Invitining a friend

[LOLA2]

My daughter wants to invite her friend (11) she did last year and all went o.k. Same friend she wants to invite this time. is it o.k. that I ask her parents to pay for tickets and airare or since I am inviting do I just eat it?Last time her mom paid for park tickets but now this time we are also flying.

 

[lecach]

I think its fine to ask. Say, "DD would really like Jane to come to WDW with us again but since we're flying its going to be a little more expensive. Would it be possible for you to pay $400 for the park tickets and airfare? We'll pay the rest of her expenses". I think its important to let her know exactly how much it will cost when you ask. Even at the higher expense the Mom should know that she's getting quite a bargain and could never take her DD herself for that amount.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I think it's very acceptable. I have had to resort to having my daughters friends bring money if they come over just to spend the night. We are already a family of 5 and the cost is pretty high as it is. I used to always pay, and still do from time to time, but DD13 feels she can't live without having a friend over every single day. So, I tell her up front that they need to bring money if we go out to eat or go shopping. If I were to ever take one of their friends on vacation with us, I would have no problem asking to parent to come up with part or all of the cost.

 

[fran99999]

I have taked my DD's friend on the last 3 "family" vacations. I find out how much the flight is and how much the tickets cost. I pay for the room/ transfers to/from airports. I bring breakfast things to eat in the room, snacks. I pay for the 1 sit down meal a day, either lunch/dinner. As mine are older I give them charging privledges to the room key for the other meal, and water. I have only had one issue where they overspent. They each bought kimono's in Japan with all the accessories. That was a $ 600 mistake I made them pay me back for. Took them a year but they paid most of it back. LOL They never did that again. I told them either pay me or return them. Their choice. Ok I only recouped about $400 but it was a lesson taught to both me and them.

Think of how much a sitter would cost them to watch their child so they could have a vacation. It would be well worth the $$ to have a 5-7 day break from a 11 year old for that long.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

Exactly why I don't give mine charging privledges, lol. The only problem I would have if a parent told me that my child could go to Disney with them if I paid, is that *I* would want to go too!! I would be pouting the whole time she was gone!!!!

 

[MrsPete]

My daughter wants to invite her friend (11) she did last year and all went o.k. Same friend she wants to invite this time. is it o.k. that I ask her parents to pay for tickets and airare or since I am inviting do I just eat it?Last time her mom paid for park tickets but now this time we are also flying.

Let me ask this: WHY are you inviting the child? Is it because you love this child, you want to spend time with her, and you want her to have a Disney experience? Or are you inviting her because it'll make your child's vacation nicer?

I'm guessing you're asking her to accompany you to enhance your child's experience. If so, you're asking the child to do you a favor -- you're asking the child to go along as a companion. I wouldn't ask her for any money.

Even at the higher expense the Mom should know that she's getting quite a bargain and could never take her DD herself for that amount.

I don't think it's much of a bargain for the other mom -- unless she's actively seeking a way to send her daughter to WDW without her own family, or unless she's seeking day care for her child. Most people are more interested in funding their own vacations rather than pitching in to other people's trips.

Bottom line: I think if you invite someone, you pay. The rule is the same whether you're inviting the person out for coffee or on a vacation. If the excursion is your idea and you invite, then it's your responsibility to make sure you can afford to pay for everyone in your party.

Would driving instead of flying be possible? That cuts a large amount from the bill.
How about staying in a lower-price hotel, or how about bringing breakfast?
Those small things could make up the cost of the other child's ticket.

 

[meloneyb21]

You should definitely have her pay for her own child. She's not going for YOUR benefit, she's going to accompany your daughter. If I were her mother, I wouldn't mind paying because at least you're offering to take her to WDW.....You never know, if you do this trip again, she might expect you to pay all the time. I just think it's the parents responsibility to pay for their own children.....That is, unless you don't MIND paying. But I DO think it is appropriate to ask.

 

[tinkerjo]

hi,
im 12 and my best friend is going 2 disney w/ us!my mom told her that

 

[tinkerjo]

oops wrong botton! anyway my mom told hey $500 would do 4 everything.including the tickets, souviners, and meals.

 

[Allison]

If someone invited my kids to Disneyworld I would never assume that meant they were paying for it. I would assume if I allowed them to go it would be at our expense but that's just me. I'm sure others would think the opposite. I don't see a problem telling the family how much it would cost for her to go.

 

[blessedby3]

We just went through this in November. DD15 wanted to bring her best friend 16 along. We told her that we would love for her to come, but her parents would need to cover her park tickets and $125 in food. This would no where cover her food since we were doing a character breakfast and 2 character dinners, but we would pick up the rest. We are a family of 5 and Disney is very expensive for us. My DD's friends parents were thrilled for her to be able to go since they dont know when they would be in a position to take her and had no problem paying for tickets and part of food. We lucked into a great airfare sometime after discussing plans and decided to pay for her friends ticket since that was not part of the original plan. No problem. Her friends parents offered to pay the airline ticket also, but we said no. It was a great time for DD's friend who had never been before. DD also had a companion to ride with. Just because you invite someone that does not mean you have to cover all expenses. I would never let my DD go with someone on a trip like that and not pay for at least part of it. We have taken this same friend to the beach, camping, etc., and have always paid as it was not a huge expense added to our family. Disney is another story and we just cant pick up the whole tab for another. I see no problem with you asking for some payment to take a friend along.

