. I did the college thing AFTER she was born so there is no right or wrong path...just like you said.

And I will state again, for the record, that I am not opposed AT ALL to people having children in their 40s. I just don't want to be the one doing it in my 40s!
 

In our area having children before thirty is frowned upon. It's an expectation that children will get their BA/MA, begin careers, marry and buy houses first. That means lots of our friends' kids are just getting married at 30 and starting families at 35.

I was one of the earliest ones in my group of friends to have kids- many more of them are just getting married now. Unfortunately, starting at 35 is not an option for everyone health wise. It sucks but it's better to know what you have in store for you and make decisions based on that rather than what everyone else thinks you should be doing
 
My horoscope said today we would be expanding our family. I will be 44 in June. Their is no way in heck I would ever have a baby at 44. I have three already and my youngest is in grade 2. With that being said....if you want to go and have a baby at 44 and feel you have the energy level to keep up with the demands then whatever floats your boat:rotfl2:
 
It actually depends, if a 44 year old woman is in relatively good health and is ready for a child, sure. However, if a woman isn't really sure on having kids at any age, then probably no.
 
My horoscope said today we would be expanding our family. I will be 44 in June. Their is no way in heck I would ever have a baby at 44. I have three already and my youngest is in grade 2. With that being said....if you want to go and have a baby at 44 and feel you have the energy level to keep up with the demands then whatever floats your boat:rotfl2:

Maybe you are getting a kitten ;)
 
If you want to, and you can, it's not too old!

And, if a woman does get pregnant, she will need to have an amnio among other tests to check for age-related birth defects.

Ya only "need" to get testing if you are going to do something about it if you get a result you don't like.....


I'm 43 and pregnant. You don't NEED to have an amnio. Testing is your choice. I saw a genetic counsellor and had a nuchal translucency u/s at 12 weeks. The chances of downs before I went for testing was 1/50 after the u/s & blood work my chances decresed to 1/500. Spina bifida & Edwards syndrome were also tested for. Both of those were very very low chances. Based on my numbers they did not think amnio was needed. I would not have had one done anyway because of the risk of miscarriage.

Getting pregnant in your 40's is hard. I took clomid to help my chances.
Your general health is important too. Right now I am at 31 weeks and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Age is a factor in that. Eat well, exercise and take care of yourself...it will help.

My Midwife told me when I had my second child at 40 that lots of women used to. Back in the days when big families were the norm women were having their last babies in their 40s.

It's possible and truly a decision only you and your husband can make. DH is 6 years younger than I am and this is my second marriage. My first DD is 11 and her sister is turning 3 this month. DD#3 is due mid March.
It works for us.

Fave reply! Send me some of that baby dust! :)


I just turned 35 and I was thinking I might want to have anothor one, But I think im getting to old..My mom had me at 40 ..My whole life all I ever heard her say was how old she was..My friends thought she was my grandma...:rolleyes1

I wonder how she felt in her 30s; she probably already felt old. There are some people who feel old even when they are in their 20s. In my circle of friends, the old-feeling women were those who married in their 20s and started families. I still feel FAR younger than my friends did at 25, sitting here at 40.

My dad has, with the exception of his physical self (football in HS combined with our genetics meant bad knees from his early 30s), has always acted young. My husband's dad acted old from when he was young. People feel and act differently, even when they are the same age!


LOL, read the replies. Younger moms say no way, older moms say no problem.

I'm noticing that too. : )

There's a reason we're designed to have children when we're younger.

Oh gosh, if only I had had babies in my 20s with the utter losers I was dating. Would have been so much better to get with the program then, rather than the crazy thing I did, of waiting for the right guy to settle down with....

That stuff drives me nuts, like most women who have babies later have purposely waited...they married at 18, but refused to have a baby until they were 38.5. Most of the things these things are OUT of our control, either biologically or simply not having the right person in our lives...

I hear a lot about the risks of Down's Syndrome increasing with maternal age. Yes, the odds do "increase" but they go from being a 0.01% chance at age 25 to being a less than 1% chance at age 40.

Also, 75% of children with Down's Syndrome are born to mothers younger than 35.

Excellent, fact-based post!



well, my mother is 41, her boyfriend of 7 years is 33 and they're having a baby that's due in the summer.


BTW...i'm 23.... :lovestruc

Yay! I have a half-sister who is 25 years younger than me. :goodvibes She is the LIGHT of our family! I don't think my dad and his wife could have survived without her, which sounds really heavy on her, but she just prances through life with a light shining from her, beaming goodness on everyone. She's been like that since she was 3 months old (when I met her), at least. She's now 15 and a cheerleader and keeps her mom and dad really young!

My stepmom was about 41 when she found out she was pregnant with her. Thought she was in early menopause, had just started nursing school...finally her friends bought her a pregnancy test. Stepmom had stopped cycles, felt weird, quit smoking overnight, and was craving citrus fruit...her friends could figure it out! :upsidedow Stepmom had her boys at 28 and 31, thought she was done! She wasn't!

Why don't you walk a mile in their shoes before you make that assumption because when you say something like taht you are really just being a judgemental. Or better why don't you tell my friend that she was just an ungrateful kid because she bemoaned the fact that her mother was older and died of alzheimer's before she was even 30 years old. You can tell her how ungrateful she was when she was crying at her casket that she wished she had more time with her mother.
:sad2:

I know my friend only wishes that she was as fortunate as her brothers to have had much more time with her when she wishes her mom hadn't waited so long to have her and that is as far from ungrateful as one can be.

Speaking for my friend and judging by the few posters here who have mentioned having older parents I can say that their wish wasn't to never be born at all, just a wish that they were born sooner.



But that makes no sense. She couldn't have been born earlier. Her mom might have had a child before then, but it wouldn't have been your friend. Your friend was created in that blip of time with that ONE egg and that ONE sperm...no other combo would have created HER.

I've thought about what would have been, if DH and I had gotten married when we first met...which is what I wanted to do (big Dharma and Greg fan at the time, LOL). If we'd eloped immediately and had a baby, how great would that have been? But the likelihood that we would have done everything exactly the same, so that the two unique and specific bits of us were available on the exact night they ended up getting together, is ridiculously low...and therefore, we might have had other kids, but we wouldn't have had the boy we have NOW...and that's just too sickening to think about.

Your friend's mom might have had others...but they wouldn't have been your friend.

It's awful to lose a parent, especially before your own life really gets going. My mom died at 55, when I was newly 30, due to a medical error and misdiagnosis (rather, missed diagnosis). It SUCKED. I wished I had more time with her, too.

ETA: Please remember, that not everyone gets to "choose" when they have children. DH and I were married 15 years before DS was born.


Ayep!




Here's the funny thing. My mom was 25 when she had me. I always, ALWAYS, thought she was ancient! I had one friend whose mom was older than my mom, well, to have had a FIRST baby that is. Everyone else had these crazy-young moms, and I felt that was "normal". I had one friend who had a living great-great-grandmother who was relatively young; that's how young the women in her family started their families (and my friend went with the program, was pregnant at HS graduation) I had two friends with older parents, but my friends were their last; bonus babies as it were.

My FIL was something like 45 when DH was born. Any kids were a surprise for FIL, because he'd had some bout of the nasties while in the Navy during WW2, and had been told there would be no babies. When he married my MIL she was pregnant with another man's baby, and FIL raised him as his own, and was very surprised 9 years later when DH showed up. ANyway, FIL was old from when he was young. It's not a surprise that he acted old as he started getting old. But then he was a very spry 70+ year old! So it's like he was 65 from the time he was 25, and just stayed there until the end.

So much of age is so relative.

Also, being a lazy parent has its advantages! I always knew I'd be one of them; I was a lazy oldest sister and a lazy babysitter (though also a good and fun babysitter), and I'm the same way with DS. :) There was no "running around after a toddler" in my household, LOL. There was, and hopefully will be again soon (knock wood), watching the crazy kid running all around in a safe environment. I wouldn't have been running after a toddler even at 22! Laziness has its advantages.:upsidedow
 
Why don't you walk a mile in their shoes before you make that assumption because when you say something like taht you are really just being a judgemental. Or better why don't you tell my friend that she was just an ungrateful kid because she bemoaned the fact that her mother was older and died of alzheimer's before she was even 30 years old. You can tell her how ungrateful she was when she was crying at her casket that she wished she had more time with her mother.
:sad2:

I would say be happy for the 30 wonderful years that she had with her mother. I can't see anyone complaining about something they have no control over but should be grateful for as being anything BUT UNgrateful. Maybe it was hard, but who says anything hard isn't worth it? I have walked a mile (or two) in my own shoes with my "advanced age" and my own family..and you know what? No complaints here. Gratitude for the time we all had together, no complaints.
 