 

[MrsPete]

She's not going for YOUR benefit, she's going to accompany your daughter.

Of course the child is going for YOUR benefit! Your child asked for a friend to come along, you obviously think your child will be happier if she has a friend, you're including her in your family for the week. This is for your child's benefit -- not the friend's benefit.

I just think it's the parents responsibility to pay for their own children....

Of course it's the parents' responsibility to pay for their own children on THEIR family vacations; however, I don't see that they have any responsibility to pay for a portion of YOUR family vacation.

I'll throw out one more thought: If you decide to ask the girl's parents to pay a portion, please bring that up with the parents BEFORE asking the girl to accompany you. If they're not able to pay a portion, or if they just won't pay a portion, you may find yourself in the difficult position of telling the girl she can't go.

 

[LOLA2]

This is actually my best friends daughter. She is over all the time every other weekend and I do pay for a lot because they do not do as much because 5 children adds up. Have taken her on many mini trips and her mom usually slips me a twenty here or there. I always make it quite clear she does not have to give me money that I don't expect it. Last year when my dd was talking about the trip her best friend kept saying she wanted to go so bad. Well since obviously I had a comfort level with her mom since we are good friends I asked if I would be stealing her thunder by inviting her before they have a chance to experience it together as a family. She said she didn't see them going any time soon and would hate for her daughter to miss opportunity. She then asked how much would cost. And I told her theme park tickets only. Well this time going I know she thinks I will probably pay
most expences and I'm sure she will offer to pay for tickets but I feel bad asking her to fork over another $300.00 for airefare. We cannot drive down not enough room if we take her, the sole purpose of flying actually is because adding her to carload there is not enough room (so actually we are paying more for all of our airfare just to have her go with us) and I do love this little girl she is a joy. So I am not totally opposed to paying for airfare
I just thought different opinions would help. I would rather take that $300.00 for her airfare and set up character meals. HMMMMM

 

[flipturngirl]

I think that is fine to ask. I would not ask the girl to go along on every trip though. If your daughter is an only child I could see. When my cousin went to Disney with her friend they ended up not being friends anymore after 2 weeks in California. And it happened that my family and i were there at the same time and they wanted either my sister or i to sit with them on rides. So I would be carefull but since you are confertable with her I dunno. Well I am sorry if I confused you. Just warn your daughter something like this could happen

 

[Nancyg56]

When my children were younger, and we let them invite friends on a vacation, we paid for their trip. We did not provide spending money. I think that if you are not able to pay for the entire trip, and have the comfort level to discuss financial considerations with the parents, that is okay also. Better to have an open discussion than to have hurt feelings, or resentment later. Either way, I hope that you have a magical trip.

 

[frayedend]

Of course the child is going for YOUR benefit! Your child asked for a friend to come along, you obviously think your child will be happier if she has a friend, you're including her in your family for the week. This is for your child's benefit -- not the friend's benefit.

Of course it's the parents' responsibility to pay for their own children on THEIR family vacations; however, I don't see that they have any responsibility to pay for a portion of YOUR family vacation.

QUOTE]

This is ridiculous. It is not as if she is asking for a baby sitter. Inviting someone to dinner is one thing, but a vacation is different. You aren't actually inviting her, but asking her parents if they would like to send her. Perhaps some rich people can say "hey would you like to send your daughter with us, on us?" But in this case it is more of "Hey, we're going WDW, if you want to send your daughter with us we wouldn't have a problem and DD would be happy. You would only have to pay airfare and tickets since we are taking care of the hotel"

Most parents would love the chance to send a child on an extra vacation. And most would also expect to pay. If your worried about it being less money the last time, then you could say "We would love your daughter to come with us again, but since we are flying it will be a bit more money. It will cost XXX $, let us know what you think.

 

[Reflection]

.....Bottom line: I think if you invite someone, you pay. The rule is the same whether you're inviting the person out for coffee or on a vacation. If the excursion is your idea and you invite, then it's your responsibility to make sure you can afford to pay for everyone in your party. ...

I completely agree with this viewpoint. My daughter, who will be 13 in June, has asked if she could invite a friend on our summer trip to WDW in '06. This is fine (my daughter is an only child and I think it will be fun for her to have a friend along) and I will of course pay the friend's travel, food, park ticket costs. However, I think it reasonable for the friend to bring money for souveniers, and would clarify that with the parent. If I could not afford the expense of a guest, I would not extend an invitation.

Perhaps this is all just a difference in the interpretation of the definition of invite/invitation. I guess I just don't understand how 'hey we're going to xyz and would love for you to join us as our guest' translates to 'hey we're going and if you want to tag along, the cost is $xyz.' To me, the latter is no different from planning a fancy party and expecting one's guest to foot the bill.

Lastly, another point brought out at times in this thread that I don't understand are references to the fact that the invitee is paying the cost of the room. When the invited guest is a child, how is that relevant? Most hotels in the U.S. (and those at WDW in particular) do not charge for children under the age of 18. I don't understand charging a guest for an expense that they are not creating.

To the OP, good luck in your planning and I hope it all works out for you and the daughter's friend.