No. But since I was born to "late in life" parents, I'm a little biased. The years I had little ones to raise I also had my mother to take care of. Plus both my parents were gone before I was 40.

No matter how old you are, when both your parents are gone you feel like an orphan. Why increase the risk for a child losing them early?
 
The OP said it would be the first child for the man. That implied she had kids and later she posted that she indeed had a child. So the ones who had kids and are saying no at 44 are the ones who are just like the OP.

I missed that, thanks for clarifying!:goodvibes

I still feel that if she wants to have another child, and she does all her research, she should go ahead. JMO.


I forgot to tell the OP-Good Luck in your decision!!
 
My brother and his third wife made their family through the foster care system in our state. While it is absolutely wonderful and the kids are great kids, he married a woman in her 30's and here he is 55 with a 3, 4, 9, 13 & 17 year old - all adopted last year. He is also the one who stays home and he is exhausted. He loves the kids with all his heart but it is rough going. He will be 70 when the youngest graduates from high school! :eek:

I had my two kids at 35 & 39 and I thought that was pretty tough. My dd will be 11 soon and she will be hitting puberty about the time I hit menopause!

But do what you think is best for you and your family. I was very, very glad I was able to have my two but also glad I snuck them in before I turned 40.

Jill
 
I would say be happy for the 30 wonderful years that she had with her mother. I can't see anyone complaining about something they have no control over but should be grateful for as being anything BUT UNgrateful. Maybe it was hard, but who says anything hard isn't worth it? I have walked a mile (or two) in my own shoes with my "advanced age" and my own family..and you know what? No complaints here. Gratitude for the time we all had together, no complaints.

But thats you, and how dare you expect anyone to live and feel the way you think they should. Oh and where exactly did I say she was ungrateful for the time she did have with her mother, or that it wasn't worth it to have her around. Thats right I didn't. I guess only someone who feels they have the right to pass judgment on those who don't live exactly like themselves would read that into my statements. Maybe its because of your advanved age that makes you feel guilty for having children late and you feel the need to project that onto others since you know that someday your children may feel the same and you can't handle it. Or maybe your children have already expressed a feeling of I wish my mother was younger attitude and you feel angry and the need to lash out at someone. Of course none of us could really know why you seem to feel so strongly that any child expressing a wish for a younger parent is just moaning and ungrateful, because we aren't you and we haven't walked in your shoes.
 
But thats you, and how dare you expect anyone to live and feel the way you think they should. Oh and where exactly did I say she was ungrateful for the time she did have with her mother, or that it wasn't worth it to have her around. Thats right I didn't. I guess only someone who feels they have the right to pass judgment on those who don't live exactly like themselves would read that into my statements. Maybe its because of your advanved age that makes you feel guilty for having children late and you feel the need to project that onto others since you know that someday your children may feel the same and you can't handle it. Or maybe your children have already expressed a feeling of I wish my mother was younger attitude and you feel angry and the need to lash out at someone. Of course none of us could really know why you seem to feel so strongly that any child expressing a wish for a younger parent is just moaning and ungrateful, because we aren't you and we haven't walked in your shoes.

Hmm, I didn't see anger in her post and I'm not sure why you are so upset on behalf of your friend. :confused3 My sister was born when mom was 40. Dad died last year and I do have to bite my tongue when my sister voices her feelings that she should have had "more time" and she thinks that because she was born late in their lives (although she is only six years younger than me). She sounds bitter. She also will "complain" that her children didn't get to know their grandfather as long as they "should have" (her youngest is 10). I know she is anything but ungrateful and her feelings are valid but sometimes I get upset because she acts like she's the only one who has sustained a loss. Guess what, it hurts to lose a parent whether you are 25 or 55 and you always wish there was "more time". At some point your parents won't be there for something, whether it's a wedding, a grandchild's birth, etc. We celebrated Mom's 85th birthday yesterday and even if she's around 10 more years we will feel it wasn't long enough!

You can't choose whether to have kids late solely on how old you will be when your child does whatever (graduate high school, get married, have kids). You're gonna be that age anyway, so have kids or not, it shouldn't be the only reason not to! It's a consideration like any other, finances, energy, etc.

For me, I had mine at 26, 30, and 34. I was on the fence about a fourth but eventually after dilly-dallying about the idea, time just slipped away and I was over 40 and felt the decision had been made for me. Thought I was too old and I was probably right and I like my family the way it is. I also love that I am 5.5 years away from my last tuition payment and hoping to travel a little at that point so I'm glad I'm not still doing the elementary school shuffle!
 
44 is too old for me to become pg. For you? Only you and your doc can decide if you're healthy enough. At 45 I would never dream of having another. I love all three of my boys but my youngest is 13 and I'm 5 years away from "freedom" - not really I know, but dh and I will be able to come and go without worrying about who is staying with minors at home.
 
I had my baby at 30 (not by choice as we started trying nearly 5 years earlier) and would dearly love to have another. I am 36 now and I doubt it will happen for us for a variety of reasons, but I wouldn't let age by itself stop me up through early forties. Most of my friends have not had their first child until 32-35 and their second a few years after that. In our professional circles, it just isn't common to have a child in ones 20s.

And by the way, if I did become pg now or in a few years, I wouldn't have an amnio as it would not affect my decision to carry my baby to term.

If you are in good shape and really want a child, I would say "go for it."
 
But thats you, and how dare you expect anyone to live and feel the way you think they should. Oh and where exactly did I say she was ungrateful for the time she did have with her mother, or that it wasn't worth it to have her around. Thats right I didn't.

Go back and read your posts. Bemoaning to me means ungrateful. Complaining about a gift (in this case, of life) is ungrateful.

I guess only someone who feels they have the right to pass judgment on those who don't live exactly like themselves would read that into my statements. Maybe its because of your advanved age that makes you feel guilty for having children late and you feel the need to project that onto others since you know that someday your children may feel the same and you can't handle it.

Pot, meet kettle. (the rest of my comment has been deleted because it is SO not worth points.)

Or maybe your children have already expressed a feeling of I wish my mother was younger attitude and you feel angry and the need to lash out at someone.

Never once. I look and act about 10 years younger than I am. When I had my kids at 40 and 42, I was in the best physical condition I have ever been. No, not angry...not at all. :laughing: But someone seems to be.

Of course none of us could really know why you seem to feel so strongly that any child expressing a wish for a younger parent is just moaning and ungrateful, because we aren't you and we haven't walked in your shoes.

You are right, you are not me. I am not your friend who had 30 great years with her mother as opposed to....none. I just don't get why 30 years isn't better than none.

In all of my advanced years:laughing:, throughout my childhood and into parenthood, I have never, ever heard of a child complaining because their parents weren't young.

ETA: This thread is getting nasty and a little bit weird. I am YAGEing before I get points. You may have the last word.:cool1:
 
But that makes no sense. She couldn't have been born earlier. Her mom might have had a child before then, but it wouldn't have been your friend. Your friend was created in that blip of time with that ONE egg and that ONE sperm...no other combo would have created HER.
.:upsidedow

I think of this, too, when people complain about not being born earlier. One couldn't be born earlier! The person who is YOU could only have been created with one specific egg, and one specific sperm. I don't care what my experiences have been - I'm very grateful that I was created, because my odds were very slim (as are everyones). Three of my children were not planned - the concept that I might never had had them overwelmes me!
 
I definitely don't think it's too old.

I'll be 44 in April, and I have a 2 year old and a 21 year old (and 2 in between). I've had 4 babies in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. I didn't have any problems with any of my pregnancies and all babies were carried to term.

You don't HAVE to have extra testing in your 40s - I declined everything except ultrasounds and non-stress testing towards the end.

I think my 2 yo keeps me young. I don't feel old at all.

And my parents were older. My oldest sister is 18 years older than me. While they have both passed on and I would love to have more time with them, the time I did have was priceless - they were the best parents in the world.
 
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